RE: So what does one do with all this 'baggage'? (Full Version)

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juliaoceania -> RE: So what does one do with all this 'baggage'? (5/14/2007 8:24:53 PM)

I still have "baggage". These are the things I fear happening again mostly, or that I cannot seem to let go of. The baggage that I am conscious of I have managed to put down and leave it behind me in the last year of my life, but there are still things weighing me down that I am not so conscious of.

I find myself rethinking my actions every time pride makes me want to do something out of anger or hurt feelings. I ask myself this question every single time "Do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy?" I come to the conclusion I want to be happy. This has sparked some amazing transformations in my personal relationships. It takes courage to let go of the baggage long enough to understand the people you love, but it is well worth the effort.


There have been times I expected the worst from my Daddy, and was completely stunned that he did not deliver it to me. I have been irrational with my personal baggage a time or two in our relationship also, envisioning him doing things he was not doing. Over reacting to things because they pushed certain buttons from my past relationships, only to find out later I was off base.

The strength to let go of the baggage, the courage if you will, comes from knowing that it takes too much energy to continue to carry it around, and if dropping the baggage ends up hurting me, well I am sure it will be there waiting for me should I need to pick it up again. It is really like carrying a large cross for a crucifixion that may never happen, and the sacrificial lamb is your life. I want to live without fear, that is my ultimate goal.



ownedgirlie -> RE: So what does one do with all this 'baggage'? (5/14/2007 8:38:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

There have been times I expected the worst from my Daddy, and was completely stunned that he did not deliver it to me. I have been irrational with my personal baggage a time or two in our relationship also, envisioning him doing things he was not doing. Over reacting to things because they pushed certain buttons from my past relationships, only to find out later I was off base.


This is precisely what my baggage was doing to me.  When we respond to something based on our baggage, we run the risk of damaging or even destroying it.  I have no room for personal baggage in my current relationship.  This does not mean denying that I have suffered pain.  Nor does it mean I don't have scars. That's not the same as baggage.  Baggage has nothing to do with the present, and keeps a person anchored to a painful past.



juliaoceania -> RE: So what does one do with all this 'baggage'? (5/14/2007 9:02:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

Baggage has nothing to do with the present, and keeps a person anchored to a painful past.



I was watching a Wayne Dyer video recently, and he spoke about being caught up in the wake of one's life. The "wake" in this case being the white foaming trail a boat leaves when it is being propelled through the water. We often get caught up in that trail left behind as though it has all this meaning because of the impression it leaves as it trails behind us, and the waves and commotion it creates. BUT the wake has nothing to do with where the boat is going, or how it is being propelled through the water.. it is only the evidence of where the boat has been... I love this analogy



ownedgirlie -> RE: So what does one do with all this 'baggage'? (5/14/2007 9:29:44 PM)

Great analogy, Julia.  I love Wayne Dyer.  I read "Your Erroneous Zones" years ago and it had an impact.



lovewithoutfear -> RE: So what does one do with all this 'baggage'? (5/14/2007 9:46:59 PM)

 "I ask myself this question every single time "Do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy?" I come to the conclusion I want to be happy. This has sparked some amazing transformations in my personal relationships."

You are so right!  For some reason I didn't enjoy Dyer when I encountered his book years ago in grad school, but other authors with similar points have sparked my interest since.  I just finished Dan Millman's _Way of the Peaceful Warrior_ which was pretty powerful on the point that we can choose our happiness when we are not ruled by our reactivity.  I wish more people knew this.

Smiles
JY



CrazyC -> RE: So what does one do with all this 'baggage'? (5/14/2007 10:01:00 PM)

I wrote a paper about this once after a long relationship of being abused and the person used my "baggage" as the reason our life was so bad. The conclution is. We all have baggage. Those who say they don't...are lying to you and themselves. Baggage is the reason i won't open up right away, because i want to feel out and see if they can handle those things i'll be bringing. But when i start feeling safe, i tell them everything. It is when both parties can see the baggage for what it is, help carry the load when needs be, or just be there to support when that is all you can do.



ownedgirlie -> RE: So what does one do with all this 'baggage'? (5/14/2007 11:20:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CrazyC

I wrote a paper about this once after a long relationship of being abused and the person used my "baggage" as the reason our life was so bad. The conclution is. We all have baggage. Those who say they don't...are lying to you and themselves. Baggage is the reason i won't open up right away, because i want to feel out and see if they can handle those things i'll be bringing. But when i start feeling safe, i tell them everything. It is when both parties can see the baggage for what it is, help carry the load when needs be, or just be there to support when that is all you can do.


Do you apply the same theory (the part I bolded and highlighted) to those who say they have worked through their baggage so that it is not baggage anymore?  Some of us have spent years and lots of effort sorting through and getting rid of baggage, so that we are free, confident, healthy and happy individuals.  I am prone to disagree with your assessment that baggage can not be overcome. 



aldompdx -> RE: So what does one do with all this 'baggage'? (5/14/2007 11:26:27 PM)

Baggage is the weight you choose to cary with you, until you choose not to carry it, and let it go. Yes, it really is that simple. Forgive yourself and let it go.

For those of you who don't completely "get" the metaphor, "baggage" refers to the weight of the past which one is unable to release.

No, we do not all have it. Some of us have dumped some of our load of baggage, by accepting that we did our best under the circumstances.



gypsygrl -> RE: So what does one do with all this 'baggage'? (5/15/2007 3:00:33 AM)

quote:

The strength to let go of the baggage, the courage if you will, comes from knowing that it takes too much energy to continue to carry it around, and if dropping the baggage ends up hurting me, well I am sure it will be there waiting for me should I need to pick it up again. It is really like carrying a large cross for a crucifixion that may never happen, and the sacrificial lamb is your life. I want to live without fear, that is my ultimate goal.


This is really insightful.  Especially the bolded part.





canupleaseme -> RE: So what does one do with all this 'baggage'? (5/15/2007 3:06:46 AM)

Well I made sure that all my baggage was out on the table quite soon into our relationship.  He has to understand it all to understand me and I didnt want to be with someone that I couldnt tell absolutely anything and everything.  [:)]



gandalf0297 -> RE: So what does one do with all this 'baggage'? (5/15/2007 4:22:51 AM)

I agree with lucky. you help each other deal with it. The good, the bad and the ugly. It's who we are.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: So what does one do with all this 'baggage'? (5/15/2007 7:12:00 AM)

I don't think all baggage is something you can or should always just let go.  Understanding what your baggage is, where it comes from, how it makes you who you are, and CHANGING how you deal with having that as part of you is necessary.

But letting it go- I guess for me that's like saying to let go of scar tissue.  It's just part of things now, how I go about it. 

When someone's baggage is preventing them from being who they want to be, then you need to work on it.  But if it's not preventing you from becoming who you want to be, then I think it's just become an integral part of you, like any scar from an old battle would.



beargonewild -> RE: So what does one do with all this 'baggage'? (5/15/2007 7:30:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

We all have it... what do we do with it?  Why is the 'good' stuff okay to claim as a part of what makes us the person that we are...


What do we do with the little scars and darker bits?  Where do you put your baggage when you are including more than yourself in your own reality?


It seems from my recent experience, all which my former master wanted to see and fully accept is the "good baggae" I was carrying. It did give the impresion that any negative baggage I had, was not that important and he determined that with automatic full trust would change that so I'd be the slave he envisioned I was to be. Unfortunately, some demons are much tougher to settle and let go and in my case, there have been incidents where these demons were triggered and made it difficult for me to function as I should and I ended up leaving the relationship and him. Yes, I do realize that my final actions paint me in a bad light but self preservation is a powerful instinct!
    In my mind, a person should be a clear and up front with their own baggage before making any commitment. A consciencious dom will be patient and understanding in accepting this and willing to take the time and effort to assist their sub to overcome any negative baggage which could cause future problems.



CreativeDominant -> RE: So what does one do with all this 'baggage'? (5/15/2007 7:32:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

We all have it... what do we do with it?  Why is the 'good' stuff okay to claim as a part of what makes us the person that we are...


What do we do with the little scars and darker bits?  Where do you put your baggage when you are including more than yourself in your own reality?


I am of the belief that I, like everyone else in the world, have been hurt by bad experiences in love and life.  I am also of the belief that these hurts, like scar tissue, can either be left alone and picked up and carried from one relationship to another and end up like those "contractile" scars that tighten down and restrict and adhere to other areas of the soul/mind/heart and thereby causing even more restricion OR...they can be examined and treated in all the best ways possible...which should at some point realizing how it does not relate to "today's" workout... and given as much flexibility as possible while realizing that these areas of the heart/soul/mind will never be as strong as those emotional/soulful/mental muscles that haven't been damaged.  I've done my best to make my "scar" tissue flexible and useful without letting it restrict my ability to see each person for what they are and not through the "ghost of the past" lenses that are all too-readily available for some people.  The last two submissives were liars?  Doesn't mean that this one is...she could be like all the other submissives you have known that were not.  The last dominant turned out to be duplicitous...he made you slave while secretly withdrawing ever more himself and enjoying watching your delight become abject devotion before he walked away?  Doesn't mean that this one...though he believes in total control along with total commitment...doesn't believe in total responsibility also.  Be aware of the "tuggings" of the scar tissue...the levels, the intensity, etc...but be aware of whether or not the tug is due to intricate "red flag" warning processing OR past flotsam gathering to make navigation of the new dynamic even more difficult.

~~wondering why my mind went off on the metaphor route today~~[8|]




stockingluvr54 -> RE: So what does one do with all this 'baggage'? (5/15/2007 7:44:06 AM)

We've all got a little baggage. I just try and be aware of the baggage I have. If meeting someone new I toss out one item at a time as I get more comfortable with them so they can inspect each item and accept or reject?



Bearlee -> RE: So what does one do with all this 'baggage'? (5/15/2007 7:48:22 AM)

 

LMAO... now that was GREAT!!!
 
...and prolly more the truism than we know!  LOL
 
Thanks for that,
b




juliaoceania -> RE: So what does one do with all this 'baggage'? (5/15/2007 8:03:12 AM)

quote:

But letting it go- I guess for me that's like saying to let go of scar tissue.  It's just part of things now, how I go about it. 


If baggage were the same as scar tissue then why call it "baggage". I think of these things as too entirely different issues. I have many scars, but scarring implies healing, even though it left a mark. Baggage is something one chooses to carry around. I cannot get rid of a scar, I can certainly dump off baggage.

I think of baggage as an analogy in life. I have been on many trips in this past year...lol. I had to pack many things to go see my Daddy. Every time I go see him I leave behind things so I do not have to pack them again... like hot rollers, extra tennies, underwear and socks, shampoo and conditioner. Everytime I see him I have to take less with me... less baggage.

I choose to travel light, not only to see him, but I am choosing this in my every day life. Baggage is always a choice, we choose to travel lightly through life, or we choose not to. In letting go of a lot of my baggage that was fear based I do feel lighter. I have to say that that many people do not see the choice they have. In letting go of my baggage I had to face the fear of facing the fear. Sometimes we are just afraid that we will be free and we will be a changed person for letting go of the things that weigh us down. Overcoming my phobia became about this concept... who could I become if I let go of it? It is always a choice, just not a choice that people want to make... it is too scary



Mercnbeth -> RE: So what does one do with all this 'baggage'? (5/15/2007 8:28:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

We all have it... what do we do with it?  Why is the 'good' stuff okay to claim as a part of what makes us the person that we are...


What do we do with the little scars and darker bits?  Where do you put your baggage when you are including more than yourself in your own reality?


most religions would have you drop it off with the Named "baggage handler" included in their dogma...
 
our American Society would have you go to a 12 step program where you would be encouraged to give it over to your higher power or rehab with ongoing behavioral therapy and/or toxic pharmaceuticals...
 
this slave encourages total exposure and acceptance of every little mental/emotional/physical "cute little freckle"/permanent disease-prone scar...especially if you aren't travelling alone.
 
[:)]



MasterFireMaam -> RE: So what does one do with all this 'baggage'? (5/15/2007 8:31:26 AM)

Some negative stuff needs to be kept at bay, such as true violence against someone. But, repressing that you have that desire (not saying you do) can be just as damaging. If you want to be truly whole, you have to claim the negative stuff, too. Look at it. Examine where it comes from. Change attitudes and thoughts if you think it's needed. Have compassion for yourself for having it.

We are all perfect and beautiful inside. However, we are each given filters through which we have to try and show this. Our filters are our bodies and personalitites. So, while we are all perfect and beautiful, we often act as if we are not. And that's ok.

Master Fire



MercTech -> RE: So what does one do with all this 'baggage'? (5/15/2007 8:31:42 AM)

It seems tacky to drag out all the baggage at once like a kid trying to show every toy he has.  Especially, when it is at a first meeting. <grin>

I tend to keep my baggage in the luggage rack and only bring out pieces that are pertinent to what is being discussed or are something the person I'm talking to really needs to know.  Need to know, like the phrase "knight in shining armor" will have me headed for the hills so fast you will think a tornadoe has come through.

Stefan



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