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Have a lover apart from your slave (submissive)? - 5/10/2007 5:32:55 AM

cyber

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Joined: 10/10/2006
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It can be a though question or a simple one; I am just curious to know that how much it would be easy (or desirable) for a mistress to have a full time slave apart from her lover?
To explain more, I need mention that I do not assume that a mistress always choose a slave as a partner then she can end up to having a non-submissive husband, so how the life will work out with having some slave or slaves and how mistresses can separate their private life from their desires.
Please accept my apologies if you find the question un realistic because if just came crouse my mind from reading stories and other contents on the web; however, may be some of you have some similar experiences and wants to give some comments.

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RE: Have a lover apart from your slave (submissive)? - 5/10/2007 5:55:35 AM

Trampler

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Joined: 12/31/2006
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Technically it is doable. That is if the Mistress in question doesn't have a job,( has other means of income.) Well how much time would full time be? 30 hours?? 40, 9-5? Of course that means that she wouldn't be able to spend alot of time with her other lover, and what if there are other people to consider? and what about the time that every person needs to spend to themselves? time to relax, work on hobbies,meditation, etc. So is this an interest of yours? or just asking out of pure curiousity? If it is an interest, got to tell ya, alot of Domme's wouldn't like this arrangement, I certainly wouldn't, for one thing I have to have a job to pay the bills, I need a fair amount of time to myself so I don't go nutzoid. and so forth

(in reply to cyber)

Post #: 2

RE: Have a lover apart from your slave (submissive)? - 5/10/2007 6:18:20 AM

LadyEllen

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Depends whether youre talking about a slave/sub who is basically a play partner or akin to an unpaid employee, and whether either arrangement is full time live in or occasional.

I could see the possibility and utility from my point of view, of having a full time or part time "employee" doing all the work around the house. But I couldnt see how I would have the time on a full time basis or even regular part time basis to be continually supervising or whatever - I have a job, two UMs and hopefully (one day) a partner as well! Clearly in such circumstances, even a part time play partner would be difficult.

I guess if one could find the right person, who expected nothing more than bed and board and the satisfaction of a job well done, and who respected the fact of UMs being about, then it could work out nicely. But finding someone trustworthy, reliable and able to work on own initiative is difficult enough when one pays them!

E

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RE: Have a lover apart from your slave (submissive)? - 5/10/2007 6:22:30 AM

Politesub53

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I would think that there are Mistress`s that have full time slaves, either as domestics or just to satisfy the Dominant needs a Mistress has. A submissive can be committed full time without that being 24/7. As long as one is available as and when Mistress wishes out.
Also some Mistress`s require a poly household with a submissive required to live in, even though the Mistress has a significant other. The only way for such a relationship to work is to make the boundaries very clear beforehand.

(in reply to Trampler)

Post #: 4

RE: Have a lover apart from your slave (submissive)? - 5/10/2007 6:23:23 AM

Enyo

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Well...it is possible. Especially if the slave is a cuckold.

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RE: Have a lover apart from your slave (submissive)? - 5/10/2007 1:46:29 PM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

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I have a live-in boyfriend and am seeking a live-in slave. So sure, why not?

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RE: Have a lover apart from your slave (submissive)? - 5/10/2007 2:32:34 PM

pixelslave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cyber
It can be a tough question or a simple one; I am just curious to know that how much it would be easy (or desirable) for a mistress to have a full time slave apart from her lover?

It's one thing for it to be desirable to the Mistress, and another for it to be desirable to the sub. Personally, I'd never serve a Mistress that I didn't have a strong attatchment to and see the possibility for a lifelong relationship as both her submissive and her lover. I can't separate the two and see no reason to sacrifice my need for an emotional attachment in that manner.

quote:

To explain more, I need mention that I do not assume that a mistress always choose a slave as a partner then she can end up to having a non-submissive husband, so how the life will work out with having some slave or slaves and how mistresses can separate their private life from their desires.

I'm not certain how many men who are not submissive to some degree would actually want to be in a committed relationship with a woman who also wanted to have submissive men around to serve her (I know there are exceptions to this as some of them are members right here on CM). Besides the cuckold scenario mentioned by someone else earlier in this thread or a case where the male spouse is quite ill and unable to meet the Mistress' needs, the only other scenario that immediately comes to mind would be a relationship with a Dom who had his own submissive women on the side to serve him as well; something of a poly household is how some might describe it.

Otherwise, I'm not certain that a typical man's ego would allow him to be in a relationship where his wife played on the side with her submissive male playmates. But then I've been wrong on many things over the course of my life.

- pixel

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(in reply to cyber)

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RE: Have a lover apart from your slave (submissive)? - 5/10/2007 3:09:42 PM

SDFemDom4cuck

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If the D/s relationship is also a Cuckold one it's not only quite doable but realistic as well. JMO

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RE: Have a lover apart from your slave (submissive)? - 5/10/2007 7:03:36 PM

mp072004

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What is a "full time slave"?

I do polyamory with primary- and secondary- definitions, because I form relationships that are clearly hierarchical, and my non-primary relationships are subordinate to my primary one. One could certainly have a primary partner (person who gets most attention--whatever "most" means, possibly cohabiting, doing family functions, joint bank accounts, whatever) who is slave-identified, and have, say, a secondary lover (person with whom you spend less time than the primary--one day or evening weekly is typical, I think) who isn't submissive or even kinky.

You can, of course, do the opposite, which is more like what I do--I have a primary partner with whom I don't enjoy a BDSM relationship, and I have other people with whom I do BDSM--but your use of "full time slave" made me think you meant that the slave-identified person would be the woman's primary.

And, of course, there are people with two partners equal in first-place status--two primaries, in the above idiom--and I don't see why one relationship couldn't be egalitarian and the other couldn't involve d/s.

Dominant women don't separate their private lives from their desires--they articulate their desires in their private lives. Private lives are the places where people do what they like or find fulfilling, presumably. One of my desires is to have an intimate and affectionate relationship with my primary, who is not my submissive or bottom (nor, if it needs be said, am I his). Another of my desires is to beat people up and to receive their obedience and service. These are both things I enjoy in my private life.

(in reply to cyber)

Post #: 9

RE: Have a lover apart from your slave (submissive)? - 5/10/2007 7:34:11 PM

earthycouple

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My husband is my husband, my lover, my best friend, my sounding board. He is the man I will always defer to in life. My slave is my toy, my pet, my friend, my houseboy, my love, my stress release, and in some senses a lover.

One day, if the stars are aligned correctly and everyone is happy my slave and I might have intercourse. Until that day, he is a lover in other forms....in his submission to me, in the intimacy of our times together whether talking and sharing or flogging and spanking. That's intimacy. That's love. I already know without a shadow of a doubt that I love the man I will meet face to face this Sunday. I know we will grow to be lovers in whatever way that pans out. Intercourse does not lovers make.

My husband...wow. I knew, interestingly enough, that I loved him before ever meeting him face to face. I was so right about him, and he I. We love and accept each other for who we are; even though we are so very very different.

It is very possible to have both. Having both is not greedy or wrong as long as everyone is up front and honest. I couldn't have what I have or be who I am without my husband fully knowledgeable about who I am and what I need; I also must ensure my slave knows exactly his place in this family and where my boundaries lie. Honesty is of utmost importance. Each and every time.

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Post #: 10

RE: Have a lover apart from your slave (submissive)? - 5/10/2007 7:38:07 PM

DiurnalVampire

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Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
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It is not a problem, as long as both parties are OK with the arrangement. I have been in situations like that before, and now I am considering it again since Angel and I are nonsexual.
No matter what the situation is, there is going to be someone somewhere who has done it, and enjoyed it.
Favorable, necessarily, not always. Handling 2 people is always harder tha one, but it can defaintely be worth the effort.

DV

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(in reply to earthycouple)

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RE: Have a lover apart from your slave (submissive)? - 5/10/2007 8:42:36 PM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

Posts: 1269
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From: Portland Metro, Oregon
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Fortunately, my boyfriend is confident enough in our relationship to be comfortable with me having a slave and becoming emotionally intimate with the slave.

He (boyfriend) knows I love him, but he is vanilla and isn't interested in D/s. This may or may not change as time goes by, but, he knows I'm interested in D/s and he wants me to be happy. The only way he can foresee this is if there is a third party involved. His ego is not so large that he cannot accept the idea of someone needing more than he can provide. I am a lucky woman.

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RE: Have a lover apart from your slave (submissive)? - 5/11/2007 10:24:51 AM

earthycouple

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Domin8tingUrDrmz

Fortunately, my boyfriend is confident enough in our relationship to be comfortable with me having a slave and becoming emotionally intimate with the slave.

He (boyfriend) knows I love him, but he is vanilla and isn't interested in D/s. This may or may not change as time goes by, but, he knows I'm interested in D/s and he wants me to be happy. The only way he can foresee this is if there is a third party involved. His ego is not so large that he cannot accept the idea of someone needing more than he can provide. I am a lucky woman.

My husband and I are in this situation. Ditto...I am a lucky woman.

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Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

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Post #: 13

RE: Have a lover apart from your slave (submissive)? - 5/12/2007 1:38:24 AM

cyber

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Joined: 10/10/2006
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Very very interesting comments, thank for every one to sharing their information. By reading the replies I am thinking, it is possible a mistress Love a master and both share a slave. Or a Mistress loves a slave who can be consider as a lover and has another slave in her service as well.

Now what about looking at reverse scenario:

A male slave or a Master has a partner or girlfriend who does not enjoy D/S relationship, but loves keep growing between them. Does any one can see any possibility that this relationship can work out. Can a slave serve a mistress with the fact that his partner understand his desire and all three can live happily ever after?

(in reply to cyber)

Post #: 14

RE: Have a lover apart from your slave (submissive)? - 5/12/2007 2:48:41 AM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

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From: Portland Metro, Oregon
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Certainly it's possible, so long as everyone involved is honest.

Although, it would not work for me. I want my slave focused on me, I do not want to have to share him with another. If a man is married, or in any other form of a long term relationship, I would feel that I'd need to 'okay' my time with his wife. I couldn't live with that. It would make me feel as though I was simply scratching an itch for him and not actually getting the attention I deserve and want.

Others may view it differently and it could work for those who do.

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RE: Have a lover apart from your slave (submissive)? - 5/12/2007 12:50:07 PM

MsKatHouston

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It's doable as long as everyone is on board and communicates. I am married to a dominant. I have a submissive. He has 2. It seems to work for us just fine. But we also are very aware of one another's activities and those who are in each others' lives. Where I would foresee a problem is when there are jealousy issues or dishonesty.

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(in reply to Domin8tingUrDrmz)

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RE: Have a lover apart from your slave (submissive)? - 5/12/2007 5:20:33 PM

HayaSierra

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From: In Georgia
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Greetings,

Yes it is very possible as long as everyone is ok with the arrangement. I have my partner (who is more like a best friend/lover to me and helps me with the upkeep of the household), and then I have my live-in slave in training that stays downstairs. There was a female live-in as well with 2 UM's, but she didn't last for reasons I will not go into right now. For me, these things do take time and effort, but they are well worth it and are pretty much like most other D/s poly relationships when one gets down to it. I have also heard of others who made this sort of relationship work well in the past :).

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Post #: 17

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