wife found my profile

wife found my profile (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress

Message

draba -> wife found my profile (5/10/2007 2:17:34 PM)
Dear Mistress's My wife found my profile yesterday and was not very happy. She has asked me to close it and was quite polite telling me I have a choice. Either stop playing with Mistress or divorce. She has forgiven me and read my posts. She does Domme me sometimes and told me she does not want to be my Mistress all the time. I do not know what to do about my Mistress. I really do not want to stop having sessions. Should I tell her what happened? I do think on the other hand that I should stop. And hope for the best with my wife. Therefore, I am closing my profile and will check for responces. Thanks, it has been fun draba

AquaticSub -> RE: wife found my profile (5/10/2007 2:24:54 PM)
Would you rather have sessions or stay married? For now, if you want to stay married, stop having sessions. Tell your mistress why. Then talk to your wife - be honest but don't overwhelm. Trying giving her a copy of "When Someone You Love Is Kinky". She may or may not agree to allow you to resume sessions. My .02

Mikal -> RE: wife found my profile (5/10/2007 2:30:50 PM)
If you didn't have your wife's permission to see someone else, what exacly did you think would happen once she found out? Just curious [8\|]. Expecially since your wife Dommes you already & so likely isn't adverse to checking out BDSM et al sites... Also, if you hadn't cheated (and yes, you did cheat if your wife was unaware you were seeking satisfactions outside of the marriage), your wife may not have had a problem with you being on this site - particularily if you were just posting and/or looking for ideas. Imnsho, be very very grateful that your wife isn't handing you divorce papers. Tell your 'Mistress' the truth - your wife didn't know about your extra-curricular activities, but now she does. Since you love your wife more (otherwise, get divorced - it's not fair to your wife to be stuck with someone who isn't interested in her as a life partner), you will no longer be requiring 'Mistress' services from an outsider. OR you could continue to see your 'Mistress' and suffer the consequences. Just my $0.02 worth

pixelslave -> RE: wife found my profile (5/10/2007 2:47:15 PM)
draba, This must be the most coherent message I've ever seen you post! [:)] It sounds as though you need to "come clean" with all parties involved. Get yourself and your wife a counselor/therapist (selecting one for yourself and perhaps another for the two of you to see together might be the best thing) and try to figure out what you want and also how you might be able to resolve things between you and your wife, especially in light of the broken trust that must be mended before the two of you can move forward. [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m13.gif[/image] I suggest you use the information you gather from the process to decide what YOU want for yourself. If your Mistress didn't know you were married and that you didn't have your wife's permission to see her, than I strongly suspect that relationship is also over for you as well. If she's a pro, that might be another matter entirely, in which case, perhaps you might want to discuss with your wife what it is that she fulfilled for you that you didn't get from your wife when she Dommed you. Again, it's a case of honesty being the best policy if you ever hope to have what it is that you want in a relationship of this sort. [&:] In any case, you clearly have a lot of work ahead of you and need to focus on your relationships instead of what hangs between your legs. Best of luck to you in your endeavors to straighten out your life. [8\|] - pixel

MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: wife found my profile (5/10/2007 3:38:31 PM)
How is your wife your Mistress any of the time if you respect her so little that you're seeing another Domme behind her back? Being submissive isn't about you getting what you want when you want whatever the consequences to those that trusted you.

mp072004 -> RE: wife found my profile (5/10/2007 6:38:45 PM)
It's very nice that you and your wife have discussed it clearly--that is, that she has outlined your choices, and described her likely reactions. If your wife generally means what she says, and if she had this conversation with you in a measured, calm, rational manner, then I wouldn't bank much on changing her mind. That said, it's still a difficult choice. You should use whatever analytical tools help you decide most effectively. Making lists of reasons for and against generally helps me. Consider practical reasons as well as emotional ones. You should also be aware that while your wife will not remain married to you if you continue your relationship with your mistress, you can also end your marriage to your wife and end your relationship with your mistress--or, your mistress could end her relationship with you, possibly for independent reasons. You shouldn't choose hastily, but it won't help anyone to linger too long. Then, when you make your choice, clearly communicate it and stick to it. Good luck to you.

Red82 -> RE: wife found my profile (5/10/2007 6:52:25 PM)
I dont see the issue that your having. It seems rather simple to me. Your married. You were doing this behind her back (some would even constitute this as cheating.) Does your Mistress know your married? If you want to stay married, you'll stop. Oh, and just my opinion, but none of the Dominant women that i know would very much appreciate that their submissive was sneaking around their wives back. If you'll be dishonest with your wife, guess who else your prone to be dishonest with?

earthycouple -> RE: wife found my profile (5/10/2007 7:39:36 PM)
I'm sorry...but I have to say it...uh duh? come now....seems to me it serves you right.

Wickad -> RE: wife found my profile (5/10/2007 9:42:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: draba (snipped) I do not know what to do about my Mistress. I really do not want to stop having sessions. Should I tell her what happened? I do think on the other hand that I should stop. And hope for the best with my wife. Therefore, I am closing my profile and will check for responces. Thanks, it has been fun draba Wow, I don't know what to say about this ..... Entitlement? Self absorbed? User? Chauvinist? I really can't put my finger on what part of this statement I find more offensive. The idea that you would come to an 'Ask Mistress' forum for advice on how to manipulate your Mistress or that you seem to feel you are entitled to a relationship with your wife that is outside the agreed upon pervue just so you can have a Mistress. (also makes me wonder what definition of 'Mistress' this 'person' is using?) This 'person' is the reason why so many good submissive men are overlooked and categorized as trolls. It's dealing with these type of 'people' that makes so many Dominant women jaded and suspicious. Wickad

cloudboy -> RE: wife found my profile (5/10/2007 9:48:52 PM)
I'm curious how you ever pulled this off? Seems the CM profile would have been easy to keep secret by comparison.

windchymes -> RE: wife found my profile (5/11/2007 5:36:25 AM)
Well, you have to make a decision on what is more important to you. Your Mistress and a few jollies and thrills, or your marriage, house, kids, bank account, etc. I know it's always a huge disappointment, but sometimes, you just can't have everything.

windchymes -> RE: wife found my profile (5/11/2007 5:41:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cloudboy I'm curious how you ever pulled this off? Seems the CM profile would have been easy to keep secret by comparison. Actually, it's quite easy to "discover" someone's profile in here, I did it at a friend's house. If you see anywhere in the history that someone's been visiting CollarMe, and you can just click your way right into the site, and unless they've actually logged out beforehand, they stay logged in and their account comes right up to anyone else who might be browsing on their computer. After you're in, nothing is password-protected and their profile and complete e-mail history is right there for anyone's viewing pleasure. Now, it's easy to hide what you're doing....just log out each time, and "clean" your computer history, internet files, etc. every day, or even more frequently.

gloriousangel -> RE: wife found my profile (5/11/2007 6:10:25 AM)
My opiniion is this. Marriage is about trust and honesty. I think you should tell her about what happened with your mistress. If you want to stay married then stop seeing your mistress she may be understanding but then again maybe not. It is all about telling the truth. I have learnt a lesson in this area and now i am very happy being a sub with new master Good luck

KatyLied -> RE: wife found my profile (5/11/2007 7:44:08 AM)
He had on a CB3000 for many days? His wife must not look at him. This thread is a farce.

cloudboy -> RE: wife found my profile (5/11/2007 8:18:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gloriousangel My opiniion is this. Marriage is about trust and honesty. Good luck Marriage is also often about sexual repression. I'm curious, if marriages weren't tied so closely to monogamy, would they last longer? Oftentimes, marriages are about the illusion of monogamy, and partners would rather have the illusion than the truth. What's odd is that the OP has indicated he has a great sex with his wife but can't get it up and has ED with his Mistress. (That's kind of funny.) Curiously, no one has said, "If your wife truly loves you, she'd give you permission to see your mistress outside of the marriage." Whatever happened to the proponents of sexual liberation? Where is our Dan Savage figure? Frankly, I just wish pollux would quit posting under this alias, because its just really soooooooooooo annoying!

Red82 -> RE: wife found my profile (5/11/2007 8:47:41 AM)
quote: Marriage is also often about sexual repression. I'm curious, if marriages weren't tied so closely to monogamy, would they last longer? Oftentimes, marriages are about the illusion of monogamy, and partners would rather have the illusion than the truth. What's odd is that the OP has indicated he has a great sex with his wife but can't get it up and has ED with his Mistress. (That's kind of funny.) Curiously, no one has said, "If your wife truly loves you, she'd give you permission to see your mistress outside of the marriage." Whatever happened to the proponents of sexual liberation? Where is our Dan Savage figure? Frankly, I just wish pollux would quit posting under this alias, because its just really soooooooooooo annoying! First off, the "illusion" of monogomy in a marriage is accepted by both people. This people can decide they want a poly lifestyle, but i think what my point is here, from the sounds of the OP it was more than just an illusion to one of them. I did not see anywhere in the OP about great sex with the wife or anything about ED, was this in another thread? quote: Curiously, no one has said, "If your wife truly loves you, she'd give you permission to see your mistress outside of the marriage." Oh Simple! Curiously, you didnt say "If you truly loved your wife, you woulden't have sneaked around her!" There is nothing wrong with a poly marriage, but there is when the parties involved are not consenting. No communication, and he willfully hid it. Im still not seeing any defense for it.

MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: wife found my profile (5/11/2007 8:52:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cloudboy Curiously, no one has said, "If your wife truly loves you, she'd give you permission to see your mistress outside of the marriage." Perhaps that's something he can discuss with his next wife before they get married.

cloudboy -> RE: wife found my profile (5/11/2007 10:41:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Red82 Oh Simple! Curiously, you didnt say "If you truly loved your wife, you woulden't have sneaked around her!" There is nothing wrong with a poly marriage, but there is when the parties involved are not consenting. No communication, and he willfully hid it. Im still not seeing any defense for it. If I said that, I would just be repeating the common, boilerplate mantra of the majority-think, plus its already been said. As for, "No communication, and he willfully hid it, " yes, exactly, that's otherwise known as the illusion of monogamy. Sometimes its wiser and more considerate to give your partner an illusion than it is to give them the truth. Its pretty difficult for us to judge this marital thinking from the outside. Also, did it ever occur to you that a person may sneak around precisely because they do love their wife? I just don't understand how people rationally can expect marriage to maintain each person's romantic and sexual needs over the course of a lifetime. As for me, I don't believe in sexual repression, one love after marriage till death do thy part, or that I would want to tie my wife to me, and only me, forever. How exactly is that expectation "loving?" I'd argue that such an expectation is possessive and selfish. In a marriage, though, shit breaks. If the people do love one another, they work through problems, support one another, and negotiate their own boundaries. Who knows what will happen to the OP. I just hope he finds sexual liberation and stays married in a good relationship. Here's hoping he has the skills to pull it off!! Here's hoping that his wife can also think outside of the box.

Red82 -> RE: wife found my profile (5/11/2007 10:50:36 AM)
quote: Also, did it ever occur to you that a person may sneak around precisely because they do love their wife? This logic makes no sense. He loves her, but not enough to trust her and to talk to her about it first. The issue isnt him having a Mistress outside of the marriage, the issue is he lied to his wife, whom he is suppose to love, and to state what i have previously stated, what would stop him from lying to his Mistress, or any future Mistress', just because it suits his needs? quote: As for me, I don't believe in sexual repression, one love after marriage till death do thy part, or that I would want to tie my wife to me, and only me, forever. How exactly is that expectation of mine "loving?" I'd ague that such an expectation is possessive, which is a selfish. Then when/if you get married, make sure that there is nothing in the vows that would make someone think that you are going to give yourself to them and only them. Or make sure thats what you both want. I think it can be summed down rather simply, if you dont want to be in a monogomus marriage, make sure before you get married that the other person is in agreement, or dont get married.

cloudboy -> RE: wife found my profile (5/11/2007 10:54:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood Perhaps that's something he can discuss with his next wife before they get married. That's presumptuous. Of course comparing newlyweds to longtime marrieds is a bit of apples and oranges. The greater question is, what should a wife or husband do when he or she cannot meet their spouse's core needs? To underlay that question, I'd also say that people who stay happily married in LTRs do so because they rely on flexibility.

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875