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RE: "Why doesn't anybody want me" kind of thread - 4/25/2005 7:44:48 PM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

And I did ask you one, but you ignored me completely.

You aren't the only one, so don't worry ;)

- LA

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 4/25/2005 7:45:28 PM >

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RE: "Why doesn't anybody want me" kind of thread - 4/25/2005 7:54:11 PM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
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People have a right to judge you. It's their perception of you and all they have to go on is a picture, an e-mail, and a profile. Make it count.

As far as being here to meet people...I'm not here *specifically* for that. I am enjoying the forums at this point. If I found someone on here that I would really really want to meet up with then maybe I'd consider it.

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RE: Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/25/2005 8:12:17 PM

ProScatman

Posts: 167
Joined: 5/28/2004
From: Ohio
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Everyone here has a "Label", and they have engineered them with much thought. Do you realize how many Domm'es, and Mistresses there are here? I know here in Ohio there are only 24 slaves on the site! Be cool , and when you see a profile you are interested in--read it several times. Whoever it is will think you are interested enough to take the time to learn as much as you could with Her/his profile. It shows respect. I spend as much time here on the forums to learn. Above all, have patience and be polite. From my own experience here I have learned to appreciate others; even when we dissagree! There are those Domme's here that get their mailboxes stuffed everyday. They have to try and sort out the maybe's from the I don't think so's. In DVNC, Mike

quote:

ORIGINAL: ocslave4u

i think this is the best site to meet like minded people but it has been my experience that people are quick to judge a person on one e-mail or a picture on their profile. i am sub male and i do not like to be labeled and i try my best not put labels on people because it so much more then that. Because i am looking for a dominant woman i can only speak about my experiences with the dominant woman who have been on this site and are currently on this site. i have e-mailed many dominant women on this site that i felt that we had some common interests based on our profiles. After all that is all we have to go on at this point.
It amazes me how someone can make a snap decision based on one e-mail. Aren't we all looking for the same thing? Lets take the time and yes make alittle effort to treat each other with respect. Discuss among yourselves. Good Day!

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RE: Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/25/2005 8:53:02 PM

kc692

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I'm impressed, LA. Like your thoughtful questions.....

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RE: Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/25/2005 9:04:23 PM

kc692

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Joined: 3/24/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ocslave4u

I find random friendships great and I have made some great friends. The way I look at it is someone took time read my profile and send me an e-mail. i will take a minute to reply back. Yes, I am looking for a woman who enjoys the lifestyle and she tends to top or is Domme or sadist and we have some common interests and take it from there.

Suprise not everyone is like you (say you are) and takes the time to read our profile before emailing us. And, as has been said previously, our time is valuable. I will tell you, since I don't think you realize this, but if you were to ask any Domme on this forum, how many emails she gets in a week, then you might understand why we do not respond to everyone. As it is, truthfully, why should we be obligated to?

I also must tell you, part of the problem might lie in the fact that you seem to make sweeping generalizations about the very group that you are supposedly trying to get to know better. You make remarks about us that are not the nicest in the world, but you want us to pay you special attention??

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RE: Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/26/2005 4:38:04 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692
I'm impressed, LA. Like your thoughtful questions.....

Why thank you KC, may I call you that? It's awfully kind of you to say so.

Now perhaps the OP will relish in the fact that some people are finally asking him questions and he'll answer them! Isn't this what he wanted? He should feel fortunate because it's so rare I give a boy what he wants! <weg>

- LA

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RE: Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/26/2005 7:05:18 AM

MaitresseEden

Posts: 477
Joined: 8/8/2004
From: Houston, Texas
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La asked how we filter out email; this is how I do it:

step 1: I read the email. is it well well written? Did the sender take the time to compose any original well thought out email? if yes to both I move to step 2:

2. Is the sender within my listed criteria on my profile, if not did he bother to explain why he feels I should compromise my criteria and make an exception for him. (I list thisin my profile).

3. Do he answer the specific questions in my profile? and is his profile complete?

The funny thing is.. so many rarely make it past step 1. I get oddles of poorly written one liners, that say the equivalent of "do me" and just as many form letters. Many are in obvious conflict with things stated in my profile. I even have in my profile for them to read the thread on impressing a mistress.. Something I think we should rewrite with a few revisions and start a new thread on. Personally, I think it should be mandatory reading for all, regardless of thier orientation. Effective communication is a becoming lost in todays society.

Ms. Eden

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RE: Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/26/2005 7:16:37 AM

kc692

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692
I'm impressed, LA. Like your thoughtful questions.....

Why thank you KC, may I call you that? It's awfully kind of you to say so.

Now perhaps the OP will relish in the fact that some people are finally asking him questions and he'll answer them! Isn't this what he wanted? He should feel fortunate because it's so rare I give a boy what he wants! <weg>

- LA

Thank you LA, I have to stray a little from the subject matter and tell you I am impressed with the thoughtfulness that goes into all of your posts, and quite a few have made me stop to think. It is rare these days to find this in the general public, (although there seems to be a quite a few on this forum that devote the same).

Now, back to the OP. I can't help but notice that although he has asked for questions, he is strangely reticent about answering them...

And, last, yes, you may call me that, and over time, I hope to get to know you and some of the others on this forum much better.....<weg>

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RE: Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/26/2005 7:17:53 AM

kc692

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692
I'm impressed, LA. Like your thoughtful questions.....

Why thank you KC, may I call you that? It's awfully kind of you to say so.

Now perhaps the OP will relish in the fact that some people are finally asking him questions and he'll answer them! Isn't this what he wanted? He should feel fortunate because it's so rare I give a boy what he wants! <weg>

- LA

By the way, LMAO,,,,,he doesn't know how lucky he is, does he, with all this attention????

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RE: Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/26/2005 7:43:13 AM

goodhouseboy

Posts: 23
Joined: 4/19/2005
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quote:

Making a quick judgement is not disrespectful. [/quote
==

you are of course entitled to your feelings,,,and i will not take that away from you...
but i agree with oclsave...
i feel there are far too many people on the net that make snap decisions over something someone said...seems to me it was supposed to be--a lifestyle of tolerance, warmth, accepting and i do not see that often enough.
i see far too many people hiding behind screens and making judgements on those they do not even know.
this is the u.s.a. where "I" am and the rights of the people are to be protected...freedom of speech, freedom of the press without oppression....and slander...
yet i see far too much of it in my eyes...it is not right!
i am one that i allow anyone to state-their-case...and ask them why they feel that way but never tell them they are wrong UNLESS they falsely accuse me of doing or saying something i did not. just because someone does not understand me does not give them the right to judge me. especially when they have not walked in my shoes.
but then,..it is sad to see how our society has been downgraded and made less than it once was.
i abhore social injustice and evil deeds done to man by other men...
it is remarkable i am judged often to be less-than acceptable when i did my time for my country overseas...i paid my debt to society,,yet there are those walking around with their nose in the air acting like i am not as human as they are?
when you are doing 6 feet by 6 feet by 3 feet...when are you any better than your neighbors?
then why can we not all get along now before we do that last position? i detest war..i detest people acting almighty when they are not!

my 3 cents...
ocslave? do your thing and be yourself..it says on the medal of Honor...taken from a poet...
"to thine own self be true"...i personally stand behind you...!!!

houseboy

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RE: Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/26/2005 8:59:04 AM

Padriag

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ocslave4u

i think this is the best site to meet like minded people

I've found that to be my experience here as well.

quote:

but it has been my experience that people are quick to judge a person on one e-mail or a picture on their profile.

That happens, sometimes it is fair, sometimes it is not. If I get an email from someone that has only "Hello" in it, that doesn't give me much to reply too. When someone says so litle, it makes me have to work to come up with a reply, most people won't bother with it if its that much trouble. I've wondered if I ought to post an essay on letter writing, it seems to be such a lost art. The short version of which is this, when writing a letter to someone stop thinking about what you want and think instead about what they want to hear about you. That applies to everyone, dominant or submissive. Give them some interesting things to reply to, choose topics you would like to discuss, offer up some potential common ground. Same thing in your profile, don't talk just about what you want, what do you offer? And who are you as a person besides the kinky side?

quote:

i am sub male and i do not like to be labeled and i try my best not put labels on people because it so much more then that. Because i am looking for a dominant woman i can only speak about my experiences with the dominant woman who have been on this site and are currently on this site. i have e-mailed many dominant women on this site that i felt that we had some common interests based on our profiles. After all that is all we have to go on at this point.
It amazes me how someone can make a snap decision based on one e-mail. Aren't we all looking for the same thing? Lets take the time and yes make alittle effort to treat each other with respect. Discuss among yourselves. Good Day!

First, if you have repeatedly had that much trouble, keep in mind the one certain common denominator is you. I do this myself, if I find that the same sort of thing keeps going wrong in my relationships. The first person I look at for the problem is myself. In some cases its been nothing more than me choosing the wrong type of girl (damsels in distress has been a problem for me, I'm very compassionate and have tended to get involved with girls who already had problems that later overwhelmed the relationship, this is something about myself I'm having to correct). If your emails are not getting the response you want, take a look at them, look for patterns of expression in them that may be turning off a potential domme. Perhaps have a domme friend analyze a typical letter from you and give you advice about where you are going wrong in how you present yourself. Same with your profile, if it isn't getting the response you want, can you improve it?

I came to CM looking mainly for chat. I have been quite surprised at the number of responses my profile has gotten from a variety of women. Its been very flattering (and btw, thank you to everyone who has written me, I really have enjoyed all the kind emails). Some of those emails have been in response to the profile itself, others have been from people I met in the chat rooms, and still others in response to my posts here in the forums. The point of which is that CM offers all of us many ways to make contact and to "present" ourselves. Being socialable in the forums and chat rooms makes its own impression, its also another opportunity to express yourself and share a bit of your personality and who you are. That will draw people as well, or turn them away, depending on how you present yourself (reason #93 in Pad's book of why Etiquette is important). The old advice about friendship is true, if you want to make friends, be a friend.

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RE: Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/26/2005 3:23:41 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
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quote:

I even have in my profile for them to read the thread on impressing a mistress.. Something I think we should rewrite with a few revisions and start a new thread on. Personally, I think it should be mandatory reading for all, regardless of thier orientation. Effective communication is a becoming lost in todays society.

Eden,

Unfortunately, those who read our tutorial on how to approach a mistress are usually the ones who already do it pretty well and want to polish their communication skills, or those who genuinely want to change.

I think the wankers get a kick out of sending us "do me" messages. I just don't give them the pleasure of getting a reaction out of me anymore.

- LA

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RE: Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/26/2005 3:26:55 PM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692
Thank you LA, I have to stray a little from the subject matter and tell you I am impressed with the thoughtfulness that goes into all of your posts, and quite a few have made me stop to think. It is rare these days to find this in the general public, (although there seems to be a quite a few on this forum that devote the same).

Thank you. Your kind words are much appreciated. I have to say that this milieu is quite inspiring to be honest. The contributors here post great questions to make one reflect.

I have to say I'm impressed with what I have read from you as well.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692
Now, back to the OP. I can't help but notice that although he has asked for questions, he is strangely reticent about answering them...

Uh huh.

- LA

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RE: Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/26/2005 3:28:38 PM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

I even have in my profile for them to read the thread on impressing a mistress.. Something I think we should rewrite with a few revisions and start a new thread on. Personally, I think it should be mandatory reading for all, regardless of thier orientation. Effective communication is a becoming lost in todays society.

Eden,

Unfortunately, those who read our tutorial on how to approach a mistress are usually the ones who already do it pretty well and want to polish their communication skills, or those who genuinely want to change.

I think the wankers get a kick out of sending us "do me" messages. I just don't give them the pleasure of getting a reaction out of me anymore.

- LA

Yes, I believe there are some sub men that actually contact femdoms as a masturbation enhancement. Just like the ones that call up a pro femdom, book an appointment and don't show up. They are getting turned on simply by composing a letter to a potential femdom and imagining she's reading it.

These are the same guys that continually call every woman in a chatroom "Mistress" and do the "You/i" thing even if you tell them it's not necessary. They are doing it because it's a turn on -- they don't want to stop.

That's why the emails that stand apart as clearly not "in submissive mode" tend to stand out. An email that just sounds like a man contacting me who has some similiar interests. He doesn't start out calling me "Mistress," he doesn't "kneel and humbly thank" me for reading his email and he doesn't refer to himself in the third person.

That's just my preference, though.

Akasha

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RE: Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/26/2005 9:56:04 PM

BeachMystress

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I have personally met about 20 people from this site and chatted/traded mail with close to 100 others.While I don't judge someone on their photos, I do judge them by what they write. How you write is the main way of presenting yourself online. You are always best to double check and proof read the letters. A lot of thought should go into a first contact letter. When you're going out on a blind date or going somewhere you expect there will be single women, you take time on your appearance. Taking time with your writing is the same as that.

Even if you take time with what you write, there may be something that says to the Domme that you are not the type of person she is looking to have in her life. You may have something in either your profile or your letter that is a deal breaker. The simple fact that someone was a smoker was always the end of talk with me. Also any sub who wanted to engage in any type of toilet play was history. I learned the hard way that toilet play subs tend to not take no for an answer, but whine forever about you doing it to them if you take them on. Yuck. When there is something so fundamentally mismatched, why waste each others time? It doesn't matter if you're an awesome person other wise. You're not what she wants.

You mention liking the places where people play. Going to dungeons or events doesn't equate with getting to know people. You may meet a few people but for the most part, people are there to participate or observe. To get to know each other, join a munch group and show up to it. To the best of my knowledge, Club FEm is the only current Domme/ male sub only munch around. There are some good pansexual munches around also, but with few Domme attending. BTW, Domme who are Lifestyle only (never Pro) are very rare. Out of the thirty or so Domme I know, only 5 are just Lifestyle and I'm expecting one of those to go Pro. A lot of the Domme I see on here locally I know are women who haven't made the jump yet and have yet to have a sub (I like chatting with local Domme and tend to approach them) or ones that are hoping to get money from men. When you go to a munch instead of meeting people online, you at least know that the people are serious enough about their interest to be actively doing something about it

Now, I'm going to mention a couple of things that would have kept me from being interested in you when I was single.. You didn't proof read your profile. There are a lot of simple errors. You sound pretty bitter in several places. Your statement about guarding your submissive side is off putting. I can't put my finger on why that one is bad, because I believe submission should be given carefully but if I were looking, it would have made me move on.

Positive about your profile.. mentioning that you are actually interested in getting to know someone before getting involved in submitting (too many subs are looking to just bend over for anyone. . distasteful. Makes the Domme feel about as special as a can of soda. When you're thirsty, any one will do.)

Overall, if I were you I'd revamp my profile to talk a bit more about what you want, what experience you have and what you have to offer a Domme. Devote a short paragraph to your philosophy of Dominance (submission is a gift, communication is key.. that type of stuff) but don't go overboard. You want it to convey a lot of information without needing the person to read for 15 mins. The first couple of sentences are critical. You need to catch their attention if you want them to read it at all.

Your best bet would be to start attending a couple of the local munches and make friends. You may want to talk with either spike or my sub (subgreg) about how they actually got started going to munches, as both made that leap on their own locally.

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RE: Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/26/2005 9:58:33 PM

BeachMystress

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Oh yes, I'd meant to give you links to local orgs.. I have them posted at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Beachs_Dominion/links/Southern_California__001086584241/

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RE: Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/26/2005 11:00:54 PM

Kinkypupper

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VERY true. people tend to be "instant" everything anymore.
Instant judgements, instant gratification.
How many good "matches" are not made because of a misspelled word or the wrong pronunciation. or just a single picture that rubs someone the wrong way.

The only hope is to be yourself, be honest and let things happen as they will anyway.

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RE: Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/27/2005 2:59:53 AM

MsMacComb

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Sure I'm here to meet people. The thing is I have enough men in my life. Bisexual women, maybe a kinky lesbian or two, lets go. I also enjoy intelligent conversation and sharing in certain aspects of others lives. I dont write "porn" no have much desire to read it. So for some of us, the parameters of who and what type of people we wish to chat or talk in private with are narrow. That should not dissuade others from trying to meet the type that are interested in them. I would however mention that if a womans profle mentions seeking a lesbian, men should not get their panties in a twist if she doesnt reply to their message. A little common sense and courtesy can should be used. (Not implying you would or have done that.) :)

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RE: Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/27/2005 9:51:44 AM

goodhouseboy

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quote:

The only hope is to be yourself, be honest and let things happen as they will anyway.

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Phil Moulton
Able Office Machines
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Portland Oregon

thank you thank you

i am always trying to, be myself. i may indeed be a bit rough on the edges...but there is one thing about me..that never wavers..
once i call you friend..once i accept you into my circle of my lil world...i am always on-your-side.
thanks
houseboy

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RE: Do people really want to meet on this site? - 4/27/2005 1:23:12 PM

kc692

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Ocslave4u, I know you were trying to yank our chain and get us going, but, brave enough to answer our questions or not?

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