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crying - 12/3/2007 12:49:49 PM   
serisa


Posts: 219
Joined: 9/28/2007
Status: offline 		What exactly is this thing Doms/Masters seem to have have their sub/slave crying?  i seem to notice reference to tears alot in poems that talk of a relationship with this type of dynamic... i.e 'relishing those tears'.

i presume it is not refering to making a sub cry tears because of pain in a scene ?  (does anyone find pain makes them cry and what do Doms think of this type of reaction?)

would i be more correct in thinking its less to do with physical pain however and more about the type of emotional hold a Dom has over ones sub?.  i cant see apart from perhaps more sadistic ones a Dom would enjoy seeing their sub crying tears or would they? !

my Dom seems to be able to make me cry real tears very easily and its not a trait i had before him in this my very first D's... in fact i rarely ever cried and actually thought crying was embarrising... something i avoided doing at all costs even in front of someone whom i thought i was close to... its not because of physical pain or that He is mean un... in fact very kind.  but i dont understand why the tears now turn on so easy... i guess it prob is as i am devastated if i have displeased Him in some way (sound familar to anyone else??, i am also wondering if in fact this makes me very pathetic indeed in His eyes... or as mentioned He may see it as a measure of the emotional hold He has.  He has never commented on the actually fact i cry really easily but i worry it might be really annoying?.  What are O/other peoples views on crying?

thank Y/you
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: crying - 12/3/2007 1:02:46 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		It shows vulnerability. You don't cry in front of people you don't trust not to use your tears against you. You do cry on a loved one's shoulder. So if he brings me to an emotional release that manifests as tears, he knows I'm totally open to him at that moment.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to serisa)
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RE: crying - 12/3/2007 1:02:51 PM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		For me it is simply because I have opened myself so wholly, removing barriers that kept me "safe" from feeling my emotions. It comes from a place of trust and raw emotion. I don't know if your Dom thinks it's annoying (I'm sure he would have said so if he thought so) but to me it's a positive expression of what this person means to me.

(in reply to serisa)
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RE: crying - 12/3/2007 1:03:14 PM   
Koala


Posts: 63
Joined: 5/5/2007
Status: offline 		I think it's beautiful. I love it when a sub's makeup is streaked from her tears.

It also reinforces the power dynamic. The customary thing to do when a woman cries is to comfort her, not to take pleasure in the fact that you caused her pain, and continue.

(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: crying - 12/3/2007 1:19:47 PM   
phedre81


Posts: 56
Joined: 10/29/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Koala

It also reinforces the power dynamic. The customary thing to do when a woman cries is to comfort her, not to take pleasure in the fact that you caused her pain, and continue.


From a sub's perspective, I agree with this--when my Top knows I'm crying, ans she continues anyway, it reinforces for me the idea that I'm helpless before her, and she'll do with me what she wants.  Delicious.

When I break down enough to cry (which is seldom), it also makes me feel incredibly close to her, and I think she feels closer to me as well--it indicates a level of intimacy and trust.

_____________________________

Sing til you're breaking glass
Or you're breaking down
~Idina Menzel

(in reply to Koala)
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RE: crying - 12/3/2007 1:29:51 PM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: phedre81

quote:

ORIGINAL: Koala

It also reinforces the power dynamic. The customary thing to do when a woman cries is to comfort her, not to take pleasure in the fact that you caused her pain, and continue.


From a sub's perspective, I agree with this--when my Top knows I'm crying, ans she continues anyway, it reinforces for me the idea that I'm helpless before her, and she'll do with me what she wants.  Delicious.

When I break down enough to cry (which is seldom), it also makes me feel incredibly close to her, and I think she feels closer to me as well--it indicates a level of intimacy and trust.


I simply cannot write it better or more accurately on how I feel then this.

Thank you for posting this.


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to phedre81)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: crying - 12/3/2007 2:19:35 PM   
OldBastardly1


Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline 		Tears can be invoked by different things and my thoughts about them differ as well.

In a scene, during playtime, I view the tears as her having a release of pent-up stress and emotions. It is a cleansing, refreshing cry.

I don't "make" her cry. I allow her the opportunity & freedom to cry.

Does this make sense?

_____________________________

Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad



(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: crying - 12/3/2007 3:02:27 PM   
TwiztdErotic


Posts: 155
Joined: 10/13/2007
Status: offline 		For me, there's nothing hotter than reducing her to a sobbing mass, whether it be through physical pain or emotional and then using her as I please. So vulnerable, so helpless, yet so fuckin sexy at the same time. It's a bit of a game we play. I'll often tell puppy in the morning that I'm going to make her cry that day and she'll be on guard for a couple of hours, but, eventually she forgets and finds herself in a puddle of tears. Once I'm satisfied, I look down at her, wipe her tears away and with a mischievous grin I remind her that I told her she was going to cry. At that point she tends to call me an asshole and we spend the rest of the night with her cuddled up in my lap.

(in reply to OldBastardly1)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: crying - 12/3/2007 3:43:23 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: batshalom

For me it is simply because I have opened myself so wholly, removing barriers that kept me "safe" from feeling my emotions. It comes from a place of trust and raw emotion. I don't know if your Dom thinks it's annoying (I'm sure he would have said so if he thought so) but to me it's a positive expression of what this person means to me.


Agreed. 

I have a hard time getting to the point of crying and it took me a long time to learn to actually enjoy it.  I actually appreciate it now.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to batshalom)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: crying - 12/3/2007 4:01:09 PM   
LittleWench


Posts: 265
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

would i be more correct in thinking its less to do with physical pain however and more about the type of emotional hold a Dom has over ones sub?. i cant see apart from perhaps more sadistic ones a Dom would enjoy seeing their sub crying tears or would they? !


It takes a great deal of physical pain to cause me tears (last time was during a cesaerian and having the anaesthetic wear off while being stitched), and besides crying during physical pain is like sweating during exertion, its a physical kneejerk that we don't have a great deal of control over.  I've been hit hard enough my eyes watered, but that's different to crying.

As for tears of emotion, will be a rare person to see those trickle out of my eyes.  I don't like tears, mine or anyone elses.

(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: crying - 12/3/2007 4:27:04 PM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		i totally cry tears of pain sometimes when we play...gut wrenching soul sobbing tears....my Daddy seems to like that...i relish the release of being brought to that point by a man who isn't afraid to take me there and continue while i cry.

_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to LittleWench)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: crying - 12/3/2007 6:53:38 PM   
Bethnai


Posts: 492
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline 		This is strange. I'm glad you posted this. I cried for the first time the other night, playing. It kind of freaked me out. 
Me crying.
He: its ok, shhh and so on.
(2 minutes later) Can you tell me why your crying?
Me still crying: No........can you?

Really, now, and I don't cry very easily. I didn't want to analyze it and so felt like a dork. He didn't make me feel like a dork. It just came naturally. 

(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: crying - 12/3/2007 7:11:51 PM   
mstrj69


Posts: 295
Joined: 5/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: serisa

What exactly is this thing Doms/Masters seem to have have their sub/slave crying?  i seem to notice reference to tears alot in poems that talk of a relationship with this type of dynamic... i.e 'relishing those tears'.


Did anybody think the poems refer to tears of joy ?

(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: crying - 12/3/2007 7:17:13 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		http://www.collarchat.com/m_928297/mpage_2/key_crying/tm.htm#928942
crying

http://www.collarchat.com/m_772609/mpage_1/key_crying/tm.htm#772729
is it alright to cry?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_618527/mpage_1/key_crying/tm.htm#618600
crying or not crying/when a girl tries too hard

http://www.collarchat.com/m_271993/mpage_2/key_crying/tm.htm#272967
crying

http://www.collarchat.com/m_251549/mpage_1/key_crying/tm.htm#251686
emotion and crying

http://www.collarchat.com/m_399658/mpage_1/key_tears/tm.htm#399680
tears, laughter, what have you?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_148646/mpage_1/key_tears/tm.htm#148774
tears

http://www.collarchat.com/m_108026/mpage_2/key_tears/tm.htm#117395
the gift of tears?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_67329/mpage_1/key_cry/tm.htm#71901
question about sessions


_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: crying - 12/3/2007 7:52:07 PM   
Tigrita


Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		I think being able to be comfortable crying with someone is one of the most beautifully vulnerable moments.  I've cried from emotional overload, that mixture helplessness and freedom and some fear of that vulnerability, and trying to come to terms with it all.  I haven't gone deeply into pain play, but the thought of being brought to tears by sadistic use, either sexual, pain, humiliation, or some combination of the above is very hot to me, but I know it needs to be worked up to cautiously and my relationship is still new and long distance, so we haven't had a lot of oportunity for really intense scenes.  I have tried hard for a long time and put up a lot of walls to avoid vulnerability, and it is both scary and hard, as well as beautiful and freeing to tear them down.   

_____________________________

~ Tigrita

There is no right path, only the path you take.

Success is making life happen, versus just letting life happen to you.

"Many of the things I enjoy, I enjoy because I don't enjoy them." - Charlotte

(in reply to Bethnai)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: crying - 12/3/2007 8:03:42 PM   
Koala


Posts: 63
Joined: 5/5/2007
Status: offline 		When she wakes up in the morning with her eyeliner still streaked down her cheeks, and looks at herself in the mirror, I want it to remind her of every touch and every word that brought her to tears, and smile.

(in reply to Tigrita)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: crying - 12/3/2007 8:08:05 PM   
Bethnai


Posts: 492
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: crying - 12/4/2007 6:01:55 AM   
DaddyNprincess


Posts: 15
Joined: 3/29/2005
Status: offline 		As a top I suffer from dacrophilia or arousal by tears. Funerals with slacks area problem. I've suffered from it from the time I was in my teens, and the sexual excitment is uncontrolable and at times embarassing.

(in reply to Bethnai)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: crying - 12/4/2007 7:08:33 AM   
TwiztdErotic


Posts: 155
Joined: 10/13/2007
Status: offline 		dacrophilia eh? I'll have to look into that.

(in reply to DaddyNprincess)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: crying - 12/4/2007 11:53:10 AM   
Masterslena


Posts: 16
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline 		He has said...'you know I love to make you cry...to see your tears...' 

(in reply to TwiztdErotic)
Profile   Post #: 20
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