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RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 6/11/2011 7:41:42 AM

Tantriqu

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tantriqu
Thanks for the thread, LadyC. A lot of excellent advice, which I hope will help clean out my new messages pile.

Ha, I doubt the people who spam will read it! But maybe some newbies will find it helpful...
I wish we could have Syl's text somewhere on the main page, not as recommended reading but as mandatory reading...

Le sigh! True that, too.
But where would we be without wishful thinking?

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RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 6/11/2011 9:21:47 AM

LadyConstanze

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LOL, you know considering that I just deleted roughly 10 emails since starting this thread, all with the typical mistakes (copy and paste or one handed typing), I think we're stuck with wishful thinking.

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RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 6/11/2011 9:36:10 AM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
Ha, I doubt the people who spam will read it! But maybe some newbies will find it helpful...

You're right about the first half of that. The percentage of crap mail that actually comes from folks who participate on the forums is so small that it's barely worth mentioning. Literally less than 1% and the only reason it even has to be brought up is because the number isn't an absolute zero.

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RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 6/11/2011 11:25:09 AM

SylvereApLeanan

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I posted it in my journal on the other side. Maybe a few people will read it but probably not enough to make a dent.

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RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 6/11/2011 3:04:16 PM

socio

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Perhaps someone should write a list of what HAS worked. I've sent a few mails trying to introduce myself to semi-local people that may fit well with me but with all this talk of morons emailing the ladies around here it makes a guy paranoid if the whole idea even works o.0

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RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 6/11/2011 4:40:32 PM

LadyHibiscus

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Truly, Socio, caring is half the battle! Be honest, dont mention kink, say somthing positive about yourself that makes you sound interesting, and say something REAL about who you are writing to!

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RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 6/11/2011 6:35:05 PM

SylvereApLeanan

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quote:

ORIGINAL: socio

Perhaps someone should write a list of what HAS worked. I've sent a few mails trying to introduce myself to semi-local people that may fit well with me but with all this talk of morons emailing the ladies around here it makes a guy paranoid if the whole idea even works o.0

You mean like this?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3057095/tm.htm

You know, if guys would just take the time to read the FAQ, a lot of the problems would be solved. FFS, how lazy does a person have to be not to make use of the resources provided? WTF, do we have to spoon feed it to you?

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RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 6/11/2011 11:43:07 PM

Tantriqu

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Yes, we owe it to honest newbies to lead them to the still waters of the FAQ and yea, even if we're not into infantilism to spoonfeed a bit, especially since the search function on this site sucks. And of course, we were all once of the vanilla cone tribe.

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RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 6/12/2011 3:45:30 AM

LadyConstanze

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Tantriqu, it can be frustrating, I can only imagine the work that went into the FAQ list and how frustrating it must be for the people who spend that work to get guys coming here and saying "I haven't found a thing, tell me all about how I can get a Mistress..." when they haven't even looked at the FAQ.

This site is not a guarantee, just like going out to a bar or a munch is not a guarantee that things will work out and you meet a partner, just because it's a kink site doesn't change the rules or odds.

Honestly, even in case I would be looking for a partner, I wouldn't do it on CM because I much rather deal with real people than reading emails of guys by the truckload who's ideas about BDSM come straight out of porn movies. The people I got on with best, we hardly talk about kink and if we do, it's part of a normal conversation, no heavy breathing involved (and I'm tolerant enough to allow Peon his little fantasy that he's my bitch and will carry my suitcase

) call me narrow minded, but the idea that you sign up here and fill out a profile or send a few emails and by magic the perfect leather or latex goddess will step out of your TV screen and fulfill all your kinky desires (while she cooks gourmet meals, gives you the perfect children and keeps the house clean - plus she holds down a job that enables her to buy all the kinky stuff you want her to use on you, it will also pay for her manis, pedis, personal trainer and all that, after all she should be nothing less but stunning) is quite a bit grating.

What grates even more is that if you do send a polite email back and explain why you aren't interested, maybe suggest a different approach and give a link to the forum post of how to approach women, you get a nasty email back. Done that a few times Friday and Saturday with guys where I thought not all hope is lost, I especially liked the "Screw you bitch, who do you think you are?" reply - who could resist a man with such good manners anyway?

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RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 6/12/2011 1:15:57 PM

LadyHibiscus

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Exactly, LC! Istopped trying to be helpful after the first "you're a fat cunt anyway" response. I don't even say "Yes, I'm the same fat cunt that you wrote to in the first place!"

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RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 6/12/2011 1:40:43 PM

LadyConstanze

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Hibby, it's puzzling, you try to help them out and they come back with an insult, I mean ffs, if I'm doing research and somebody points me in the right direction, the last thing I'd do is to tell insult them... Even if they don't want help, why on earth be a dick? Aren't they aware that women are so much better at networking than guys and they just *might* hit on a friend of the woman they insulted?

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RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 6/12/2011 2:17:58 PM

LadyHibiscus

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I really don't think so. IRL, one of my friends or I will be on a date, and the date will slag a pal! As if we all live in social seclusion and have no other femdom friends!

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RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 6/12/2011 2:22:34 PM

LadyConstanze

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Ooops yes, I forgot, of course we're all supposed to hate each other and never to talk with each other, errr, yeah... Another idea from that BDSM porn movie where the dommes all fight over the subbie guys...

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RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 6/12/2011 9:14:43 PM

morieta

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This is also fantastic advice for male Dom wannabes out there. Those of us who are not Dommes get the same stupid mails, and sometimes even from the same male subs. I sometimes think they see female and send, without ever reading a single word :(

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RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 6/12/2011 9:29:09 PM

chiaThePet

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That time of the month?

chia* (the pet)

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RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 6/13/2011 1:08:03 PM

MissAsylum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

Since we had so many questions about mails, maybe time to focus on something the guys should avoid, and after all this week has had a few examples of quite stupid mails...

- No cock or anus shots - Boys we REALLY don't want to see them with an introduction mail, it's automatic block and delete

- "Hi, I'm into <insert fetish>! Get back to me!" Yeah right, dream on

- Compliments about how nice the profile is when you obviously haven't even read it

- Bitching about pro dommes and how greedy they are, when all you want is to have your kink fulfilled... Seriously boys, an attitude of entitlement and bitching that pros (they do provide a service, why on earth should they not charge for it?) actually don't give you their time, experience and equipment for free, it's not going to do you any favours! If you don't want to see a pro domme, don't go and see one, those ladies aren't kidnapping you!

- "Hi, come and see me on cam!" Why would I want to watch a stranger masturbating on cam? You gotta be joking! Plus I don't take orders very well!

- "Hi, I know you aren't looking but I am and if you knew me, you'd change your mind!" Kudos for reading as far down the profile as "not looking" but thank you, being full of yourself doesn't make you more interesting...

Just a few things that crossed my mind this week... I'm sure the ladies here can add a whole bunch of things...

Yes to everything listed.

My own additions:

-I provide a sexual service, but I do NOT have sex with clients. I know this can't be said for all women who claim the "professional" title, but i am really tired of being asked for a blowjob or a handjob.

-If i say i have a submissive or slave, and i am not looking, then i have a submissive or slave and i am not looking.

-phrases like "please" and "thank you" will get you a long way.

- i have an actual life. 'nuff said.

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RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 10/19/2011 2:42:53 PM

MistressLilliana

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I know this is an older post but couldn't resist replying. I know some people have issues with older posts resurfacing but for this topic, I still don't think many people have got the clue.

- Do not insult me and then as if I have any friends I can introduce them to. Seriously?! If you're rude to me what makes you think (#1 I'll tell my friends about you (#2 that they'll like you since they are obviously MY friends and wouldn't appreciate you treating me like that.

- Don't send a message like: Here's a neat fantasy question for you..... I have no interest in replying.

- Like was said before, please READ my profile before responding. I may have put a lot of info up there but its for a reason. I know what I'm looking for and if you don't fit then please don't message me. There is such thing as compromising such as, I've never tried watersports and the thought doesn't turn me on but if my slave wants to try it, when I am ready I will because I'll never know if I do or don't like it if I never tried BUT if I specifically say in my profile that something is a MUST this means I will not negotiate. You will not change me or what I want or don't want. I'm the Mistress, thank you.

- If someone is looking for a slave (a live in situation, 24/7), please don't ask me to train you "part time" or just for scenes. I'm looking for a long term commitment, I'd think that was obvious.

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RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 10/19/2011 6:30:06 PM

searching4mysir

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quote:

ORIGINAL: morieta

This is also fantastic advice for male Dom wannabes out there. Those of us who are not Dommes get the same stupid mails, and sometimes even from the same male subs. I sometimes think they see female and send, without ever reading a single word :(

I know what you mean. I had a male "sub" email me "can I lick your pussy?" when my profile says I'm no longer searching and that I'm monogamous.

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RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 10/20/2011 1:18:27 AM

MistrixMsE

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

Stop watching porn. Seriously, porn movies are as real as Avatar and you have about as much chance of boning the blue alien chick as you do of finding that Mistress/Princess/Goddess of your one-handed fantasies.

Stop using the shotgun method of messaging. Randomly sending copy/paste messages to every woman with a photo within a certain age bracket and mile/kilometer radius does not work. However, it's a great way to trigger the spam filter.

Stop telling us what you want. We don't care. Tell us what you can bring to the table. We'll do the same. Once we get past the preliminaries and develop a friendship/relationship, we'll be much more interested in what you like.

Stop confusing sex with service. Bending over is only service if you're scrubbing the floor. Lying on your back is only service if you're working on the car.

Stop expecting us to help you cheat on your wife. If you can't talk to your wife about your submissive desires, go see a pro.

Stop expecting to get your freak on for free. Whether it's time and attention or cold, hard cash, you will pay. Decide which currency you prefer and get comfortable with it.

Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes!

If this is all about you, your interests & needs.. then you are a paid session.

If you are truly about ME & my interests, compatible on a human and kink level, have a tolerable or even better GOOD personality.. you MIGHT have a chance at personal service.

That is not a tit for tat trade. If you want to exchange service for a session... exchange it with an hourly tribute in your hand.

Follow through. Don't offer what you cant live up to. Read a profile & journal before you write... move past the photos.. consider the person.

Asking for a collar is not 'cheaper' way to play with a pro or lifestyle domme... as my collar I own all you own... you give me your paycheck and I give you your allowance... whatever i deem that to be. Thus the ownership part. This is why I do not collar lightly.... and why asking someone to collar you before you have had a conversation is a HUGE warning sign. (Nothing is creepier than someone begging you to collar them before you know their first name.. codependent much?)

Your preconceptions are probably wrong. Get over it.

If you get turned down, grow up, grow a pair and move on.

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RE: What to avoid when writing to a female D type... - 10/20/2011 7:15:51 AM

wolf223

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I will accept all kinky mail from any female but no one writes to me.
(sniffle sigh)

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