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ScooterTrash -> RE: The Little Green Eyed Monster (3/11/2006 2:42:41 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: scratchingpost
ANYwAY to get back on topic ....jealousy sometimes is brought on by insecurity i think, other times there are other factors involved like misunderstandings and lack of communication...what are some other reasons?
I agree, it's a subject worth discussing. All too often I see posts where someone claims that they just can't get past their being jealous and of course there are those that insist that everyone is jealous and they just need to control it. I'm into control as much as any other Dominant, but that sounds like a lot of work to me.
I'm no expert, but I would suggest that one thing that spurs on the jealousy is the general competitiveness that most of us are brought up with. You are driven by whoever raises you and even your peers as you grow older, to get ahead, to make more of yourself, to get the better job, to have the cuter girl (or boy) friend, to have the cooler car. I believe that many in their quest to obtain these things, reach out beyond their control and attempt to hang on even if it's not really "them". Kind of a twist on keeping up with the Jones's. When possession of any of which they have obtained is threatened, they curl up like a snake and strike back. I'm not saying this is all necessarily bad, as it certainly isn't right to just lay back and let what you have be taken away, but there is a fine line of protecting what is yours and being jealous. Personally, I would prefer someone stay with me because they feel I am the best choice for them, not because I am domineering and fly off the handle when they take a look at another person. If you are confident in yourself, let them look, let them speak to anyone, let them socialize with whoever they wish...if it's meant to be, then there is no threat. Let's be serious, jealousy is only a perceived threat, something created by your own mind which is sparked on by the insecurity of not knowing the future. Worst case senario..poof, they are gone, best case, hmmm, double sided I guess, they stay and never see that person again or they stay and want both..perhaps that is the basis of many poly mindsets, realizing it's OK to share. It is certainly the reason that many cannot comprehend that mindset for sure, they want it all and they want it for themselves alone. One thing is for sure, working through it if "old green eyes" shows up is a good starting point, but I honestly think it goes beyond just learning to control jealousy, I think when it comes up it needs met head on and through some form, simply put to rest. How one builds that confidence? That I don't know, but I do know it can be done. Maybe just logically reasoning it away or maybe there just comes a time when you are comfortable enough with yourself that it doesn't come up. Discussing it in forums such as this has to be of some help, as seeing that others are content to just let it go, should show that it's OK to not have to defend that hill on a constant basis. Seriously, who wants to always be looking over their shoulder and being on the defensive all the time. For me, I don't know, maybe it was just a revelation when I woke up one day, but not having to deal with it at all has to be easier than figuring out how to control it on a daily basis. It's wasted energy that could surely be put to better use.
I had extra change and that's just my two cents.
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