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RE: Too much to ask? - 5/11/2005 3:58:36 PM

Raphael

Posts: 263
Joined: 5/10/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl
This is like punishment in a way. A very effective punishment that Doms can use. Oh and talking and telling Master how i feel will not do me a whit of good as he already knows.

Is there some reason you are being punished so?

(in reply to RiotGirl)

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Post #: 41

RE: Too much to ask? - 5/11/2005 6:20:56 PM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
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Stunning ~ i didnt get into the variables in my relationships. Really the jerks are prolly just better at pretending to be nice. One of the variables i didnt mention. The i guy i mentioned that i had a second thought when he was in a pool of tears on the ground? Two or three nights before we had gotten into an arguement a plate was thrown at my head (missing) i took off out the apartment, he came after me grabbed me by the elbow, i blacked out (tho noting the head hitting the wall as i later assessed i was dragged down the hall) to where i woke up in a ptsd flash back as he was sitting on my chest and i couldnt get up. i went abolsutely ape nuts. Ended being so hysterical and loud that the neighbors broke down my apartment door, knocked him off of me so i could literally fly as fast as i could on two legs out the door to wander the streets of the town i lived in hysterical. Of course until the stand off occured between me, two cops, him and a friend of mine. With me begging the two cops to falsley charge me with something so i couuld "be safe".

Basically there is always "something" that tells me something is "funny"

i suppose that where there isnt "something" i should worry eh.

(in reply to Stunning)

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Post #: 42

RE: Too much to ask? - 5/11/2005 10:02:34 PM

Youtalkingtome

Posts: 112
Joined: 12/8/2004
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RiotGirl,
It is normal to want to spend as much time as possible with someone you love.
It is also normal to do what ever it takes to get that time to spend together.Even though you are one hour apart.
Do you own a house?
Does he own a house?
Does he have a job that would be almost impossible to replace if he moved to you?
Do you have a job that would be almost impossible to replace if you moved to him?
Does he have a family member that is sick and dieing?
Do you have free time to meet him at his place?
Do you have a car to drive to his place and meet him when he is done work?
Other than the answer to these questions their should be no real reason that you shouldn't be together.
Like emerald said she spent time doing yard work.
Two people that want to be together will make time one way or another.
It was said before.You need to make up your mind if you can stay in that type of relationship.
Their are a few women out there that like this type of relationship.But not many.
They usually marry truck drivers or salesmen that are never home.

(in reply to RiotGirl)

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Post #: 43

RE: Too much to ask? - 5/12/2005 5:34:34 AM

misundersub

Posts: 10
Joined: 5/7/2005
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I know this is the Master's section but have been reading with interest to Riotgirl's problem, and this to me smacks of that vicious old demon 'Insecurity' which in itself is an ugly trait to possess, it seems to me RiotGirl u r terrified of ur Master leaving u and of u ‘failing’.

It is also ‘outta sight, outta mind’ that probs eats away at u, its human nature to feel like that when one isn’t receiving the reassurance one needs

It is possible if u carry on ‘nattering’ him it might well be his reaction to do so though I truly hope it isn’t for it will eat away at u more than it is now. :o(

I myself have always been insecure, (no idea why as I grew up in a very secure safe and loving environment) but I was incredibly insecure in ‘vanilla relationships’ and vanilla men seem to have no conviction to allay those doubts but add to them. I have just recently (very recently) found my Master but already he has been working towards casting aside my demons for which I adore him already. :o)

It is possible the intensity of his love for u or the intensity of ur love for him has in some way ‘rattled’ him and he feels unsure about it so he cannot truly comfort and reassure u in the way u need. Again to hark back to the olden days this was also always the way a vanilla man went when he didn’t want to see u.

All BDSM relationships seem to me (im probs wrong) that they are either full-time or part-time in the amount of physical time one spends with her Master naturally it is always full-time in yr head and heart and maybe RiotGirl u haven’t been clear in ur talks with yr Master that u want/need it to b far more than it is at present or 24/7.

Its possible u need to ‘back off’ a little and let it lie for a while stop coming across as being so needy as that can destroy any relationship its not exclusive.

Im not experienced anywhere near enough to suggest u do this or that I am merely offering my opinion as one human to another for even though my Master has cast my demons aside I know full well there will b times when it rears its ugly head which is why ur thread has interested me so much for all this advice u have been given will most certainly b kept in my ‘bank’, and for that I thank E/everyone who has replied in advance.

I wish u well RiotGirl and sincerely hope ur Master gives u peace of mind. Keep it real and don’t over dramatise.

misundersub

(in reply to Youtalkingtome)

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Post #: 44

RE: Too much to ask? - 5/12/2005 4:03:34 PM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
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Hey misundersub,

i agree i love everyones responses. Its helped me think alot, as well as everyone i've talked to aside from the thread. In speaking to Master about it one of the things he noted was i open to him for alittle while and then i start to "push" him away.

It prolly is insecurity. Could possibly be that. i think Emerald hit on it awhile ago and i'm going to go back and re read through the thread as i am not all hyped up with emotionalism. Master also made note of a few other things that he would like me to do something about. Which oddly enough, makes me feel great. Something constructive to do that would make him happy, that he wasnt happy with before. Heh, he gave me something to fix i suppose. Which i have been concentrating and working on all day.

My mother has always told me that from babyhood i was insecure. Reasoning to something that happened when i was in the womb. i sometimes do believe it actually. When my mother was pregnant with me, they had no clue when i was to be born, so they did an anmio test. the doctor missed the fluid and hit me. When he was done with the test, i started banging my head into my mothers ribcage continueously (some bone structure), they eventually did a c section on her and i was born with a scab on my wrist. Heh, maybe it grew from there and its just now a massively disgusting issue?

i dont know... maybe i should create a thread about getting over insecurities. = )

i think sometimes that with past experiences this whole experience frightens me to death and the depth of emotion involved i have a hard time handling. i come from a long line of nasty evil ppl. Starting with me being a dumb and naive 14 year old walking blindly out into the world alone. (you can just imagine the types of ppl who wanted to befriend me) Made the conclusion along time ago that people are evil. though i keep trying.

i think it could also be fear, as i was stating. Fear of the unknown.

When i can look at hiim with out anger and hurt going chaotically about inside of me, i can see again how wonderful he is. i can see the other side of the coin.

As for Emerald's question. Is it still true now? Yes it is, but in a different light. There are only two relationships in the past that i have not walked away from. i was in love. Love seems to hold me in place. Whether they were good or bad (and its all perspective), i tend to float along in my merry way. Leaving them behind, really because i just didnt care. i'm a very difficult person to start a serious relationship with (because usually i care not to have one) and very difficult person to keep around. Add any bit of negativity (on mine or theirs) or any issues (mine or theres) and i'm gone. i prefer NOT to deal with the stuff. When i'm inlove, it becomes worth it for me to stick it out and work through whatever negativity or issue that may arise.

(in reply to misundersub)

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Post #: 45