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Emotional Release - 5/7/2007 8:50:34 PM   
gwendolyn


Posts: 188
Joined: 7/19/2005
Status: offline 		I can only suppose that this would be a good place to ask this question. I think other submissives/slaves might have the proper perspective to help me out, though I'm open to suggestion from anyone.
 
I'm finding myself extremely emotional lately, and I can't find a source. It's starting to interfere with my relationship with Master, and I'm just not alright with that. I don't think I'm a rebelious person by nature, but I'm externalizing my anger. Master is getting so frustrated by it that he hesitates to correct me because I react in an emotional manner, be it anger or hurt. What I'm wondering is has anyone else dealt with this, and, if so, how in the world to do you work through it?
 
 I'm just wondering if I'm all alone on this particular matter.
 
 
Gwen

_____________________________

Tell me what did you like about me?
And don't say my strength and daring.
'cause now I think I'm at your mercy;
And it's my first time for this kind of thing.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Emotional Release - 5/7/2007 9:20:13 PM   
sweetnessforsir


Posts: 70
Joined: 1/5/2006
Status: offline 		When i am growing, i tend to be a bit pensive.  Okay, i tend to be a pain in the butt . . . but it is about the growth.  When i feel like i am headed down the wrong path, i tend to be pensive.  Again, i tend to be a pain in the butt.  You need to figure out which it is.  This is not always easy. 

Good luck my friend.

stephanie

(in reply to gwendolyn)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Emotional Release - 5/7/2007 9:20:21 PM   
robertolapiedra


Posts: 520
Joined: 5/3/2007
Status: offline 		Hello gwendolyn. All couples go through this, vanillas included. Look for simple stuff. Smallsteps and self discipline will do wonders (although not a spectacular 'cure'). Your Dom's frustration is not your problem although it affects you I'm sure. Instead of looking for what is making you 'unhappy', look for what makes you feel better. Maybe be it's time for some time off to get you centered. Maybe you need a weekend trip to somewhere.

What's important is to be careful and not make things worse by overanalysing every little quirk, right?Good luck. RL.

(in reply to gwendolyn)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Emotional Release - 5/7/2007 9:30:43 PM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		Sometimes we are blind to the things that make us emotional or upset and searching for the trigger becomes upsetting, in and of itself.
 
I don't have much of a perspective on it, except when I get upset/frustrated/hurt I take a few deep breaths and try to take a step back, if just for a moment. That helps me...but, that's because I've taken the time to learn myself.
 
It's kind of like knowing when you've had too much too drink, but it's too late you're drunk. That's a physical limit...you have to learn your emotional/psychological ones, as well.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to gwendolyn)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Emotional Release - 5/7/2007 9:44:36 PM   
corsetgirl


Posts: 824
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline 		Sometimes, I have a journal, write out my feelings.

Other times, I vent to friends as I did that yesterday because I was upset at a particular dom.  However, this friend was helpful in helping me see some logic behind the emotional waves. 

Exercise is probably another beneficial aspect .  When things would get me down, I would always go on the treadmill and pretend I am stomping on these stressors, which makes me feel good afterwards. That is always great after hearing LL Cool J's - "Mama Said Knock You Out"

(in reply to spanklette)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Emotional Release - 5/7/2007 11:09:33 PM   
EvaLass


Posts: 83
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline 		If the extreme emotion lasts for more than two weeks, it might be a good idea to talk to your physician. He or she may recommend another type of health care provider who can help you address these issues. A high level of irritability and/or rage that keeps manifesting itself regardless of external circumstances can be signs of an illness that needs to be addressed.

Best, eva

(in reply to corsetgirl)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Emotional Release - 5/8/2007 3:18:17 AM   
slaveish


Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline 		Get to the source of your own anger and frustration. Be honest with yourself - brutally honest but deeply forgiving. Accept yourself. Change happens with everything, ourselves included.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to EvaLass)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Emotional Release - 5/8/2007 4:23:14 AM   
LeatherBentOne


Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline 		Sit back and roll with it.  There's probably a lesson learned at the end of your pain.

(in reply to slaveish)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Emotional Release - 5/8/2007 5:55:22 AM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		You probably need to be beaten (im 90% serious).

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to LeatherBentOne)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Emotional Release - 5/8/2007 6:05:32 AM   
jaunty1


Posts: 102
Joined: 3/20/2007
Status: offline 		I would agree with LeatherBentOne in the saying of sit back and roll with it. If you feel like crying; cry. If you feel like screaming; scream.
 
In additon to this, as an owner, I would take the time to find out WHY it was happening; and why you were feeling in this way.
 
This is no reason for your Master to feel frustrated in this; you should both learn to accept the emotions, let them run their course, and then sit down and find out the reasons behind them.
 
Sometimes, emotional release of this kind can be a good thing.
 
Live well
 
Alex

_____________________________




(in reply to gwendolyn)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Emotional Release - 5/8/2007 8:05:39 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I'm going to go with the analogy of a good massage- it hurts a bit, it pushes stuff all around, lets you breath better- and the next day you end up sore and with a migraine because you didn't drink enough water and all the toxins that got released are floating around and totally messing you up.

I think you're getting into stuff here and it means all that yucky stuff is starting to float to the surface and cause issues emotionally.  So I'll take everyones advice- roll with it, examine it, see if it has a specific cause and pattern, and make sure you keep the anger in its place.  Don't lash out at someone else and just tack blame onto the first victim around. 

Eventually, you'll work it out of your system and know what to do next time so it won't be a big problem.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to jaunty1)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Emotional Release - 5/8/2007 12:49:33 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		You need to find the source of your anger or you can't deal with it. I have had a time ot two where I have been internalizing things. The best thing I did was talk with Master over it and find a solution. He can't help me if he doesn't know what the problem is.  You need to talk things out calmly and works things out.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to gwendolyn)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Emotional Release - 5/8/2007 1:01:00 PM   
PrincessEllie


Posts: 287
Joined: 11/30/2006
Status: offline 		Examen your issues and find out what is bugging you. Try to soothe it and fix it so it is no longer a bother.

If you feel like you have anger problems, I'd suggest begenning to practice a martial art.


_____________________________

Sticks and stones
May break my bones
But whips and chains excite me
So tie me up
Or hold me down
And bite me baby, bite me!

http://www.cafepress.com/scenedayware
--Discreet BDSM day clothes--

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Emotional Release - 5/8/2007 1:02:15 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Assuming you haven't been suppressing your feelings, resentments etc then I would suggest a physical checkup. Thyroid problems are often first seen as emotional disorders, hormonal changes including pregnancy, perimenopause, ovarian cysts will also mimic emotional disorders. Make sure there isn't a physical problem first.

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Emotional Release - 5/8/2007 5:40:19 PM   
aurora31


Posts: 266
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline 		Here is a tool my Sir just gave me to deal with similar issues, every time I have a negative thought or reaction I am to write it down on a piece of paper. Then I am to take 10 deep cleansing breaths and look at the issue again. 99.9 % of the time I really find that it is a non issue and I have just got caught up in the emotions of it all. When it is an actual issuse then it is something I am to bring to Sir to discuss and work through. I have found that since starting this I am much more positive and fulfilled in my relationship and not nearly as emotional.

aurora

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Emotional Release - 5/8/2007 6:37:15 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I can only suppose that this would be a good place to ask this question. I think other submissives/slaves might have the proper perspective to help me out, though I'm open to suggestion from anyone.

I'm finding myself extremely emotional lately, and I can't find a source. It's starting to interfere with my relationship with Master, and I'm just not alright with that. I don't think I'm a rebelious person by nature, but I'm externalizing my anger. Master is getting so frustrated by it that he hesitates to correct me because I react in an emotional manner, be it anger or hurt. What I'm wondering is has anyone else dealt with this, and, if so, how in the world to do you work through it?

I'm just wondering if I'm all alone on this particular matter.


Gwen

When I start PMSing, it's horrible.  My mood and emotions go completely haywire.  I spend the entire day before I start crying my eyes out for no apparent reason.  I think the first few months of this really creeped my Domly one out.  Now he knows how to take everything in stride.  Like others, I would say you just have to ride it out, do your best to be self-aware.  Maybe it's hormonal, maybe not.  I think it's also important for your Dominant to remain consistent.  Imo, it is a hundred times worse being emotional and unstable when you cannot count on your Dominant to say if you do x, y is going to happen and not follow through on that. 


_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to gwendolyn)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Emotional Release - 5/9/2007 6:37:41 PM   
gwendolyn


Posts: 188
Joined: 7/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EvaLass

If the extreme emotion lasts for more than two weeks, it might be a good idea to talk to your physician. He or she may recommend another type of health care provider who can help you address these issues. A high level of irritability and/or rage that keeps manifesting itself regardless of external circumstances can be signs of an illness that needs to be addressed.

Best, eva




It could very well be that I'm so used to the issue, it didn't occur to me to mention it here. I do have ADD. But anger has never been an issue for me before. I'm usually a very outgoing person, in a passive sort of way.

And I do want to thank everyone who's given some valuable advice. I took some time to just consider what was going on lately. I'm finding that I'm holding little things in in an attempt to keep the peace between Master and I. We had a talk today about a few things that have been bothering me for a few months now, and I feel a bit more calm.

My issue, specifically, has been some serious anxiety over 'performance'. And firstly, before anyone thinks I'm complaining about him, Gods no! I'd just really like to hear how others deasl with these sorts of things. Anywho, as I was saying, I play this vicious little game in my head. I want to do the things he wants from me, but fear getting it wrong. When I do, his exasperation is painful to see. I honestly wonder, now that I've spent this time thinking (maybe obsessing.. LOL) over the issue, if I'm not
A) Letting fear become anger, with my brain blaming him for said anxiety or
B) Testing the waters, so to speak. Tugging on the leash, if you will. I wonder alot about this line of thought. I do feel so much more secure when he tightens his hold. Perhaps some insecurity on my part as the relationship is passing out of the typical 'honeymoon' phase?

Lord, now that I've ranted incoherently, I'm going to wander back to my corner and hope that someone understands and might be able to give me a pointer or two.

Gwen

_____________________________

Tell me what did you like about me?
And don't say my strength and daring.
'cause now I think I'm at your mercy;
And it's my first time for this kind of thing.

(in reply to EvaLass)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Emotional Release - 5/9/2007 6:49:31 PM   
aurora31


Posts: 266
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline 		Gwen,

For me that's the hardest part letting go and not worrying about what I think may or may not happen. I am slowly (likes snails pace slow) starting to grasp that it is not my place to worry.  As long as I try my very best and put 100% effort into it my Sir is happy. Sometimes despite all this I may still not get something right. Sir will then correct me on it but once the correction has taken place it is done with and I know for the next time.

aurora

(in reply to gwendolyn)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Emotional Release - 5/9/2007 6:55:45 PM   
gwendolyn


Posts: 188
Joined: 7/19/2005
Status: offline 		aurora,

I do believe that's my new goal for myself. To except what is mine to worry about and learn not to fret over what isn't. It sound so easy doesn't it? -laughs-


Gwen

_____________________________

Tell me what did you like about me?
And don't say my strength and daring.
'cause now I think I'm at your mercy;
And it's my first time for this kind of thing.

(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Emotional Release - 5/10/2007 6:13:34 AM   
slavemaia


Posts: 395
Joined: 8/26/2006
Status: offline 		i've gone through this. What i found for myself is that i was not accepting my slavery on some level. i had to ask myself what being a slave means to me, why i chose this way of life and realize (again) that i chose it no one inflicted it on me. Although being a slave is not an easy road at times, the reality is nothing in life is all that easy. i have to be watchful for things like self-pity and feeling like a victim in a role that i chose.
 
Our society promotes the ideas of self-sufficiency and me ism. Being a slave functions completely opposite to everything we've been conditioned to think and feel. Emotions are bound to erupt internally and mine have. But when i look at the result of those eruptions and how destructive they are to me and to Master, i choose to seek other methods of dealing with my feelings. For example, i have a difficult time feeling okay about asking for what i want and/or need. Master has told me that He wants to know these things. But i'm accustomed to not asking. So i wouldn't ask. i would expect Him to "read my mind" (after all He's Master isn't He, hee hee) and then when He didn't automatically know what my wants and needs are i got angry and resentful - OY. So now, in spite of my discomfort in revealing my desires and what i feel are my needs to my Master, i tell Him anyway. Then i let go of them, placing them in His care and His authority to fulfill them or not, when and how He chooses. That's part of the agreement i made when i accepted His collar.
 
In an M/s relationship i seek to internalize my slavery so that the full responsibility isn't left to Master. M/s, just as any relationship is a 2-way process. If i place more responsibility on Master than is realistic and expect Him to "make me" be His slave, or meet my unspoken conditions, then i'm just creating chaos, and i don't function well in chaos.

_____________________________


She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.
slave to love - - Chairman's maia

(in reply to gwendolyn)
Profile   Post #: 20
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