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What can I do about feeling ignored? - 5/10/2007 7:18:32 AM   
raynestorm01


Posts: 7
Joined: 10/21/2006
Status: offline 		My daddy found a sissy for me on here about 2 weeks ago..Since then he has all but ignored me....(we live together while she is about 12 hours away) I dont feel jealous in any way ....I feel lonely and its manifesting itself as anger towards him.....Any advice?
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RE: What can I do about feeling ignored? - 5/10/2007 7:21:30 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Ignored as in he is spending all his time speaking with her...or ignored as in he is expecting you to fill all of your time speaking with her?

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to raynestorm01)
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RE: What can I do about feeling ignored? - 5/10/2007 7:22:02 AM   
Eldritchdancer


Posts: 101
Joined: 12/26/2006
Status: offline 		Ask to speak to your Daddy, noting you wish it to be Open speech. Open speech being that you want it person to person, not Daddy to his little girl.

Be honest, but calm, and let him know how you feel. While it may not be possible, try to keep it unemotional.

Once he knows there is an issue brewing, he may modify his behaviour. OR he may not. Those are the breaks.

Master Darkmoon

(in reply to raynestorm01)
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RE: What can I do about feeling ignored? - 5/10/2007 7:23:23 AM   
raynestorm01


Posts: 7
Joined: 10/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Ignored as in he is spending all his time speaking with her...or ignored as in he is expecting you to fill all of your time speaking with her?


I feel ignored as in he is spending all his time speaking to her and ignoring me.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: What can I do about feeling ignored? - 5/10/2007 7:30:12 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		How have you handled these feelings in the past?

I think this is just like the thread about the sub who gave their master a great new toy and he left everything else to play with it.

Give it a week- after a week, you need to sit down with him, let him know what you are feelings, remind him of the commitment he made to you and the life you need together, and frankly remind him that polyamory only works if he will be able to balance his commitments effectively between all the partners for everyone's fulfillment (or have him read this post, that works too).

And, for the record, I can't stand the word 'sissy' and think it gets WAY overused in bdsm as a way to force a feeling of connection and I've never seen it work in the long term.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: What can I do about feeling ignored? - 5/10/2007 7:30:41 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: raynestorm01

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Ignored as in he is spending all his time speaking with her...or ignored as in he is expecting you to fill all of your time speaking with her?


I feel ignored as in he is spending all his time speaking to her and ignoring me.


But the purpose of finding her was to be a sister to you? Hmmm. I would find it difficult to build a "sisterly" relationship with her if all of her free time was being monopolized by him.

I think that serious communication is in order. It may be that he is under the influence of the "newness" of it all and is unaware of how this is effecting you. If you are already angry and feeling cast aside, it is no way to begin a relationship and would not be conducive with a positive outcome. I think that the two of you need to have a sit down and discuss the motivations for adding another and the parameters of that additional relationship.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to raynestorm01)
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RE: What can I do about feeling ignored? - 5/10/2007 7:35:20 AM   
raynestorm01


Posts: 7
Joined: 10/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

How have you handled these feelings in the past?

I think this is just like the thread about the sub who gave their master a great new toy and he left everything else to play with it.

Give it a week- after a week, you need to sit down with him, let him know what you are feelings, remind him of the commitment he made to you and the life you need together, and frankly remind him that polyamory only works if he will be able to balance his commitments effectively between all the partners for everyone's fulfillment (or have him read this post, that works too).

And, for the record, I can't stand the word 'sissy' and think it gets WAY overused in bdsm as a way to force a feeling of connection and I've never seen it work in the long term.

Actually she and I already have a connection otherwise I wouldnt be calling her by that name....

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: What can I do about feeling ignored? - 5/10/2007 7:36:24 AM   
raynestorm01


Posts: 7
Joined: 10/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: raynestorm01

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Ignored as in he is spending all his time speaking with her...or ignored as in he is expecting you to fill all of your time speaking with her?


I feel ignored as in he is spending all his time speaking to her and ignoring me.


But the purpose of finding her was to be a sister to you? Hmmm. I would find it difficult to build a "sisterly" relationship with her if all of her free time was being monopolized by him.

I think that serious communication is in order. It may be that he is under the influence of the "newness" of it all and is unaware of how this is effecting you. If you are already angry and feeling cast aside, it is no way to begin a relationship and would not be conducive with a positive outcome. I think that the two of you need to have a sit down and discuss the motivations for adding another and the parameters of that additional relationship.

Im not sure how to even begin since the anger and hurt is already there...any suggestions?

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: What can I do about feeling ignored? - 5/10/2007 7:39:46 AM   
aurora31


Posts: 266
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline 		raynestorm,

I joined a 24/7 poly house in Jan. There are three slaves here total. Sirs alpha has been with him close to 6 yrs now. m and myself both joined the house together. I have found myself very much struggling with the sames issues. Of coarse you won't get as much attention as if there was only you. While this is not always easy to accept it only makes sense. Also I am pretty sure your daddy is like a little boy with a new toy. Once the newness wears off things will equal back out.

Now to how I have learned to deal with not having as much of my Sirs time and attention as I would like. The biggest thing that has helped me was to focus on my own submission and service to Sir. To quit looking at what the others are or are not doing. This is not always easy to do but it really does help. We are not all a like in fact the three of us are very different. If Sir treated us all exactly the same it would not be to the benefit of any of us. He treats us as individuals and strives to meet all of our individual "needs". At times that means one is going to get more attention then the others or that you may be assigned a more difficult task because it is your opportunity to shine in his eyes. Now anytime I start to feel resentful or angry because of his interactions with the others I remind myself of these things. Another thing I do is to focus on how happy Sir is in his interactions with the others. Example:  When I see him "hurting" them and I see how much pleasure it brings him when they give him their pain. It makes it much easier to deal with the fact that I am not the one "hurting" for him in that moment. I use this same approach across the board. To me the biggest part of being a slave is serving my Sir making sure his life is as easy and nonchaotic as possible, to bring him pleasure and happiness and if he has to spend all his time soothing my ruffled feathers because I feel I am being ignored then I am not doing this.

I hope this all makes sense I am not the best at putting my thoughts into written word.

aurora

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RE: What can I do about feeling ignored? - 5/10/2007 7:41:10 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		"Sir, I'm having some feelings that I need to communicate to you, when would be a good time to sit down and talk?"

Then from there....just be honest.

Seriously, if you are angry and hurt now after two weeks of (internet and phone) talks......allowing it to fester for months is not going to make it better.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to raynestorm01)
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RE: What can I do about feeling ignored? - 5/10/2007 7:51:28 AM   
Valentyne


Posts: 28
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline 		Perhaps instead of approaching this in a negative way you could ask him for more time for the three of you to get to know each other and bond together as opposed to complaining about Him spending all his time with just her (not saying you are complaining here, just referring to the way you might want to approach it with him).  Communication and then some more communication is recommended.  Try to keep your mind and heart open and understanding and don't hold it inside when you are feeling badly or that will become your focus... Try to keep your focus on what you can contribute to the situation and it will be much healthier in the long run.  Good luck! :)

(in reply to raynestorm01)
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RE: What can I do about feeling ignored? - 5/10/2007 7:59:07 AM   
captainblack


Posts: 146
Joined: 8/26/2004
Status: offline
I can not speak for your owner, but he may have a reason to ignore you. It is not your place
to demand his attention. It is your place only to try and gain his attention by being pleasing
to him.

For my own part I do not pay attention to a girl that is acting out or acting up, or being
displeasing to me in any way. If she pleases she gets attention. If she displeases she does not.

You have no way of knowing what is going on in your master's head. You can be clever and
get yourself noticed in a good way by doing those things he finds pleasing and enjoys without
being asked and with a sweet attitude.

CB

_____________________________

http://www.streetofbrands.com/

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RE: What can I do about feeling ignored? - 5/10/2007 8:11:02 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: captainblack
I can not speak for your owner, but he may have a reason to ignore you. It is not your place
to demand his attention. It is your place only to try and gain his attention by being pleasing
to him.


Forgive me but....in your first sentence you say you can not speak for her owner....and then follow it with telling her where her place is? I really think her place is where she and her owner agree it to be.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to captainblack)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: What can I do about feeling ignored? - 5/10/2007 8:46:45 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		He didn't find anyone "FOR" you, he found someone INSTEAD of you.  You were the bait on the hook and now he has caught his bigger fish.  Trust me, the two deserve each other.  People who use others for bait as well as people who aren't bothered by destroying others relationships are not worth knowing.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: What can I do about feeling ignored? - 5/10/2007 8:51:43 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

People who use others for bait as well as people who aren't bothered by destroying others relationships are not worth knowing.


My hope is that people of this ilk will come to experience the joy of what goes around comes around.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

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RE: What can I do about feeling ignored? - 5/10/2007 9:35:43 AM   
CrazyC


Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

He didn't find anyone "FOR" you, he found someone INSTEAD of you.  You were the bait on the hook and now he has caught his bigger fish.  Trust me, the two deserve each other.  People who use others for bait as well as people who aren't bothered by destroying others relationships are not worth knowing.


I would agree, but the question is. Does the third party even know that is what is going on? Rayne, do you have an open communication with your sister? I'm not saying just go and talk to her about how you are feeling. The only person you should be having that conversation with is him, but at least in talking to her more you will be able to know her and understand her more.

I met a couple on here where the master had his slave talk to me and the whole time he was monitoring the conversation telling her he wanted us as sisters. I actually really liked her and became close friends, but it started getting really odd when she no longer talked to me and it was only him. The next thing i know he is thinking of leaving his slave, and wanted to move to Sacramento with me and be my Master. Luckly i saw this coming and told him that he needed to be there with the one who has been there for him.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: What can I do about feeling ignored? - 5/10/2007 9:39:35 AM   
SirDominic


Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:


Im not sure how to even begin since the anger and hurt is already there...any suggestions?


This is my perception of the problem. Since I don't know the first thing about you, I could be way off. So for what it is worth, here is another angle on what is going on.

This isn't about your anger and hurt. I'm not saying those things aren't real, just that I don't think that is your real issue. The real issue with you right now is fear. Does Daddy no longer love you. Does he no longer want you. You are scared to death of bringing this up with him because you may get answers you do not want to hear.

Ignoring it and remaining unhappy is a solution; not a good one. Far better to talk to him and get the answer from him. Even if the answer is the worst one, at least you are no longer left wondering; you would know where you stand. I know how hard a thing this would be to do, so try not to put this off too much longer. The more you do, the more you will not be able to deal with it when the shoe finally drops.

I wish you the best, and hope it works out for you.
Namaste, Sir Dominic

_____________________________

You teach best what you have lived.

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RE: What can I do about feeling ignored? - 5/10/2007 10:07:25 AM   
ErusUxor


Posts: 44
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline 		I would have to agree with SimplyMichael one some things here....

I understand that having multiple /poly households in something that many enjoy and if it works for them then thats great...but...I've also seen that many find them selves feeling lost and abandoned when a new "toy" joins the group. If a Master/Mistress/Dom chooses this lifestyle, I feel it is their responsibility to care for their charges. This means making sure to continue with sufficent levels of attention so that no one is getting short changed. If they cannot embrace the responsibility of dealng with more than one, perhaps poly is not a good choice for them.

I've also seen Many cases where a submissive was  used as "the bait on the hook " If  another submissive comes into a situation and sees that first is being ignored or treated in a way that leaves them feeling abandoned by their Master, that "new edition" might want to take a look at the situation and rethink what they are involving themselves in.  If the original slave/sub is being ignored because of a new slave/sub   it is only a matter of time before the "new" will grow old and she in turn will likely share the experience of the first as both can be used as "the bait" in future.

In most cases,the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. and if the new person is willing to allow themselves to be involved in something that is harming another...then perhaps as Simply Michael said "they deserve each other".

_____________________________




When they said "penny for your thoughts" ...I had to try and figure out how to make change.

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RE: What can I do about feeling ignored? - 5/10/2007 12:25:58 PM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		I can only answer the original question

What can you do about feeling ignored?

There are two things you can do... live with it or tell the person that you feel is ignoring you just that... you're ignoring me (& obviously) I am not ok with this feeling of being ignored.

Just be prepared to hear something that you most likely already assume you will hear. You just may hear that this person has either lost interest in you or is losing interest in you. The next step really depends on their reply.

If they say... well I don't know why you feel this way... don't back down because this is just an invasive method of attempting to turn it back around on you. You have to be able to tell this person why you feel ignored & they will have to accept that your reasons are valid & do what is necessary to resolve this negative feeling.

If they don't... then you have your answer & the next step is obviously yours & you have to be prepared to make it.



_____________________________

MstrssPassion


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RE: What can I do about feeling ignored? - 5/10/2007 2:37:31 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: captainblack
I can not speak for your owner, but he may have a reason to ignore you. It is not your place
to demand his attention. It is your place only to try and gain his attention by being pleasing
to him.


Forgive me but....in your first sentence you say you can not speak for her owner....and then follow it with telling her where her place is? I really think her place is where she and her owner agree it to be.


Got to agree with that. My owner prefers it when I tell him if I am being ignored. Masters are not all knowing. Masters are still only men and women and sometimes they get wrapped up in new things or work without realizing that they are doing it.

Edited to Add: To the OP, talk to yours as respectfully as you can. I agree with LA - wait a week or two and come to him. Tell him that you know this is new and that it's very exciting for both you, but that you could really use some time as well.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 5/10/2007 2:40:19 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to mistoferin)
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