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LuckyAlbatross -> Trichitillomania (10/12/2006 9:15:27 AM)
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'>http://health.msn.com/centers/mentalhealth/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100146393>1=8673">
The Secret Life of “Pullers”
Most of you know by now that I am moderately OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). Growing up I had one of the most common symptoms- trichitillomania, or hair pulling/eating. I wanted to post this to make people more aware of the issue and perhaps be more open to discussing it.
Not to mention, growing hair long is a common obsession for female subs.
I grew my hair out long for the first time starting when I was 12. It was definitely a Samson/control issue- I put power into my hair. I was in control of my hair and no one was going to cut it. Looking back now it was likely related to my grandmother dying around that time from cancer as she was the one who doted on me and took me to get my hair cut regularly growing up. Once she was gone, I couldn’t stand anyone else taking me or being in such a scary situation as telling an adult stranger how to cut my hair.
I’m a lucky kid when it comes to hair- always had thick dark hair. I had never been able to let it grow out long before and had the shock of my life when it started to come out curly! As it grew longer and heavier, the curls changed to waves. My hair looked good on me at pretty much any length.
So I let it grow, resisting every attempt my mother made to take me to get it cut. My hair grows fast as well. Since I was 12, I’ve cut my hair back to chin length and had it grow nearly to my ass 4 times.
Around the age of 12 was also when I learned the joys of hair pulling. My first awareness of it was standing next to a brick wall and feeling all the little pits in the brick snag onto the strands of my hair- it would pull a hundred of them at a time, like waves, and then release. I would sway back and forth against the wall, feeling the pressure rise and fall.
I played with my hair, and when I could get away with it, I sucked on my hair. It just tasted good to me, and it was comforting. One night I deliberately pulled a hair from behind my ear- SLOWLY exerting pressure until it slipped out delicately. I examined it closely- fascinated by the shaft of the follicle on the end, knowing it was now out of my body.
I fell in love with that prick of pressure. I obsessively pulled out hair after hair in about a 2 inch section behind my ear. It was amazing how smooth that skin was- I’d never felt that area without hair before. Over the next month it grew back and I could feel it prickly and short, running my hands over it again and again, like you would to a piece of lush velvet.
Like most trichs, we pick a place where the hair won’t be missing- it was on the edge of my hairline and behind the ear no one would notice. While I would continue to pick a few strands of hair a day, that was the only time and place I allowed myself to really delve into the compulsion.
There was only one time that my hair issues was noticed. Two years later was my junior prom and I was getting my hair done up. The hairdresser noticed this large chunk of hair at my ear was a lot curlier and shorter than the rest of my hair and it made it difficult to incorporate into the rest of the style. I was already uncomfortable and just played dumb. I doubt anyone thought anything more of it.
By the end of high school I was over my hair issues. I realized that by not getting my hair cut regularly, it was a complete mess and I couldn’t do anything with it. Hair needs to be trimmed and maintained in order to look and keep healthy. I didn’t like taking a half hour just to wash it and then a full day to dry. I started to care about how I looked and was perceived.
I still love pulling hair. Eyebrows, eyelashes, split ends. I’m never going to lose that fascination and exquisite pleasure at feeling the pressure release and having this piece of myself in my hand. But it’s not a necessity anymore, it’s something I control, and it’s not anything anyone would notice unless I told them.
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