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am i out of line? - 3/9/2013 8:08:42 PM   
flight1


Posts: 4
Joined: 3/9/2013
Status: offline 		I recently became physically involved with a Dom I met on here. He has said he only wants to be with me and I explained I don't get physically involved unless I'm in a monogamous relationship. A few days ago he told me he is still talking to a previous slave. He didn't tell her about me. He said she is going through a difficult time and he will tell her just not now. Should I be upset....because I'm hurt, I feel like he is cheating on me. Am I wrong to expect him to break off communication with her?? I'm not a brat....just hurt and confused.
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RE: am i out of line? - 3/9/2013 8:13:25 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		So he told you he would be monogamous, and you feel that him "talking" to this other person is not being monogamous, right?

Well, since he can't "tell" her he is involved with someone, I consider it fishy, if they are only talking.

(in reply to flight1)
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RE: am i out of line? - 3/9/2013 8:17:04 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline 		Duplicate post!


(in reply to LafayetteLady)
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RE: am i out of line? - 3/9/2013 8:33:23 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Do you trust him? I mean, REALLY trust him. If not then you have bigger worries than this previous sub.

Master talks to other girls all the time. As long as he's not fucking them or being intimate with them, it doesn't bother me at all. And this is where the trust comes in. I trust him with with my entire life, so I trust him to not cheat on me either.

So answer the trust issue and you will have your answer to the situation.


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Everything has changed

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RE: am i out of line? - 3/9/2013 8:42:27 PM   
Toysinbabeland


Posts: 1693
Joined: 3/4/2012
From: the other end of Cx's leash
Status: offline 		Why would you trust a ” man” who is misleading a girl whom he had taken as a slave...
That's quite a bond to be broken in that way.

What he's done to her....you are next.
And it won't be as gentle.
Liars become hooked on the thrill, making it deeper with each enabler.

Good luck with that.

(in reply to littlewonder)
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RE: am i out of line? - 3/9/2013 8:46:33 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		What...what did he do to the former sub? Did I miss something? From what I've read, the Dom is just talking to a previous sub to help her through a rough spot. He just hasn't gotten around to telling this previous sub about this current sub is because he's been busy helping the previous sub through her rough spot. Besides, why does the previous sub need to know about the current one if he's not fucking or intimate with the previous sub? I'm sure there are people Master talks to that he never told about me. It's not a big deal. He's not out there screwing them.


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RE: am i out of line? - 3/9/2013 8:53:31 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		He isn't obligated to stop talking to friends. However, claiming he can't tell her he has entered a new relationship is a red flag in my book.
If she's just a friend, there would be no reason not to mention you and indeed, not to introduce the two of you.

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Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: am i out of line? - 3/9/2013 9:09:45 PM   
Toysinbabeland


Posts: 1693
Joined: 3/4/2012
From: the other end of Cx's leash
Status: offline 		Ok....What reason is worthy of hiding the new relationship then?

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: am i out of line? - 3/9/2013 9:51:05 PM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		I mean, in some ways I can kind of understand the "not telling her for now" thing - IF she really is in a rough spot, some people are super fragile when it comes to exes who have new partners. If she's feeling fragile and down on herself, the "i have something new" conversation might be difficult to have with her.

But... this isn't too far off from the "well i'm married, but we're separated and we're getting a divorce soon, just not now" thing. =p

How long have you known this perosn? How often do you talk? If it's a new relationship, it's possible that you're feeling antsy because of all the newness. To me, simple TALKING wouldn't constitute cheating. But no one can really tell you how to feel but yourself.

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"Obey your Master." Metallica


(in reply to Toysinbabeland)
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RE: am i out of line? - 3/9/2013 10:02:34 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Toysinbabeland

Ok....What reason is worthy of hiding the new relationship then?


I didn't see it as hiding. He just hasn't told her yet. Two different things. The former sub is having troubles. When I talk to my friends when they are having troubles, I don't talk about my own life. I talk about THEIR life because I'm a good friend like that. It's not about me. It's about my friends during the conversation.

The other day I was talking to a friend who is having troubles with her man cheating on her with 6 other women behind her back. The last thing on earth I was going to do was tell her how excited I am about my life and stuff that's happening in it. She needed someone to comfort her and give her advice in HER relationship, not mine.

Thus he did not mention the new sub because he's comforting the former sub and HER life, not his.

Plus, I don't tell everyone I talk to about Master. I just don't feel a need to since all we're doing is talking. I'm not fucking them. I'm not cheating.

_____________________________

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Everything has changed

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RE: am i out of line? - 3/10/2013 3:25:34 AM   
Thaz


Posts: 617
Joined: 4/28/2012
Status: offline 		I talk to several ladies I have been involved with previously on a regular basis. Doesnt mean I'm fucking them or their minds online.

Maybe I'm a sophist but I didnt really consider fucking someone as cheating if herself was aware I was doing it and given consent. Fucking someone else _in secret_ I considered cheating. I may not be comfortable with that anymore.

(in reply to littlewonder)
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RE: am i out of line? - 3/10/2013 6:02:21 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		One of the things I liked to check with prospective subs is how well they got along with their exes. If they had nothing to do with them and no good to say about them, I considered that a red flag because I'd likely be next.

I try to keep in touch with my exes. I thought enough of them to share part of my life with them, and I want to see them do well.

Recently, I ran across an ex and her new partner at a local event. I walked over and introduced myself. He and I sniped at each other and cheerfully insulted each other sporadically throughout the event. I was glad because it showed me that he had the kind of sense of humor that I think Andrea needs.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Thaz)
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RE: am i out of line? - 3/10/2013 6:55:09 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: flight1

I recently became physically involved with a Dom I met on here. He has said he only wants to be with me and I explained I don't get physically involved unless I'm in a monogamous relationship. A few days ago he told me he is still talking to a previous slave. He didn't tell her about me. He said she is going through a difficult time and he will tell her just not now. Should I be upset....because I'm hurt, I feel like he is cheating on me. Am I wrong to expect him to break off communication with her?? I'm not a brat....just hurt and confused.


You are insecure and don't trust him. That could be all your issues, or it could be he's only telling you part of the story. You have to decide whether you want the relationship enough to believe him to be the man you need him to be. Either he is or he isn't. You've got to remove your fears and insecurities enough to see the man he really is.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to flight1)
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RE: am i out of line? - 3/10/2013 9:49:53 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I didn't see it as hiding. He just hasn't told her yet. Two different things. The former sub is having troubles. When I talk to my friends when they are having troubles, I don't talk about my own life. I talk about THEIR life because I'm a good friend like that. It's not about me. It's about my friends during the conversation.


Exactly.

I'll also add:

1) You trust him enough to become involved in BDSM, but yet don't trust him to be honest?

2) Both posts seem very insecure and clingy.

3) I'm willing to bet the OP and her Dom have only been together a short time. I didn't go around announcing new relationships to my friends and family. That happened after we had been together a little while and we had a commitment.


< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 3/10/2013 10:05:52 AM >

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: am i out of line? - 3/10/2013 9:59:06 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		If I've been dating a woman for a couple weeks, I don't really see how it's anyone else's business. If it's been a couple months, and we're calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend, then other people have a right to know that I am identifying on some level as part of an item with her. How long has this situation been going on? Two or three rolls in the hay? That's what it sounds like. I'd still have more of a friend-connection with a happily platonic ex I had spent months with than the new lady I had spent a few nights with.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to OsideGirl)
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RE: am i out of line? - 3/10/2013 12:30:01 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Here is the thing, OP, now that I read this and your other thread.

You say you recently became physically involved with a Dom you met. Not sure how long you knew him before getting physical.

When you are into monogamy and you tell someone you will not get physical until you are in a committed relationship and then you DO; then you are contradicting yourself beause you did not stand firm on your value proposition.

Also, being physical with someone just a few times, does not ordinarily mean you are a couple.

Your expectation level should be commensurate with how long you have been with someone.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
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RE: am i out of line? - 3/10/2013 2:54:13 PM   
VideoAdminChi


Posts: 3086
Joined: 8/6/2012
Status: offline 		FR,

This thread duplicates the topic posted in Ask A Master so has been locked.

(in reply to flight1)
Profile   Post #: 17
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