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Training to R/T? - 5/7/2007 5:08:41 PM   
grlneedstolearn


Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline 		Good evening to everyone,
  i hope your weekend went well. i'm sure the answer to this is yes, but was still curious to it. Have any of you been with a Dom who has trained you to become more of a submissive/slave and once both parties agree, you go and find your own Master to own and love you? If so, how long was your training or beginning period, before you left your Dom to find the right one for you? Or did you just want to immediantly find the one and stick with him from the very beginning?
  Thank you
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Training to R/T? - 5/7/2007 5:44:47 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Lets take this to a bit of an extreme.  I like getting head over fucking, what if your trainer prefers fucking over head?  I don't use floggers, most do.  Some people prefer their submissive to carry their toys, I don't let my women carry heavy things.  I like my back scratched hard, same with my balls, some would deck you for doing it "my" way.

"Training" is a bullshit concept for 95% of what people use it for.  I want a custom built slave and only I can customize her. 

What "training" is really about is a way for nitwits to prey on other nitwits.  "If I can make you feel you are unworthy unless I take pity on you and "train" then even though I am not manly enough to take you as mine, I still get to fuck you in the ass"


(in reply to grlneedstolearn)
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RE: Training to R/T? - 5/7/2007 5:47:18 PM   
grlneedstolearn


Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline 		That does make sense yes SimplyMichael. So for those of us, not a lot but some that i've talked with online, that have a Dom who is not into collaring, what name are they given? If that Dom knows that his/her sub is going to leave further down the road to find more of a r/t experience?

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Training to R/T? - 5/7/2007 6:09:23 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		They are known as guys...

Want to "train" yourself?  Read here and few other places, buy Midori's new book on BDSM called "Wild Side Sex" most grounded book I know of, read anything of Dossie Easton's you can get your hands on.  Screw the Roses isn't bad from a mechanical how to sort of view.  If you can still stand to read, Consensual Sadomasochism is a great book but a bit over the head of anyone new.

Find real life experiences, find local groups or drive to a nearby city.  The less you do in chatrooms the less scared and fucked up you will be.  Chatrooms have destroyed more potential relationships that cheating has.

(in reply to grlneedstolearn)
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RE: Training to R/T? - 5/7/2007 6:13:56 PM   
grlneedstolearn


Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline 		Definitly ty for the advice and the books that i will read, actually they both sound quite interesting. Yes unfortantly i have been in one too many chatrooms, but am better with the knowledge from various people on pros and cons.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Training to R/T? - 5/7/2007 7:08:25 PM   
Eruditegirl


Posts: 53
Joined: 3/15/2006
Status: offline 		I actually have had numerous offers to be trained...never took them serious....but...just recently I was fortunate enough to meet an awesome couple who both have been in the lifestyle for years....an offer was put out there for them to train me....although I haven't given an answer...it is seriously the only offer to be trained I have ever considered....mostly because in the short time I have known them...I have learned more aspects and am begining to feel more confident....
Yet there is still a part of me that wants to wait for the first Dom who I choose to submit ...kind of a gift of my BDSM virginity so to speak....
I am curious to see the responses you get from this post...might help me to make a better decision in my own life....

(in reply to grlneedstolearn)
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RE: Training to R/T? - 5/7/2007 7:20:44 PM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		I am actually one of the few that I know to have "trained" purely for "training" purposes in real life. My Master was like a living book. I was able to attend functions that I, otherwise, would not have been privy to, and I also got to experience many of the physical sensations this lifestyle has to offer.
 
He did not train me in any "one true" way. He was clear this His desires were His alone and I was also able to see how other submissives and slaves served. It was an interesting time in my life, and one I look back on favorably.
 
All of that being said, I probably wouldn't accept an offer of one who is "training" slaves unless you've seen some sort of track record of success. I would like to tell you that I looked for a track record, but I didn't...I was 17/18...I didn't know what this was all about. I was lucky enough to find Someone selfless enough to share His knowledge with me without leaving me with baggage.
 
As SimplyMichael has stated, most Dominants prefer to train their own slaves in the way that they see fit...so all the prior training in the world isn't going to help you be a better submissive to someone else.
 
My prior experiences may have made me more knowledgable but not any better at serving my Daddy. Daddy had to "train" me for that.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to grlneedstolearn)
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RE: Training to R/T? - 5/7/2007 7:51:06 PM   
robertolapiedra


Posts: 520
Joined: 5/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

"Training" is a bullshit concept for 95% of what people use it for.  I want a custom built slave and only I can customize her. 

What "training" is really about is a way for nitwits to prey on other nitwits.  "If I can make you feel you are unworthy unless I take pity on you and "train" then even though I am not manly enough to take you as mine, I still get to fuck you in the ass"


[/quote

Hello SimplyMichael! 95%? Conservative estimate? I think the word 'training' needs to be explained when you use it. I mean if you talk about the 'training' kink or training for the fun of training-scening it is one thing, then if you talk about one 'on one training' in a relationship it's another. There's training for a sport, there's training for going on the space shuttle and there's the water bottle totting girl who 'trains' to lose a few pounds.

When I train it is more for the education component in the lifestyle. I never train for the pleasure of training, I train for the pleasure that comes from the result in the longterm. Like you, I like 'custom built' and that 95% bs factor worries me a little. Do you really think it's that prevalent? RL.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Training to R/T? - 5/7/2007 8:27:38 PM   
MissOchistic


Posts: 315
Joined: 4/30/2007
Status: offline 		I believe a training can be useful only for limited and universal learnings, such as definitions of certain types of services, attending social events to get a feel for them, and anatomy/safety...giving a slave o

More specific things would be better left up to one's Master.


_____________________________



"The amount i care for Thee
is more than two, but less than three."

"Submission is a potlatch."

(in reply to robertolapiedra)
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RE: Training to R/T? - 5/7/2007 9:53:28 PM   
Slavetrainer2007


Posts: 231
Joined: 12/2/2006
Status: offline 		I think people relate D/s training to much to job training.  For instance, how i define and how Michael defines  training is two different  ways. I dont train a girl how to please say Michael.
What training is to me:
When i talk about training a  sub  it is more of a introduction into something she is interested in, without strings. She is not obligated to me outside the training. i dont expect  24/7/life. i expect her to screw up at least 10,000 times  and im not as strict on punishing a sub as one might be who trains  a girl  as their own collar.
Training is more of the guiding hand  without the other hand  telling her she has to please me. I get as much info as i can from her  and help explore what she likes or dont like, her level or submission, how she wants to be treated , etc. Given the broad and taboo spectrum of BDSM and D/s  one coming into it is like one heading into the ocean without any clue as how to swim.
My main goal in training is not to prepare her  to please another dom but to teach her about herself and help her explore this side of her and get some bearings on  were she is..... i teach her how to swim in that ocean not swimming styles, just how to swim.  When she is done being trained,  she will have some idea, and if i did it right alot less confusion, about what type of  dom or relationship she is looking for and what she definitely isnt looking for( hard limits) 
My role is beneficial to everyone. I fill a niche. Newbies want to learn but dont know where to begin... what if they get with a dom that has totally differently interest than them?  On the flipside,  do you want a noob who doesnt know what she wants or how submissive she is or how she wants to be treated? do you want to start exploring all that and find out  this sub isnt what i want. we have totally different  things we want out of the relationship. A newbie doesnt know that. all she knows is she is interested in this life and your an experienced dom.  she dont know their are 17 trillion different combinations  of kinks and  degrees of submission and she is only compatible with 327 of them.
My training is not for the dom to make the doms job easier. IMO, they can  teach their own subs to please them.  My training is to help that sub find her way. So she knows what  she wants and what she definitely dont. My training is to help her better understand  the lifestyle so she can find her place in it and someone to serve happily and who will fulfill her needs.
My training has not  squat to do with doms or what they want.
I actually got into  the training aspect because i was having to sort through a bunch of "kinksters" and pick people who were actually interested in the lifestyle out of those. And then out of those  many were newbs( as this lifestyle seems to be becoming alot more popular the last few years)  and didnt know what they wanted so i had to weed through them and try to figure out what they all wanted and such. and its like theirs got to be an easier way . i could start out with 100 kinksters and end up with maybe one who might be compatible with how i dom and my kinks. So i thought what if i just helped all these girls instead of doing a catch and release so to speak.  Then doms dont have to spend time fishing for subs and trying to figure out which ones might be keepers for them and subs dont have to wander around from dom to dom or to fake dom and be lost and confused.
You have any idea how confusing it is to a newbie when one dom acts this way and another that way and they both call themselves doms?

as for other types of training like training for another  dom. that is almost impossible. i can train how to please. but Michael likes his nuts scratched i liked my gently massaged. So the best you can do their is teach to follow orders and get a sub comfortable in a D/s relationship and serving a dom. Which i think is a big help but  most turn it into a please me with no strings attached deal. The experience a sub gets from a trainer alone can be helpful.  the sub will be more at ease  and more in her comfort zone if she has already spent some time serving and pleasing.  But i take it much further than that.

Edited for minor spelling errors

< Message edited by Slavetrainer2007 -- 5/7/2007 9:59:48 PM >

_____________________________

Life is given, Everything else is earned.

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RE: Training to R/T? - 5/7/2007 9:58:32 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		It is my opinion and like many of my opinions, probably a bit daft but if someone asks me for information I give it to them.  I don't need to play cheesy games and say "stand on your head while I explain this or that" I just either tell them I am busy or I give them the information.

Training reminds me of an experience I had as a kid.  We were wild children and ran free in the back country of San Diego.  One day we had been hiking for hours and got thirsty and their aint no water to be had in the desert.  One of the kids said he knew of a ranch where they would give us water.  They had water but would only give it to us after we accepted Jesus Christ as our savior.  You could look at it as they saved us or as I would see it now they were manipulative fuckwads.  I pretty much see training and mentoring in the exact same light.  Harsh I realize but so far I haven't really seen anything to change my mind.

(in reply to Slavetrainer2007)
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RE: Training to R/T? - 5/7/2007 10:02:45 PM   
astarri


Posts: 265
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

They are known as guys...

Want to "train" yourself?  Read here and few other places, buy Midori's new book on BDSM called "Wild Side Sex" most grounded book I know of, read anything of Dossie Easton's you can get your hands on.  Screw the Roses isn't bad from a mechanical how to sort of view.  If you can still stand to read, Consensual Sadomasochism is a great book but a bit over the head of anyone new.

Find real life experiences, find local groups or drive to a nearby city.  The less you do in chatrooms the less scared and fucked up you will be.  Chatrooms have destroyed more potential relationships that cheating has.


well spoken ... it is not always easy though and infact quite frightening to do this yourself.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Training to R/T? - 5/7/2007 10:50:27 PM   
godless13513


Posts: 12
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Ouch - this has been a heated debate.

Well, I knew that I had an interest in BDSM from various explorings, etc, and then was approached (and after a while) was offered his service as a 'trainer' - and it was explained to me much the same way that it was explained above.  I would be learning a few basic things, some sexual, some 'respect' things, a few service things - and given a chance to explore what I liked and didn't like.

I'm a college student, didn't want the strings of a 'real' D/s relationship, didn't enjoy the 'nilla boys, wanted to explore a craving I had, and he has given me a safe space in which to explore, along with the Dominating flavor that I needed.

It's not for everyone, but it 'has a place in the world.'

(in reply to astarri)
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RE: Training to R/T? - 5/7/2007 11:12:34 PM   
BondageTopJere


Posts: 170
Joined: 8/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:


Chatrooms have destroyed more potential relationships that cheating has.


Have to fall into into netspeak for this, but chatrooms bad, forums FTW! (wonders where my missing IQ points went too...)

Anyhoo, I've actually done the mentoring thing once, quite by accident actually.  There is a regualrly scheduled IRC chat in my are that a person affaliated with the local scene runs. First night there, happened upon a sub and it was her very first time talking to ANYONE about bdsm. Quite entertaining I assure you.

Long story short,  it was really just explaining what all the various terms meant and giving archetypes to various D/s relationships.  It was a lot of fun for both sides, never did actually play with her (married *shivers*),  but I did manage to get her hooked into the local scene which she fully attributed to my gentle prodding her along.

Personally speaking, to me thats actual training, anything past that point i.e. that physical side of the house, and it's a case of "all gron up" and not wanting to accept it.

(in reply to godless13513)
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RE: Training to R/T? - 5/8/2007 12:18:28 AM   
aldompdx


Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline 		I tend to agree with points made by SimplyMichael. Training is of one's self, gaining greater inward awareness. In the end, all of us (ego) are alone inside. Yet, life relates to others, some of whom we can learn from. Training and learning is never in a vacuum.

< Message edited by aldompdx -- 5/8/2007 12:22:11 AM >

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RE: Training to R/T? - 5/8/2007 2:58:38 AM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		I was one of those who was served under someone for a specific amount of time expressly for the purposes of "training."

These were some of the questions and concerns I had prior to that time:
** When someone would ask me "what kinds of things do you like?" I had no answer for them. I'd never done anything like this, and I had absolutely no idea whether what sounded good in my imagination would be good in reality. Reading a book would never have answered those questions.

** I don't play willy nilly with everyone that shows up at a party just for the experience of it all.

**I have to have some sort of connection to a person before I'm going to take off my clothes, much less do anything else.

**Being new and being single, I'd never have been invited to any if the parties I went to with him and his slave.

**Having another woman there to be a friend helped me immensely when I was confused about things.

The learning I experienced at this person's hand was invaluable. I matured as a person and I developed enough experience that I was able, once my time with him was done, to sort through all I'd learned to determine what was right for me and what wasn't.

Was he perfect? Oh no. He had his faults and his foibles and in retrospect, some of those are pretty glaring. However, he treated me respectfully, dealt with my baggage in a way that allowed me to leave some of it by the road, and frankly, acted in a way that allowed me to work through things that I needed to work through.

We don't talk much now but that's due to other issues. Regardless of those issues though, I give him his due when it comes to the experiences I've had.

Training per se might not  be for everyone, but not everyone is doing it for the sex (that was not a part of our relationship) and there are some distinct benefits that come from it. Maybe everyone is right when they say it's just a way for people to use each other,  but from my point of view, every single relationship out there is about someone using someone else in some way, shape or form. Not all of it is simply someone taking advantage of someone else's naivety.

Call it another word if "training" is somehow so offensive. Call it being a friend. That's what he was to me.

juliet 

(in reply to aldompdx)
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RE: Training to R/T? - 5/8/2007 4:21:07 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: grlneedstolearn

Good evening to everyone,
i hope your weekend went well. i'm sure the answer to this is yes, but was still curious to it. Have any of you been with a Dom who has trained you to become more of a submissive/slave and once both parties agree, you go and find your own Master to own and love you? If so, how long was your training or beginning period, before you left your Dom to find the right one for you? Or did you just want to immediantly find the one and stick with him from the very beginning?
Thank you


No. I've been with a few different dominant men and they all did things differently. If I had been trained to their liking, that training would have been just about completely useless for the next one.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to grlneedstolearn)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Training to R/T? - 5/8/2007 4:35:54 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		I am with Michael on this. Most offers of 'training' is nothing more than a players 'trick' to get into the girls knickers whilst accepting as little responcibility as possible.

I am primaraly focused on TPE 24/7 long term live in and fully committed.... But in the past (Including the very recent past) I've had playpartners and girls on a lower level dynamic when My commitments have been such that the possibility was there. I've not taken them on to 'train' them, but even though we both knew it wasn't going to be a perminant state of afairs, we both had much to offer the other, no deception needed, no pretence about training (introducing someone into a couple of new areas of play isn't training, its just fun and exploration). You can't train someone for their future Master, You have no clue who He will be or what He will require of her.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to AquaticSub)
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RE: Training to R/T? - 5/8/2007 4:42:45 AM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		simply put, no, and if you need further clarification to the why's and how's of my answer, read my profile and my thoughts on training.

(in reply to grlneedstolearn)
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RE: Training to R/T? - 5/8/2007 5:43:20 AM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I'm on the fence on this one, master keeps threatening to send me off to slave training camp...ugh!! lol

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to daddysliloneds)
Profile   Post #: 20
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