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maudite -> RE: Degradation 101 (9/18/2006 11:03:20 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: GregoryMK
What one finds hmiliating or degrading is often about context and about your past.
Thank you for saying this. Making someone piss themselves in public is humiliating, sure, but it lacks subtlety. It doesn't show any understanding on the dom's part of who the sub is and what makes him/her tick. Writing lines would work very well on me. (Just thinking about it gives me a little thrill.) One reason I love gags so very much is that so much of who I am is based on my communication skills. I love to talk. I write for a living. I used to sing for a living. To have those things taken away is a profound experience, and once that happens the opportunities for humiliation are endless -- and need not take place in public. (Public play is something I'll only do if no one but my dom and I -- and perhaps a chosen accomplice or two -- know is happening.)
quote:
ORIGINAL: undergroundsea
Midori does an intelligent, engaging seminar about humiliation. Her take is that each person has traits that she likens to walls in a house. Some walls are load bearing with respect to a sense of self worth while some are not. She recommends determining which traits are not load bearing and playing with those traits while avoiding and perhaps even reinforcing load-bearing traits.
This is also an excellent point, although I'm not sure I agree with the way it's expressed. I'd say my communication skills are a load-bearing trait for me, but I'm comfortable playing with that. On the other hand, I have a very low self-image when it comes to my physical appearance and my social skills -- and if a dom used those things as a target for humiliation, it would be emotionally devastating (and I'd probably safeword and walk out on the spot).
So what I'd say is that you should stick to areas in which your sub normally is in control; the whole point of domination is to take away control, right? To me, the tasty part of being gagged and then mocked about it is that my dom has taken away control that I ordinarily have a firm grip on. Worse yet, I've allowed him to do it. What does that say about me? So it's humiliating in-scene, but once it's over I get that control back.
Taking shots at areas in which your sub doesn't feel in control anyway -- like a poor opinion of their appearance -- gains you little as a dom. You can't take away control that the sub didn't have in the first place, and you could end up doing serious harm.
Isn't this what the power exchange is all about?
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