training your top. no flames

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AlderTheKitty -> training your top. no flames (5/8/2007 7:49:31 PM)
Ok i hear alot on slave training most of that revolves slowly around the slave and no one talks about training they're top. Question is why not this is not teaching a top how to take a whipping but how to notice signs. learning how to respond to the needs of a sub knowing when they are at the point where it's time to start comming down durring a whipping what they need after a scene and having it ready. other things like knowing your health problems and what to do if they act up. the fact is being a sub takes hard work and detication and so does being a top does yours know what you need and how to keep you safe

MissOchistic -> RE: training your top. no flames (5/8/2007 7:57:30 PM)
It's just something learned over time and experience with you.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: training your top. no flames (5/8/2007 7:57:39 PM)
It actually DOES get discussed a lot, at least among people who are aware, who hang around long enough and who aren't too full of themselves. But most people want to perpetuate the myth that the dom springs from the earth all knowing and all powerful and the sub is the empty passive vessel.

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: training your top. no flames (5/8/2007 8:03:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross It actually DOES get discussed a lot, at least among people who are aware, who hang around long enough and who aren't too full of themselves. But most people want to perpetuate the myth that the dom springs from the earth all knowing and all powerful and the sub is the empty passive vessel. Dominants do not spring forth all knowing??..[&o]...now your gonna tell me there is no Easter Bunny either..snorts..yeah right!..put your wee pin away LA ..my bubble doesnt burst that easy!..[;)]..Tempting

AquaticSub -> RE: training your top. no flames (5/8/2007 8:11:43 PM)
Valyraen had no real-time experience with anything "harder" then fuzzy handcuffs before we started dating. I taught him everything that I knew, from flogging to wax dripping. I was always the test subject, so to speak, and I gave a lot of feedback. I introduced him to the other dominants I knew, brought him to play parties. I showed him my limits and sometimes, now that he is more comfortable in the role, he pushes the soft ones. When it came time I taught him everything I knew about bringing d/s outside of the bedroom into a 24/7 situation. He took control at his own pace and I provided the tools that I had gathered though a few years of learning about d/s, but not really practicing. In our relationship, I have always been the curious one. I am the one who trolls the forums for knowledge goodies and I pass on what I find interesting and what I think will relate to our relationship. It is my belief that every master/dom learns from their sub/slave and every sub/slave learns from their master/dom. I have learned so much about the reality of submission from Valyraen - including that it's not always fun but always worthwhile. At least in our relationship. [:)]

CandleInTheWind -> RE: training your top. no flames (5/8/2007 8:19:10 PM)
My my my....it seems that i encounter more tops that need education than ones that I am willing to play with...perhaps becasu eI am afraid of those that thinl they are all knowing...and i have a few special needs. and so perhaps i prefer those that are newbies and train them...i show them where a flogging is a good thing and a ouch thing...just so that they know that...it is their choice what they choose to do with that knowledge i choose for them to be knowledgeacble about the difference.. I have taught more than one "dom how to do bondage without forming nerve damaging knotting. but that is just my experience. red

MagiksSlave -> RE: training your top. no flames (5/8/2007 8:51:18 PM)
I think that the training period is training for both Dom and sub, its called training the sub I think because well Doms dont want to admit they need the training to but the fact is they are going through the training together and the Dom is really beeing trained as much as the sub is!! Magik's slave

Archer -> RE: training your top. no flames (5/8/2007 9:03:07 PM)
I will tell you that even if you start off knowing more than your submissive or slave in the begining as far as SM play. The time will come when the limits of your current knowledge will cross the limits of their desires to experience. A bottom can learn to take another form of play they are interested in much faster than even the most naturally tallented SM top can learn how to safely and competently apply the technique. In a long term relationship that day will come sooner or later, so prepare for it. Personally I ended up telling Elegant that she would simply have to wait for some types of play until I got around to learning them, or that I would allow her to experience the form of SM play at the hands of a known skilled in that technique Top. I limit myself to 2 advanced play forms or 3 basic forms at any one time. WHen I become proficient at one of them thenI can add another to the currently learning list.

velvetears -> RE: training your top. no flames (5/8/2007 9:04:07 PM)
i had a dominant friend who wanted to explore his sadistic side and asked me if i would help him out. He appreciated my efforts to broaden his horizens but i don't consider it training per sey - we both had fun and he said he indeed enjoyed inflicting pain more then he thought he would like.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: training your top. no flames (5/9/2007 8:30:12 AM)
To me, it sounds like you're discussion several seperate issues here. One issue it technical skill. I feel the Dominant should be responsible for learning how to wield there tools well and take that knowledge wherever it comes from, i.e. submissive and Dominant alike. Another issue is scene negotiation. Health issues, limits, unusual reactions and such should be discussed beforehand. The other is aftercare. This is part of scene negotiation in my world and everyone needs to realize that Doms often need aftercare, too. Good relationships and encounters are the ones where the Dom and sub work together for mutual benefit. Communication is the key to this. Master Fire

NakedGirlScout -> RE: training your top. no flames (5/9/2007 8:47:21 AM)
My master had 30 years' actual real life BDSM experience, but when we got together it was a brand-new time of learning for him since I have a lot of quirks and special needs. Doms train themselves by responding to the submissive they're with (technical training aside). For him it was his first time with a novice submissive and quite challenging for him to learn how to go very slowly and not assume that I knew things that to him were obvious.

Politesub53 -> RE: training your top. no flames (5/9/2007 8:55:34 AM)
As a novice to BDSM i would assume, yes i know i should never assume but im flawed [:D], that any newcomer could do with a mentor. An experiended person, Top or bottom, would be able to pass on skills and safety techniques. Everyone learns something new at some point, and imho it doesnt matter if its a Top or bottom thats teaching you. [;)]

phoenixinchains -> RE: training your top. no flames (5/10/2007 9:36:16 AM)
some folks think that cats can't be trained, but they can. unlike dogs that submit to a masters pleasure, to train a cat one must reaffirm behavior that is natural to them. no, i'm not saying cats are tops and dogs are bottoms. i've just spent more company with critters than with people. if i were a gardner, i'd used plant analogies. but a cat is not "mastered", they are more "skilled" at aquiring kitty yum-yums. just my thoughts on the subject- phoenix

MagiksSlave -> RE: training your top. no flames (5/10/2007 4:40:47 PM)
they are more "skilled" at aquiring kitty yum-yums ((giggles)) kitty yum yums!!! LOL Sorry that just tickled me and made me giggle!! Magik's slave

Sirandlittle1 -> RE: training your top. no flames (5/11/2007 4:21:44 AM)
Im sure we train our tops. Be they our vanilla husbands. our kinky boyfriend, our tops or our Dominants. To assume that no two way learning is going on is rather arrogant isnt it? Thankfully, i dont have a arrogant Dominant. But one who wishes to learn with me. But there are people who'd say its not the done thing. I think they can be found in chat rooms. little1

MamaDomme -> RE: training your top. no flames (5/11/2007 7:31:24 AM)
I have been asked to train (or mentor) both Dom/mes and subs over the years. One of the very first things I share with them is that they need to experience the "other side" just so they know the feelings. Funny thing is that there have been several find out that they have internal needs to be a sub and usually wind up being a switch. There are many health issues that a Dom/me needs to be aware of and how to handle. Epilepsy, Diabetes, etc......... If a Dom/me is wanting to flog/spank/whip, S/he needs to know at least a little about human anatomy and nerve structure. If a sub is on any kind of blood thinning meds, the Dom/me must never break the skin. I have learned that a naturally born dominant personality does NOT make you a Dom/me in any way. Training does.

stella40 -> RE: training your top. no flames (5/19/2007 5:52:25 PM)
I'm going to go back to my favourite analogy with BDSM which is theatre. In this case with the Dominant as director and submissive as actor or actress. As a director I'm prepared, I know the script of the play, I know the actors, I know what was covered during the last rehearsal, how the performance is to look, and what needs to be covered during the current rehearsal. What I don't know is how this rehearsal is going to turn out. I know the actors know the text, they know their parts, the scenes we are about to rehearse, they all have their own methods of acting, training, and experience. The actors look to me, and I look to them. We have sat down and talked about this particular scene, read the text together and discussed at length how the scene is to look on the stage. However nobody can be sure. The only way forward is to try. So we try. The actors all read their texts, leave them to one side, get into position and begin the scene. This starts a sort of dialogue, they try to perform that scene in a certain way and I am trying to decide whether that is how that scene should be. It may not be. There may be a problem. So how do I solve the problem? We stop the rehearsal and sit down together and discuss the problem. Then we try again. This time the actors play the scene differently and it looks better. I don't need to go and look at other productions of this particular play. But when there's a problem the first people I turn to are the actors. And so it is I feel between Dominant and submissive. Each one brings their own experience, knowledge and expectations to a particular situation, but there also needs to be confidence in each other and a dialogue, nothing more than open, honest communication as well as to pay attention as to what is going on. A Dominant can make a mistake just as easily as a submissive, and a Dominant can learn from a submissive just as much as they can from any other source. Training a Dominant doesn't necessarily have to mean topping from the bottom. It can also mean listening to them and finding out about what they really want from a situation or the relationship and making suggestions to help them achieve what they want and then leaving them to decide which suggestion to adopt.

minnetar -> RE: training your top. no flames (5/19/2007 6:17:08 PM)
i think it would be more realistic for a top to ask a Dom to be a mentor not that i don't think that a sub can help. minnetar

fairerthanshe -> RE: training your top. no flames (5/20/2007 12:11:44 AM)
Greetings, Filling out and updating kink related lists is one way to 'train' a Dom. It also helps the sub know or realize how her feelings towards particular acts change over time. she agrees with Master Fire that communication is the key. well wishes, fairer

LadyPact -> RE: training your top. no flames (5/20/2007 12:25:42 AM)
Speaking as a Domme who was brought in by My first slave, I can tell you that it does happen. It's more the exception than the rule, but it does exhist. I used to think it was really odd, but as I learned more, I found out it wasn't. If anything, it's kept My mind more open to gathering experience from D and s alike. It may have taken Me longer to learn certain things, but it taught Me to get both perspectives. It meant I had to do a little more research, work a little harder, and strive to obtain My goal. All in all, I don't think those are bad things. The old adage of "you have to learn how to sub to be a good Domme" isn't necessarily true. It depends on the case by case basis. None of My boys have ever claimed Me to be a 'bad' Domme.

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