Bobkgin
Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OsirisIna
I for one am not very good at aftercare. I am sure there are others out there who are like me in this matter. So to remedy this why don't we start sharing ideas on this important subject. Also is there any difference in aftercare between men and women?
I know I can use all the help I can get in this matter.
It is important to keep in mind why aftercare is so important.
With my wife, our activities could be so intense she was incapable of caring for herself. With her, aftercare was about bringing her back to a state of being fully functional again.
By this I do not mean that she was physically incapacitated. She would become withdrawn, focusing on the feelings and emotions our activities brought out in her.
While she would her way through this state, there were several things I could (and did ) do.
Wrapping her in a warm soft blanket was one. I'd usually grab it off our bed (a heated waterbed) and wrap her from head to toe, with just her face peeking through.
Then I would guide her to the bed, help her onto it, and then cover her with the rest of the blankets.
Then I'd climb in behind her, spooning her with one arm around (and under) her so that she could ease into me, my other hand under the covers, stroking her back and arm, moving strands of her hair out of her face.
I wouldn't say much till I got her in this position. I'd reassure her that the activity was done, and that I would care for her. I might give her instructions so I could get her into bed. Everything I said I would say with a soft, resonant, reassuring voice (she loved my voice).
I almost never commented on how she'd done. Not to avoid criticism or disappointment, but simply because she wasn't in a head-space to discuss it. She was still absorbing the experience.
Gradually, she would relax, and then sleep. If things needed to be done, I'd ease myself out of bed, cover her up to the neck, tucked in, and I'd take care of things. I'd let her sleep as long as she wished.
Eventually she'd wake up, feeling restored. She'd be very affectionate and quiet. I'd reassure her that she was awesome (as she almost always was). I'd offer to make her a cup of tea (where some couples share a coffee, we shared tea). Usually she'd come out wrapped in the blanket. We'd take the cups out to our deck and sit, listening to the wind in the trees, the birds, watch the clouds, the sun tinting them as it set. She'd rest herself in the crook of my arm, and I would kiss her lighlty.
Now as time went on, and she became more experienced and more familiar with our activities, she required less aftercare.
But I was always ready to provide it, and we still frequently went to bed afterwards, just to cuddle and fall asleep together.
Others may do it differently, but that was what aftercare looked like for us.
Thank you for this question. You've brought back many good memories of my time with her. While typing this I'm also watching "United 93", the bonus material where the families talk of their memories.
It was all good. Even the bad is now good.
If I had to describe aftercare in the fewest words possible, I'd say that aftercare is where a D/M shows his/her tenderness and love for his/her sub/slave. It's the opportunity to give your strength to him/her, when he/she needs it most.
You might also look up my "Outdoor Bondage" thread, where I speak of playing in a fog. At the end of that section, I talk of warming up the sub/slave after playing in fog. That's yet another example of aftercare.
I hope that helps.
_____________________________
When all is said and done, what will you regret?
That you never really lived?
Or there was so much living left to do?
For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.
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