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BDSM and the media - 2/21/2006 1:43:46 PM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

I'm sure many have heard about the Iowa man and his infamous "marriage contract", as well as the noise some enthusiasts of BDSM have been expressing regarding media attention to it. Personally, I think the man is a tool and obviously deranged, but I digress...

I have read of other such stories which seem to arrive with the seasons, often giving attention to some scandalous fetish of a statesman, the discovered activities of a ProDomme in a nearby community, or a sudden "bondage club bust" in a sleepy locale. Then of course there is the influence of BDSM in movies and entertainment, magazine ads and popular fashion—

All of this prompts me to ask what you may think about our little world vs. the larger one, and how 'we' are being perceived. When the flashy media monster of spin, scandal and vanilla titillation rears its head on the lifestyle you enjoy and identify with, does it bother you a little? Do you feel under attack, or do you welcome it and the resulting curious minds that will inevitably follow? Is media attention to the practice of BDSM good or dilutive in some way? Do you even care?

Quite curious to know.

Post #: 1

RE: BDSM and the media - 2/21/2006 1:55:44 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos
All of this prompts me to ask what you may think about our little world vs. the larger one, and how 'we' are being perceived. When the flashy media monster of spin, scandal and vanilla titillation rears its head on the lifestyle you enjoy and identify with, does it bother you a little? Do you feel under attack, or do you welcome it and the resulting curious minds that will inevitably follow? Is media attention to the practice of BDSM good or dilutive in some way? Do you even care?

Quite curious to know.

I think on the whole that "kinky stuff" in general is viewed as fun, cute, accepted and fine as long as it's in the bedroom with the lights out.

When it becomes organized, into "sex clubs" or "a lifestyle" I think most people are intrigued, but still considering it nasty, dark and bad- resulting from an unloved childhood or the like.

I think over time (generations) it will become a normal everyday type of choice. And no, I don't think it dilutes anything about who I am and what I choose to do in my life. However, I know a lot of people get a large source of their pleasure from knowing they are doing something "dark and kinky and hidden in plain sight" and don't like the idea of sharing it, or not having it be as dark and hidden anymore.

I care, but I'm not an activist.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to amayos)

Post #: 2

RE: BDSM and the media - 2/21/2006 2:01:04 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Most of what i have seen shows a complete lack of knowledge of the lifestyle, and contains a lot of false assumptions. When the media decides to spin something, they will spin it as glamorously as they can to support their agenda (for lack of a better word).

i have seen this same sort of spin (or subtle influence) in other areas as well (religeon comes to mind).

Am i bothered by ignorance? Somewhat, yes. But then i went into this way of living knowing it was not going to be understood, and accepted that.

i think the media views "our little world" as people with sexual kink fetishes, and they don't see beyond that. my guess is it will draw the attention and curiosity of some who want to expand their sexual enjoyment to incorporate the "whips and chains" aspect into their bedrooms to role play with, and nothing too serious beyond that.

i do find it unfortunate, however, that the Dominance/submission aspect is always viewed so negatively, and often as something "sick." By focusing on only the weird and deranged stories related to D/s, the media propagates that mindset. Eventually D/s = weird and sick, thus pushing us further into silence.

Maybe.

On the flip side, maybe it brings a level of awareness that there IS a different way of expressing oneself. And maybe that will catch on. i only wish it were done more positively.

(in reply to amayos)

Post #: 3

RE: BDSM and the media - 2/21/2006 2:04:12 PM

Submotive

Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline

Anything that isn't understood is feared; and anything that is feared creates hostility typically.

_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

(in reply to amayos)

Post #: 4

RE: BDSM and the media - 2/21/2006 2:06:47 PM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
Am i bothered by ignorance? Somewhat, yes. But then i went into this way of living knowing it was not going to be understood, and accepted that.

This was one of the main reasons I outed myself. Originally Loving Dominant was to have the author as "Mentor." Then I realized it and the scene needed a real spokesperson.

I don't know how many roldexes I'm in, but I regularly get calls from news media types who want background or a quote on a story. To their credit, most of the ones I've dealt with have been after "the truth" rather than trying to spin the story to meet agenda.

This is one reason to support NCSF since they are often the "primary front person" for the scene these days.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 5

RE: BDSM and the media - 2/21/2006 2:15:08 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

This was one of the main reasons I outed myself. Originally Loving Dominant was to have the author as "Mentor." Then I realized it and the scene needed a real spokesperson.

I don't know how many roldexes I'm in, but I regularly get calls from news media types who want background or a quote on a story. To their credit, most of the ones I've dealt with have been after "the truth" rather than trying to spin the story to meet agenda.

This is one reason to support NCSF since they are often the "primary front person" for the scene these days.

Interresting Mr Warren... I find this very interresting. And when you find the extra time.. would like more information on this, if I may. The NCSF that is.... I find alot of your postings very educational. And i'm very interested in seeing HOW we're being represented.

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Post #: 6

RE: BDSM and the media - 2/21/2006 2:17:38 PM

sylphgossamer

Posts: 383
Joined: 1/22/2006
Status: offline

i find it curious that christian dior, gucci, tiffany & co., and the like can produce products which are very obviously of a bondage nature, but wearing of such is not permitted on a site which is based upon this.

if web sites dedicated to what we now refer to as sub cultures are too afraid of big daddy coming down on them that they refrain from allowing depiction of any references, why in the world would one expect society at large to be different, much less more tolerant than at present.

i'm not an activist, and for reasons of my own i don't "out" myself, but in my own way i do try to do what i can to promote a healthier and more well informed view and tolerance.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 7

RE: BDSM and the media - 2/21/2006 3:34:40 PM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u
Interresting Mr Warren... I find this very interresting. And when you find the extra time.. would like more information on this, if I may. The NCSF that is.... I find alot of your postings very educational. And i'm very interested in seeing HOW we're being represented.

I'm sorry. I should have added the website http://www.ncsfreedom.org/

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 8

RE: BDSM and the media - 2/21/2006 3:43:55 PM

bear372217355

Posts: 94
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

I read the contract that you mentioned and it isn't that bad as slave contracts go. I myself would sign that contract for mi'Lady if she were to ask.

As to your questions, I do tend to feel attacked a bit, especialy when the community is shown in a bad light. I do find somethings funny though, depending on the scene or context of the ad.

As is said in Hollywoodland, even bad press is good press.

_____________________________

Collared, caged and the sole property of Lady Elizabeth.

(in reply to amayos)

Post #: 9

RE: BDSM and the media - 2/21/2006 3:53:58 PM

Domin81

Posts: 66
Joined: 5/18/2005
Status: offline

BDSM is getting more and more exposure in various media. Some good and some bad, but over the years, I believe the ratio is turning to more positive and realistic portrayals being shown. Check out www.mini.ca , just click past the questionnaire and click through the ‘Dominate Winter’ box. You will see crops whips and paddles….used to sell cars.

Definitely becoming more mainstream?

_____________________________

El Gordo
http://www.bound2please.com
Quality Toys & Restraints Made in Canada

(in reply to amayos)

Post #: 10

RE: BDSM and the media - 2/21/2006 4:10:03 PM

Chaingang

Posts: 1727
Joined: 10/24/2005
Status: offline

Links:
http://www.nbc13.com/news/6812175/detail.html

"While we normally point out the highlights of most documents, there are so many in this demented, and very graphic, contract, we really can't do it justice. So set aside ten minutes--and prepare to be repulsed."
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0217062contract1.html

Lots of other sites call the guy a Perv, Sicko, etc. The media is doing the usual routine of peeking into someone's bedroom and then acting scandalized by what they see there. To paraphrase the bard: there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in their philosophy...

As someone else has already mentioned, it seems like your run of the mill BDSM contract. FWIW, it's actually possible to create a legally binding prenuptial agreement that would contain much of the same information. There was a trend beginning a few years back for prenups to stipulate all kinds of things in them nowadays - in excruciating detail.

_____________________________

"Everything flows, nothing stands still." (Πάντα ῥεῖ καὶ οὐδὲν μένει) - Heraclitus

(in reply to bear372217355)

Post #: 11

RE: BDSM and the media - 2/21/2006 4:29:37 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

The expectations in the contract are what any Master would expect from his slave (except i would ask to shave more than every three days, lol). i did not see the full story and so i don't know - - was his wife his slave? Or was he trying to impose that on her? There is quite a difference.

(in reply to Chaingang)

Post #: 12

RE: BDSM and the media - 2/21/2006 4:34:54 PM

Chaingang

Posts: 1727
Joined: 10/24/2005
Status: offline

I just skimmed, but it looks like there are two charges against the guy: one for kidnapping his wife and the other for downloading child pornography.

The wife seems to be claiming that everything was being forced on her.

_____________________________

"Everything flows, nothing stands still." (Πάντα ῥεῖ καὶ οὐδὲν μένει) - Heraclitus

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 13

RE: BDSM and the media - 2/21/2006 4:53:03 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

i can see two sides to that coin. A resentful slave, choosing retaliation against him (which would be rather horrible), or a Dom who has forgotten the "consensual" part of slavery (which is also rather horrible).

The child porn allegations, if true, certainly do not help his cause.

(in reply to Chaingang)

Post #: 14

RE: BDSM and the media - 2/21/2006 5:49:21 PM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

I'm sure many have heard about the Iowa man and his infamous "marriage contract", as well as the noise some enthusiasts of BDSM have been expressing regarding media attention to it. Personally, I think the man is a tool and obviously deranged, but I digress...

I have read of other such stories which seem to arrive with the seasons, often giving attention to some scandalous fetish of a statesman, the discovered activities of a ProDomme in a nearby community, or a sudden "bondage club bust" in a sleepy locale. Then of course there is the influence of BDSM in movies and entertainment, magazine ads and popular fashion—

All of this prompts me to ask what you may think about our little world vs. the larger one, and how 'we' are being perceived. When the flashy media monster of spin, scandal and vanilla titillation rears its head on the lifestyle you enjoy and identify with, does it bother you a little? Do you feel under attack, or do you welcome it and the resulting curious minds that will inevitably follow? Is media attention to the practice of BDSM good or dilutive in some way? Do you even care?

Quite curious to know.

Actually I didnt hear about the man.But have heard about Dominatrix in Mass.I live in Maine, not far from where the body was "supposedly" dumped.I was not suprised that most of the 'vanilla' people I know saw BDSM in a very bad light.A another forum I visit there was a thread about it in almost every section....That pissed Me off,I saw not 1 thread but 6,Thats a bit of overkill here.

I care very much that the Media puts BDSM in a spotlight,sometimes good does come of it and people want to know more,but most people and their human nature seem to want to destroy what they know nothing about.
I do in someways feel attacked,not personally but to the Culture which I belong.Same thing with being Gay/Lesbian/TG, The media has portrayed that in a bad light also.Some states are making headway in those areas and I would like to think BDSM wont be far behind.

OF course thats just wishful thinking...the goverment and some religous groups will always need someone to pick on.Then theres devient they have to save,Or some group they have to stop from polluting the minds of children.Meanwhile the streams arent safe for fishing,The ozone is melting away...but ohhh those BDSMers are the really dangerous ones,forget the streams....and string up the 'weirdos'.

Its a fact W/we have to live with. BUT its a chance for U/us an individuals to stand up for O/our ways of living.When you hear someone saying negative things...speak up.
Prove to them the W/we are everyday people working and raising families just like they are.

Maybe I'm lucky...I live in a small town that is more open to celebrating diveristy than some cities I have been in.Everyone in town knows I'm Bi and bishop is lesbian,and a few of them know the dynamics of O/our relationship and guess what they dont care.
Why dont they care I took the time to give the basics of how W/we live.I little bit of education brought a lot of understanding.

That is what should be happening...ALL of US educating people,family,friends so they have a better understanding,having a better understanding brings acceptance.

P.S.
Any references(all,us) are not made to specific people.
I have no idea how any of Y/you promote and/or conduct Y/your lives
and frankly its none of My business.

*I do the C/capitols out of respect,I realize some find it annoying.To you I say sorry its a force of habit*

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to amayos)

Post #: 15

RE: BDSM and the media - 2/21/2006 5:54:39 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

ahh... thank you Mr Warren

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Post #: 16

RE: BDSM and the media - 2/21/2006 6:33:52 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

All of this prompts me to ask what you may think about our little world vs. the larger one, and how 'we' are being perceived. When the flashy media monster of spin, scandal and vanilla titillation rears its head on the lifestyle you enjoy and identify with, does it bother you a little? Do you feel under attack, or do you welcome it and the resulting curious minds that will inevitably follow? Is media attention to the practice of BDSM good or dilutive in some way? Do you even care?

Quite curious to know.

Do I care mmmmmm well that is likely to strong of a word, Maybe intrigued or even mildly interested. The effects of media's reports on BDSM related issues is going to be both good and bad. However, I hope that the Tolerance for BDSM activities becomes more mainstream and media of various types will both help and hurt this progession, but in the long run i expect it to be more favorable.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to amayos)

Post #: 17

RE: BDSM and the media - 2/21/2006 6:34:11 PM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressSassy66

Actually I didnt hear about the man.But have heard about Dominatrix in Mass.I live in Maine, not far from where the body was "supposedly" dumped.I was not suprised that most of the 'vanilla' people I know saw BDSM in a very bad light.A another forum I visit there was a thread about it in almost every section....That pissed Me off,I saw not 1 thread but 6,Thats a bit of overkill here.

The mainstream media treated us rather gently on that one. I put a lot of it down to the education that the local scene did during the "Paddleboro" incident. Most of the stories distinguished between BDSM and what she did after the guy supposedly died.

quote:

Its a fact W/we have to live with. BUT its a chance for U/us an individuals to stand up for O/our ways of living.When you hear someone saying negative things...speak up.
Prove to them the W/we are everyday people working and raising families just like they are.

Maybe I'm lucky...I live in a small town that is more open to celebrating diveristy than some cities I have been in.Everyone in town knows I'm Bi and bishop is lesbian,and a few of them know the dynamics of O/our relationship and guess what they dont care.
Why dont they care I took the time to give the basics of how W/we live.I little bit of education brought a lot of understanding.

That is what should be happening...ALL of US educating people,family,friends so they have a better understanding,having a better understanding brings acceptance.

That's the way I think it should be done. It's easy to be taught to fear a stranger but when is the person next door the sales pitch is a lot harder for the hate mongers

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to MistressSassy66)

Post #: 18

RE: BDSM and the media - 2/21/2006 6:51:05 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I think on the whole that "kinky stuff" in general is viewed as fun, cute, accepted and fine as long as it's in the bedroom with the lights out.

When it becomes organized, into "sex clubs" or "a lifestyle" I think most people are intrigued, but still considering it nasty, dark and bad- resulting from an unloved childhood or the like.

I think over time (generations) it will become a normal everyday type of choice. And no, I don't think it dilutes anything about who I am and what I choose to do in my life. However, I know a lot of people get a large source of their pleasure from knowing they are doing something "dark and kinky and hidden in plain sight" and don't like the idea of sharing it, or not having it be as dark and hidden anymore.

I care, but I'm not an activist.

It's a pity LA that you so often post in a manner which can easily be taken that you speak for the entire community and for all places. I'd venture to say that your comments may be true for the USA but not for other nationalities who participate in the CM Forums too. Perhaps some small disclaimer that you refer to your area of living and experience would place things in perspective???

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 19

RE: BDSM and the media - 2/21/2006 7:10:15 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

It's a pity LA that you so often post in a manner which can easily be taken that you speak for the entire community and for all places. I'd venture to say that your comments may be true for the USA but not for other nationalities who participate in the CM Forums too. Perhaps some small disclaimer that you refer to your area of living and experience would place things in perspective???

Well I certainly can't account for all cultures and experiences, but I know I have a best friend/ex-girlfriend who is a native and current resident of Australia and very active in the kink community near Brisbane and she and I discuss the culture over there a lot and in my travels through Europe I made a lot of contacts and tried to expose myself to as much of the culture there as possible.

So I take all that I can and amalgamate it into a big "I think, in general" type statement.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 20

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