No really, how important is Sex? (Full Version)

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Voltare -> No really, how important is Sex? (2/3/2004 7:36:58 AM)

I came across this article earlier today, and I thought it to be fascinating and spoke my thoughts more eloquantly then I possibly could.

http://www.steel-door.com/whereisthesex.htm

So the question is - how important is Sex to you? Really?

Stephan



Erusvi -> RE: No really, how important is Sex? (2/3/2004 10:02:24 AM)

Well... for my part, in regards to BDSM... not so much.

I speak only for myself in this regard, with no bearing on what is universally or even somewhat 'right' or 'true' for the masses. I have spent quite a bit of my time in this lifestyle in public. In performing at BDSM clubs and events, I've scened with a lot of people that stepped up out of the audience, looking to see what it's like.

I endevour to instill a lot of sensuality into my BDSM play with people. To my mind, that is the defining attribute of BDSM: it is an explosion of the senses. It is a deep and deliciously exhausting exploration of them.

I differ from the author of that piece in that it isn't, however, riding the horizon of sexual release for me. It tickles an entirely different part of my psyche. It's not about abstinence or denial. It's simply not a sexual thing for me. In much the same way, I can emerse myself, very happily, in a nice, hot bath, surrounded by candles and incense, listening to Dead Can Dance... and have a divinely sensual experience. Sensuality is not reliant on sexuality.

Now, that's BDSM (for me). D/s is a completely different creature all together. The blood rushes to my cock so fast I get dizzy sometimes when dahanala drops to her knees to kiss my boots.

BDSM is a rush. It's all the thrills of a roller coaster without the horribly long line. But, it's supplication that I find sexually intoxicating.

But then, that's just me. Your results may vary.



trnmastr -> RE: No really, how important is Sex? (2/4/2004 9:53:14 AM)

Very important, I know its not the PC answer but that is how I am and most I have been with.
This is a sexual lifestyle how many do you talk to say they dont get aroused? Not many I am sure.
This lifestyle is a very sexual and emotional lifestyle, there is a deep connective bond that occurs, without sex it kind of seems hollow.

William



Asmodeus -> RE: No really, how important is Sex? (2/4/2004 2:32:43 PM)

To me, BDSM isn't about sex; it's about power and control.

That doesn't mean that there isn't a sexual component to my play; my submissive's submission and sexuallity are tightly bound together, so I make use of that in exerting my dominance over her. But as I have told her, I get the same rush when she is tightly bound and writhing on the spanking bench if she is writhing in pain or orgasm. It is my control that touches the Dom within me, as it were, not her arousal. Were are intimate in a far different way than if we were a vanilla sexual couple.



EStrict -> RE: No really, how important is Sex? (2/4/2004 3:56:51 PM)

To me, sex isn't a factor in my being a slave. My *need* to serve has nothing to do with sex, a thing I proved to myself in doing my best to make the best home possible for a 'nilla man for years who called me fridgid and didn't do anything with me. Even with him, my inherent need to serve a man made me do my best.

*However* I am a very sexual creature, and (with Master's approval) make great use of Race's nap time using my *toys* since a child in the house and Master's work schedule leave little time for play. And for that reason, most play isn't even sexual. Sex tends to be quiet little times when Master rolls over and pins me before I am awake and are for his gratification. Or the late night times when he uses fingers and fist to play when he is too tired to want a scene or even sex, but wants to see me squirm,,,

Sandy



SwtsubinAZ -> RE: No really, how important is Sex? (2/4/2004 7:46:10 PM)

I believe this is a very erotic, sexual lifestyle. We all become aroused in so many different ways and for some of us the issues of power and control are intoxicating. I need to have an intense passion for my Dominant and I want himt to feel the same about me.



SherriA -> RE: No really, how important is Sex? (2/4/2004 8:50:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Voltare

So the question is - how important is Sex to you? Really?



I think that depends on how you define "sex". Do you mean insert Tab A into Slot B? Do you include other forms of stimulation? Laura Antoniou once said that for her, sex is anything that increases the possibility of orgasm, which can include even things like reading porn. Janet Hardy said "beating is sex". I'm going to assume that you mean the traditional "insert tab a into slot b" definition. If not, please feel free to clarify. It's really difficult to have a productive discussion when people are using words in different ways.

So, after all of that, *for me*, sex is great. I love sex. Sex is a good thing. I have it as often as possible. That doesn't mean that it has anything at all to do with wiitwd though, at least for me. Can it? Sure. But it's not a requirement, and there are lots of times that it would be a detriment.

Most of the play I do doesn't culminate in traditional sex. Sometimes there's lots of sexual energy, but even that's not necessary. Suz and I have done some incredibly HOT scenes, but we never have sex. There are occasional orgasms, but we don't fuck. And sometimes sexual energy isn't even the point. When i'm REALLY struggling with something, sexual energy would just interfere with where I want to go. That kind of energy, for me, can be distracting and take away from my focus on what I'm trying to do.

So, in answer to the original question, sex is important to me, but not necessarily in a bdsm context. Clear as mud?

-- Sherri



Estring -> RE: No really, how important is Sex? (2/4/2004 9:32:28 PM)

How important is sex? Hmm, let's see? I have a beautiful black slave who will do anything I desire. A slave who is always wet and willing. A slave who cums on my command. You better believe sex is important!
Granted, the sex is different than vanilla sex has been. (Foreplay for instance). The fact that I own such a willing and sexual slave is always a turn on. And using her as I please is a dream come true. A definite turn on.
I try to combine any session of bdsm with sex. To me that is the best way. It may not always be intercourse, but it usually is sex of some kind.
So my answer is sex is most important in my relationship with my slave.



belongtoyou -> RE: No really, how important is Sex? (2/5/2004 10:28:23 AM)

Since i've not had sex in 3 years now, it's very important to me!

i'm a new sub and have only met my dom once....and while it was exciting and fun to be introduced to this lifestyle...i was anxious to have sex right away. i believe i may have to wait awhile but that doesn't mean i don't think of it, often.

wet sub waiting....

Rain



MistressDREAD -> RE: No really, how important is Sex? (2/5/2004 11:09:28 AM)

Looks up at Voltars word and ~smiles~
then skims over Erusvi and thinks also about the
best sex and orggggazzzzum I ever had and I had
not been touched physically to acheive it mmmm.
The mind is a terrible thing to waste!
then skims across to SherriA's tabs and slots
and totally loses it ROFLMFAO!!
Ohhh I Love You PEOPLE!



TiffanySlave -> RE: No really, how important is Sex? (2/7/2004 8:36:26 PM)

I have a high sex drive. SO sex is important and Some fetish and BDSM helps to turn on the fountain. I am not a hardcore BDSM person. But I do enjoy with a person I can trust being tied up and whipped and spanked and teased but in the end even if I am teased a great deal till begging I would like the orgasm. Sexual intercourse is the best :) But I guess I could be teased and made to earn it. Sex is very important to me.



MistressFire70 -> RE: No really, how important is Sex? (11/7/2004 7:33:59 PM)

Well, since this is an opinion question, I can answer with authority! LOL

For me, it would really depend on many issues, but mainly on what kind of relationship I was looking for. If I wanted a toy, damn straight, sex is important. If I’m looking for a domestic servant, I don’t see it playing into the picture. If am in a previously committed relationship, such as I am now, sex will not be in the Ms relationship because it’s been reserved for the primary relationship.

So, the moral of the story is: it’s as important as we want it to be. The key is to find a partner who feels the same way we do.

Fire



perverseangelic -> RE: No really, how important is Sex? (11/7/2004 7:39:37 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: EStrict

To me, sex isn't a factor in my being a slave. My *need* to serve has nothing to do with sex, a thing I proved to myself in doing my best to make the best home possible for a 'nilla man for years who called me fridgid and didn't do anything with me. Even with him, my inherent need to serve a man made me do my best.


I feel similarly about my service to my partner. The fufilment doesn't come from the sex bit, but from all the other bits.

To him, though, sex is a very important thing. To me, it depends on a lot of factors. My natural drive for sex is amazingly high, however I've been on and off medication that make it drop to almost nil.

It's interesting in that a couple months ago sex itself became service, as I was deriving no pleasure from it (for wholely chemical reasons). It was an interesting experience to have sexual acts fall into the same category as...say...washing the dishes. Interesting, but I'm glad it's over.



MaitresseEden -> RE: No really, how important is Sex? (11/7/2004 8:47:32 PM)

ok.. here goes my politically uncorrect answer.

IT'S VERY IMPORTANT!!!!!!

It's all about sexuality and in my opinion those who say it's not, are clueless to the big picture, and how it all fits together.

Ms.Eden.

PLEASE NOTE:, I said Sexuality, not the act of intercourse. I do not limit my definition of sex to inserting tab A into slot B. of course, as always.. Your opinion may vary.




Laura -> RE: No really, how important is Sex? (11/7/2004 8:53:29 PM)

To me one of the best elements about being a domme is controlling the sex. Women are often accussed of "just lying there". Well, when you are the one in charge you don't just lie there, even if you do just lie there. I think of BDSM as very long drawn out foreplay. It doesn't have to lead to sex but the sex is there in the control, the seduction and the daring to be bolder than he expected. I love surprising men. lol



TaurusMCMLVIII -> RE: No really, how important is Sex? (11/7/2004 9:00:49 PM)

quote:

ok.. here goes my politically uncorrect answer.

IT'S VERY IMPORTANT!!!!!!

It's all about sexuality and in my opinion those who say it's not, are clueless to the big picture, and how it all fits together.


I may not have put it so bluntly but I have to agree.



MaitresseEden -> RE: No really, how important is Sex? (11/7/2004 9:19:55 PM)


quote:



I may not have put it so bluntly but I have to agree.



Sometimes.. you just gotta get the BIG hammer out. Now all this talk about sex is making me want some!

Ms.Eden



Suleiman -> RE: No really, how important is Sex? (11/7/2004 9:47:31 PM)

I used to wear a button that read, "sex is like air: it's only important when you're not getting any"

At the time, I was a virgin, and it was a cute little joke. Now that the missus is away most of the time, and I'm looking at seeing her maybe two days each month for the next year or so, I'm starting to wish I still had that button.

As has been asked by others, I find I must reiterate, "what is sex"? It's a very subjective thing, and for me it is as much mental as emotional, and far more of either than physical. Within the incredibly braod boundaris by which I define the term, I consider it to be all-important. Not just in BDSM, but as a part of life. Wasn't it George Carlin who said that everything the human race has ever achieved was just to impress the opposite sex? It's a basic truth, isn't it? Sex and sexual relations motivates a large part of our society and the underlying mechanisms that make our society live and move. Commerce is about sex, so is art. Religion seems to constantly be about sex, or at least controlling sexuality. Consumerism is all about sex, and advertising damn near is sex. Any year now they're going to figure out how to have a commercial give out blowjobs, and when they do the first company to subsidise it is going to have record-breaking sales.

Then again, as Tom Lerher puts it, "when correctly viewed, everything is lewd", so I might well be filtering my perceptions of the world to fit my own sex-obsessed nature.



rubytuesday -> RE: No really, how important is Sex? (11/7/2004 11:37:31 PM)

I think its very important to use the word "sex" without the Slot A into Slot B thingy. Having been in a relationship with a terrifc guy who couldnt "get it up" for medical reasons - I have to say that sexually it was the most satisfying relationship I had ever experienced and all that without penetration. And best of all for him was he could be with someone who put no pressure on him in areas he had no control over so I guess it left him imaging all sorts of other things to take the place of "intercourse" (gosh I hate that word - its so yikky lol).

I reckon that sex in whatever form it takes and works is important because it fulfills a number of needs not all physical.

JMO

quote:

That which serves to weaken us only makes us stronger



subbiejenn -> RE: No really, how important is Sex? (11/8/2004 4:34:09 AM)

*grins* Hell Yeah sex is important! But really depends who i am with... Also depends how you define sex but for my answer (as SherriA so delicately put it) "insert Tab A into Slot B".

i don't think BDSM is all about sex, i think it is more of a power exchange. i get a sense of fulfillment from pleasing and serving which has nothing to do with sex but i get a different fulfillment from sex and still need it! Sex, kissing, cuddling etc... are all important to me but i am not looking for just BDSM partner to "play" with. i want a relationship with all the emotional stuff also.

When i have "played" with a couple Doms who i was not emotional with nor wanted to be there was no sex and No it wasn't important to me. (Nor did i want sex with them) i have meet couple Doms who i come to respect as a Dom to "just play", learn, feel and be satisfied with my BDSM desires.

i can be satisfied in a BDSM way without sex. Even so i get wet and excited i don't need sex to satisfy me. i can go to my Mentors office and get a good spanking and be very satisfied with no sex. When i find the perfect Dom for me where there is a emotional and BDSM attachment then i will want the sex and in that relationship it will be important.

NO insert Tab A into Slot B for me without some emotional attachment or future with Him.

JMO
~jenn~



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