Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

If one does not wish to lead a bdsm lifestyle, but wants to have play sessions, how does one seperat


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> If one does not wish to lead a bdsm lifestyle, but wants to have play sessions, how does one seperat Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
If one does not wish to lead a bdsm lifestyle, but want... - 5/11/2005 5:56:36 AM   
leatherylace


Posts: 23
Joined: 5/10/2005
Status: offline 		If one does not wish to lead a bdsm lifestyle, but wants to have play sessions, how does one seperate that time from their everyday life. Also if one wants to lead the livestyle but not in a relationship, with slave and master, how does one do that?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: If one does not wish to lead a bdsm lifestyle, but ... - 5/11/2005 6:01:51 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		The first question- the same way you make time for any hobby that you have, like a book club or mountain climbing. You make dates, go to parties, schedule scenes.

The second question, I'm not sure what it is, can you clarify?

(in reply to leatherylace)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: If one does not wish to lead a bdsm lifestyle, but ... - 5/11/2005 6:15:16 AM   
leatherylace


Posts: 23
Joined: 5/10/2005
Status: offline 		Can one live the lifestyle without being in a realtioship (S/m) and if so how does one live it?

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: If one does not wish to lead a bdsm lifestyle, but ... - 5/11/2005 6:31:45 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Hmm well you can definitely be IN the lifestyle and going to parties and events and being on Boards whether you are in a relationship or not.

But most times people refer to living the lifestyle as in part of their relationship and everyday existence.

(in reply to leatherylace)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: If one does not wish to lead a bdsm lifestyle, but ... - 5/11/2005 6:44:20 AM   
ruffnecksbabygir


Posts: 412
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leatherylace

Can one live the lifestyle without being in a realtioship (S/m) and if so how does one live it?

i consider myself "in" the lifestyle from the first moment i discovered there was even such a thing as BDSM and made that connection for myself....i wasn't actively going to any munch until several years after but all the while i did consider myself being in the lifestyle because i felt i was a part of it, i don't think you need a partner or a group of people to validate that for you, it's what's inside you and who you are.

_____________________________

~hugs~
Babygirl

:Disclaimer: The above is only this slave's opinion:

"And Those Who Danced Were Thought To Be Quite Insane By Those Who Could Not Hear The Music" -- Angela Monet

(in reply to leatherylace)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: If one does not wish to lead a bdsm lifestyle, but ... - 5/11/2005 6:55:37 AM   
ruffnecksbabygir


Posts: 412
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leatherylace

If one does not wish to lead a bdsm lifestyle, but wants to have play sessions, how does one seperate that time from their everyday life. Also if one wants to lead the livestyle but not in a relationship, with slave and master, how does one do that?


just because you're into bdsm, even if you're heavily in the lifestyle, doesn't mean you must walk around dressed in leather and looking like you just stepped out of a dungeon...we all, or most of us i'm sure, lead normal lives and we have jobs and families etc...i am actually quite conservative, no one in my every day life would ever even suspect that i am into bdsm, that i am a slave, etc...although my Master now has placed steel cuff like bracelets on my wrists which can't be removed and i have a ring finger tat that says "slave"...which i discretely cover up with my wedding band, but....that's about it.

If you want to just have sessions or play but don't want to have a 24/7 D/s relationship all you need to do is just go out and find a munch, or maybe meet some friends who are also into it and have your own sessions...there's really nothing to it.

~i wish you the best of luck~

_____________________________

~hugs~
Babygirl

:Disclaimer: The above is only this slave's opinion:

"And Those Who Danced Were Thought To Be Quite Insane By Those Who Could Not Hear The Music" -- Angela Monet

(in reply to leatherylace)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: If one does not wish to lead a bdsm lifestyle, but ... - 5/11/2005 7:23:46 AM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leatherylace

If one does not wish to lead a bdsm lifestyle, but wants to have play sessions, how does one seperate that time from their everyday life. Also if one wants to lead the livestyle but not in a relationship, with slave and master, how does one do that?



Females wanting to have no strings attached play generally don't have much trouble finding males to play with. Just be aware that they will look at you as a fetish delivery service, first and foremost.

Now, can you live the lifestyle when engaged/married to another, as your profile indicates, but that partner isn't a part of it? Depends on how aware that partner is of it. If it's behind his back, then I'd say no, you aren't living a lifestyle. If you have his permission to have a dominant or submissive as well as having your relationship with him? Perhaps, but you'll need to do some serioius juggling to make sure everyone is happy.


_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to leatherylace)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: If one does not wish to lead a bdsm lifestyle, but ... - 5/11/2005 8:40:15 AM   
leatherylace


Posts: 23
Joined: 5/10/2005
Status: offline 		My fience was a house boi for a while before we met. Shw is into the bdsm scene and she is willing to play with me. Can bdsm be a non sexual affair?

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: If one does not wish to lead a bdsm lifestyle, but ... - 5/11/2005 8:42:34 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Yes.

If you can imagine it, it exists. No one ever needs to ask "does anyone do x?" or "does anyone feel x?"

The answer is ALWAYS yes.

(in reply to leatherylace)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: If one does not wish to lead a bdsm lifestyle, but ... - 5/11/2005 8:46:49 AM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Hmm well you can definitely be IN the lifestyle and going to parties and events and being on Boards whether you are in a relationship or not.

But most times people refer to living the lifestyle as in part of their relationship and everyday existence.


I don't agree. That's like saying that single people in WIIWD are somehow less than those who are in a relationship.

In my opinion a 'lifestyle' has nothing to do with your relationship status. It's a about mindset, it's about how you live your life. I'm currently single, but I don't think that I'm not part of the 'lifestyle' because of it, and neither do the people I know in it, regardless of their relationship status.

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: If one does not wish to lead a bdsm lifestyle, but ... - 5/11/2005 9:28:12 AM   
Kindred2Evil


Posts: 227
Joined: 4/16/2005
Status: offline 		When I first moved to AL, I didn't know anyone in the lifestyle here. I did several searches for local groups and wound up meeting some really great people. I don't believe in jumping into a relationship, so I spent quite a bit of time going to munches and parties, seminars and such. I had the opportunity to play with several people as well. I agree with the advice given already, find a local group, meet up and if you find someone compatible to play with, go ahead. Though remember, ask around about them, get a reference for them...that's just safe thinking.
Simply being a masochist or a submissive wihout a SO is nothing to be ashamed of, nor is it wrong. I've met plenty of the above who went to parties for no-strings-attatched play and had a great time.
Good luck!!!!!!

_____________________________

Her touch is on the breeze that brushes your cheek, Her voice rides the thunder as the storm breaks, Her tears will clean your heartache when the rains come, Her sun will light the darkest times when you feel alone...She is the Goddess.

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: If one does not wish to lead a bdsm lifestyle, but ... - 5/11/2005 10:21:06 AM   
DsrtMyst


Posts: 10
Joined: 5/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leatherylace
Can one live the lifestyle without being in a realtioship (S/m) and if so how does one live it?


I know a number of single people who are active members of the leather/bdsm community that have no desire to enter into a sexual relationship and just want to have scenes, and have lived that way for years.

You live it in whatever manner works for you. Define yourself as clearly as possible and identify what you are and are not willing to do. Negotiate with others using that information and being as honest as possible about your expectations and what you are offering.

quote:



Can bdsm be a non sexual affair?


Most definitely. But you have to be very clear about how you define "sexual" -- esp. if you have other partners with whom you are sexual.

I know a female Master with a slave that she beats, ties up, guides and directs, but does not have intimate sexual contact. She is, in fact, starting to look for sexual partners for both of them so that they will get their needs met outside that relationship.

Why be specific about defining "sexual"? Some people consider it sexual if it turns you on even if you never touch genitals and others only consider it sex if there's penetration (touching and fondling allowed) and orgasm. There's an infinite number of possibilities in between. What about those who orgasm from pain without genital stimulation? What about those who penetrate the mouth? What about dry humping? Kissing? I know a number of people who have gotten into trouble because they didn't know what someone else considered sexual.


(in reply to leatherylace)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: If one does not wish to lead a bdsm lifestyle, but ... - 5/12/2005 2:49:41 AM   
DublinSwitch


Posts: 59
Joined: 1/28/2005
Status: offline 		Can someone actually define 'the lifestyle'?

Its a term that is completly beyond me, I admit.

I have plenty of interests, other than BDSM, each with what could be described as a 'community', if you define that as a group of people that share a common interest. No other community with a shared interest, that I am aware of, talk about living this 'lifestyle' thing.

Talking about a 'the lifestyle' strikes me as a little bit pretentious. I will accept that people exist who are in a position to enjoy a 24/7 involvement in BDSM. So that would be a 'lifestyle'.

For the rest of us, with jobs, kids, friends outside BDSM, other interests - its not a 'lifestyle'. Its an interest - ok - maybe an obsession lol. Its something that is 'fun', or else why would we be interested?

For me a lot of these labels, and the way people apply them makes the whole thing over-complicated. Yes - educate yourself with SSC, safety aspects etc etc, learn a bit, try to find someone to play with, take it at your own pace - but for Gods sake make sure you (and your BDSM partner / friend, whatever) enjoy it!

Don't be worried about 'the lifestyle', lifes too short!!



Edited for typos

< Message edited by DublinSwitch -- 5/12/2005 4:12:17 AM >

(in reply to DsrtMyst)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: If one does not wish to lead a bdsm lifestyle, but ... - 5/12/2005 5:11:28 PM   
Kinkypupper


Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline 		The way you plan or do anything else...


_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to leatherylace)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: If one does not wish to lead a bdsm lifestyle, but ... - 5/13/2005 6:55:26 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leatherylace

If one does not wish to lead a bdsm lifestyle, but wants to have play sessions, how does one seperate that time from their everyday life. Also if one wants to lead the livestyle but not in a relationship, with slave and master, how does one do that?


I do BDSM type activities quite often. I do not lead a BDSM lifestyle. My life takes BDSM into account but does not revolve around it. I think that is the case for a great deal of people. That is why I prefer using the term wiitwd (what it is that we do) as opposed to lifestyle. It is more action then vocation based and suits my perspective on the whole thing a lot more.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to leatherylace)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: If one does not wish to lead a bdsm lifestyle, but ... - 5/16/2005 9:24:19 PM   
SirSTRYKER


Posts: 284
Joined: 8/15/2004
Status: offline
quote:

consider myself "in" the lifestyle from the first moment i discovered there was even such a thing as BDSM and made that connection for myself....i wasn't actively going to any munch until several years after but all the while i did consider myself being in the lifestyle because i felt i was a part of it, i don't think you need a partner or a group of people to validate that for you, it's what's inside you and who you are.


Damn I wish I'd written this quote. I could not agree more!!! W/we validate O/ourselves BY O/ourselves, coupled or not!

_____________________________

B.O.H.I.C.A. (bend over here it comes again.)

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: If one does not wish to lead a bdsm lifestyle, but ... - 5/16/2005 10:05:06 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		I agree with this. Your "lifestyle" is what you make of it. There's no pre-packaged "lifestyle" waiting for you to catch it and put it on. Don't worry too much about what it's called and what other people are doing. Do what's right for you.

Lam

quote:

ORIGINAL: DublinSwitch

Can someone actually define 'the lifestyle'?

Its a term that is completly beyond me, I admit.

I have plenty of interests, other than BDSM, each with what could be described as a 'community', if you define that as a group of people that share a common interest. No other community with a shared interest, that I am aware of, talk about living this 'lifestyle' thing.

Talking about a 'the lifestyle' strikes me as a little bit pretentious.


(in reply to DublinSwitch)
Profile   Post #: 17
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> If one does not wish to lead a bdsm lifestyle, but wants to have play sessions, how does one seperat Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078