RE: What are you willing to compromise ?

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littlewonder -> RE: What are you willing to compromise ? (1/22/2014 7:37:27 PM)
well now that you said he wanted you to rehome them so you could travel with him, I don't find his request all that unreasonable. I don't think he was saying "prove your love". He was saying "I'd like you to be able to travel with me" and you saying "I can't because I have cats that I am responsible for". It was simply an incompatibility issue and nothing more. It was something you just couldn't compromise about. I forced my daughter to take her cat with her when she left home because I didn't want to be tied down with having to take care of a cat and always having to bother other people to take care of it when I wanted to travel or do things.

SweetAnise -> RE: What are you willing to compromise ? (1/22/2014 7:49:51 PM)
To the OP I don't know if this has been said but I do believe that women tend to be more willing to compromise their expectations, beliefs, dreams, and their vision for a relationship. Now, I do know men do as well but I find mainly women do. I have been there and worn the t-shirt of compromising...I am not willing to compromise much anymore. But I am willing to have patience and to understand and get to know someone deeply. To see if they are worth me compromising as much they will compromise for me. That is just me.

sexyred1 -> RE: What are you willing to compromise ? (1/22/2014 8:23:26 PM)
Adding to your above point is that so many men ask me if I would relocate, never saying they would. I read lots of profiles where men say they want a woman to come to them, as if her life is not as important.

Greta75 -> RE: What are you willing to compromise ? (1/22/2014 8:38:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2 This is not what you said in your original post about your ex Dom wanting you to get rid of your cats. You didn't say anything about "rehoming" or needing to be available to travel. You said he wanted you to get rid of them to prove your love for him. This is what you said: When the conversation goes like, "You do not want to be with me, you rather be with your cats! You are the one who is throwing away our relationship!" It was all about proving how much I love him. And it's not like he didn't know I came with cats from day one. The sad thing is, my cats loved him too. Especially my eldest, ya know my eldest hated my x-husband but she loved my x-dom from day 1. It's ironic my x-husband changed from a cat hater to a cat lover but could not earn my eldest cat's love, but my x-dom just strolled into my apartment and my eldest cat was inlove with him at first sight. When someone says to you, "Get rid of your cats!" It obviously means rehoming! How else can you get rid of them in today's world? It's just one of those life annoying impossible situations.

Milesnmiles -> RE: What are you willing to compromise ? (1/22/2014 9:45:53 PM)
All of this reminds me of parable that Jesus used; Like a traveling merchant seeking fine pearls. Upon finding one pearl of high value, away he went and promptly sold all the things he had and bought it.

FieryOpal -> RE: What are you willing to compromise ? (1/22/2014 9:49:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SweetAnise To the OP I don't know if this has been said but I do believe that women tend to be more willing to compromise their expectations, beliefs, dreams, and their vision for a relationship. Now, I do know men do as well but I find mainly women do. I have been there and worn the t-shirt of compromising...I am not willing to compromise much anymore. But I am willing to have patience and to understand and get to know someone deeply. To see if they are worth me compromising as much they will compromise for me. That is just me. Been there, done that. At this stage of my life, I'm not willing to compromise anymore. It represents everything I permitted myself to "settle" for in the past, the unnecessary or unappreciated sacrifices I've made, and I'm done with that. I'll never say absolutely never to this. I could meet an incredibly exceptional man, but in the absence of that -- I'm not willing to make a single compromise. And this: quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 I would have moved away from that family member or make that family member eat antihistamine. I just treat [my cats] as if they were my human children and if someone develop an allergy to my human children, do as I would do if they were humans. Finding them another "good home" certainly not what people do with human children. Anyway, that's the depth of my love for them, I just need to find a man who understands that and doesn't feel threatened by it.

sunshinemiss -> RE: What are you willing to compromise ? (1/22/2014 10:45:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 Ijust treat them as if they were my human children and if someone develop an allergy to my human children, do as I would do if they were humans. Finding them another "good home" certainly not what people do with human children. Actually, a lot of people do that.

FieryOpal -> RE: What are you willing to compromise ? (1/22/2014 11:26:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FieryOpal I could meet an incredibly exceptional man, but in the absence of that -- I'm not willing to make a single compromise. Settling for less than "an incredibly exceptional" gentleman WOULD already have been a compromise. [&:]

Greta75 -> RE: What are you willing to compromise ? (1/23/2014 12:27:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FieryOpal Settling for less than "an incredibly exceptional" gentleman WOULD already have been a compromise. I guess in life, there is always the fear of never ever being able to meet the "incredibly exceptional" gentleman. I mean, I feel like looking for a life partner is not like working to buy something, or career goals. Those can be very systematic and if you stick to a plan, it's very achievable. But you cannot control or plan where the hell are you gonna find this person. You just hope you are lucky enough to bump into him some day, by socializing alot I guess, and meeting more people, but where he is, you don't know, it's really like digging for a needle in a haystack.

Blonderfluff -> RE: What are you willing to compromise ? (1/23/2014 1:13:39 AM)
It IS very like looking for that needle in a very large haystack. That is why I started this thread. I've met men where we looked great on paper. Perfect match. Nothing to compromise , because we both wanted largely the same things. But NO chemistry. No zing. No WAY exceptional. Then I have met men that look like very unlikely partners, but for some reason...zing. I guess what I am trying to delve into is, what is compromise going to feel like down the road, if the relationship, along with the man, is truly exceptional?

MariaB -> RE: What are you willing to compromise ? (1/23/2014 1:32:12 AM)
Haven't read back through the thread so don't know if this has already been said......... One thing I was never prepared to do was compromise my health. Being fully health screened was an important part of our initial set up. If he had, had HIV or one of the HEP viruses or even Herpes, I'm pretty sure I would of continued with him but I would be taking precautions to ensure my health wasn't also compromised.

Greta75 -> RE: What are you willing to compromise ? (1/23/2014 1:40:50 AM)
When I married my x-husband, I settled for "sexual imperfection", he was vanilla, so no bdsm or dom-like behaviour from him. But he was the perfect vanilla man, emotionally supportive, reasonable and I was content with him. But I felt unsatisfied in my sex life, I never mentioned it to him, instead, I tried to use the excuse of spicing up our sex life by introducing toys, some bdsm into it etc. All which kinda made him feel inadequate rather than excited. He always felt like he could not satisfy me. It kinda went down hill from there, I could not help it if my appetites were bigger than his. So I did compromise on my sex life, I was faithful to him, I self-pleasured when I feel dissatisfied, but I think he just sense it, the energy wasn't good, he didn't feel good, he knows he wasn't rocking my world, he can feel it even though I deny it. So okay that didn't work. BTW, it is in my experience that doms usually aren't very accommodating and reasonable, because they are doms because they enjoy a certain level of control, it's their kink, and that's the difference between vanillas and doms I feel. Or that's how I experience them. Then I met my x-dom, exciting, funny, makes me wet by just his presence, his sex drive rivals mine, his always horny and ready, I'm a total nympho, so it's very very rare for me to meet men that has a sex drive as high as mine, and he was truly that. On top of that, outside bedroom, we share the same sense of humour, have enough in common to enjoy each other's company outside of bdsm and sex. We love shopping together, cooking together, just cuddling infront of the TV together, very simple pleasures in life. His only fault is that, he was lacking in emotional sensitivity. He was no new age sensitive guy like my x-husband, he was just a manly man who can't deal with emotions, he doesn't understand what I'm upset about most of the time even when I try to explain, he still don't understand. Most of the time, I overlook it and try to see things from his point of view and let it go, but it was tiring to constantly be forgiving about it, and it was very hard, after 9 years with a husband who was such a understanding and sensitive man, to this completely "blockheaded person" when it comes to understanding what he did that hurt me emotionally. But he made up for it by showing how much he care about things that he understands, things that are tangible and he can see, like physical welfare, his 100% super sweet and obsess with it. So that was the compromise I made. But then he threw a difficult ultimatum which was a barrier I could not cross, so that didn't work. I don't think there is the "right" kind of compromise, or I have not discovered what it is so far. For two people to be together forever, elements just have to fit right. Even if all the compromises work out, that's seriously just complimentary characters together that compromises naturally on all the right things that keep things going. As I always feel, you can't control a relationship and how it will go, we're all dealing with volatile human beings that could change with time.

Blonderfluff -> RE: What are you willing to compromise ? (1/23/2014 1:45:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Milesnmiles All of this reminds me of parable that Jesus used; Like a traveling merchant seeking fine pearls. Upon finding one pearl of high value, away he went and promptly sold all the things he had and bought it. This is kinda brilliant. Great post!

DRAKE326 -> RE: What are you willing to compromise ? (1/23/2014 3:05:16 AM)
I thought I had the right person and compromised my very way of being to be with her. This was a vanilla relationship / marriage that lasted 26 years . Some compromise is a must in any relationship . But as I get older I find the list of things / compromises getting shorter . From personal experience life is too short to make big compromises . So specifically it would depend on the person whom I would get to know very well before making any decisions . I would give a lot if I actually found someone that could be my life partner .

Milesnmiles -> RE: What are you willing to compromise ? (1/23/2014 4:51:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Blonderfluff quote: ORIGINAL: Milesnmiles All of this reminds me of parable that Jesus used; Like a traveling merchant seeking fine pearls. Upon finding one pearl of high value, away he went and promptly sold all the things he had and bought it. This is kinda brilliant. Great post! Thanks, it just seemed like it would add to the dialog. ;-)

Milesnmiles -> RE: What are you willing to compromise ? (1/23/2014 5:04:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 ... BTW, it is in my experience that doms usually aren't very accommodating and reasonable, because they are doms because they enjoy a certain level of control, it's their kink, and that's the difference between vanillas and doms I feel. Or that's how I experience them. ... Yes, for some Doms control is the whole point but I would think that such Doms should realize that being "accommodating and reasonable", as long as the sub doesn't find out, would increase the control rather than lessen it. ;-)

ExiledTyrant -> RE: What are you willing to compromise ? (1/23/2014 1:37:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 Adding to your above point is that so many men ask me if I would relocate, never saying they would. I read lots of profiles where men say they want a woman to come to them, as if her life is not as important. I'd relocate, but it has to be comparable to the dark side, cuz they have cookies. Hmmm... Cookies and MILF, yum! Jus sayin Exiled

CreativeDominant -> RE: What are you willing to compromise ? (1/23/2014 1:50:56 PM)
What I have found is that compromise is never easy. In the two vanilla marriages I had, the whole issue of compromise became a matter of me giving in to their wants and desires and needs and insecurities. I've recounted my "Alan Alda" years on here before so won't go a lot into that. When I finally took the plunge into the D/s life almost 20 years ago, the one thing I decided was that compromises...if there were those to be made...would have to fit the definition of compromise. I give, she gives. She gives, I give. The percentage varied with the importance placed on what was on the table by the parties involved (me and her). I won't move...tis not that I don't care about the submissive's life or career but rather that for me, moving involves getting re-licensed elsewhere, building a practice, transporting my equipment to a new location, etc, etc. At my age, I am not about doing that again. Sexual wants? Parts of that list I could compromise on, parts of it I won't...and what determines that for me is just how important it is to me not only in terms of enjoyment but how I see it as a form (or not) of invoking D/s control into a/the situation. Intellectual stimulation? Won't give it up and won't be the only one responsible for interjecting it into a relationship. Affection? If you feel (or need for it to be) that the only time you can touch me or kiss me is with my permission, then that won't work. I need to be shown that I matter in your heart and that it can be shown without there being an order for it to be so. Can I compromise and make it something like "if I tell you to stop, then I mean stop" so that your need to be told to display affection is met? Yes. All of this I have noted are examples...things that could be this way or could go another way (since these are obvious roads in MY mind. Some of this may go along with others' thoughts but maybe not down the same road). Compromise depends...to my way of thinking and as the O.P. noted in the beginning...on the parties involved. But as someone else noted, I have reached a point in my life where I honestly feel that if I never have a long-term relationship again, I am fine with that. It can be lonely...no denying that...but I'm not having to change who I am or even modify it to an extent that I feel uncomfortable, just to have someone. I think I am a pretty great guy (handsome, charming, debonair)...a pretty good Dominant...but I can think that all I want and still be alone because every submissive I meet won't move either or wants to have kids or wants to be in a slave-type relationship or is married or on and on and on. I respect that in them but I do not have to be the one to twist myself in knots to meet their "non-compromises" just as they do not have to meet mine. Someone noted that having to compromise too much can mean that a couple should not be together and I will agree with that. But the definition of "too much" can only be decided by the parties involved. And I would go further to state that as long as it is compromise, appropriately negotiated, that may take a LOT to get there to "too much" as compared to "you do...but I won't".

tiggerspoohbear -> RE: What are you willing to compromise ? (1/23/2014 2:51:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant I'd relocate, but it has to be comparable to the dark side, cuz they have cookies. Hmmm... Cookies and MILF, yum! Jus sayin Exiled Okay, I'm not a MILF, but I've offered to send you chocolate cookies with M&Ms, at your request. They are however going to remain virtual cookies unless I know where to send them. I can't even post a pic of cookies because of this damned tablet! [8\|]

Spiritedsub2 -> RE: What are you willing to compromise ? (1/23/2014 4:07:20 PM)
It seems to me that it is in large part a function of our ages. When younger, we might be more willing, and more able, to relocate, change jobs, start over. When we are older we are often more likely to have jobs or professional practices not readily changed, own homes we don't want to leave, have long established ties we don't want to let go. Also, those of us who are older are often more keenly aware of the ephemeral nature of most relationships, and aren't as willing to compromise on the real assets of our lives for relationships that we know from experience may well not last.

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