RE: so new and so confused...as a sub

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MrDiscipline44 -> RE: so new and so confused...as a sub (5/16/2007 6:29:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion quote: ORIGINAL: subdie guess i dontknow how to ditch him..... Easy.... click/block Easy, but requires a few more clicks... click/delete account.... clickety-clickety/create a new one And this is just pricless. Instead of telling her to be an adult and end the relationship as one, lets just tell her to act like a child on their parents computer. Why actually "face" a decision when you can just disappear? Right.

KatyLied -> RE: so new and so confused...as a sub (5/16/2007 6:36:58 AM)
I guess you can look at this from a lifestyle prospective. But more importantly, you need to look at it from a relationship perspective. Is this what you want in a relationship? Only you can answer that question. Some obvious things to note: he's in business with his girlfriend; he's had other subs and never left his girlfriend for them, he makes excuses to be with you in some future time, if __________(fill in the blank). If you are okay with this stuff then continue; if it bothers you, tell him and leave. Or just leave. They say there are 50 ways to do it.

SimplyMichael -> RE: so new and so confused...as a sub (5/16/2007 6:45:31 AM)
Relationship? If you see this as a relationship I pity anyone in one with you. The guy is cheating on his girlfriend The guy has never had the balls to meet anyone in real life The guy has used up and thrown away how many women? Transforming someone is wonderful, but doing this to someone you haven't even had coffee with is a bit much. If she dumps his sorry ass all she has lost is a pathetic wanker who can't summon up the ability to either transform the woman he has chosen to live with nor had the balls to tell her that he is cheating on her. Sorry this hit so close to home but the truth sometimes hurts!

MsKatHouston -> RE: so new and so confused...as a sub (5/16/2007 6:46:07 AM)
You don't need anyone to tell you what to do regarding the relationship. You're a smart girl and know the likely outcome to this already. Only you can decide whether or not you want to live like that and if you can be happy with the situation as it is. If you choose to stay, do so with eyes wide open with your expectations set realistically. If you choose to leave, do so in a manner becoming a strong woman. Tell him the relationship is not what you are looking for and you feel it is best to move on. Do so politely and with as little drama as possible. Then take some time to heal and move on. If he continues to try to contact you after the fact, then that's a whole other story and plenty of things you can do about that. But I would not change your identity or nic here unless absolutely necessary. Just figure out what you want, decide if you already have it, take action one way or the other. Good luck.

imthatacheyouhav -> RE: so new and so confused...as a sub (5/16/2007 6:50:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44 Great work people!! To think, this girl might have actually had a relationship with someone. Fuck the fact that she may have been happy or that these are may have been changes that he saw she wanted and was willing to push her to. Fuck the fact that not everyone wants someone off the shelf and that some actually do like to mold a person into what they see they can be. Fuck all that shit. Well done, well done indeed!! Good way to hussle!! While we're at it lets fuck the fact that he is a LIER and a CHEAT.

Totalmaster4you -> RE: so new and so confused...as a sub (5/16/2007 6:59:58 AM)
FirstlyI don't believe he's the real thing because his girl friend is vanilla. Big loud warning. Their busines and social is totally intertwinded. Use your block button and clarify your thoughts in your journal in the past tense

NControlofU -> RE: so new and so confused...as a sub (5/16/2007 7:01:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44 Great work people!! To think, this girl might have actually had a relationship with someone. Fuck the fact that she may have been happy or that these are may have been changes that he saw she wanted and was willing to push her to. Fuck the fact that not everyone wants someone off the shelf and that some actually do like to mold a person into what they see they can be. Fuck all that shit. Well done, well done indeed!! Good way to hussle!! Yeah, right.....And, let's just ignore the facts, as she stated them, that he's maintaining his very involved relationship with his live-in vanilla girlfriend and keeping her totally in the dark about this slave on the side. Sure, he's going to leave the live-in girlfriend, who he owns a house & business with, for the online slave, just as soon as he's finished "molding" her to his liking. You really buy that load of bullshit? You really want this new slave to buy this line? You think making her feel worthless is a good training technique to "mold" a slave? Who's hussling who? quote: ORIGINAL: subdie he tells me he wants me to change alot about myself weight, fitness and name etc then he will leave her to be with me... quote: ...i am jsut so lost as i am so new to this if not feeling a little worthless....any ideas as i cant talk to my vanilla friends...he had other subs while being with his vanilla girlfriend...nothing ever eventuated in real time..i just worry maybe he only wants to keepit online/phone tilliam his idea of perfection.....

MstrssPassion -> RE: so new and so confused...as a sub (5/16/2007 7:20:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44 quote: ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion quote: ORIGINAL: subdie guess i dontknow how to ditch him..... Easy.... click/block Easy, but requires a few more clicks... click/delete account.... clickety-clickety/create a new one And this is just pricless. Instead of telling her to be an adult and end the relationship as one, lets just tell her to act like a child on their parents computer. Why actually "face" a decision when you can just disappear? Right. based on behavior that the OP described... yes, just block him.... Why don't you tell me why some lying, cheating, self absorbed, egotistical, bullshit artist deserves any chance to continue with his bullshit (oh wait... I forgot who I was talking to... never mind) This was just online... they never met.... & as it has been told over & over & over.... people go poof for many reasons when it is just online & we should simply accept it & move on Somehow I don't think this guy is going to lose any sleep over her sudden disappearance, she obviously doesn't measure up to his high standards of appearance or entrepreneurial success. At any rate.... block & delete is the best way to rid yourself of this foolishness.... you obviously had far more commitment to this than he did. He was playing you. Prime example why what I say is true, he is obviously lying to the girlfriend (I'm betting it is a wife) that he has personal & business relationship with. That requires a great deal of trust... yet he lies to her about his exploits. What makes you think for a second that he is honest with you? He isn't going to walk out of a relationship when his livelihood is attached to it.... & seeing that he says you have to be a successful business owner before he will be with you.... I'm wondering just how real this business is that he says he has. Who else thinks this guys is mostly some dead beat?

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: so new and so confused...as a sub (5/16/2007 8:37:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44 Great work people!! To think, this girl might have actually had a relationship with someone. Fuck the fact that she may have been happy or that these are may have been changes that he saw she wanted and was willing to push her to. Fuck the fact that not everyone wants someone off the shelf and that some actually do like to mold a person into what they see they can be. Fuck all that shit. Well done, well done indeed!! Good way to hussle!! If she had come on here saying she was happy and secure in this situation and seemed to understand the possible consequences, I'd have said "OK go for it." But that's not what she posted- she posted very plainly that she's not really secure, she's not all happy, she knows somethings wrong but can't be brave enough to face it and later it becomes clear she simply fell into the first hot prolonged fantasy that came her way. To the OP: Next time, make a commitment based on real understanding, mutual expectations and long term compatability, not hot fantasy.

lilpony -> RE: so new and so confused...as a sub (5/16/2007 9:13:27 AM)
Yes you are setting yourself up for failure, if in fact you already have. You have not even met him and he has a totally seperate life. Your concerns are valid but they should be in the context of a "real" relationship not an on-line one.

RavenMuse -> RE: so new and so confused...as a sub (5/16/2007 9:37:02 AM)
Don't want to burst your bubble sweetie but that simply red flags all over the place. How can you place your trust in a man who is blatently deceving his primary partner? she has no idea you exist... you are "The other woman", a flight of fancy.... Sorry petal but IF he was interested enough in who you are then your weight wouldn't stop him, that could be adjusted when you where already his! That looks ever so like a garden path you are being led up, one with a rather nasty fall at the end of it.

OsideGirl -> RE: so new and so confused...as a sub (5/16/2007 9:47:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subdie Hi i am totally new to this and have been seeking an outlet to discuss my current situation, I love my master to the end dearly i do & i am collared... he always tells me the truth (even things i wish i didnt know) and tells me he loves me...but i have hit a roadblock allowing me to move on emotionally tp be the best sub i could be he has always told me about his vanilla live in girlfriend all the time somuch so they own houses and run a business....he tells me he wants me to change alot about myself weight, fitness and name etc then he will leave her to be with me I love you now change? If he loves you enough to leave, then why hasn't he? I'm sorry, sweetie, but this is the classic cheater line. quote: ... however i am having trouble thinking around his vanilla girlfriend she has no idea i exist. So, he's cheating on her. Trust is primary to a D/s relationship. How can you trust someone that would lie to the most important person in his life? quote: ...this is my first time with a dominant , i know it is a latent need....as i havent met him yet due to his vanilla girlfriend and he lives in another city an hour away...i question am i setting myself up for failure I would say, Yes. Matter of fact, I would put money on the fact that he'll always find a reason not to meet you. quote: .....and that this is only play for him....he has given me a fewgifts...but tells me only when i loose all my weight then we can and be 24/7....i am getting uncertain, communication is on his terms mostly i keep a journal to express such feelings but alwys it is turned back on me saying i knew this when he collared me...i am jsut so lost as i am so new to this if not feeling a little worthless....any ideas as i cant talk to my vanilla friends...he had other subs while being with his vanilla girlfriend...nothing ever eventuated in real time..i just worry maybe he only wants to keepit online/phone tilliam his idea of perfection..... Sweetie, he's a wanker. You're here asking these questions, so somewhere inside of you, you know what is going on. You deserve better than someone that would do this to you.

OsideGirl -> RE: so new and so confused...as a sub (5/16/2007 9:50:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Relationship? If you see this as a relationship I pity anyone in one with you. The guy is cheating on his girlfriend The guy has never had the balls to meet anyone in real life The guy has used up and thrown away how many women? Transforming someone is wonderful, but doing this to someone you haven't even had coffee with is a bit much. If she dumps his sorry ass all she has lost is a pathetic wanker who can't summon up the ability to either transform the woman he has chosen to live with nor had the balls to tell her that he is cheating on her. Sorry this hit so close to home but the truth sometimes hurts! Bravo, Michael!

xxblushesxx -> RE: so new and so confused...as a sub (5/16/2007 11:18:18 AM)
Yep. a 'dominant' who hasn't the stones to tell his girlfriend what he thinks he is, and what he's doing? Is a dominant who lies to his sub, a true dominant? Is a dominant who lies to his live-in girlfriend, and skulks around behind her back truly someone to look up to? Have him prove to you he is what he says. Have him sit down with both you and his live-in, and declare his intentions to both of you. Bet he won't. Find someone who won't lie to you, or those he is closest to. Find someone worth your submission.

swtnsparkling -> RE: so new and so confused...as a sub (5/16/2007 12:54:56 PM)
quote: MrDiscipline44 Great work people!! Thank you I really apprciate good manners

Valyraen -> RE: so new and so confused...as a sub (5/16/2007 2:23:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subdie guess i don't know how to ditch him..... I can sympathize... took me six months of rough and rocky terrain before I realized that the destructive relationship I was in wasn't for me. The only real advice I can give you is to be polite, sincere, and firm... and then completely sever all correspondence with this man. Keeping him in your life in any degree is a very bad idea... he's proven himself to be a user once already, and I have no doubt that he'd happily walk through that door again if you left it open. If you need any help, feel free to send me a PM, and I'll do what I can.

TigressFL -> RE: so new and so confused...as a sub (5/16/2007 2:40:31 PM)
I do not understand why you would would even entertain the notion of being under someone that is in a relationship with someone that is clueless as to what their lover is doing. I think you need to figure out why your self-esteem is so low that you would go for such an arragement regardless if it is online or real life. This isn't about him sweetie it is about you and why you have allowed yourself to be in this situation in the first place. Just beasue he is a liar and is deceptive to his partner does not mean you have to lower your standards to be the chick on the side in secret. I suggest you do some serious soul searching and introspection then kick his ass the the curb. He needs to put his big boy pants on and be the man he claims to be by being up front with all parties involved. Don't fall for this "if you do XYZ then I will leave her crap" that is the oldest trick in the book. Just my 2 cents!~ Good Luck to you!

MrDiscipline44 -> RE: so new and so confused...as a sub (5/16/2007 4:01:59 PM)
I know that this may be abit beyond your sphere of comprehension, but I'm going to try show you a different point of view. Poly-relationships take on many different forms as you no doubt know. One of those forms being primary/secondary relationships. Most of those will have everyone informed on the situation of the other relationship(s).........but not all. Some people can and do have (a) functional, healthy poly-relationship(s) with a polyamorus person without knowing the details of the other relationship(s) that person is involved with. Considering there is very little information about the primary relation between the master and his girlfriend, it's not out of the realm of possibility. They may just have an open relationship and she has stated she doesn't want to know about anyone else. I've heard that plenty of times from couples. Also, you just don't know if this guy would have told his primary or not. No one does unless they are the person in question. Are you? quote: a pathetic wanker who can't summon up the ability to either transform the woman he has chosen to live You can only change one who wishes to change. If his girlfriend doesn't want to change, should he just say, "Oh well, guess I'm stuck with her." I don't think so. He should do exactly what he is doing, finding someone that will be what he wants. quote: The guy has never had the balls to meet anyone in real life I didn't know you were so intimate with the guy in question to say such a thing. Or are you makeing an ignorant personal statement about someone? Again. quote: The guy has used up and thrown away how many women? This could be said of you, Michael, or me or anyone that has had more then one relationship that they are no longer in. But what I think most likely happened is that he has put this situation to them and they declined it. No harm, no foul. He just moved on to the next potential. Just as you or anyone else would have.

Argentopal -> RE: so new and so confused...as a sub (5/16/2007 4:17:59 PM)
Hi, You really ahve all the good advice you need. Please, be strong and confident. He "loves you" yet requires you change everything ... name, plasitc surgery, weight ... and if he is so dishonest with a girlfriend business partner what makes you thnk he is honest with you? You need to take some time and write him a well thought out, well written letter - I like to do it in a word document so I can re read things and edit it until I am happy with it. Tell him your feelings and doubts. A "master" does not require such changes in one he loves, a "master" supports and encourages you to be the best you can be. A "master" is not dishonest with anyone. A "master" does not go behind the back of his wife, girlfriend, so, boyfriend, to find a slave here or anywhere. You do not even need to go into long details, he knows what he is doing is wrong. If you ahve his return address pack up the toys and send them back. Simply tell him you have realized how bad this relationship is for you and that you feel bad or guilty for being part of decieving an innocent person - his gf. Tell him you need to seperate yourself from the negativity he has brought into your life. Be polite but firm and stick to it. Do not answer the phone if it's him, block his emails remove him from chat programs. Take a deep cleansing breath and get started on the rest of your life now. I know "we" on CM are only names on a screen, but you can certainly see there is support here for you and I kow almost anyone here would also write you off list for additional support and advice. If that doesn't work - let us know and we will send Guido to see this louse! MsOpal

slaveish -> RE: so new and so confused...as a sub (5/16/2007 7:03:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subdie i am totally new to this < snip> he tells me he wants me to change alot about myself weight, fitness and name etc then he will leave her to be with me... <snip> he lives in another city an hour away... <snip> but tells me only when i loose all my weight then we can and be 24/7.... <snip> he had other subs while being with his vanilla girlfriend...nothing ever eventuated in real time.. This is all sounding very convenient. For him. You're an hour away, he will be with you if YOU manage to do something (and after you accomplish this task, what will be next? I bet there will be something big). He's had other subs but never wound up with them. Hmmmmm. quote: ORIGINAL: subdie i just worry maybe he only wants to keepit online/phone tilliam his idea of perfection..... No, sweetheart, he doesn't want perfection. He has exactly what he wants from you: he's got you online. He gets to play his little twisted game with you, get your emotions all involved, get you moving to his tune ... but he doesn't want perfection. This dude has a girlfriend who lives with him who, he says, he will leave in order to be with you; however, he also told you he's had other subs in the past. Well where are they now? How do you think he treated them? Imagine you ... only with a different name, different hair, different face. I am truly sorry.

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