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ORIGINAL: naiveguy

Greetings Ladies,

What's your opinion on using your sexuality to control men? A

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I have read the message boards and visited profiles here, and many of you don't want to have sex with your subs/slaves. I can completely understand that.

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ORIGINAL: naiveguy


. I have read the message boards and visited profiles here, and many of you don't want to have sex with your subs/slaves. I can completely understand that. But I wonder what you think about using your sexuality for control only, and not have sex?

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What's your opinion on using your sexuality to control men?

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ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

I think that it's more or less maledom in very bad drag, or at least the result of being brainwashed by sex-negative religious views of what "nice women" are and aren't supposed to do.

I pretty much said it all over here, but I'll copy over the salient points.  If a man is dominant, his power supposedly comes from what he does, or is capable of doing. He is strong, active, competent, a responsible leader and caretaker. If a woman is dominant, her power supposedly comes from what she wears and what her body looks like. She's hot and she dresses in uncomfortable clothing that shows off her sexual desirability and makes her a sex object. So what's wrong with THIS picture? Well, there's nothing wrong with enjoying sexy clothes and being attractive, but if you're stuck in the mindset that the only dominance you're allowed is the passive sort, it's probably worth doing some thinking outside the box. If you look good in heels but are fucking worthless in a crisis, it doesn't matter much what you do in the bedroom.  You shouldn't be the leader.  And if you are a heterosexual female and dominant, then why isn't your male submissive supposed to be looking good enough to be YOUR pleasing eye candy, instead of the other way around?  Isn't that, you know, the whole point of being dominant, that your submissive is the lovely sex object and you the consumer?  Except that's not how it works in the images of femdom we most often see.

Stereotypical femdom falls apart when it hits the real world, because stereotypical femdom is actually about powerlessness and being a passive, sexualized object of other people's desires. Does that really sound like fun to you?  Yeah, me neither.  It's no wonder that male submissives far outnumber female dominants in the scene.  How many strong, powerful, self-respecting women want to be a powerless sex object who isn't even allowed to have sex?  I'll pass on that, thanks.   And "male submissives" who try to force me into that Procrustean mold to fit their sexual fantasies are no different from male dominants or just plain bigoted assholes who try to do the same thing.  I don't want any of that from either end.

This shit really doesn't smell any better if you turn it upside down in the toilet bowl. Sex-negative femdom is No Fun.  The difference between this and Andrea Dworkin is what, exactly?  The difference between frigid femdoms and "Nice girls don't like sex" is what, exactly?  Yeah.  I'm not seeing it. 

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ORIGINAL: Amanece

Hmm. I am a very sexual person and as a Domme my lifestyle involves having sex as often and in what ever form I want. My domming is very sexual and my sub better have a good erection whenever I decide to use it. I find that having control of my sub orgasms makes him more ready to respond to whatever I wish. A lot of tease and denial. But I find the relating of us two is important in every aspect and it feels right if I can let myself be free enjoying him and myself.

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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

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I have read the message boards and visited profiles here, and many of you don't want to have sex with your subs/slaves. I can completely understand that.

Apparently you have quite a bit more reading to do.

- LA

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ORIGINAL: naiveguy
I wonder what you think about using your sexuality for control only, and not have sex?

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ORIGINAL: MsHValentine

I highly doubt men interested in female led relationships place as high value on looks as men just looking for bedroom domination only. If anyone bases their preferences only on how hot the other person is, I guarantee you they will have to amend their standards once they start to get old and become unable to capture the attention of said "hottie" or settle for paying for a hottie dominatrix. I see sensation Bottoms more in this category than man looking for female led relationships. These types tend to want mental/emotional stimulation as well. Personally, I find these types of men more interesting anyway. As far as sexually appealing sub men, I want my sub male to be sexy ... to me ... but he doesn't have to be a perfect 10. I feel for sub men who are unable to atttract a domina interested in dominating them. It's just as hard as trying to find a vanilla courtship.

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ORIGINAL: Lockit

Men and women can be sexy, sexual and a tease... women just get blamed for it more, objectified and in some minds treated as less than a man and more the female there as always, to please. It isn't all about a cock and it will be a cold day in hell when I will determine anything in life, how I live, how I conduct myself and how my partner is treated or acts, on the pleasuring of his eye or cock. lol

One difference between the dominant males and the submissive males that contact me is basically found in the laziness of the submissive men who wish to be bound and played with. I see them as more dominant in the sense of expectation of catering to their kinky needs to be the main focus and do little to get it. Oh they all offer great oral for hours... lol Yeah... you bet ya that isn't happening! But both tend to see women as play toys that bring pleasure before its time. (Not all men!)

Will I play with him and turn him on? You bet ya! Will I pay attention to his sexual needs? You bet ya! But... that is only an aspect of a full relationship!

Do I sound angry? Maybe, but I am far from angry, just calling it the way I see it online and sometimes in person. Typically I am respected and treated well, but many men aren't looking for a relationship. They are looking for what is given quickly and without any commitment or any real input by them. These men are easy to find and a quick 'see ya' works well for me. Will I use their need for quick excitement to control them? Hell no! I will however expect a man who can see past his cock and to the finer things in life and relationship and in me. It is the men who can do this that get my sign of approval and bright words of appreciation! Those are the men that I would love to play and work beside in life.

When someone can see that we are human beings and a person behind the sexuality we all have and there is worth beyond what we can do as eye candy or to a cock... then I see a person. Until then, I only see a cock and believe me, a man who lives like his cock is his best asset besides his tongue, can be replaced even by battery opperated, pretty colored, size chosen things I can simply place in a drawer and never have to worry about.

I love a wonderful man who can respect women! They are out there and thank the powers that be, they are!

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ORIGINAL: CarrieO


Personally, I see this as a cop-out.  I've come across a few submissive men who use this line..."I would understand if you don't want to have sex with a submissive male...it's so below a Domme/Mistress/Goddess/insert favorite title here_____. "  I call it the "lowly worm syndrome"....the man has put the woman (actually, any woman who fits his image of the perfect domme) on such a high pedestal that he can't imagine her wanting to experience such a base and primal thing as sex...and with a man no less! 

Whether this comes from the prevailing femdom porn image so many men find attractive or if it comes from their feelings of inadequancy in all honesty it doesn't matter to me...I want a man who not only accepts but revels in my base and primal desires.  In fact, I know of few strong confidant women who would be willing or happy to settle for just playing the role of coquette with a man they are sexually attracted to without the flirting and teasing eventually reaching it's natural outcome. 

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ORIGINAL: CarrieO
OP, I'm wondering if sexuality is the word you meant to use. Maybe something more along the lines of feminine wiles. However...would that style of clever talking and tricks be considered dominant behavior or would it instead be passive-aggressive or manipulative?

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ORIGINAL: CarrieO
No-sex domination, in my opinion, is really no different from no-strings/session "service" as offered/sought by some subs....settling for a small portion of what full submission can be. While this may work for some women, it wouldn't work for me....I want the whole ball of wax!