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The Little Green Eyed Monster - 3/9/2006 3:04:57 PM   
kittysaysMEW


Posts: 2
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline 		It creeps from nowhere and sits on your shoulder. Whispers sweet nothings in your ear...captivates your attention...then ATTACKS!!!

It renders you a helpless mess of insecurity...or does it?

The green eyed monster CAN be defeated! As sub, slave, or Dom/me Y/you DO have the power to combat jealousy. In poly relationships this monster runs rampant far far too often but it can be concquered by open honest acknowledgement and communication.

When fear and insecurity of your position creeps up it is wise for you to talk with each other and acknowledge these feelings. Discounting them or trying to convince yourself they do not exist only breeds more of the same and some simple acknowledgement and understanding coupled with sincere reassurance can help go a long way towards combating this vicious monster that trys to prey upon your relationship.

i have found, that ignoring it or demanding that it stops is NOT the answer to combating issues of jealousy instead it only fosters it and encourages it to breed. When there is little time to be spent with someone as life often gets in the way or a new one enters into a relationship and gets all the attention you are used to getting it is important to take the time to nurture and remind the jealous one that they are safe and still cared for.

Personally,just one word reassures me of my place in my Master's life...one act makes my fears melt away...when He calls me pet and strokes my hair i know without a shadow of a doubt i will be alright.

What are some ways in which Y/you have combated this little monster? Perhaps sharing Y/your thoughts and experiences might help another C/couple fight their own battles....i look forward to hearing from you until then as always....

BE SAFE AND SMILE and remember my Master's motto a day without a smile is a wasted day (=^.~=)purrs Master M's pet kitty
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RE: The Little Green Eyed Monster - 3/9/2006 4:09:41 PM   
MTslave


Posts: 153
Joined: 12/15/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you for this post. It couldn't have come at a better time as a personal reminder for me. Currently dealing with an issue that I'm trying to keep a handle on that is all about jealousy... so I'm thankful for these words.

MTs slave

_____________________________

Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more.”- Erica Jong

(in reply to kittysaysMEW)
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RE: The Little Green Eyed Monster - 3/9/2006 8:06:34 PM   
rawney62


Posts: 10
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline 		i too have found that with just a word or the touch of Masters hand in my hair helps to reassure me of my place in His life and assures me that my feelings and insecurities are unfounded. W/we also talk about why these feelings are there and how to combat them. If you don't have or can't have open, honest communication in your relationship, then there is more room for this evil little green eyed monster to grow.

(in reply to kittysaysMEW)
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RE: The Little Green Eyed Monster - 3/9/2006 8:39:22 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		I've always wondered why we call jealousy "the green-eyed monster." It comes from Shakespeare, of course--but why green-eyed? Anyone know?

(in reply to kittysaysMEW)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: The Little Green Eyed Monster - 3/9/2006 8:42:25 PM   
MTslave


Posts: 153
Joined: 12/15/2005
Status: offline 		original text removed

< Message edited by MTslave -- 3/9/2006 9:03:16 PM >

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
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RE: The Little Green Eyed Monster - 3/9/2006 8:50:32 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I guess I’m lucky in one sense. I am not a jealous person. I was at one time many eons ago but I worked hard on it and virtually eradicated jealousy from my system. I certainly can be envious of some one but even this is more with a chuckle and shrug of my shoulders. Hey some has what I want, more power to them for getting there first. Having said all this, I do not and will not tolerate anybody or anything rocking my relationship boat. Rock my boat and try to destabilize my relationship with Neets or any one else and you have declared war on me and then I turn into something barely human and there are no holds barred and I am the only law.. But Green eyed Monster???? Not on your Nelly..

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to MTslave)
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RE: The Little Green Eyed Monster - 3/9/2006 8:52:50 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		I think it would have been appropriate to credit the site you copied this from:

http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/166600.html

Plagiarism isn't cool.

(in reply to MTslave)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: The Little Green Eyed Monster - 3/9/2006 9:01:51 PM   
MTslave


Posts: 153
Joined: 12/15/2005
Status: offline 		I never claimed it as my own thank you but I shall remove it seeing as how your on top of things

_____________________________

Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more.”- Erica Jong

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: The Little Green Eyed Monster - 3/9/2006 9:08:32 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I think it would have been appropriate to credit the site you copied this from:

http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/166600.html

Plagiarism isn't cool.


Lam, I'm a little unsure on this, but I understood that with things like Shakespear that as long as you didn't quote more than 25% of the whole book/play etc, there was no need to post a credit.. After all in daily communications, I see quotes form diverse orinins wich are not quoted in full. E.G. "Once more into the breach........" from Shakespear's Henry V.. It would be silly to expect people to remember the author even if they knew it.... It's just a basic question Lam and the answer I am not sure of the finite details of.

Thanks in advance mate.....

< Message edited by IronBear -- 3/9/2006 9:19:43 PM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: The Little Green Eyed Monster - 3/9/2006 9:12:36 PM   
Tempestspet


Posts: 360
Joined: 1/13/2005
Status: offline 		I don't think you need to go that far MTslave. ...smiles...

You didn't claim the quotes as your own... you listed and gave credit to who did write it. Beyond that, there's absoutely no way anyone can prove where you got it. For all anyone knows, you got it from Shakespere's works directly.

Relax people. Really.

Tempest's pet
jennifer

(in reply to MTslave)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: The Little Green Eyed Monster - 3/10/2006 1:17:31 AM   
scratchingpost


Posts: 231
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		i think that lam is missing the point entirely actually with all due respect she was making a valid point and expressing herself...do we really need to nit pick? if she is not your property then it is not your place to chastise in such a fashion and definately not publicly a simple note off record might have been more appreciated. she did after al state author did not claim it to be hers. we should all just relax and move forward with the topic which others might now be afraid to share their experiences due to fear of reprimand criticism etc....shall we get back to topic then and discuss how others might deal with issues of jealousy and what works for them in their relationships so that others may benefit by their experiences please?

(in reply to kittysaysMEW)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: The Little Green Eyed Monster - 3/10/2006 4:30:32 AM   
corsair


Posts: 6
Joined: 4/13/2004
Status: offline 		I missed what MTSlave said but I don't think she would ever say anything is from her original if it was not and people all over these sites do bits of quotes without giving credit to the original so I think she has been chatted about enough.

(in reply to scratchingpost)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: The Little Green Eyed Monster - 3/10/2006 6:00:29 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I communicate directly. I tell them "Yeah that really makes me jealous" usually followed by "And I still want you to do it." At this point, I'm surprised when something hits me in the jealousy spot and have to do some self-reflection to figure out why it hit me there and how to shore myself up on that.

But as long as I openly and directly communicate it with everyone, we know it's not a big deal and will smooth over.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to kittysaysMEW)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: The Little Green Eyed Monster - 3/10/2006 6:06:08 AM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		When I saw the heading I thought you were talking about my son and was going to add, but he has a good heart.

Since I now see you are referring to jealousy I will only add that if we weren't jealous from time to time, we wouldn't be human, we just need to understand how to deal with it at times and most importantly how to bridle it.

hmmmm bridle, damn, this gives me an idea for the weekend!

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: The Little Green Eyed Monster - 3/10/2006 9:13:39 AM   
Driver1961


Posts: 459
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		He enters,

Jealousy, does it have to be so abhorred? Is it always negative. I notice Iron Bear says Envy, maybe I envy but I generally view jealousy as a constructive emotion/word.

It is alright to feel unsafe of another's proximity to a signif other. In an open communicative relationship- it engenders further, enlightening disscussion of feeling. Feeling that as a D I wish to know about, to better understand my sub. My role is to provide growth, this I can only truly provide by knowing them. I think too many immediately associate Jealousy as a bad thing- it is a pre-cursor to providing continued security. Left it festers and yes is negative. The negative Jelousy that many seem to immediately address is symptomatic of 'closed' or poor relationship communication.

My Wild went wild when she felt what she called jelousy, (I had misunderstood a boundary she had expressed) Arising from this- she did an essay on'Mine', how the 'wanting to possess another' was affected by her childhood, her adulthood and how meeting me impacted further, with a tumultion of emotion over my misunderstanding a boundary she had initially expressed. Resultant we renegotiated boundaries, she felt more secure within herself and our relationship continued to flourish.

She relishes the possessionary aspects of 'Mine' now and yes it was essentially her baggage. As her D her impasses of thought signalled growth, we discussed, she settled and acknowleded her growth which only meant deeper dynamic/connection.

I personally question at this jelousy as to what the signif other is not providing, not listening to, not supporting notwithstanding that there are always 'sick dogs' not pups out there too!

Warm regards to all.



_____________________________

Dance as though nobody is watching!

(in reply to fastlane)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: The Little Green Eyed Monster - 3/10/2006 1:49:23 PM   
nslut4whtmaster


Posts: 40
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you kittsaysMew for this post. I too have had issues with jealousy with my Master, which came about when he wanted me to have a sister. Now I had never wanted a sister in submission. I did not want to be in a poly household because the whole thing just seemed so unfair. I was not open to this idea and I felt that he should have told me he had an interest in having a poly household, before things had progressed as they did that us. I did not mind the idea of him having others I just did not want them to have to live with that other.
I became jealous out of fear and began to act out, which was not tolerated well by Master at all. What was needed was for me to recognize my own limitations and work to improve them. Also, what helped was to educate myself about poly, which allowed me to become open to it. Once I was able to that I then addressed my concerns to my Master. His assurance is what enabled me to move past my own jealousy. This did not happen overnight either there are still times when the "green-eyed monster" returns but his stay is very short lived now. I agree with what you have said here in your post, it is nice to know that there are others who have struggled with this issue.

(in reply to kittysaysMEW)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: The Little Green Eyed Monster - 3/10/2006 4:47:15 PM   
ScooterTrash


Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		I am, as Iron Bear stated, not a jealous person. I suppose years ago when I didn't have the benefit of experience and wisdom, I may have had a tinge of it, but I honestly don't recall ever being jealous. I guess the reasoning behind that is that I figure if you don't possess something/someone enough that you have to be insecure about holding on to it/them, then you never really owned it/them in the first place. I will defend and protect what is mine and yes I am quite competative, but life is too short to lash out, trying to obtain or possess something or someone that was never yours in the first place. If it's yours, then you will have it forever, if it's not, then there is no loss losing something you never had.

I agree with the other posters who have stated that communication is a definate deterent to jealousy, but if you can simply rid yourself of it completely, it's one less useless thing to have to worry about. Personally, I prefer to enjoy what I do have, not worry about what I might have or almost had.

_____________________________

Formal symbolic representation of qualitative entities is doomed to its rightful place of minor significance in a world where flowers and beautiful women abound.
-Albert Einstein

(in reply to kittysaysMEW)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: The Little Green Eyed Monster - 3/10/2006 6:21:35 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		There is an old saying, the origins or which I don't know:

"If you would own something, set it free.
If it returns to you, then it is yours."

(Author unknown)

I may have misquoted but it get's the message accross I believe.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to ScooterTrash)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: The Little Green Eyed Monster - 3/10/2006 6:41:34 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Post deleted due to being in wrong forum


< Message edited by IronBear -- 3/10/2006 6:43:33 PM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to ScooterTrash)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: The Little Green Eyed Monster - 3/10/2006 7:23:55 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

"If you would own something, set it free.
If it returns to you, then it is yours."


Adds: If it doesn't return, hunt it down & kill it.

(no clue to whom credit is due)

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 20
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