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I'm sorry - 5/11/2005 5:02:15 PM

rubytuesday

Posts: 180
Joined: 10/22/2004
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Im writing and posting this for two reasons – one is to help the healing process and also to give some insight to anyone who is intending to go down the path I took.

I have made one of the biggest mistakes in my life – that it has actually turned out to be not all bad is just fortunate because it could well have gone the other way. I have a natural curiousity about a lot of things and normally leave well enough alone. My interest in B&D has been around for awhile though and that’s why I like the CollarMe boards because it answers a lot of my questions and its really interesting. I met a man through the internet a year ago , my marriage was over and everything worked out well for this guy to move down to where I was. He found a job, somewhere to live and everything just fell into place and we spent all his weekends off work together – my children going to their dads. We signed up with a site with the idea of meeting other “like minded” people – I knew my man wasn’t into B&D and we wanted to find some compatiblie interests for us. But, as seems to happen , I think we just got comfortable with where we were at and we didn’t actively pursue other interests. During that time I was emailed by a person from the site we had hooked onto and B&D was an interest for this guy. Initially he knew that there was me and my man but B&D became an overwhelming interest and the emails became more about that than anything. Then he suggested we meet……..coming from a marriage where communication wasn’t done I wanted to meet him and didn’t know how to tell my partner and so I made my biggest mistake.
I met the guy in a motel room - I had two nights where I had a babysitter for the kids for two hours each night and I made the decision to indulge my interest. He was experienced in what he did – the restraining, the cropping, the water sports – all new to me and part of what I was so curious to try. I have to say he was a really nice guy, treated me well and indulged my curiosity. Part of what I didn’t like about the experience was the guilt of doing something I knew I shouldn’t have been without talking to my man first and part of it was the feeling that I should be sharing this with someone I could build the experience on. I don’t want to downplay the experience because it was a learning curve but I got so caught up in the moment. Anyway he was up here for another night and wanted to know if I wanted to come over again – I didn’t - the excuse of no babysitter came up and I wasn’t sure I wanted to carry through. I was on a bit of a high from the experience but something was niggling – so the second night was it. I dropped a little moodwise the next few days which I now know was a form of “subdrop” and related to the physical intensity of it all.
My partner and I continued our relationship and I know now I should have communicated more but this past weekend he found out about my cheating (which is exactly what it was) and it hurt him more than I ever care to hurt a human being ever again. I thought it was over, he was angry (and rightly so) and he was hurting and then he rang and asked if we could work through it. I never even had to hesitate – the old saying “You don’t know what you got till its gone” is so true.
His hurt is still evident and will be for awhile to come but we have for the first time really really sat down and talked and on both sides its been incredibly beneficial and I know we can make this work – and be stronger for it – Love is a scary thing – and it comes in many different forms but when you find the true version its just awesome and its taken this for us to realise where we are and where we are going. And while I may not be able to contain my usual flirtatious nature I know now I can talk to my man about anything and , even better, he’s going to help my interest in B&D with his learning and as he said he isn’t a Dom or Master but he can do the things I want done and do them well.
So I hope the friends I have here on CollarMe wont think too badly of me for this- Im not a nasty callous person - I just got caught up with the moment (and I know thats no excuse) – I want to still stay on the boards and learn but unless my man is involved I’m behaving myself…….. Oh and btw GJH I love you to bits and thank you xx

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RE: I'm sorry - 5/11/2005 5:44:54 PM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
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as we all do from time to time, I am pleased it worked out, He sounds like a good potential partner and a tad of topping from the bottom to train isnt to bad, bless Y/you both

Hugs

edited for typo

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 5/11/2005 5:45:49 PM >

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RE: I'm sorry - 5/11/2005 7:24:29 PM

CTclay

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Joined: 11/6/2004
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Wow.

Great post. I really hope everything works out between you both. Best of luck.

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RE: I'm sorry - 5/14/2005 8:59:09 PM

Jennsen

Posts: 39
Joined: 3/5/2005
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Hi rubytuesday, I'm glad that things have worked out for you and wish you the best! I just replied to a thread in the lounge, "I feel like I am drowding" and our stories are kind of simular, the time span involved with them is a little different, but the moral of the stories are the same, "You dont know what you had until you lose it"

No one here is going to think bad about you, at least I'm not! Those mistakes happen. Although not good, we make mistakes for a reason.

These are some of my favorite quotes, and I thought you like them too.....

"Good judgement comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgement"

"Wisdom comes alone through suffering"

"If you shut your door to all errors, truth will be shut out"

"Wisdom is the art of seeing things invisible"

"Keep off your thoughts from things that are past and done, for thinking of past wakes regrets and pain"

"Saint, n. A dead sinner revised and edited"

Hope you enjoy quotes as much as I do, I find they really help my mind with reality sometimes! Wish you the best in this!

J

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RE: I'm sorry - 6/12/2005 12:15:41 AM

Lordandmaster

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And I hear they're going to beatify John Paul II.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jennsen

"Saint, n. A dead sinner revised and edited"

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RE: I'm sorry - 6/12/2005 9:08:27 AM

RiotGirl

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Hey hon,

i hope everything works out too. its apparent that you both love each other so hopefully it will all be resolved. Mistakes happen.

Great quotes too

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RE: I'm sorry - 6/12/2005 11:09:57 AM

Atavist

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Inspiring. You may have found a great love. As you said, sometimes it takes a major jolt in life to wake up and realize what you have. Good luck to you, it sounds like both of you are onto something very sweet.

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RE: I'm sorry - 6/12/2005 3:40:25 PM

proudsub

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From: Washington
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As the regulars here know, i did the same thing except i was married and my affair lasted 6 months before Hubby found out. We also talked and put it all on the table and Hubby is now my Dom, so sometimes something like that work out for the better. I'm glad you were able to work it out and have fun with your new experiences.

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