RE: Being dismissed....

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m0rgan -> RE: Being dismissed.... (5/16/2007 10:47:00 AM)
i'll chip in 2 cents; i was chatting to a girly that made the right noises, but stacks of excuses. i gave her my email addy, then another suggestion for ways to post a word or two to me, then blocked her for a week. my addy wasn't used, my profile wasn't viewed by her, and her profile not only didn't mention me, or anything about us, but disappeared!! it later reappeared, but only with whining and "serves him right" kind of stuff while "considering" between 2 other doms. i reckon i got "played" for a while, and i reckon you got "played" for a while, but if you don't ask him you will never know! if, however, he is an arsehole and was "trifling with your affections" as they used to call it, then he isn't actually worth the post you made.

softness -> RE: Being dismissed.... (5/16/2007 11:04:42 AM)
sweatheart, look at it like this the guy is willing to end a blossoming and seemingly exciting relationship because of a one time slip of communication protocol on the part of a stressed out novice, not punish or correct you .. but flat out dismiss you? hmmmmmmmm even IF this guys is for real and is not just bailing because of cold feet .. think on this, do you really want to put yourself into the hands of someone who would dismiss you for something which in the grand scheme of things is actually quite minor You are an adult, you hold down a job, all jobs carry stress and create tension for us at some point. every one of us that functions in every day normal society has moments when they need to stamp and scream and throw things. If you are in a dynmaic where the Dominant does not what to see such things, if the D finds it displeasing to see effects of stress or strain or to listen to property when they are feeling them then the D should be TRAINING you with means and strategies with which to conceal those stresses from them. When, if, that training reaches a stage where you are able to do this, then THAT is the time when not doing so should earn punishment. Becoming property is not a case of being handed a checklist and being asked "Can you do this?...I expect it to be done perfectly, everytime, all the time ... great get on with it ... by the way here is one of those collar thingies". Becoming a worthy possession is about a D outlining the behaviours and attitudes that they find pleasing and then training you and equipping you with the means to do these things. Many of those behaviours may already be part of you in some way, many will be things you have to learn from scratch. As a novice you are something special, just as each sub or slave enters into a new relationship, its is an opportunity to start fresh, to be tabula rasa, but if the D is not going to take the time care and attention over training, then he doesn't deserve you. personally, he sounds like a prize numpty, cut loose and take the valuable possession you have the potential to be elsewhere

nyrisa -> RE: Being dismissed.... (5/16/2007 11:06:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: m0rgan i'll chip in 2 cents; i was chatting to a girly that made the right noises, but stacks of excuses. i gave her my email addy, then another suggestion for ways to post a word or two to me, then blocked her for a week. my addy wasn't used, my profile wasn't viewed by her, and her profile not only didn't mention me, or anything about us, but disappeared!! it later reappeared, but only with whining and "serves him right" kind of stuff while "considering" between 2 other doms. i reckon i got "played" for a while, and i reckon you got "played" for a while, but if you don't ask him you will never know! if, however, he is an arsehole and was "trifling with your affections" as they used to call it, then he isn't actually worth the post you made. I am afraid I don't quite understand why you blocked her. Was it a test, to see how committed she was to pursuing you? Speaking only for myself, if I were to find that someone had blocked me from contacting him, that would have a horribly negative connotation. I only block people who have done something scarey or unforgiveable, so if I found myself blocked for no known reason, I would take that as an indication that the person was just not quite with it mentally, and not someone I'd wish further contact with. Maybe that is why you did not hear from her, also?

MadRabbit -> RE: Being dismissed.... (5/16/2007 11:08:16 AM)
A lot of good posts and two points just to help... 1) Anyone can pick up a copy of Miss Abnerathy's Concise Slave Training Manual and three days later know all these cool dominant things like keeping journals and vocal communication training. 2) Majority of people who have some experience with "training" realize that it takes quite a lot of time before all these nifty protocols and new behaviors become new habits. The older dominants in committed relationships who have helped me all shared the similar testament to 1-3 years before everything they wanted became as easy as breathing. The idea that it will happen over the course of one weekend is unrealistic to me and personally, has yet to miracously happen for me yet in my experiences =). Such expectations come off as foolishly and ridicously high.

MistressSassy66 -> RE: Being dismissed.... (5/16/2007 11:12:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub Did he mean dismissed for the evening, as in I'm done talking with you tonight or dismissed period? That is a very valid point. To the OP I would at least ask what He meant. I have dismissed kitten when he did something that pissed Me off. But I was blunt enough to say your dismissed dont contact Me again. After 2 weeks went by I said Hi to him,it changed him for a lil bit,but once again hes on the shitlist. Sometimes old dogs cant learn new tricks... lol

ExtremeOwnerIL -> RE: Being dismissed.... (5/16/2007 11:13:07 AM)
quote: 2) Majority of people who have some experience with "training" realize that it takes quite a lot of time before all these nifty protocols and new behaviors become new habits. The older dominants in committed relationships who have helped me all shared the similar testament to 1-3 years before everything they wanted became as easy as breathing. And I'm assuming that's not including the time for said Dominant to become familiar enough with the task to be training someone else, unless they are training and learning at the same time. Regards, EO

WillowRain -> RE: Being dismissed.... (5/16/2007 11:20:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: fantasyweaver Mistress Passion.. Thank you for your candid observation. I had thought of that...but hoped that it wasnt the case. Such a potentially damaging experience to bring the trust needed to a beginning relatiioship in order for ir to grow only to have to face that you are an old fool at best. But if this were the case, you are correct, I have learned many basics which will serve me well as I continue to seek my Dom. If he truly were the "real" thing, I can only hope that someone will provide advice on how to handle this situation and try to regain his confidence in me. My sincere thanks. Please don't label yourself negatively. From your tone, and the way you express yourself you strike me as a very sincere and articulate woman. If you want to continue with this man, I would say you are well past time to have met him in person. Meeting people through an online medium does not always have a happy ending, and I wish for you, that you would have had one of those happy endings. I personally think it is important to meet someone face to face, real life, more than once, before you start taking any kind of order or advice from them. You are new, and eager, and palpably willing, protect yourself a little and don't offer your service and your heart to someone who hasn't held your hand and smiled at you. Someone out there, is looking for you, someone who is worthy of you, someone who will place his warm solid hand on the back of your neck in a way that makes your bones all melt, so that you can't stand, and have forgotten why anyone would ever want to. Don't give up hope. Don't harden yourself. Don't allow this to make you jaded. If this man no longer wishes contact, then let him peacably go. Consider going to a local Munch. Good luck, and God bless you in your search. Master Jack's, Willow

LadyHugs -> RE: Being dismissed.... (5/16/2007 11:25:10 AM)
Dear fantasyweaver, Ladies and Gentlemen; Being dismissed is a final act of closing a 'special relationship' as Master and slave. I highly doubt if any apology and or remedies given will be considered strong enough as to give reconsideration. It is a blunt means of giving an axe to ties period. This is why I am a bit disappointed in so many over the Internet match makings. Some are successful but, they also seemingly have put much investment in physically meeting the person and getting to know the person before ever considering a consideration to be collared. I will also mention, that not all Dominants are trainers. Trainers and seasoned Dominants would be very prepared for novices to slip up occasionally and be pliable as to replace old habits with new ones. Patience is key as well as communications. For every step forward a lot will take a few steps back. Training over the phone and text form is very low as far as quality training, as the other person can be making sport of things on the other side. I prefer physically being present when training. That said, I will proffer that each Dominant trains differently. I just am more old fashioned then some. I do not wish to sound harsh and or intend to be harsh. However, I do wonder outloud if your choice of a screen name may have a bit to do with how others, to include this latest chap who identifies as a Dominant, treat you. Fantasy is not the reality, to which you seek by how your heart spoke. Perhaps reconsideration on how profound words profess a person's spirit of intent, may remove you from being seen as a fantasy affair or a fantasy maker; into a beautiful lady you seem to be and wishing more of a dream to be fulfilled and not kept into a fantasy status. Dreams are not a fantasy yet--both do have a lot of imagination and creativity. You do teach people how to treat you lass. The pain of heart, spirit, mind and emotions are not seen and do not heal quickly. Be kind to yourself and respect yourself during these times of loss or grief. When ready, perhaps someone much better will treat you more kindly. Just some thoughts. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs

amuzingtoyou -> RE: Being dismissed.... (5/16/2007 11:25:42 AM)
What I often find is that male dominants have a very hard time looking at themselves. So of course its much easier to blame the submissive. The reality of the situation is that for whatever reason he no longer wanted to pursue a relationship with you. It sucks that he gave you no explanation, but this is where you need to move on. I would not write a letter of apology as someone suggested. Because what did you do wrong? If he is so quick to let someone go, then I don't think it is the kind of dominant that you would want. One shouldn't be walking on eggshells all the time wondering when the Dominant is going to explode. One shouldn't live in fear that one little mishap will lend them being dismissed. The best thing you can do at this time...if reflect on the good times, reflect about the things maybe you could have done differently, and move on. I wish you luck with this. missi

MadRabbit -> RE: Being dismissed.... (5/16/2007 11:38:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ExtremeOwnerIL quote: 2) Majority of people who have some experience with "training" realize that it takes quite a lot of time before all these nifty protocols and new behaviors become new habits. The older dominants in committed relationships who have helped me all shared the similar testament to 1-3 years before everything they wanted became as easy as breathing. And I'm assuming that's not including the time for said Dominant to become familiar enough with the task to be training someone else, unless they are training and learning at the same time. Regards, EO I'm secertly hoping I dont have to "train" a women to do laundry...because then, I've really just screwed =)

WillowRain -> RE: Being dismissed.... (5/16/2007 11:43:14 AM)
[/quote] I'm secertly hoping I dont have to "train" a women to do laundry...because then, I've really just screwed =) [/quote] :P I lived with someone once who had a whole thing about how towels were folded and underwear. ... actually.. everything. He wouldn't say a word of complaint, but he would just calmly refold everything to how he liked it. After a few times I asked him to show me what he was doing. It didn't make any sense to my practical self for the time to be spent on double folding, and if it was THAT important to him... then heck, why not do it that way. Personally, if anyone decides to do my laundry, they can fold it any way they like... but then... I'm not much of a D type. Good luck with the laundry!!

m0rgan -> RE: Being dismissed.... (5/16/2007 11:50:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: nyrisa quote: ORIGINAL: m0rgan i'll chip in 2 cents; i was chatting to a girly that made the right noises, but stacks of excuses. i gave her my email addy, then another suggestion for ways to post a word or two to me, then blocked her for a week. my addy wasn't used, my profile wasn't viewed by her, and her profile not only didn't mention me, or anything about us, but disappeared!! it later reappeared, but only with whining and "serves him right" kind of stuff while "considering" between 2 other doms. i reckon i got "played" for a while, and i reckon you got "played" for a while, but if you don't ask him you will never know! if, however, he is an arsehole and was "trifling with your affections" as they used to call it, then he isn't actually worth the post you made. I am afraid I don't quite understand why you blocked her. Was it a test, to see how committed she was to pursuing you? Speaking only for myself, if I were to find that someone had blocked me from contacting him, that would have a horribly negative connotation. I only block people who have done something scarey or unforgiveable, so if I found myself blocked for no known reason, I would take that as an indication that the person was just not quite with it mentally, and not someone I'd wish further contact with. Maybe that is why you did not hear from her, also? it was more complex than that, but it was a test, of sorts! originally i asked her why we had been posting to each other for weeks, but she had not yet viewed my profile? "she" then viewed my profile! i won't go into specifics, but other stuff then built on my cynicism and doubt. i decided to test if what was said by "her?" was meant sincerely, gave her my email for use "in emergencies" (as there had been isp difficulties? on her part, and it was conceivable that kind of thing might happen to me!) then after another series of excuses (just a tad too frequent now, and too many red flags) blocked her with an announcement to that effect, and suggested she had other ways to post to me. none of those were used. nor was my profile ever viewed again (explanations were also posted there, since deleted by me) i was played, probably by a similar character that fabricates the new profiles we see so often appearing, in similar fashion! i tend not to take anyone seriously now unless i see a history of posting on this side, and maybe all the good ones are gone now anyway, so i am hoping, maybe, a good one will find me! shame really, as ones view of contactees is coloured by that experience slightly, and the fakers taint the site!! on another site i go on, the mods will frequently indicate a poster that has posted many times under different identities! i favour that, as a faker that sees that done to him tends not to do it quite so often!!

MagiksSlave -> RE: Being dismissed.... (5/16/2007 2:03:48 PM)
Ok so lets say he take you back, of course he already cansaled his plans for this weekend (though I doubt he ever made any) and you get to start again to wait for him to make new plans to see you, this works great for him he gets to have more fantasy time without meeting and then when it comes time to meet again he can come up with an entirely new reason to dismiss you. Do you really want to be strung along. Sounds like your better off without his impaciant ass!! Magik's slave

MadRabbit -> RE: Being dismissed.... (5/16/2007 2:08:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WillowRain quote: I'm secertly hoping I dont have to "train" a women to do laundry...because then, I've really just screwed =) :P I lived with someone once who had a whole thing about how towels were folded and underwear. ... actually.. everything. He wouldn't say a word of complaint, but he would just calmly refold everything to how he liked it. After a few times I asked him to show me what he was doing. It didn't make any sense to my practical self for the time to be spent on double folding, and if it was THAT important to him... then heck, why not do it that way. Personally, if anyone decides to do my laundry, they can fold it any way they like... but then... I'm not much of a D type. Good luck with the laundry!! I'm going to take the "Look, I'm the dominant and I'm TELLING you to do it however you want." approach =)

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Being dismissed.... (5/16/2007 2:26:35 PM)
Sometimes things just do not work out. I do not agree with his method of dismissal but maybe he isn't a good communicator. You can try to talk to him again and see what the problem was. It would have made more sense to tell you he didn't think it would work and then dismiss you. As others haver said you can try to communicate is some way your thoughts and feelings about this. Sounds like he was the one with issues. Learn and move on is my motto. Something fishy about the story.

windchymes -> RE: Being dismissed.... (5/16/2007 2:29:05 PM)
To the OP, I am truly sorry for your pain and feelings of loss. Unfortunately, what you described happens quite frequently online. Here, new subs come along all the time, and if he's into the whole online dominance game, then it's quite likely you are just one of a series that he'll play with and dismiss when it suits his puffed up domly ego. In the future, it's best NOT to give your whole heart and soul to someone until you've met them in real life and they seem to be returning the emotions that you are feeling. Never start thinking someone is "The One", someone wonderful and fabulous and oh-so compatible and the answer to all your dreams until you've met them in person. There are a LOT of online players who talk a big talk online but can't and won't ever take the big step and make it real. And, as Katy said, there's a really good chance that wifey walked in and peeked over his shoulder. Just use this opportunity for growth and wisdom and for more caution in the future.[:)]

Valyraen -> RE: Being dismissed.... (5/16/2007 3:35:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit quote: ORIGINAL: WillowRain quote: I'm secertly hoping I dont have to "train" a women to do laundry...because then, I've really just screwed =) :P I lived with someone once who had a whole thing about how towels were folded and underwear. ... actually.. everything. He wouldn't say a word of complaint, but he would just calmly refold everything to how he liked it. After a few times I asked him to show me what he was doing. It didn't make any sense to my practical self for the time to be spent on double folding, and if it was THAT important to him... then heck, why not do it that way. Personally, if anyone decides to do my laundry, they can fold it any way they like... but then... I'm not much of a D type. Good luck with the laundry!! I'm going to take the "Look, I'm the dominant and I'm TELLING you to do it however you want." approach =) That backfires, sometimes. I've had to hand-walk Aqua through how I prefer my clothes to be folded, and that's still a learning process... doesn't always happen right, but at the end of the day I'm often too physically and mentally tired to care. Find me the guy that said being a dominant is easier... I can't really express how truly wrong that statement is. [sm=lol.gif]

MadRabbit -> RE: Being dismissed.... (5/16/2007 4:44:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Valyraen Find me the guy that said being a dominant is easier... I can't really express how truly wrong that statement is. [sm=lol.gif] You and me both, brother But when your like me and just starting to evolve from the "stuff it all in the drawer" stage to actually folding it, its a bit hard to set standards.

fantasyweaver -> RE: Being dismissed.... (5/16/2007 7:27:06 PM)
Thanks to each of you who took the time to provide wisdom and guidance to me during a confusing time. Your words are invaluable as I struggle to find my path in the lifestyle. I was extremely confused trying to determine if perhaps i were wrong in pursuing a lifestyle which called to the currents within me, since thus far, it has been cruel and manipulative. While it is true that there are experienced, collared subs half my age...I do know that I offer a sincere thirst for learning and wicked passions ..and want very much to be with the right Dom for me. You have taught me today that there are no different "rules" here than there are in any other relationship. A Dom doesnt care one day and suddenly not care the next just because he's a Dom. That's what i was hoping to hear. I know its elementary to those of you who are comfortable with who you are in the lifestyle. For me, as a novice, it is difficult sometimes to know what must be re-shaped and what is "his" problem. I thank you so very much. You have given me hope and much needed encouragement. Perhaps I may be fortunate enough to meet someone who will help me become the woman I know I was meant to be become. Thanks again for all the great replies....you have truly made a difference today.

MstrssPassion -> RE: Being dismissed.... (5/16/2007 7:45:26 PM)
see if you can find some more food for thought in these wise words "People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within." ~Ramona L. Anderson

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