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What do you say when... - 5/11/2005 1:29:57 PM

leatherylace

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What do you say when someone attacks bdsm and says it is a renactment of past abuse? Is there any truth to that?

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RE: What do you say when... - 5/11/2005 1:34:24 PM

RiotGirl

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Personally i believe submissives are more likely to be abused because of their submissive nature.

i think un educated ppl in the BDSM realm tend to look for that "control" in all the wrong places

(in reply to leatherylace)

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RE: What do you say when... - 5/11/2005 1:37:08 PM

Lordandmaster

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It depends on who the person is. If it's an ignorant vanilla, you ignore him. If it's a judge, you hire an expert witness to refute the theory. If it's someone pretending to be a psychologist, you tell him to read the literature and get back to you when he's done. If it's a friend or family-member--well, then it's hard.

Lam

quote:

ORIGINAL: leatherylace

What do you say when someone attacks bdsm and says it is a renactment of past abuse? Is there any truth to that?

(in reply to leatherylace)

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RE: What do you say when... - 5/11/2005 1:45:22 PM

BobcatsLilMinx

Posts: 201
Joined: 4/8/2005
From: UK
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You remember that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and that it's not worth arguing/ fighting about.

If it's something that troubles you, then you need to sit down and re-assess your stance in your D/s relationship - for example, are you unhappy in it? Does it bring back painful memories of your abuse? Are you in the relationship because you feel you need to be, that you deserve it?

For some people, yes, D/s can be a method of working through things that were done to them. They stay in the lifestyle a couple of years, get it out their system, and then one dy they just lose interest in it. Sometimes dom/mes use D/s as something to hide behind while they take out their unconscious anger and frustrations on their sub. So yes, there is truth to it. But there are plenty of other subs and dom/mes who have never been abused, and yet they are into the lifestyle as well.

Minx

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

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RE: What do you say when... - 5/11/2005 1:48:31 PM

darkinshadows

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It is hard - for some people, that may be the case - but I know that for me - its not - so I would not try to argue the point, just tell them from my experience, they are wrong. I never defend that which needs no defending (I sound like a broken record), because my word is enough - If someone cannot accept that, then that is their choice. - but thats how I feel.

Peace and Love

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RE: What do you say when... - 5/11/2005 1:54:08 PM

ruffnecksbabygir

Posts: 412
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

It depends on who the person is. If it's an ignorant vanilla, you ignore him. If it's a judge, you hire an expert witness to refute the theory. If it's someone pretending to be a psychologist, you tell him to read the literature and get back to you when he's done. If it's a friend or family-member--well, then it's hard.

Lam

lmao! what a great response!

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RE: What do you say when... - 5/11/2005 2:37:33 PM

MrThorns

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quote:

ORIGINAL: leatherylace

What do you say when someone attacks bdsm and says it is a renactment of past abuse? Is there any truth to that?

I have seen people use BDSM as a means of therapy...(Although I still think they should seek a friendly neighborhood therapist for that) and I have seen people mentally revert back to a period in their life in which abuse had taken place, but I don't believe this to be the "norm"...if there is such a thing.

What to tell people who attack BDSM without knowing the facts? Guide them to a few good books, offer to take them to a meeting or a workshop. If they say no, well...then ask them how they could possibly make such an attack without actually knowing what it is that they are talking about.

~Thorns

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RE: What do you say when... - 5/11/2005 3:31:01 PM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
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Tell them I've never been abused.

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RE: What do you say when... - 5/11/2005 3:47:56 PM

BobcatsLilMinx

Posts: 201
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From: UK
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I knew there had to be at least one sub here who has never been abused!!!

(in reply to perverseangelic)

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RE: What do you say when... - 5/11/2005 4:02:33 PM

sub4hire

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Yes there is truth to it. That is why many are involved in the lifestyle. Also, no there is no truth to it for some.
Depends individually by the person as Thorn's pointed out.
Some do use the lifestyle as a form of therapy. Many actually but just as many do not.
Many have never been abused.

Just depends.

(in reply to leatherylace)

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RE: What do you say when... - 5/11/2005 8:55:21 PM

EmeraldSlave2

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Be calm and casual about it, say it makes you very happy, it's a very healthy situation, everyone works together for fulfillment and most people wouldn't ever notice anything different than a vanilla relationship.

Keep it simple- use terms they can understand and just reassure them of your security in who you are.

Some still won't get it, but they would be hard pressed to do more than just shrug once they realize you're happy as you are.

Granted, lots of people in bdsm are NOT stable or secure or happy, but then, that's true in vanilla world as well.

(in reply to sub4hire)

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RE: What do you say when... - 5/12/2005 12:36:49 AM

BlkTallFullfig

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster
If it's an ignorant vanilla, you ignore him. If it's a judge, you hire an expert witness to refute the theory. If it's someone pretending to be a psychologist, you tell him to read the literature and get back to you when he's done. If it's a friend or family-member--well, then it's hard.
Lam

LOL, Liked these answers. M

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(in reply to Lordandmaster)

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RE: What do you say when... - 5/12/2005 4:34:12 AM

dragonofjapan

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrThorns

quote:

ORIGINAL: leatherylace

What do you say when someone attacks bdsm and says it is a renactment of past abuse? Is there any truth to that?

I have seen people use BDSM as a means of therapy...(Although I still think they should seek a friendly neighborhood therapist for that) and I have seen people mentally revert back to a period in their life in which abuse had taken place, but I don't believe this to be the "norm"...if there is such a thing.
~Thorns

I have expereinced a number of submissives "completing" a trauma of one type or another. I am sure there are more than a few abusers who think BDSM is the place to go, so they can abuse. One can usually find a negative way to look at anything.

For the most part I think people are drawn to bdsm for the dynamic.

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She who serves truly rules

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Honor is not making good choices,
it is dealing with the consequences.

(in reply to MrThorns)

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RE: What do you say when... - 5/12/2005 7:46:22 AM

Kiaban

Posts: 124
Joined: 7/11/2004
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Tell them you have never been abused and have no pent up hostility....then bash them over the head with a table leg!
er..just kidding
suprise suprise there are people in bdsm who are sub/dom who have been abused, and equally many who haven't. Sounds like any other sampling of the population huh?
Most of the time I just agree with them it kinda stumps them as to what to say next.
cheers,
Kiaban

(in reply to dragonofjapan)

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RE: What do you say when... - 5/12/2005 5:10:26 PM

Kinkypupper

Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
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Some things you will never EVER win an arguement with.
You will not ever convince a "beleaver" in the church that what you are doing is "ok"
You will never convince a closed minded person that there is the possabilitys of other things other feelings..

Just be polite and tell them that everyone is different and "god" made me who I am and I accept it.

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(in reply to leatherylace)

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RE: What do you say when... - 5/15/2005 6:17:14 PM

lechat

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Joined: 10/19/2004
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if it's consentual and you can call the shots, it's not abuse. all you hafta do stick your tongue out at your mate these days and you go to jail. you might be on "cops". but please, have your shirt on when you walk outta the trailer! just kidden'.....lechat.

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