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Your Body Image - 5/12/2007 4:29:30 PM   
Halley


Posts: 51
Joined: 1/20/2007
Status: offline 		I am a Domme, I have always been dominant in relationships long before I knew their was a BDSM community. Now I'm getting older. In most all aspects of my life I'm very confident. However I have been approached by a much younger sub. And we have developed a very enjoyable dialog at this point. I have current pictures posted. In his profile he said he wanted a fit Domme, when he first wrote I replied that I am not fit. Now he wants to come see me. I am feeling insecure about my appearance. Do any of you older Domme's know what I am trying to express here? Do any of you have any opionions on this very shallow  topic?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Your Body Image - 5/12/2007 4:55:06 PM   
SunNMoon


Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline 		Well I'm not an older Domme (I also when I think older I think of someone in there 70s) but I do feel self-conscious about how I look. I'm far from being fit. I don't think of it as being super shallow or anything but just human. I think a lot of people given the chance have a ‘bad body’ day. I've had more then a few.

In regards to this sub, he's seen your pictures and must like what he's seen since he wants to meet you. I don't know why (I do but I think your being silly) you're worried about your appearance. Hope you have fun with him if you decide to meet.

(in reply to Halley)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Your Body Image - 5/12/2007 5:03:29 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		You have posted your photo, he has seen what you look like. Why feel insecure, its not as if you have claimed to be something different. Something about either your profile, or the way you have connected with him, obviously works well.


(in reply to SunNMoon)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Your Body Image - 5/12/2007 5:14:24 PM   
Halley


Posts: 51
Joined: 1/20/2007
Status: offline 		You know you are both right and I appreciate the input. I was simply having a moment of the "what if's". Thank you both.

(in reply to Politesub53)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Your Body Image - 5/12/2007 5:17:32 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Youre very welcome, i suspect many people have image issues, even me......

(in reply to Halley)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Your Body Image - 5/12/2007 5:19:54 PM   
SunNMoon


Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline 		You're welcome. I had a body issue day yesterday. hehe

(in reply to Politesub53)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Your Body Image - 5/12/2007 5:49:07 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Halley

Do any of you have any opionions on this very shallow topic?


I don't think its a shallow topic at all, instead we must know that in courtship people are heavily governed by their own irrational impulses and hard wired sexual orientations. One can't enlighten out of his own human nature, and understanding and respecting this nature is not a shallow enterprise.

To me the key to courtship is one's ability to risk rejection, to make onerself vulnerable, and try one's best. If you do this, you should feel proud even when things don't work out. Remember, you can't control another's romantic focus, and you must accept yourself for who you are. What you can control is how you conduct yourself with others --- and my advice would be to keep your focus on that.

As for me, when ladies say they want either a tall, under 40, or non balding guy --- I just figure they don't want me. I try not to take it personally. Thinking about why I've been rejected on these grounds is pointless, plus there's nothing I can do to change these elements about myself. So, I just try to laugh it off.

As for aging and getting older, I hear you on that one.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 5/12/2007 5:52:11 PM >

(in reply to Halley)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Your Body Image - 5/12/2007 6:30:36 PM   
Kitte9


Posts: 411
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline 		It is always possible that he may desire someone other than a swizzle stick. I didn't know I like larger women until I began seeing her.

_____________________________

I am stronger than yesterday

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Your Body Image - 5/12/2007 7:03:02 PM   
Halley


Posts: 51
Joined: 1/20/2007
Status: offline



To me the key to courtship is one's ability to risk rejection, to make onerself vulnerable, ~ Cloudboy

I think this is the key to it all. I think putting  yourself in that very vulnerable position is one of the hardest things for me to do. I am so into control and this is one of the times I cannot control. Thank you for your input Cloudboy. I don't quite have control of the quote features. I'm a computer tard!

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Your Body Image - 5/12/2007 7:18:59 PM   
Evilfx


Posts: 15
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline 		I can relate exactly to what you are feeling. A similar situation has befallen me recently. I have found the most incredible female slave I have ever met. A good bit younger than myself, extremely beautiful and very, very fit.  I am not exactly out of shape or over the hill yet by any means, however in all honesty I do have some insecuritys about my physical appearance now and I do think I could be in a lot better shape. In part for her but mostly for myself.  My answer is diet and hitting the gym twice as hard as before,. its a lot of work, but she is a great motivational factor and I know in the end it will be very much worth the effort. This is how I plan to deal with my insecurity, and this may not be the answer to yours. I suppose in the end it really boils down to if one person truly likes another for WHO they are and not WHAT they are. Most importantly you have to like yourself for who you are. Good luck to you, I hope you find the answers you seek.

(in reply to Halley)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Your Body Image - 5/12/2007 7:48:59 PM   
pinksissyPA


Posts: 90
Joined: 6/2/2006
Status: offline 		Awwww Ms Halley You are beautiful

(in reply to Halley)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Your Body Image - 5/12/2007 7:54:23 PM   
MstrTiger


Posts: 417
Joined: 1/14/2006
From: UK
Status: offline
You also need to remember that your concerns are not his concerns, I often meet slaves who are quite insecure about meeting me in a similar way to how you are insecure about meeting him the important thing to remember that what you think about your body is not the same as what he thinks about your body. I have had relationships fall apart with several older slaves because of what they think I should be thinking about the way they look, it is extremely annoying to say the least. I once had a long argument with a handsome older French slave about what he thought my thoughts on him where ultimately the guy you are meeting know what he thinks and it is not a good idea to try and impose your perceptions of yourself onto his thoughts in case you kill the relationship with your perceptions of negativity before it has even started.

< Message edited by MstrTiger -- 5/12/2007 7:55:41 PM >

_____________________________

Visit my website http://www.tigerdom.com

(in reply to Evilfx)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Your Body Image - 5/12/2007 8:40:49 PM   
MistressDolly


Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Halley

I am a Domme, I have always been dominant in relationships long before I knew their was a BDSM community. Now I'm getting older. In most all aspects of my life I'm very confident. However I have been approached by a much younger sub. And we have developed a very enjoyable dialog at this point. I have current pictures posted. In his profile he said he wanted a fit Domme, when he first wrote I replied that I am not fit. Now he wants to come see me. I am feeling insecure about my appearance. Do any of you older Domme's know what I am trying to express here? Do any of you have any opionions on this very shallow  topic?


There's nothing sexier than self-confidence.  Fit or unfit, self-confidence doesn't discriminate.  I know some plus size women who exude and drip sex appeal and I know some ordinary, average-looking guys who attract ample amount of Ladies.  Being sexy isn't only about a perfect body or a perfectly symmetrical face; it's also about attitude, demenour and charm.

_____________________________

m i s t r e s s d o l l y . c o m

m y s p a c e


(in reply to Halley)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Your Body Image - 5/12/2007 9:32:10 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I told my sub right up front I am a Dominant fat redhead and if you can't handle it then move along. Well he didn't move along, in fact he surprised me by saying I don't care what you look like its your mind and personality that have me ensnared. I can't argue with that. When it comes down to it, lets face it the body just goes down hill over time, but the mind..the mind can be beautiful forever.

He's seen your picture and you've been honest with him. If he shows up and is turned off he has no one to blame but himself.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to Halley)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Your Body Image - 5/12/2007 11:19:52 PM   
canupleaseme


Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		I think lots of people feel the same way.  God I have really big issues about my body appearance and I was really nervous about my boy meeting me because he is fit and young and just right but he loves what he saw and makes me feel better about myself everyday. I try to remind myself that I'm only critical of myself becasue is me.   I dont judge others ontheir apperances so why would others be judging me.  Its whats inside that counts

_____________________________

Proud mistress

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Your Body Image - 5/13/2007 7:27:56 AM   
BossySSBBW


Posts: 132
Joined: 5/18/2006
Status: offline 		I don't have problems with my body so, I tend to ask multiple times if the person has read my profile, my journal and looked at the many pictures I have posted.  I am 50 working on 51 quickly, I do not want someone who has illusions that I am young and fit.  I make sure they read the part where I am very fat and use a wheelchair...lol.  Men have to know what I look like, what my wants and needs are and will be in the future.  I make sure the fantasy is very separate from the reality.  I still get men and women who contact me, so I guess we all have our admirers.
I can do naked in the afternoon or all lights on at night...lol.   So he/she better be prepared....lol.

< Message edited by BossySSBBW -- 5/13/2007 7:29:20 AM >

(in reply to canupleaseme)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Your Body Image - 5/13/2007 7:56:55 AM   
TheDiva


Posts: 129
Joined: 6/21/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL
Status: offline 		Halley,

Not sure if 35 counts as "older", but I think that the more comfortable you are with your body, the better it will work out. You've been honest that you don't meet all the criteria that he might want in his "perfect" Domme, but that doesn't have to be a sticking point. From what you've posted, it doesn't seem to be a dealbreaker for him.

I'm sure you have some outfits like the one you're wearing in the picture that don't hide, but enhance. I think presenting yourself looking your personal best (without comparing yourself to anyone else) is a good start. If he can't accept you as his Goddess in your current shape, chalk it up as his loss. Good luck!

< Message edited by TheDiva -- 5/13/2007 7:58:19 AM >

(in reply to Halley)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Your Body Image - 5/13/2007 7:58:51 AM   
Cyrano1


Posts: 14
Joined: 3/1/2007
Status: offline 		I would like to say that I feel this measuring up one way or another lookwise is contrary to what is at hand namely the emerging Master/slave relation. While true there is a high expectation on visual asthetics We must also hold strong to the realization that the other in the relation is there for what We offer strength/guidance/direction to name but a few. I have seen many a people in My day and have to tell you asthetic beauty is highly overrated afterall true beauty is after all solely in the eye of the beholder. So while you journey forth realize that as long as you know and care for yourself then destiny wins out. plus they seen your photo they know what you look like already

_____________________________


Cyrano

(in reply to BossySSBBW)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Your Body Image - 5/13/2007 8:03:03 AM   
Unrepentant1


Posts: 283
Joined: 8/25/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDolly

quote:

ORIGINAL: Halley

I am a Domme, I have always been dominant in relationships long before I knew their was a BDSM community. Now I'm getting older. In most all aspects of my life I'm very confident. However I have been approached by a much younger sub. And we have developed a very enjoyable dialog at this point. I have current pictures posted. In his profile he said he wanted a fit Domme, when he first wrote I replied that I am not fit. Now he wants to come see me. I am feeling insecure about my appearance. Do any of you older Domme's know what I am trying to express here? Do any of you have any opionions on this very shallow  topic?


There's nothing sexier than self-confidence.  Fit or unfit, self-confidence doesn't discriminate.  I know some plus size women who exude and drip sex appeal and I know some ordinary, average-looking guys who attract ample amount of Ladies.  Being sexy isn't only about a perfect body or a perfectly symmetrical face; it's also about attitude, demenour and charm.



This is soo true, the sexiest part of any person is their mind, from this the sex appeal and self confidence comes.

(in reply to MistressDolly)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Your Body Image - 5/13/2007 8:16:45 AM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline 		Oooooh I have bad body days - many of them!

(in reply to Unrepentant1)
Profile   Post #: 20
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