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HELP! So confused. - 5/11/2005 1:23:49 PM

fourpeas

Posts: 243
Joined: 5/6/2005
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Okay everyone. I'm putting this out there and if anyone wants to message me or respond that would be great.

I have been involved in this dynamic with someone for about a month. he does not live near me. (and while I'm at it, we don't refer to one another in the sort of Master/this that way, it's just not like that. I don't think it is his style or mine. Just not sure, wanted to put that out there.)

That said, he's definitely the dom and I am definitely the sub and that has been agreed upon. What he sometimes does for me is set me up on these "missions" here where I live, and I have to go and explore and do as he tells me. And I always do. It is very intense.

So yesterday started out by me being sent to a sex toy shop, where he had set up for me to pick out a vibrator and some other things. Haha! Now that was fun. Not something I would do for myself as I usually just don't have the time. So I tackled that and then we moved on, to where my command was to "Explore Black" and I was sent to a very, very expensive lingerie store to pick out some black lingerie. (Which was also, very fun, not something I would have done for myself.) Then I was told to walk to a nearby park and "feel sexy," then I was sent to an art show in the area about themes of animals and protection. very beautiful. Then I went to the grocery store, where I had food waiting for me to pick up, a bottle of wine, etc., came home, and cooked. I was asked to cook as if for the both of us. Very nice.

He sent me a box that I was not to open until instructed. When I opened the box, there was a handmade wooden box inside, and I opened it and there was a heavier set of cuffs and a collar, bigger than the one I was given previously (Which I am to wear when I am told, not necessarily every day.) And these are nice things, things that he has altered to fit my tiny wrists and neck, and they smell brand-new etc.

So, basically, last night was the first time ever that I slept in them. He had me attach a chain to all of it and limit some of my arm movement, although not much.

I just wanted to know if anyone else experienced a weird mix of feelings the first time they did anything like this. I felt comfortable in the collar and cuffs, but for some reason the chain made me feel extra, extra lonely. I felt sad, lonely, and a bit frightened. When I woke up in the morning and we spoke, and he guided me through taking it all off, I felt amazing. And I must say that I am beginning to look forward to putting the cuffs and collar on but I gotta say there is something about that damn chain! Not to mention that it's cold or that I sound like Ebeneezer Scrooge every time I get up to go to the bathroom... it just made me feel lonely and I was wondering if there are people out there who might understand what I was talking about,

and how freakin' confused I am feeling!!! Not with our relationship at all, but just in the general sense of feeling really confusing and conflicting feelings while you are bound. I am just confused. I have no idea what the @*^% is going on with that. I really don't.

hugs-anne

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RE: HELP! So confused. - 5/11/2005 8:01:25 PM

liltxsubby

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From: TX
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I felt the same way a few weeks ago. I was at his place and my collar was still on from the night before. Usually I love the feel of it around my neck but this was the first time I had it on and he wasn't there (he'd already left for work).
Anyways, I was overwhelmed with a feeling of lonliness and just not feeling right. I hated it. It was very close to depressed, yet not.

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RE: HELP! So confused. - 5/11/2005 9:08:09 PM

gretchen

Posts: 121
Joined: 3/8/2005
From: Santiago, Chile
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It happens...

I'm in design school, as a senior. So, I usually have classes only three days a week.

He works every day.

Sometimes he tieds me up with rope and lets me sleep on in...Sometimes we do it the whole weekend. He feeds me, he cuddles with me...well, all the wonderful care.

Then, he has to go to work, and leaves me all by my self, feeling the leather collar and the ropes. I do feel lonely, and kind of abandoned. It's worse when I'm allowed to untie them to do anything I want around the apartment, but I can still feel the sensation of the rope in my wrists and ankles.

It's the need of his presence and voice that makes me feel lonely...You could say that happens even with out the cuffs on. But it's really another kind of emptyness.

You're not alone.

< Message edited by gretchen -- 5/11/2005 9:10:35 PM >

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RE: HELP! So confused. - 5/11/2005 9:10:16 PM

EmeraldSlave2

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It's very common to feel that way in a long distance relationship. This, again, is one of the reasons I do NOT like rituals- they only magnify the fact that you aren't together.

But trust me, feelings can and usually do change after you've been into things awhile. I personally adore hard bondage, chains, manacles, cages. The clink, the snick of the lock, the weight, the impossibility of breaking out, the coolness of the metal, the sharp taste...oh yeah!

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RE: HELP! So confused. - 5/12/2005 4:36:55 AM

infyniti

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This is my opinion only. As one who had tried short term long distance relationships, they lead to wanting more. The feel of a touch, the sound of his words, the feel of his breath. I can't say that being long distance is not " real", because it is, as you feel it. I just believe we as humans want and need more than a person who is far away.

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RE: HELP! So confused. - 5/13/2005 10:24:18 AM

slavedesires

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quote:

ORIGINAL: gretchen

He feeds me, he cuddles with me...well, all the wonderful care.

Then, he has to go to work, and leaves me all by my self, feeling the leather collar and the ropes. I do feel lonely, and kind of abandoned. It's worse when I'm allowed to untie them to do anything I want around the apartment, but I can still feel the sensation of the rope in my wrists and ankles.

It's the need of his presence and voice that makes me feel lonely...You could say that happens even with out the cuffs on. But it's really another kind of emptyness.

You're not alone.

this response made me sob gretchen .... yes the empty lonely feeling ...it just happens.
..... the need of him .....

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RE: HELP! So confused. - 5/19/2005 8:39:04 PM

Voltare

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From: Santiago, Chile
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Pardon my comment, but I found this thread compelling.

To the Opening Poster, one of the most frustrating aspects I ever found in a long distance relationship was the need for the other person. Historically, this sort of relationship has a special type of burden. In today's world of the internet, telephone, and cams.... it seems to have degenerated into a substitute for real interaction. My only thoughts of assistance are that it doesn't get much better, for even if you saw him six days out of seven, the seventh day your heart would break. It is a bittersweet reward, but one I suspect we would prefer death to.

To others.... It may or may not come as a surprise that the feelings experienced by the submissive, while powerful and moving, are also experienced by the dominants. While at work, I remember the feeling of the ropes under my hands, I remember vividly the look on her face, and my heart breaks when I am delayed from returning home at the hour I wished to be. The sense of seperation is not unique to only submissives, and is not a burden you share alone. I believe that any intimate, valuable relationship experiences these feelings. As I type this, I miss the girl so important to me.

Stephan

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RE: HELP! So confused. - 5/19/2005 8:44:35 PM

fourpeas

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It's so true... that ache to be with someone just doesn't go away. I am more used to the collar and cuffs at night. It feels better, and he puts me to sleep talking about how it's his hands, his arms, his body around me since he can't be here at the current moment... thanks for your thoughts Voltare... it's nice to know that is true on the Dom end as well... that puts my heart at ease...

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RE: HELP! So confused. - 5/20/2005 6:28:13 AM

Rayne58

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Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
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I am lucky, I am with my Master almost all the time. But He was in hospital for 11 days straight last year and I hated being apart from Him so much. I also had to fly back to New Zealand twice this year due to my father's illness and subsequent passing.......those two week separations were extremely hard on us both even though we managed to email or chat almost every day......I felt stifled and restless and lonely and sad all at the same time. I also worried about Him because He has a chronic illness and was alone all the time I was away.

But the welcomes home are the absolute best......

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RE: HELP! So confused. - 5/20/2005 4:11:18 PM

harmony3709

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Joined: 11/15/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2
It's very common to feel that way in a long distance relationship. This, again, is one of the reasons I do NOT like rituals- they only magnify the fact that you aren't together.

I agree with this 100%.......I found that some of the things like you talked about in the OP, going through these rituals when alone, only intensify my feeling of being alone.

Be well,
harmony

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RE: HELP! So confused. - 5/20/2005 4:12:52 PM

harmony3709

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Voltare

Pardon my comment, but I found this thread compelling.

To the Opening Poster, one of the most frustrating aspects I ever found in a long distance relationship was the need for the other person. Historically, this sort of relationship has a special type of burden. In today's world of the internet, telephone, and cams.... it seems to have degenerated into a substitute for real interaction. My only thoughts of assistance are that it doesn't get much better, for even if you saw him six days out of seven, the seventh day your heart would break. It is a bittersweet reward, but one I suspect we would prefer death to.

To others.... It may or may not come as a surprise that the feelings experienced by the submissive, while powerful and moving, are also experienced by the dominants. While at work, I remember the feeling of the ropes under my hands, I remember vividly the look on her face, and my heart breaks when I am delayed from returning home at the hour I wished to be. The sense of seperation is not unique to only submissives, and is not a burden you share alone. I believe that any intimate, valuable relationship experiences these feelings. As I type this, I miss the girl so important to me.

Stephan

I really loved this post, Stephan. Thanks for sharing a side that is not talked about as often as it should be.

Be well,
harmony

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RE: HELP! So confused. - 5/22/2005 8:21:37 AM

Mandme

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I'm new here, but I just had to reply to this. Obviously this subject pulls at the heart.

I also have a long distance relationship. My Master and I meet as often as we can and have found ways to make the distance easier to bear.

My only advice: Talk!

Whenever I find myself needing him so much that my heart feels like it is breaking, he can hear it in the words I type. Hearing him say he feels the same is the best medicine I have found. Sometimes a long chat is *almost* as good as being there in person.

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RE: HELP! So confused. - 5/22/2005 9:19:42 AM

MHOO314

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ahh yes a very interesting thread, I too thank you Stephan for your reply, yes just because we are Dominants does not mean we are no less lonely for our subs--and as we expand our horizons to find the right P/partner, we see more and more LDR cropping up-- the fact that your (XXX), not sure what you want to defer to Him as---takes so much time to prepare "events" for you is marvelous-- He is indeed aware and is attempting to bridge the gap--the fact that you are and want to focus so well on his requests shows your desire to please--and drop is drop whether its in realtime, phone, online or in the activities He has you implementing-- its still a downer-- but made that much sweeter when Y/you are together--but you have things to touch, smell feel, all from Him--relish in those and the fact that He seems to care--and understand-- now as to the clink of the chains, well I adore that and My subs eventually have chains at home as reminders--both of the connection and the times W/we had together--I adore chains, I'm not a rope kinda chick--also placing them in warm water before use, takes the ebeneezer feeling out of them until the body heat catches up---good luck

]edited for spelling

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 5/22/2005 9:21:21 AM >

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RE: HELP! So confused. - 5/24/2005 9:13:20 PM

fourpeas

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Thank you all so much for your insights. My dom is going out of town on Thursday through Monday (weeps) and will not be able to be in contact at all because he will be out in the middle of nowhere. I am sure I will need this support then as well. This is a great community. These responses are amazing, mind-blowing, reflective and beautiful. Thank you all for sharing your thoughts. I find them all so compelling.

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