Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

The Loving Dom


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> The Loving Dom Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
The Loving Dom - 8/16/2006 7:13:33 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		Hi All,
I read this and feel indeed this is the dynamic I want to share in my D/s relationships. I've often heard here in the boards a lot of people feel to love a sub is not only not necessary, but not preferred period.
 
For me to want to submit my whole being, all of my mind, spirit, will, and body to someone I need to feel loved.
If not, to me it's just playing with a friend.
Without the loving connection I just don't feel the same depth in my submission to a Dom. My gift to the Dom I serve has to be my whole world or not at all. I need to feel I am a loved, and important part of his world too. To really connect I have the desire to be able to reflect his love for me, back to him and feel the energy exchange I seek to be whole.
 
How many of you feel a M/s or D/s relationship works better without love? How many think love is an important ingredient in the dynamic you need for this type of relationship to work for you as I do?
 
On Love, and D/S
 
<deleted, replaced by link>
 
[Mod Note:  Please do not post copyrighted works here in their entirety, post a link to the material's source.]

< Message edited by ModeratorEleven -- 8/16/2006 2:16:43 PM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: The Loving Dom - 8/16/2006 7:18:12 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		For me, love has been very difficult to find in my life.  I don't know if it's my standards that are set too high or if love is really an elusive thing for me.  That being said, I need to feel a great deal of affection for the person I submit to.  And I need to feel that the person I'm submitting to values me and feels affection for me.  So, I don't think that love is a necessary ingredient.  I know though, that this will not be choosing the popular side.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: The Loving Dom - 8/16/2006 7:20:07 AM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline 		Love is not an entitlement.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: The Loving Dom - 8/16/2006 7:24:59 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

Love is not an entitlement.

You don't feel we are entitled to be loved?

(in reply to Homestead)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: The Loving Dom - 8/16/2006 7:34:55 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		We are not entitled to be loved. We may desire to be loved but we are not entitled to it.

If I am in an intimate relationship with someone, I also want to have a deep emotional attachment. To love them and feel that love is returned.

I do not NEED to be in a relationship, I do not need sex nor do I need BDSM play. Therefor for me to wait until I have all of the ingredients that please and fulfill me is not a problem.

There are many that feel they need play and/or sex regardless of a deep love connection. I do not view this as a bad thing or in any way less than my own needs/desires, just different.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: The Loving Dom - 8/16/2006 7:36:38 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: onestandingstill

quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

Love is not an entitlement.

You don't feel we are entitled to be loved?

No one is 'entitled' to be loved.
Love is a blessing.
 
Peace and Rapture


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: The Loving Dom - 8/16/2006 7:37:26 AM   
Yang4yin


Posts: 1677
Joined: 7/26/2006
From: NC (USA)
Status: offline 		Love, or at the very least, a strong emotional connection, makes any relationship better. Although I suppose it may happen someday, I've never even "played" without the connection.

(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: The Loving Dom - 8/16/2006 7:43:14 AM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline 		I need to feel understood and respected to have a connection.

Love is the icing on the cake-not the cake.

(in reply to Yang4yin)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: The Loving Dom - 8/16/2006 7:44:44 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		These topics all deal with the issue of love and authority dynamics:
http://www.collarchat.com/m_499831/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#499881
Don't fall in love with your dom

http://www.collarchat.com/m_477568/mpage_3/key_love/tm.htm#484997
How common is it to fall in love with a submissive or dominant?

http://www.collarchat.com/tm.asp?m=423736&mpage=1&key=love&#423879
Love and Ms

http://www.collarchat.com/m_282567/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#282615
submissive/slave romantic love

http://www.collarchat.com/m_269031/mpage_1/key_love%252Csubmission/tm.htm#269120
Falling in love with Mistress

http://www.collarchat.com/m_248492/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#248492
true love in a relationship

http://www.collarchat.com/m_236486/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#236486
balancing commitment and love

http://www.collarchat.com/m_199915/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#199915
love in bdsm

http://www.collarchat.com/m_166085/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#166085
love and D/s

http://www.collarchat.com/m_65043/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#65043
love and bdsm (the unfettered heart)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_150281/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#150281
Is it normal to fall in love with your dom during training?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_125880/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#125880
not allowed to love him, what do I do?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_119832/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#119832
being owned or being loved

http://www.collarchat.com/m_97124/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#97124
subs/masochists and love

http://www.collarchat.com/m_31285/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#31285
can love get in the way?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_14998/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#14998
love in d/s

http://www.collarchat.com/m_2491/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#2491
is love important in a relationship?


_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: The Loving Dom - 8/16/2006 7:47:17 AM   
Chaingang


Posts: 1727
Joined: 10/24/2005
Status: offline 		Love is overrated. Hugely.

I'd rather get my daily needs met. I expect that if a relationship lasts long enough some type of mutual affection is more than likely, so I don't worry the "love" issue. If it comes, it comes - if not I am still getting what I want anyway, love or no love. In terms of past lessons learned I have certainly been in love and not gotten what I wanted from a relationship. So now I work it in reverse.

Love is like a madness, and I don't really care for that level of emotional restraint. Love is a mug's game.

What you need to do is love yourself. It's not impossible that "love" is enjoying how we feel about and in ourselves in relation to another. What if you could carry that feeling around with you always? Love yourself in relation to yourself - then, liking yourself in relation to someone else is just an extra.

_____________________________

"Everything flows, nothing stands still." (Πάντα ῥεῖ καὶ οὐδὲν μένει) - Heraclitus

(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: The Loving Dom - 8/16/2006 7:48:49 AM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: onestandingstill



For me to want to submit my whole being, all of my mind, spirit, will, and body to someone I need to feel loved.
If not, to me it's just playing with a friend.


This is true for me as well.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: The Loving Dom - 8/16/2006 7:51:46 AM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chaingang

Love is overrated. Hugely.

I'd rather get my daily needs met. I expect that if a relationship lasts long enough some type of mutual affection is more than likely, so I don't worry the "love" issue. If it comes, it comes - if not I am still getting what I want anyway, love or no love. In terms of past lessons learned I have certainly been in love and not gotten what I wanted from a relationship. So now I work it in reverse.

Love is like a madness, and I don't really care for that level of emotional restraint. Love is a mug's game.

What you need to do is love yourself. It's not impossible that "love" is enjoying how we feel about and in ourselves in relation to another. What if you could carry that feeling around with you always? Love yourself in relation to yourself - then, liking yourself in relation to someone else is just an extra.


Nodding, affection is a good thing. Something that twists my ability to distance myself, and see the big picture is psychotic.

(in reply to Chaingang)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: The Loving Dom - 8/16/2006 7:58:12 AM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline 		 
Yup, me too twice! 
 
And..... I think that Lord HamiltonZ person nailed it! 

(in reply to twicehappy)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: The Loving Dom - 8/16/2006 7:59:06 AM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		I have had sex for fun, and sex with someone I loved.  Both were good, though fulfilling in different ways.  The same goes for "playing", both ways are good, but different.

This does not mean I was void of feelings for them, but I certainly had not fallen in love with them, nor they with me.  I can have an affection for someone and still find a lot of pleasure in the experience.  Love is nice, it's wonderful, but it's not required for me to enjoy myself.  The best sexual experience I have had, was with a one night-stand, but the best "play" experiece was with a Dom I loved.  Now, I hold bad feelings for the Dom, but the other I hold in a nice happy place always. 

If you expect love from others, you will be let down.  You put that person in a box of what they should feel and then obligation comes in.  Sometimes, it's just nice to "be", to just enjoy the moment and what comes with it.

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to Chaingang)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: The Loving Dom - 8/16/2006 12:53:34 PM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee


Yup, me too twice! 
 
And..... I think that Lord HamiltonZ person nailed it! 


He is known on here as EvilGeoff. LordHamiltonZ was his old lifestyle personna.

(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: The Loving Dom - 8/16/2006 12:56:39 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: onestandingstill

How many of you feel a M/s or D/s relationship works better without love? How many think love is an important ingredient in the dynamic you need for this type of relationship to work for you as I do?
 


Some may say Love is a hiderance to the dynamic.  But, for me... I would say that Love is a fundamental aspect of my M/s Relationships.   I couldn't imagine myself having this type of relationship without Love being apart of it.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: The Loving Dom - 8/16/2006 1:00:36 PM   
behindmirrors


Posts: 340
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline 		I was in love with the man who is now my Dom before he was my Dom and I became his submissive. I don't think I could have submitted to him if that love was not there- not because I am not inclined to do so, but because it took time to fall in love, and time to trust him as completely as I do. If that had not been established- the connection and trust- I don't think I could have started down this road, as much as I had fantasized about it. I needed that to be in place so that I would feel safe giving myself to him.

behindmirrors.

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: The Loving Dom - 8/16/2006 1:02:52 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: onestandingstill


How many of you feel a M/s or D/s relationship works better without love? How many think love is an important ingredient in the dynamic you need for this type of relationship to work for you as I do?


This is something I've finally had to accept in the last year. Now that I know what it's like to love my dom, and know how deeply and ongoing that dynamic is with or without chains and spankings, I'm no longer happy submitting to my casual playmates.

I still enjoy S/m play, and a little kinky sex, with my casual playmates, but only to a light degree. I can playfully submit to them in small ways for the duration of a scene, but outside of that it's now understood that they have no hope in getting a deeper submission from me.

I find this a bit frustrating, and occasionally I try to fight it, but the reality is that submission is how I show love, affection, and loyalty in my realtionships. It's not going to happen with my playmates, even if I wish it would.

So, while I support those who wish to have a love-less D/s dynamic, I know it's not for me.

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 18
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> The Loving Dom Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.076