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Bearlee -> RE: Training to R/T? (5/8/2007 9:06:53 AM)
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ORIGINAL: grlneedstolearn
… i'm sure the answer to this is yes, but was still curious to it.
Why did you believe the answer would be yes? I’m very curious about that.
1. Have any of you been with a Dom who has trained you to become more of a submissive/slave and once both parties agree, you go and find your own Master to own and love you?
No…I have never had a ‘trainer’; nor would I want one.
2. Or did you just want to immediately find the one and stick with him from the very beginning?
No…I didn’t want to immediately find a partner, I wanted to learn something about the lifestyle and what it is I liked and didn’t like.
So, having said that…perhaps it would help to explain how I’ve ‘trained’ myself:
For one thing, I see what most want, and what I have…as ‘experience’. Now, some new people seem to think the ‘smart’ thing to do, the ‘sweet, moral, good-submissive’ thing to do is wait for ‘The One’. Bah! I believe in kicking tires. Think about when you were a youngster; what if you actually married your first date! Ugg…what a disaster that would be!
I believe we need to learn a bit about something before we make decisions concerning it. I knew nothing about submission, control, dominance, flogging, spankings, canes, clamps, restraints, knives, needles…single tails. I read as much as I could, made a nice long ‘Hard Limits’ list…and then proceeded to meet people.
I went to munches and observed people and how partners related to one another. I went to clubs with new friends and asked them to show me how things worked. What DOES a heavy flogger feel like? What about a stingy one? What is the difference in a flogger and a cat? How are they different from a single tail? Do adults really spank each other? Why? What is punishment? Can a beating be for fun? Electricity??? OMG Needles; no way! Naked in a room full of people…are you kidding me?
So, I learned a lot! Slowly I began to feel comfortable enough to stand against a cross and get flogged; fully clothed. Eventually that changed, and eventually I discovered that most people in this lifestyle are perfectly comfortable with naked people around, and that it is not forced; some get naked, some don’t. It’s an individual choice. That would be a word I learned to appreciate: Choice. There is a lot of it available here.
I’ve had a couple closer relationships with Doms; men I became intimate friends with…who I am still friends with. I trust them and I learned more about everything with them. I’ve learned I love most floggers and cats, but am not so wild about heavy paddles. But, you know…HOW toys are welded makes a huge difference, too. I’ll get back to that in a minute. I also learned spanking is not something I enjoy. I mean, OTK (over the knee). I feel like a lummox in that position. I find it humiliating that an adult woman might need ‘punishment’. I like beatings for FUN! I’ve removed needles from my Hard Limits list…and a bunch of other things as well. Learning that everything is relative has helped me a great deal.
Speaking of ‘relative’…EVERYTHING is, you know. I happen to love getting ramped up in a long scene; floggers, crops, canes…and finally a single tail. But, I’ve learned HOW a single tail is used makes a HUGE difference! When I was very new, I played with a wonderful man, who is still a cherished friend, who took a long time warming me up before he began using his whip. I was scared to death (but of course, I trusted him). He’d crack it behind me every so often…but, when the whip touched my skin…it was like a kiss. OMG, I loved it! He’s never left a mark on my body, either. However, as time moved on, I also learned to stand for a Dom who enjoys welting a girl. And ya know? I learned I enjoy the deep headspace I get into submitting to his play…and standing for him while he snaps and cracks his whip. Sometimes I cringe and cry…I really get into it, I’m embarrassed to say. But…his whip doesn’t kiss; it bites! It stings and claws and leaves long, bloody welts that last for days and days. I absolutely love it and love running the tips of my fingers over the welts days later. I love how, when I sit or move or stretch my body, the welts are pulled…and I remember.
I have not been trained. But I have learned a lot.
And, I will tell you, but for a couple Dominant boyfriends in the last 5 years or so…I don’t have sex with my play partners. I see them as my friends, my mentors; I respect them, I submit to them, I do a Power Exchange with them…but for limited time. I have not found ‘my One’. In the mean-time, I continue my training, and I learn a lot.
Without such experience…HOW would I know what I wanted? HOW would I learn what things I want on my Limits list? HOW would I recognize the One for me, if I didn’t know something about what is real here and what is not, what it is I like and don’t like, believe and don’t believe, want in my life…and not?
beverly
Whose opinions are just that...her opinions
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