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SDFemDom4cuck -> RE: Do you want to piss on him or not? (5/9/2007 12:31:54 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: AAkasha
There are so many posts from women asking how to do everything from humiliate a man in public, to degrade him via text only, to turn him into a "sissy maid" or to keep him in chastity for long periods of time. I imagine on the other side of each of those relationships often is a horny, hopeful submissive who is waiting with anticipation that these acts will come to fruition.
While everyone can give dozens of tips on styles and execution of all these nasty femdom acts, there's one thing no one can tell you to do or show you how to do. Sadly, it's probably THE one ingredient that you have to have in order to be a believable femdom. Emphasis on the word believable (vs. the hated "true.").
You have to want to do it. You have to not only want to do it, you have to, on some level, enjoy it. Even better is if the desire to do the act is what brings you here; not "the desire to keep/attract/satisfy a man who happens to be a submissive." Nothing kills a submissive's desire faster than a woman who is doing it just to please him; sure, he may thank you afterwards and even enjoy himself. But deep down, something will be missing. It might not come out the first few times, but eventually he will be left with that empty feeling. He may say to you or himself that what is lacking is an "emotional connection" -- but there are LOTS of people playing casually and having a HELL of a time. What's missing is YOU not getting off on it. Or, you FAKING enjoying it. Sub men can sense/sniff/smell a femdom "faking it" better than they can sense a woman faking orgasm.
If you are a new femdom, keep this in mind as you post your questions about style and technique. Is the question really "How do I do toilet slavery with my partner?" or is it "How do I do this act and actually find something enjoyable for myself?" or the even more brave, "I can't get my head around the idea that fucking a man with a strap on is actually fun; what is missing for me?"
You may find that you will never enjoy a lot of the acts that submissive men want. You may find that some really grow on you. But the one thing you are sure to burn out on is the process of pretending to enjoy a series of acts as you go through the motions. You can only hide it for so long.
At the core of every submissive fantasy is a woman who thrives on her dominance and enjoys seeing her man submit. Ask any submissive what he'd rather submit to - a series of kinky acts that match his fantasies ideally but are driven by a woman who is just going through the motions, or a smaller portion of his fantasies met but with a woman who LOVES it and you will get the same answer every time.
Akasha
Yet another spot on post.
While I think perhaps some are taking it a bit too literally I wanted to add my 2 cents in. In response to the last paragraph in particular I think that there is yet another sub group involved in those that prefer submission when convenient. I suppose that could be bulked into the kinky sex parameter but I tend to not think so. While they may desire to submit, there is also a fear in doing so that keeps them from fully commiting themselves. So they tend to search out Dommes that either conform to their set of kinks or newer more inexperienced Dommes that they can top from the bottom to get those kinks met without having to go outside their comfort zone.
I've never looked for someone that lined up completely on a kink level. I think it's more important to line up on a personal level. The kink will work itself out. If someone is simply going to submit to those items they have on a check list and nothing more then the exponential of growth becomes stagnant.
As an example, I find far deeper submission in one who will do the things that perhaps aren't on his favorite things to do list rather than those who are simply looking for me to comply with their every whim. That isn't Me. Personally, if I don't enjoy what I'm doing, then that energy that flows in a power exchange just isn't going to be there. There's going to be something missing. When it's something I'm truly into, there's just nothing like it in the world. I have no problem trying new things...but if I don't enjoy it then I really don't see much point in repeating it. Yes it's selfish (who me? Selfish? Never!) this isn't about him...it's about me. With the right enthusiasm and energy, especially when it's something I truly love, I think that same enthusiasm and energy becomes not only persuasive but addicting to a sub. There is almost a physical inability to resist doing something that stretches their boundaries out of that desire to please so deeply when it's something that I'm really into.
Again, great thread, very thought provoking.
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