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my doubts about my submission - 5/12/2007 7:50:01 PM   
kemicca


Posts: 4
Joined: 4/26/2007
Status: offline 		Hey guys - this is cross-posted to the "ask a dom" forum too... I'd like to get a sub's perspective because a sub is more likely to have felt something close to what I'm feeling.  If you have, I'd love to hear how you dealt with it.  I mean, what I'd really LIKE to hear is that I'm not being selfish at all, this is totally normal, etc.  But I suspect I won't hear quite what I like.  Please, if you have some honest feedback for me, I'd really like some advice here.

I've been on this site a little while now and I think I seem to be kind of between a rock and a hard place.  I'm getting a little frustrated because there's a whole world here that I want to be a part of, but I don't know that I can be with my current boyfriend. 

Maybe it's just that we're both inexperienced.  Right now I can't say anything about my own tendencies for certain:  I want to say I have submissive tendencies, but the things I'm tempted to request from my boyfriend to help me explore them feel a little like topping from the bottom.

Here's the thing:  He wants to dominate me.  Sometimes.  We ran a couple of scenes and they were so powerful for me that they flared up this very sudden, very intense interest in exploring my submission further.  Suddenly I'm thinking about things like heavy bondage, humiliation, whipping, face-slapping, orgasm control, sensory deprivation.  I feel like there's a whole world of sensation out there that I want to explore.

But I feel like my boyfriend, although he says he's interested in exploring that, and though he seems to be really into it when we do run a scene (it's been nothing but light bondage as of now), doesn't seem interested in it enough to even want to explore any of this.  He'll text me something sexy about... well, it's always on the same theme: penetration.  I can't count the number of times I've gotten texts with the words "all your holes filled" and such. 

I don't know if I'm being greedy.  I mean, if I'm really submissive, than why would I be asking for more?  Wouldn't I be satisfied with just making him happy?  When I ask myself that... I'm forced to conclude that no, I'm not satisfied.  But Jesus - how does a submissive guide a dominant through something like this?  And again, why would I even do that?  It's the opposite of what I want!

I feel like I'm asking something of him when I shouldn't be asking anything.  The amount of responsibility a dominant must assume is staggering.  How can I possibly ask him to take control over me when he doesn't seem to care one way or another?  How do you tell a person you're asking to dominate you that his constant harping on the same theme is boring and no longer exciting you?  And what does it make me that I'm even having these thoughts?  Am I being selfish and lazy, just wanting him to take control over me but magically do everything that I want?  But communicating this stuff to him just feels so distasteful!  How the hell do you tell your boyfriend that you fantasize about having your face slapped during a scene?  I mean, if he's not coming up with that himself, it must not be something he's interested in.  And that makes it topping from the bottom... right?

Gah.  I just feel so frustrated and upset with myself.  I feel like I'm going in this useless circle and becoming more and more dissatisfied.  Part of it is that we haven't even seen each other in a month and he's been really stressed (the reasons are related, but it's life-stuff that doesn't really need to be gone into).  That will be going away shortly and who knows... maybe once he can focus on me more he'll want to explore his own dominant side more. 

I guess what really concerns me is the fact that we might just not be suited for each other as dom/sub.  But nobody can tell me whether it's worth it to leave a good relationship, a man I love and who just... complements me so well in other ways, to explore fantasies that for all I know, I might grow tired of in a year. 

I don't know that the questions I'm asking even have answers.  I guess I just want to know if they're normal.  If other people have gone through this. I dunno why that's important to me, but it is.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: my doubts about my submission - 5/12/2007 8:19:27 PM   
sublimelysensual


Posts: 298
Joined: 7/25/2005
Status: offline 		kemicca,
I haven't  been in your situation, but reading your post, I can see where you're coming from. IMO, it's totally normal to be feeling what you're feeling, the last thing any sub wants to do is feel like she's topping from the bottom. That being said, letting him know about things that interest you isn't something I would consider topping..He needs to know where Your head is. What I have done in the past when I haven't felt comfortable verbally expressing something, is to write it down, personally speaking, I feel like I express myself more clearly that way, and oftentimes it helps me sort things out in my head at the same time.
 
One thing I would suggest to you, would be to fill out a bdsm checklist, if you do a web search, there are an abundance of them out there, and you can choose whichever you're most comfortable with..some of them have 1-10 ratings, yes/no/maybes, etc. It wouldn't be a bad idea for Him to do one as well, then use it as tool to get the communication rolling..compare notes about what you would both like to try, etc. The good thing about the ones involving ratings is that it will also help you figure out what you really want to try, and what you don't care so much about, that may make Him more willing to try new things that He may not normally consider. IE..I see you rated face slapping as a 10, it really interests you that much?  I just think it's a really good tool. I hope this helps..
 
-a

_____________________________

"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." -Simone De Beauvoir -'The Second Sex'

(in reply to kemicca)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: my doubts about my submission - 5/12/2007 8:33:50 PM   
kemicca


Posts: 4
Joined: 4/26/2007
Status: offline 		That's a really good idea.  Both the "writing it down" thing and the list thing.  I do get the feeling that maybe he's just... not particularly creative.  I mean, there was another kink of mine a while back that didn't include dom/sub and that he'd never really been into before, but he sure as hell jumped on it when he started to explore it at my encouragement.  Now it's one of his fondest fantasies. 

With the time constraints, he's never really gotten involved in the lifestyle, though I've attended a few local munches and joined this site, etc.  I'm hoping that once his schedule clears up, he'll be interested and able to meet people and see what else there is out there besides the tired old "pussy stretching" fantasy. :P

I'll have to look up one of those lists.  Thanks, both for the advice and for the validation that I'm slightly ashamed of needing, the idea that I'm not being selfish or that I'm a poor excuse for a sub. :P

(in reply to sublimelysensual)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: my doubts about my submission - 5/12/2007 8:35:43 PM   
minnetar


Posts: 1272
Joined: 4/11/2007
Status: offline 		kemicca,
Sounds like your mate is unsure about what his needs and wants are.  Most Doms i know have that basic personality trait.  Then they realize what it is.  If your mate doesn't, i don't think you can force it.

minnetar

(in reply to kemicca)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: my doubts about my submission - 5/12/2007 9:15:48 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		When I got started, my first partner was pretty new as well.  But one of the things I quickly realized is that if MY learning curve wasn't quicker than HERS, then she might become bored because I'm not giving her enough of what she wants.

Is that a twisted take on D/s or top/bottom?  Some people might think so, but if two people are 'in it' to maintain a relationship, that relationship and its members need to be 'fed'.

So, I made sure that for her, or anyone, that I was 'always' willing to do more/go further/etc. than my partner, just so she would always feel that there 'could' be more if she needed to go there.

Your boyfriend isn't thinking in these terms.  You certainly have greater desires than he wants to fulfill at this time.  So, what to do?

You already know the answer.  He begins to rise to your level of desire, you 'turn off' you desires to match his abilities, or you start fresh with another.  None of them are the 'right' answer, but one or more is probably the 'wrong' answer.  You have to make that choice.

Good luck.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to kemicca)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: my doubts about my submission - 5/12/2007 9:24:10 PM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		You know, coming up with things that are Dominating and creating original and well-planned scenes is a difficult task. This sounds like something you are both new to, so I would take some time to make this an adventure, of sorts. Read the books...some of them have some very basic how-to and safety precautions that you might have never thought of.
 
I can only imagine that he's just trying to get his feet wet and doesn't have the knowledge to pursue all of the things that you would like to try. If he's a willing participant, you're luckier than most who realize mid-vanilla relationship that they would like to explore the kinkier side of life.
 
My advice, slow down. Learn what you can about what it is you want to do...and remember that some fantasies are better left as fantasies. Starting out slow seems to be the logical thing to do, keeping safety and unknown limits in mind.
 
You've mentioned that he's busy. Give him some slack and do some education on your own...maybe pass along the good stuff, that way you can weed out the things that don't interest you and would be time-wasters.
 
It's not selfish to want your needs met, but it is selfish if you don't give him time to adjust to this new role.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to kemicca)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: my doubts about my submission - 5/12/2007 10:38:33 PM   
farieanne


Posts: 65
Joined: 2/24/2007
From: Las Vegas
Status: offline 		Hi,
 
I wanted to tell you that IMO telling your Dom what your needs and wants are is not topping from the bottom. As your Dom He needs to know these things. He is Dom not a minde reader. Maybe He is also afraid to scare you. i mean picture this, you have a gf who says she is subbmisive and wants to explore it. You set a secene and in it slap her across the face and she starts crying and says 'how could You?" LoL!
On another post a sub was upset because her Dom/me was not paying attention to her and she felt lonesome. someone suggested to her that she was too available for the Dom/me and she should make herself not so available by telling him she was busy when He/She called or had plans when He/She wanted to get together. This is topping from the bottom.
There is nothing wrong with open honest communication. As a matter of fact BDSM and D/s are all about Honesty, communication, and honor. Without these things it is impossible to have a good BDSM D/s relatonship.
 
I think the one who said to fill out a check list for you and Him is a wonderful idea. also find some sites with some short stories that turn you on and share them with Him. like "the story of o". It is a bit long but it's a good one and a classic and easy to find a condenced version online. plus it might be something fun for you both.
NEVER worry about being honest with your Dom/me unless they say not to. Just be careful with when where and how you say what's on your mind.

_____________________________

Master Peter's

"A woman will always sacrifice herself if you give her the opportunity. It is her favourite form of self-indulgence.” - William Somerset Maugham

(in reply to spanklette)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: my doubts about my submission - 5/12/2007 11:06:57 PM   
EvaLass


Posts: 83
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline 		Oh, Sweet Heart,

Here is the glorious thing about submission: it is deeply feminist in that you can ask for and receive what you want if you are willing to go in search of one or more adventurous partners.

Flannery O'Connor wrote a story once where she describes a woman in a doctor's office. The woman starts thinking about heaven, and the hierarchy of people as they follow Jesus Christ through the heavenly landscape. She decides that if she had to come back as someone else she would be a dignified black woman rather than a low class white woman (okay, this is not meant to insult anyone's social class; I am merely reporting on a short story). Then she realizes that she would be right up there besides Jesus because of her higher social class (there is a lot of irony here). And she cries out, "Thank you, Jesus, for making me the way I am," or something like that. So, what is the takeaway?

The higher power gave you a submissive spirit. And, he gave you dreams and desires to fly with that great and wonderful trait of submission. He intended for you to enjoy who you are in its full and intense glory. Is it selfish for a peacock to show his feathers? Is it selfish for a young singer to be want to heard by the whole world on American Idol?

This does not mean it is easy to find a partner. I have hidden away as a closet submissive since I realized who I was over two years ago. Actually, it came about because I met someone on the Internet who brazenly called me on the phone one day and said, "We are going to explore your sexuality." And, that conversation and others that followed unleashed a furious rush of fantasy, desire, and hidden wells of hunger in me. While he and talked from time to time, I didn't explore it because I didn't want to get out in the community. And, I felt weird about it because I was getting close to 50 years old, for g-ds sake. Of course, now I know that there is probably at least one, maybe many, Dominants for every female submissive on the planet and age seems to be irrelevant. So, I am now still in the closet and trying to get up the courage to come out. I did find a Dom that I trusted with whom I could play, and maybe we will see each other again; I am not sure. After only one play session, all those fantasies, desires, and hidden wells of hunger have rushed out of the dark recesses of my soul. This poor Dom has had to endure a huge piles of emails from me as I struggle through my feelings. This time, though, I don't think I can hold back the tide any longer. So, the answer in short is: No, you are not greedy and selfish. Yes, you are entitled to be who you are fully. You are free to dump this boyfriend if he doesn't meet your needs and go in search of people (Doms) who can help you on your path.

Just be careful. There are many, many people who will take advantage of an inexperienced submissive woman who is caught up in the fury of trying to have her needs met. You have the right to state your preferences, to set limits, to have your health and well being made a priority, and to be treated with absolute and total dignity. There are sick, cruel and truly sadistic people lurking in the BDSSM world; and the same is true in the vanilla world. It requires time and patience to develop trust with someone. Try to get involved with a community group so that you can network with others. Your sister submissives can often tell you if you are dealing with an honorable and trustworthy Dom. They can also help keep track of you when you meet new people by serving as telephone contacts to confirm that you reach and leave your destination safely. Some submissives are extremely powerful people who have high level jobs. All submissives give over some of their power to their Dominants in the quest for submission. They must have that great power initially in order to hand it to someone else. The submissive's glorious power can be transformed by the Dominant in a good D/s relationship. Some Doms hold onto it as if they are not getting anymore paychecks. Some channel it back to the submissive because they know she/he is the source of the energy.

So, I am encouraging you to live in the beauty and light of who you are. Submission for many people is a high calling and a spiritual experience. Being who you truly are always helps lighten the soul and spirit and keeps us from falling into the mire of hypocrisy and depression that come with lying about our essence. Now, if I can only hear myself speaking these words...and truly hear them, too.

Best wishes,
Eva


< Message edited by EvaLass -- 5/12/2007 11:11:30 PM >

(in reply to kemicca)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: my doubts about my submission - 5/12/2007 11:28:28 PM   
LVpet


Posts: 27
Joined: 9/1/2006
Status: offline 		kemicca,
In my "quest for knowledge" I purchased a lot of books.   One that you may find helpful is "Erotic Surrender: The Sensual Joys of Female Submission" by Claudia Varrin.  It is written from the point of view of an experienced female Domme turned sub training a new inexperienced Dom.  I wish you luck in your journey.
LVpet

(in reply to kemicca)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: my doubts about my submission - 5/13/2007 3:03:06 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Stop beating yourself up for knowing who you are, knowing what you need and not being happy.  SUbmissive does NOT equal happy with everything all the time.  It is vital for you to be self aware, to know AND communicate what you need for yourself to be fulfilled.

And communicate you must.  Not in the whiny "You never flog me right" way but in the "I REALLY get turned on by the idea of you flogging me *hand flogger to him* will you PLEASE flog your girl tonight Sir?"

Leading him along in the beginning can be a GREAT way to break past his shyness and lack of experience while simultaneously communicating what you want.

Also, try and find a local couple to have fun with.  I really have found that this can often be the best way for a new couple to become comfy in their new situation- just to be friends with and see that they aren't alone, that it's ok to be this kinky and exploring.  We've all been there in some form or another.

So stop beating yourself up, start just opening the doors, and get to know some other people for both of you to befriend.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to LVpet)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: my doubts about my submission - 5/14/2007 10:57:40 AM   
janigrey


Posts: 126
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		There is a good chance that you both just don't know enough about how to be....start here:

The Loving Dominant by John Warren (Non fiction)
Screw the Roses give me the Thorns by Phillip Miller and Molly Devon (nonFiction)
The Marketplace series by Laura Antoniou (fiction)

If after reading he doesn't seem into 'it' - You might need to make a painful decision.

good luck.
Jani

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: my doubts about my submission - 5/14/2007 3:17:42 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kemicca

Hey guys - this is cross-posted to the "ask a dom" forum too... I'd like to get a sub's perspective because a sub is more likely to have felt something close to what I'm feeling.  If you have, I'd love to hear how you dealt with it.  I mean, what I'd really LIKE to hear is that I'm not being selfish at all, this is totally normal, etc.  But I suspect I won't hear quite what I like.  Please, if you have some honest feedback for me, I'd really like some advice here.

I've been on this site a little while now and I think I seem to be kind of between a rock and a hard place.  I'm getting a little frustrated because there's a whole world here that I want to be a part of, but I don't know that I can be with my current boyfriend. 

Maybe it's just that we're both inexperienced.  Right now I can't say anything about my own tendencies for certain:  I want to say I have submissive tendencies, but the things I'm tempted to request from my boyfriend to help me explore them feel a little like topping from the bottom.


Don't worry about that. If you suggest an activity to him and he says "No, never, not no way no how" and then you start nagging at him that could be topping from the bottom. But just suggesting something? Hell if subs never suggested things many a hot night would never happens. Doms aren't the only ones with good ideas!
quote:


Here's the thing:  He wants to dominate me.  Sometimes.  We ran a couple of scenes and they were so powerful for me that they flared up this very sudden, very intense interest in exploring my submission further.  Suddenly I'm thinking about things like heavy bondage, humiliation, whipping, face-slapping, orgasm control, sensory deprivation.  I feel like there's a whole world of sensation out there that I want to explore.

But I feel like my boyfriend, although he says he's interested in exploring that, and though he seems to be really into it when we do run a scene (it's been nothing but light bondage as of now), doesn't seem interested in it enough to even want to explore any of this.  He'll text me something sexy about... well, it's always on the same theme: penetration.  I can't count the number of times I've gotten texts with the words "all your holes filled" and such. 

I don't know if I'm being greedy.  I mean, if I'm really submissive, than why would I be asking for more?  Wouldn't I be satisfied with just making him happy?  When I ask myself that... I'm forced to conclude that no, I'm not satisfied.  But Jesus - how does a submissive guide a dominant through something like this?  And again, why would I even do that?  It's the opposite of what I want!


Easy. Ya just do it. He can't read your mind. He has no way of knowing what makes you hot, horny and excited unless you tell him. Depending on how you look it, you can even say you are being bad by not providing him with useful information about yourself and your desires!

quote:


I feel like I'm asking something of him when I shouldn't be asking anything.  The amount of responsibility a dominant must assume is staggering.  How can I possibly ask him to take control over me when he doesn't seem to care one way or another?  How do you tell a person you're asking to dominate you that his constant harping on the same theme is boring and no longer exciting you?  And what does it make me that I'm even having these thoughts?  Am I being selfish and lazy, just wanting him to take control over me but magically do everything that I want?  But communicating this stuff to him just feels so distasteful!  How the hell do you tell your boyfriend that you fantasize about having your face slapped during a scene?  I mean, if he's not coming up with that himself, it must not be something he's interested in.  And that makes it topping from the bottom... right?

If telling your dominant that you wanted/needed something was topping from the bottom, just every sub in the world would be guilty. Stop freaking out about topping from the bottom because the whole thing that matters in the world is if you and he are happy. If he doesn't think you are topping from the bottom, then screw everyone else.

When Valyraen and I got together, I told him I could deal with being in a semi-vanilla relationship but that as a submissive I had needs. I needed kinky sex on a fairly frequent basis. I explained what collaring meant to me and why it was important to me. He agreed to fulfill the kinky sex and to consider collaring me at some point. As time went on, he exerted more and more dominance over me. At another point I expressed a desire to try living a 24/7 lifestyle. He said he wasn't sure so I dropped it. Later he brought it up and we discussed it and then agreed on it.

Never did I force his hand (save that I simply couldn't be with him if he could not indulge me with scenes) and he made all those decisions. But if I had not expressed an interest, he probably would have be content with where we were.

Expressing an interest is not topping from the bottom. Refusal to accept his decision is another story however.
quote:



Gah.  I just feel so frustrated and upset with myself.  I feel like I'm going in this useless circle and becoming more and more dissatisfied.  Part of it is that we haven't even seen each other in a month and he's been really stressed (the reasons are related, but it's life-stuff that doesn't really need to be gone into).  That will be going away shortly and who knows... maybe once he can focus on me more he'll want to explore his own dominant side more. 

I guess what really concerns me is the fact that we might just not be suited for each other as dom/sub.  But nobody can tell me whether it's worth it to leave a good relationship, a man I love and who just... complements me so well in other ways, to explore fantasies that for all I know, I might grow tired of in a year. 

I don't know that the questions I'm asking even have answers.  I guess I just want to know if they're normal.  If other people have gone through this. I dunno why that's important to me, but it is.


Like Valyraen said - there are very few mind readers. Why are you expecting him to be? Dominants and masters are no different than regular folk. They are just wired to dominate. That doesn't mean they will magically know you are into face-slapping or heavy bondage. That doesn't mean they will know you are interested in taking bondage out of the bedroom, keeping in the bedroom or anything. If you want something to change, then you have to get over your paranoia about topping from the bottom and express your interests and desires.

I admit that is hard to do - I have trouble with it to. But worrying about topping from the bottom seems to be more obessing about how other people will view you and yours. As long as you two are happy, no one else's opinion really matters. Even mine.

Edited for typos

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 5/14/2007 3:20:20 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to kemicca)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: my doubts about my submission - 5/14/2007 6:43:22 PM   
subsa


Posts: 196
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		i can definitely relate to what you're saying.  my Master and i came to this lifesyle as an intact committed couple.  that's not all that common (at least on this web site).  the best advice i can give you is to keep open lines of communication.  you might want to consider setting aside a specific time when you communicate your desires to Him.  that can be separate and apart from the times when you are submitting to Him.  when you tell Him your needs and desires you are not topping from the bottom you're giving Him the tools He needs to dominate you.  try to look at it that you and He are creating the dynamic that you can share together.  if you were to demand that your wants be fulfilled that would be topping from the bottom.    
hopefully it can be a learning, growing experience for both of you.  at times you may feel that you are leading but you must remember that doesn't mean that you are the dominant. a good sub can be independent and even a teacher to her Master.  it can feel awkward but its inevitable in a realtionship where both are novices.  somehow we expect these men we've chosen as our Doms but who have very little real life experience to suddenly develop skill sets and behaviors that are not taught and strongly discouraged.  how was He supposed to have learned things like whip work?  what would happen in the real world if He slapped a woman?   
but there will also be times that He'll be dragging you along behind Him.  and hopefully He'll give you the same patience as you learn your way towards a deeper submission.  learn and grow together.  read this forum. search the internet. get books. talk to real people.  in doing those things the two of you can find things that you both enjoy.  and then practice them.  you might be amazed at how fast He'll pick up the skills you see lacking for the moment (if you practice enough). 
in existing relationships like yours and mine we don't have the luxury of making a list and waiting for the right match.  well, you do, but not in the existing relationship.  it can be just as satisfying to find common kink and go from there.  actually in many ways its easier as you already know that you are compatible in other areas.  if all you have is kink it can feel awfully empty i would imagine.  its occurs to me that one of the things you might incorporate are some rituals that help the two of you to bond as Dom and sub.  don't go over board.  even one or two things might be enough.    i wish you and He luck on your journey....enjoy!

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: my doubts about my submission - 5/15/2007 8:17:37 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		this slave would agree with LA that getting caught up in/on the label is a common mistake, especially amongst the "new".
 
what if you got rid of the whole dom/sub vernacular and used top/bottom instead?
 
that way, you both could communicate your thoughts and feelings on the level, negotiating scenes whereby you take turns topping/bottoming to each other.  one time, he bottoms to you by complying with the things you get all hot and wet about while in-scene, the next time, he's the top and you comply with what gets his dick hard.
 
that way, you don't have to go through all the confusion about the possibility of deeper meanings to non-sexual "submission", or not behaving as one outside of a scene, you explore the sensations of scening with your boyfriend, both of your needs and desires get met, and go wherever it takes you.
 
good luck!

(in reply to kemicca)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: my doubts about my submission - 5/15/2007 12:28:01 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		There are various checklists of BDSM activities around, I'm a great believer in both of you filling them out. And then starting with the activities you have both picked as favorites. Once he has the info on what you do love, what you think sounds great, and what you don't want to try then he can combine the tried and true with the top fantasy ones to make a great scene without fear of it going bad. He's still in charge because he decides if you're going to be tied to the closet rail and then flogged or if tonight's a night to be restrained to the coffee table and spanked.

And give him plenty of positive feedback. "Oh God, that was great, can we do it again real soon". Or "I can't stop thinking about what you did to me last weekend and I'm so horny because of it".

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 15
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