ah such a problem!

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sexisub4u -> ah such a problem! (5/16/2007 8:54:46 PM)
Hello I am a switch-- with more submissive tendencies then domme-- however here is my issue I have been seeing my dominate partner now for a couple of months, and Ive become more submissive to him during that time the only issue is, is that usually im used as an oral sex toy-- i dont mind giving head at all but lately its been most of the time! yesterday it was 30 minutes to an hour in less then 2 or 3 hours! finally at the end of it i felt so bad because he asked again and i could not do it because my jaw hurt so bad! but he just kept asking and asking so i finally said 'i cant! i have been giving you head all night and i dont like to say no to you but i cant!' after that he kind of got up set and i was upset because i couldnt do what he was asking me to do... I have a safe word i dont like to use it expecailly if its not hurting me, but whats a better way to handle this situation?

sexisub4u -> RE: ah such a problem! (5/16/2007 9:04:09 PM)
more importently i feel like i did something wrong! so terrable wrong and thats really why im asking, so i can learn the best way to handle the situation in the future.. i am a switch but he is so great that sometimes i just want to be his and make him happy all the time-- i feel so lost.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: ah such a problem! (5/16/2007 9:04:59 PM)
The issue is that your dom has unrealistic expectations for what he wants from you. His objective needs to be to train you. Would he be upset with a 4 year old for not knowing calculus on the first day of class?

szobras -> RE: ah such a problem! (5/16/2007 9:11:35 PM)
Hmm,... sounds like what is "under consideration" should be an ongoing state of mind. Perhaps the emotional, and physical well being of a sub, and expressing your limit when you realize it , as you said you have a safe word.

juliaoceania -> RE: ah such a problem! (5/16/2007 9:17:24 PM)
[sarcasm] Take some pain meds and suck it up [/sarcasm] My ex hubby wanted head for hours and hours... I am not kidding about that. My lips would be raw and my jaw would hurt. I have slight TMJ and I have had jaw surgery since to correct this problem. But I did it because I have an oral sex fixation as much as I wanted to please him too. The fixation is still there, I love oral sex. I do not give it to the point of having physical impairment anymore. I would set parameters in my relationship, it sounds as though he is misusing his toy, and he needs to be shown that. Perhaps having him read this thread would help. My Daddy would not use me this way if he even suspected I was having real discomfort... he uses his toys well and takes care of them, and I am a valuable toy[;)]

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: ah such a problem! (5/16/2007 9:20:15 PM)
Communicate, communicate! Doms can't read minds. You need to talk to him about your feelings and work on a solution. He doesn't know there is a problem until you bring it up. Just be honest about your feelings and his expectations.

mstrjx -> RE: ah such a problem! (5/16/2007 9:27:25 PM)
Maybe the issue is that he needs a little 'help' in finishing. Maybe a little 'massage' might help. Maybe a little prostate massage. Maybe. Jeff

aldompdx -> RE: ah such a problem! (5/16/2007 11:39:13 PM)
Physical reality is a hard limit. Fantasy has no limits. Too bad he is dominated by his mental fantasyland, and lacks the inner control to accept physical reality. Such "dominants" typicall project their own weakness upon others, which is why they assume the role in the first place.

HeavansKeeper -> RE: ah such a problem! (5/17/2007 12:32:00 AM)
You shouldn't feel bad for failing him. I have a more Daddy Dom mentality than most, but even in that case, if you gave 100% you gave everything. Are you sure this man isn't taking the advantage of having a blowjob machine? If he is, is that ok with you? If you feel those questions are offensive then your D/s relationship has an issue. I agree with everyone who suggests you talk about limits. Perhaps you can offer other parts of your body for him to play with for a while, or other methods of asserting his dominance. I like the idea that at the right time even a slave should be able to speak freely. The last thing he wants is for you to grow resentful of him. If he only makes you fail and never gives you the joy of his happiness in you, you'll grow tired of his antics. I presume he's pure Dom and would never let you fill his mouth with the awe inspiring power of black latex cock? Edit: Some typos.

mythi -> RE: ah such a problem! (5/17/2007 3:59:50 AM)
Aside from all the above advice, he at least needs to inform you up front that it's going to be a long night. That way you can pace yourself...throw more licking/kissing/handwork into the mix and save your jaw from such a marathon.

MissOchistic -> RE: ah such a problem! (5/17/2007 4:29:26 AM)
Honey, as badly as we may wish to serve and please, there are some things we cannot do. This is not something you should feel bad about. Him being dissappointed is understandable (no one like a pair of blue balls), but it should not be made out to be your fault, nor should you believe that. You can actually do some substantial damage to your jaw by pushing yourself beyond the limit. i don't believe a caring and responsible Dom would push you to hurt your face badly, and even if he thought you should, consent means you have every right to refuse when it hits your limit.

bandit25 -> RE: ah such a problem! (5/17/2007 4:36:58 AM)
I've got to agree with Keeper. Sounds like he was a blowjob machine. Now, if that's ok with you, then so be it. I need a bit more from a relationship than that. But talk to him. There's no reason he should be upset if you've done your best. And there's no reason for you to be upset if you've done your best.

mstrjx -> RE: ah such a problem! (5/17/2007 6:36:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bandit25 But talk to him. ..... when your mouth's not full. Jeff

Kinkypupper -> RE: ah such a problem! (5/17/2007 8:05:31 AM)
I agree its a case of unrealistic expectations. and lack of concern for your care and well being.

junecleaver -> RE: ah such a problem! (5/17/2007 12:18:25 PM)
I love giving oral sex, but he always pushes it pass a point that's comfortable for me. Sometimes my throat and jaw will be sore for a day or two afterwards. If you haven't agreed to obey everything he says, then you have no reason to feel bad. He was being unreasonable. If he has never had to suck cock for hours on end, he probably doesn't understand what it can start to feel like. Instead of getting frustrated, explain to him up front what was going on. If you said, 'I love sucking your cock. But my jaw is about to unhinge itself and it won't be sexy. I really don't think I can do it anymore.' He would understand WHY you had to say no before the situation escalated and you both became upset.

sexisub4u -> RE: ah such a problem! (5/17/2007 10:29:03 PM)
Thank you for your response.

Pezzle -> RE: ah such a problem! (5/17/2007 11:51:46 PM)
Ahh I love tellin stories. I have run into a similar issue or two with my Master. Our system is an interesting one but we'll just say that he does like to use me as an oral sex puppet -- I'm the first girlfriend and submissive he's had that actually enjoys the act of giving head often! [And on a tangential note, there's no feeling on this earth like pleasing the Master]... but trust me, your Dom will understand if you vary it up and pace yourself, especially if he's notorious for lasting hours and enjoying the act. In what way do you pace yourself, may I ask? Do you stop the sucking (which hurts the masseters the most) to perform other various, perhaps slower tricks? Even varying it with the hands? I'm not being critical of your technique or anything, as I know nothing about it -- I'm only asking because I'd like to know exactly what part of the act is hurting your jaw the most etc. and maybe find a way to remedy it, because long oral sex sessions can be fulfilling for both parties under the right circumstances! If it's any consolation, I once hurt my tounge giving head. As in, curling it upward or down produced a horrible bruised feeling in the middle XD A little more workin out and that went right away!

sexisub4u -> RE: ah such a problem! (5/18/2007 12:24:52 AM)
I very speeds sometimes just using my toung-- usually if im at home it is easier-- the evening it happened it was during the car ride home and good period after-- i told him my jaw was hurting he made me go for a bit longer we stopped and did other things for a bit with it mixed in we started at like 11:30- 12:00 and ended at almost 3... most of which was giving head-- and in the car it was a little harder because you are bending your neck and i was tied so it was hard for me to balance myself he also has a stick shift so it was trying to reach under me or over me... i can go for quite a bit but that night it was just too much! and when i told him he asked again and again-- eventually i snapped a bit which was the main issue for me because i dont snap i usually just talk about it. either way i think it mostly had to do with the car being an obstical.

Focus50 -> RE: ah such a problem! (5/18/2007 3:45:26 AM)
Oh dear....! When you say your "dom", he does actually dominate you beyond just expecting to get his dick sucked, right? I've got this theory that the majority of what we call wannabes (vanillas masquerading as Doms) come into the lifestyle to fulfill arguably two of the greatest vanilla male urges - anal and oral sex. Your D/s sounds like it's all oral sex on demand.... I think you really are getting used (not in the good way) and I'd hafta question what it is you're getting out of this relationship beyond an environment where he freely accepts your submission and leaves you with both a sore jaw and guilt. He sure as hell isn't looking after his girl! There's more to submission than impersonating a Hoover and I think you really need to move on from this selfish user/loser. Focus.

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