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Submissives Discovering Sadism - 6/16/2006 4:30:07 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		A few weeks ago, at a Calgary play party I had an experience that has opened the door to a new aspect of me.  Typically, when my Lord plays alandra I am very focused on him and the enjoyment he is receiving from the play.  This provides a lot of gratification for me; I get immense pleasure in watching him enjoy his sadistic nature.  At Calgary, I focused on what he was doing and what impact it was having on alandra.  It turned me on sexually watching her reactions to the pain.

In the past year and a half, I have discovered that I am a masochist.  This is the first time that I thought that I might enjoy being the one who inflicts the pain.  In the past I have wanted to learn to use certain toys, but that was more for educational purposes than because I thought I would get pleasure from it.  Now, well there are whole new aspects to consider, explore and enjoy.

For those who submit or who want to submit in your relationship and who are also sadistic, how did you discover you were sadistic; do you identify as a switch; do you also enjoy dominating others?  Basically, I know that I do not have to fit in a particular box because I am a slave in my relationship.  I would just really like to hear about other people’s experiences in discovering sadism while being submissive.  I would also like to hear from dominants that are/were in relationships with sadistic submissives.  I will probably ask more questions as I read the responses.

Knight’s kyra

p.s. I did a cursory search and found a thread started two years ago on the topic, so if others can be found I will appreciate seeing the links

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus
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RE: Submissives Discovering Sadism - 6/16/2006 6:08:16 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
how did you discover you were sadistic;

Same way you did- saw it, tried it out and went "Hmmmm this could be very cool for me"

quote:

do you identify as a switch; do you also enjoy dominating others? 

I didn't for a long time, but I do now.

quote:

  I will probably ask more questions as I read the responses.

Knight’s kyra

While it's ok for a bottom to be a "helper top" in a scene, specially at the request or assistance of their master, it's fairly un-scene-pc for a slave to actively seek out relationships as a sadist.  Most people have no idea what to do with a slave who also tops or is sadistic- it doesn't fit their boxes.

I had ALWAYS been curious about topping, but it wasn't until about 3 years ago with my previous owner that I was ENCOURAGED to experiment with it- and found that I really dug into it.  So experiment and see where it takes you.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Submissives Discovering Sadism - 6/16/2006 6:40:52 AM   
MistressTheaZ


Posts: 155
Joined: 7/17/2005
Status: offline 		Interesting thread. :)

I have always identified as a Dominant personality. Within sexuality, it came very naturally to Me, and I was drawn to inflicting pain - it gave Me great amusement along with the thrill. *chuckle*

When I ventured into BDSM, it was through TES, and then through apprenticeship at a Professional House. There, everyone begins as a submissive, then a switch, and finally graduates - if satisfactory - as a Mistress. Being a submissive did not come easily at all to Me, and most times turned into a pissing contest of sorts with Me intentionally encouraging ire within the Dominant. I still enjoyed pain Myself, but without the trust, (or interest, really), in a casual one-dimensional play partner, I had no intention of experiencing deep, true submission to anyone. Switching came slightly easier, but remained a pissing contest. I made sure retribution was sweet for whatever I was given.

Looking back on this, I think I have always identified as a sadomasochist, most definitely, but lacked the proper fit to feel comfortable enough or interested enough in cultivating this. More recently, I met someone special to whom I felt intrigued to bend My knee and switch with, and it's delicious. *wry grin* However, I still cannot see doing this with anyone else other than him.

~Thea

< Message edited by MistressTheaZ -- 6/16/2006 6:46:01 AM >

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RE: Submissives Discovering Sadism - 6/16/2006 8:19:31 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

how did you discover you were sadistic;

As anything, by seeing - interest is perked and then you try and find its incredibly stimulating.  So you just keep learning.
 
quote:

do you identify as a switch;

No.  I did consider it - but really do not feel comfortable with the label as it really isn't what I 'do'.  When I top, I do so only as an act of submission - but I still enjoy it.
 
quote:

do you also enjoy dominating others?

Not sure entirely how to answer this.  I don't see what I do as dominating as I am still not doing what is my decision, but his.  But I do enjoy the sensation of 'power'(which I can either seperate from dominance or entwine the two) - I enjoy the responsibility so - Yes I enjoy it.
 
I am constantly learning what sadism means to me, but I completely seperate it from being dominant.  I enjoy the reaction, I love the power - but there is no control in it for me - but there is responsibility.  I do not use sadism as a part of play - but its something that exists and is a tool.  I am submissive in personality and that is what and who I am.  Sadism doesn't make me dominant nor a switch.  I am just blessed I am able to grow with someone who understands and nurtures my learning curve.
 
Peace and Rapture
 


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

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RE: Submissives Discovering Sadism - 6/16/2006 10:59:08 AM   
wolffeathers


Posts: 315
Joined: 8/6/2005
From: Clearwater
Status: offline 		I started out in this lifestyle as a submissive masochist.  Then I was introduced to someone more submissive and painslutish then I.  I started topping her, and haven't looked back.

_____________________________

It's my way or the highway. Just happens that the highway is on my way.

~Master Wolf

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RE: Submissives Discovering Sadism - 6/16/2006 12:51:48 PM   
Submotive


Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline 		 i think any sadism on my part is more identifying with the sensations the receiver is experiencing. As a masochist i know just how damn good it feels to receive the pain and how it can be quite a turn on as well. Perhaps it's still my desire to give - lol - in that i want others to know how good it feels to have that much attention on you and feel that much sensation.

Although i have a strong personality with many dominant traits, my heart lies in submission. i could be trained to top and probably enjoy it. i don't consider that being a switch though because i tend to experience M/s and D/s as relating more to the emotional/psychic type of feelings than whether one likes to give or receive pain.

_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

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RE: Submissives Discovering Sadism - 6/16/2006 12:58:35 PM   
hizgeorgiapeach


Posts: 1672
Status: offline 		Personally, I've never considered masocism or sadism to have much (if anything at all) to do with personality preferences towards submission or dominance.
 
I (very) loosely identify as a submissive - at least that's the "role" I prefer in my personal relationships, if a specific dynamic is going to be employed.  I'm also a pain junkie.  I don't particularly consider myself a maso because I simply enjoy Pain - getting, giving, watching someone else get or give.  Much like a well laid buffet table, it's all tastey, and I see no reason whatsoever to deprive myself from putting a bit of each on my plate to enjoy. 
 
I don't consider myself a "switch" because I do not go back and forth from dominant to submissive role within any given relationship.  If I start the relationship as someone's submissive, I don't feel "right" about expecting to give Them orders even if they want me to.  If I start as their dominant, there's less than a snowball's chance in hades that I'm ever going to submit to them, simply because I already know that I'm capable of controling them.  I have never *yet* chosen to start a relationship as the dominant partner - though several people in my past have told me that I'd make a good one.  I will, however, gleefully take a paddle, flogger, crop, cane, or various other toys to my dominant partner if they instruct me to do so - in that situation,  I'm not dominating them, I'm being obedient to their desires while also feeding the sadist that dwells within.
 
As far as how I figured out that I was as much sadist as I am masochist - pretty much the same as everyone else who has responded - tried it, liked it, decided to try some more.  I still do not, however, identify either specific side of SM with either specific side of ds.

_____________________________

Rhi
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Essential Scentsations

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RE: Submissives Discovering Sadism - 6/16/2006 1:00:37 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		I discovered I liked to be sadistic  on ocasion the first time I got joy out of smacking some willing ass harder and harder each new swatt and them having apropriate reactions to it.

When idea's like zapping some poor roasted ass with an electric fly swatter thrills you, it's a good indication you're a tad bit sadistic.

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RE: Submissives Discovering Sadism - 6/16/2006 5:39:53 PM   
justasubguy


Posts: 5
Joined: 5/22/2005
Status: offline 		Before not too long ago, I used to think of myself as a masochistic submissive. There were a few reasons that I didn't try giving out the pain - firstly, I didn't have much experience with any of it at all, so I was nervous about it. Secondly, I enjoyed receiving it so much that I didn't bother to see how the other side felt.

And boy, now I know... After being in a relationship with a wonderful woman who helped me find the sadist in me, I can say I enjoy it almost as much as the other side. Luckily for me, she switched, so we took turns beating each other. It was quite fun. Personally, I still feel a bit inexperienced, and so I still feel that a role that leans more onto the submissive and masochistic sides of things is right for me, if only because I don't yet have the confidence to let loose the dominant and sadistic parts of my personality - although I know for a fact they are there. Right now, being a masochistic submissive is a comfortable role for me.

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RE: Submissives Discovering Sadism - 6/17/2006 9:25:46 AM   
justheather


Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you , kyra, for starting what for me is a very timely thread.

I guess in order to explore my relationship with sadism I would have to first accept the label "masochist", since for me the very limited moments of recognition Ive found in contemplating potentially sadistic leanings have been discovered through mindfully inhabiting my own masochism... rather like the turning of one's own tail around the front to touch one's own nose.

And Im not even comfortable with the label "masochist" yet. I used to orient myself toward masochism (and sadism) in a more stand-offish way, citing that while I wasnt really a masochist, I was in love with and submissive to an amazing sadist for whom inflicting emotional, psychological and physical pain brought a great deal of pleasure and satisfaction and, being that I was submissive to him, secondarily I was able to find (moreso as a product of the exchange and its implicit meaning between us) a great deal of pleasure in the act as well as in the idea of the act.

As you can imagine, this ongoing experience has evolved significantly as I have explored the relationship and my own submission. Like many others here (whom I thank for their openness in sharing their unique experiences....it's nice to feel understood) I began to notice somewhere along the way that it wasnt just my submitting to pain for his sake any longer, but rather my craving his infliction of pain upon me. I would not go so far as to say Im one of those people who consistently enjoys the actual sensation of the pain, but rather the secondary gains found there: the marks, the endorphin rush, the release, the expression of emotional, physical and spiritual connection to my partner...and then there are those elusive moments when I actually enjoy the slap, blow, pinch...

Im not sure if it's a result of this exploration/evolution that I stumbled upon the notion that I might enjoy "having someone to be the boss of and pull her hair and spank her and tell her she's been very very very naughty" but I have stubbed my toe on that notion a few times and am beginning to peripherally explore my own capacity to be sadistic...sticking my toe in the water, if you will.

My dominant suggested I post to this thread, seeing it as timely...I told him that I wasnt sure if wanting to "pull on a girl's hair and spank her and be the boss of her" etc etc made me a sadist.

He laughed.

I wonder if it's anything like the evolution of masochism...you start out doing it for different reasons than the reasons you eventually accept it as an integral part of who you are. Having a pretty convincing body of evidence to support my being particularly empathic, I can not rule out the possibility that I want to pull someone's hair and tell her she's been so very very bad because I enjoy that so much and part of me would be able to "feel her pain".

Regardless, I rather like the feeling of reaching my tail around to touch my nose.

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Submissives Discovering Sadism - 6/17/2006 9:32:09 AM   
impishlilhellcat


Posts: 4379
Joined: 3/26/2006
Status: offline 		I too have those tendancies kyra. I've talked them over with Him. I believe in the future He is going to be the one to train me and allow me to practice those tendancies. Right now I identify as submissive W/we are working on that transition to slave. Once I have been able to handle that transition then I will be allowed to explore my sadistic tendancies and essentially switch... If any of this makes sense.

_____________________________

Anyone who says they have only one life to live must not know how to read a book - Unknown

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RE: Submissives Discovering Sadism - 6/17/2006 2:49:31 PM   
SmokeyM


Posts: 120
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		I've always been told that some of the best Dominants was once a submissive and I do believe that. Myself I started out as a submissive with the intent on learning as much as possible. I do say myself as a Switch, however not many see my submissive side anymore. Perhaps quiet in nature with an attitude of I rather do it myself to make sure its done right, but that is just being anal about things. LOL
~ Smokey

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RE: Submissives Discovering Sadism - 6/18/2006 7:04:25 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		~fast reply

Thank you for all the responses.  I appreciate you sharing your thoughts with me. 

I half expected the thread to get hijacked with "if you're submissive then you can't be sadistic" and I am happy to see that it hasn't yet.  I know for me, I have no interest in being a dominant partner in a relationship.  But who knows what the future will bring.  I have an excellent top to start learning from and an eager girl who wants to bottom.  Who knows where it will all lead, but as long as the three of us are having fun that is all that matters.

LA - do you think it "un-scene-pc" for the master to have the slaves top him during a play party?  *g*  He keeps thinking about doing that just to mess with everyone's head.

justheather - welcome back to the boards

kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to SmokeyM)
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RE: Submissives Discovering Sadism - 6/18/2006 7:33:27 AM   
justheather


Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists


justheather - welcome back to the boards

kyra


Thank you. kyra. I am happy and grateful to be here.


(edited for punctuation...)

< Message edited by justheather -- 6/18/2006 7:37:18 AM >

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to kyraofMists)
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RE: Submissives Discovering Sadism - 6/18/2006 8:29:46 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
LA - do you think it "un-scene-pc" for the master to have the slaves top him during a play party?  *g*  He keeps thinking about doing that just to mess with everyone's head.
kyra

Let's just say that's a great way to do it, specially if you aren't giggling/acting cute about it and seriously topping him.

I've had people seriously confused just by having a person being handed to me on a leash AFTER being singletailed by someone else.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Submissives Discovering Sadism - 6/19/2006 5:39:53 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Kyra:
quote:

justheather - welcome back to the boards


Heather it's good to see you back!




_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

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RE: Submissives Discovering Sadism - 6/19/2006 11:30:48 AM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		I -just- began to realize that there's a pretty good chance I'm a sadist as well as a pain junky.'s a bit strange for me, because the idea of actually being in -charge- of hurting someone bothers me. However, I LOVE to watch someone being hurt, and I LOVE to "assist" so to speak. I'm more of a..emotional sadist...than an physical one, though. I like to watch someone embaressed and uncomfortable, and I like to add to that discomfort.

I don't want to be the one who creates all the discomfort, but I get huge satisfaction out of being the one handing toys and egging on the person doing the hurting, -and- having the person being hurt -know- that I'm egging on the top so that the bottom will be hurt/embaressed more.


_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

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RE: Submissives Discovering Sadism - 6/19/2006 2:15:18 PM   
trippingdaisy


Posts: 113
Joined: 6/3/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		While it's not something that i explore often, i do have a bit of a sadistic side.

What's interesting, is that i'm not all around sadistic...i don't enjoy inflicting any sort of pain on men. Women are different, however, and it's likely because i'm not actually enjoying the inflicting...but i'm enjoying hearing/seeing the reaction, and living vicariously.

Anyway! Great topic. :)

(in reply to kyraofMists)
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RE: Submissives Discovering Sadism - 6/19/2006 2:56:16 PM   
Taylore


Posts: 121
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		I have no desire to top another. Yet, I do have a very physically sadistic and primal streak within myself. It often comes out when Master and I play. I am lucky in the respect that Master encourages me to be so.

_____________________________

Taylore

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RE: Submissives Discovering Sadism - 6/19/2006 7:43:15 PM   
Sensualips


Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		Mine was the opposite, moving from a place where I knew I enjoyed the reaction of others to pain to wanting to experience it myself as a bottom.

(in reply to Taylore)
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