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At what point in your life did you realise you were dom... - 5/16/2007 9:16:20 PM

stella40

Posts: 417
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: London, UK
Status: offline

I'm posting this out of sheer curiosity.

Every woman has gone through the process of girl through teenager to woman, but when did the woman inside you become a dominant woman? When did you start becoming a Domme? Was there a sudden event or was this more a gradual process?

Was there anything which made you become a dominant woman?

Has your childhood or previous relationships had an influence on you becoming dominant? How?

_____________________________

I try to take one day at a time, but several days come and attack me at once. (Jennifer Unlimited)

If you can't be a good example then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

Post #: 1

RE: At what point in your life did you realise you were... - 5/16/2007 9:57:50 PM

Calandra

Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline

I didn't realize until I was about 23-24... I thought the way to find happiness was to yield.

At one point, I realized that a true (hate that word) submissive was someone who when they were yielding, felt happy... the yielding isn't a key to finding happiness for them it IS happiness. I was submitting, yes, but for the wrong reasons and therefore I was always unhappy.

Even though I recognized that, I didn't realize or embrace My dominance right away. It kinda snuck up on Me. Once I did understand personal power exchange, I analyzed everything, so it was a slow process.

_____________________________

Lady Kathryn
Athens, Ga.
House of Phoenix

"Nothing is ever final until you're dead - and even then I'm sure God negotiates" Anjelica Huston in Everafter

(in reply to stella40)

Post #: 2

RE: At what point in your life did you realise you were... - 5/16/2007 10:19:28 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

I was tying up neighborhood boys instead of playing with barbies. Nothing sexual, just something I found to be fun and exciting. As soon as I was old enough to date, my mind was fixated on how to get a guy to let me playfull bind his wrists together, or do something REALLY edgy, like blindfold him. Years before I had my first orgasm, or had sexual intercourse, I was practicing the art of seduction in relationships, sitting there hoping/wondering how I could get the guy I was dating to not think I was weird for wanting to tie him up -- just to see him struggle.

I used to pass notes in class in high school that said, "Have you ever been tied up?" just to see the reaction of the guy. When I got into college, I learned that self confidence and sensuality were the ways to lure a man in, and that a guy would do anything for a woman when he was turned on. That opened the flood gates. I have never had a sensual or sexual relationship that did not involve me taking control, making my needs clear, and enjoying the process of making a man submit to me -- sexually and otherwise.

As soon as I could afford it, my interests expanding into leather shackles, bondage gear, straitjackets, pain toys, strap ons, plugs, dildos, vibrators, you name it. The common theme was always that it was for my pleasure. The biggest culture shock of my BDSM sexuality was going from dating vanilla men to courting and dating self proclaimed "submissive men" -- I was not used to a man having his own agenda and toys. It was always me that had the kinky ideas, and it was always my way. It made me incredibly stubborn and selfish as a femdom, but I learned to compromise - in order to get my own way....

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to stella40)

Post #: 3

RE: At what point in your life did you realise you were... - 5/16/2007 10:46:15 PM

MstrssScarlet

Posts: 633
Joined: 6/3/2005
From: Indianapolis, Indiana
Status: offline

I actually entered the BDSM dating scene as a submissive after divorcing my first husband. My ex was very domineering and when I finally got away from him, I still had the mindset of a sub. Looking back though, I was always meant to be a domme. At a family reunion a couple of years ago, one of my cousins that I hadn't seen in many years began to tease me about how I tied him and his sister up. He claimed that I kept an eye on them and as soon as either one of them started to get loose, I would run over and re-tie them. You can imagine the looks I was getting from my husband.

I had completely forgotten the whole thing! They also said I 'made' my sister help me. She agreed! LOL
Right after my divorce, I started out dating vanilla men because I hadn't yet realized there were others out there with the same kinky desires as mine. (I'd had them all my life) I tied up one of my dates, teased the hell out of two others, and I loved every minute of it. I, too, would scheme about how I would get them to do what I wanted. I didn't analyze why I was doing it, I just enjoyed it. I was also very demanding.
Shortly after marrying my dom husband, he pointed out to me that although I may have felt submissive to him, I acted more like a domme. He encouraged me to give it a try and the rest is history. Thank goodness I married a man with enough confidence to allow me to explore my true nature.
Mistress Scarlet

_____________________________

"Say, that hurts a little bit" "And you don't like to be hurt do ya?" "I don't know...kinda fun sometimes if it's done in the right spirit."
Jean Harlow in The Beast of the City

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 4

RE: At what point in your life did you realise you were... - 5/17/2007 1:19:51 AM

HeavansKeeper

Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

Although I'm a male I have an answer that applies. The only female in which I witnessed the transformation was an ex of mine. As things got more sexual, I became more dominant. She grew jealous and bitter of my fun, and realized she didn't like submission. I'm sort of a switch (90/10) so I gave her a step on the road. Ever since then, she's been the Domme.

It's kind of funny because she always dated men from the armed services (save for me) and now she finds them addictingly easy to train.

(in reply to MstrssScarlet)

Post #: 5

RE: At what point in your life did you realise you were... - 5/17/2007 4:21:52 AM

SunNMoon

Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline

I think I’ve always been to some degree when I was little. I think I came to a full realization when I was about 16. I realized that I had a desire to submit when I was 22 when starting to play with bondage. No direct influences that I am aware of, the being asked if “I can tie you up” I guess allowed me to experience submission.

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 6

RE: At what point in your life did you realise you were... - 5/17/2007 5:03:32 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

I think I've always been this way. I was a tomboy as a child and nothing was more fun than beating boys at games or tying them up with a jumprope.

We used to play cops and robbers and I always was the cop that tied up the prisoner and tried to force a confession from him. This involved hair pulling, face smacking, threats, and name calling. I always thought it was funny that this one boy in our group always wanted to be the prisoner

but I picked the prisoner and so they had to take turns.
When I got older (19) I tied up my boyfriend because I was tired and bored of vanilla sex. He just so happened to have a slave nature and so thats how I started walking this path.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to stella40)

Post #: 7

RE: At what point in your life did you realise you were... - 5/17/2007 7:49:27 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I didn't have words for what I was until I was 19 and was doing some research on human sexuality.

I have, however, always been the leader, the organizer, and highly uncomfortable being bossed around or controled in any fashion at all.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to stella40)

Post #: 8

RE: At what point in your life did you realise you were... - 5/17/2007 8:46:24 AM

DiannaVesta

Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline

Born a Goddess 48 years ago

Teenager enjoyed tackling boys. Had dreams of being a queen with subjects serving me.

Became Goddess Dianna Vesta in the late 80's.

_____________________________

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 9

RE: At what point in your life did you realise you were... - 5/17/2007 10:35:23 AM

Roksana

Posts: 41
Joined: 11/11/2005
Status: offline

It was from childhood, I started to smoke at age 12yrs together with my dad, never done any work, got the maids doing that and after my mom's 2nd marriage I started to feel I can get and control whatever I want.

(in reply to DiannaVesta)

Post #: 10

RE: At what point in your life did you realise you were... - 5/17/2007 10:44:15 AM

Majik

Posts: 358
Joined: 4/24/2005
Status: offline

Always had my Barbies tying up my brothers friends GI Joes and having my way with them. Used to play a tag game where if I tagged the boys I got to spank them. There was this one boy who always let me catch him....go figure. Seems like I always had to be in charge and control of everything around me.

At the age of 14 I spanked my first ass. What a thrill that was. At that point I thought there was something wrong with me mentally and sort of reverted into myself. At about 17 or so I found out what it was that was 'wrong' with me and found there were more people like me than I could ever imagine. Haven't looked back since.

(in reply to Roksana)

Post #: 11

RE: At what point in your life did you realise you were... - 5/17/2007 12:06:24 PM

aviinterra

Posts: 208
Joined: 11/3/2006
Status: offline

I can not honestly give you an answer that would include an specific age or range of years. I always enjoyed humilating and tying up boys, even at a very young age. Later it became more exciting as sexuality came into it, but it was always there.

(in reply to stella40)

Post #: 12

RE: At what point in your life did you realise you were... - 5/19/2007 9:21:12 AM

jovonna

Posts: 27
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

MY MOTHER TELLS STORIES OF OTHER MOTHERS COMMING TO HER COMPLAINING OF MY BOSSING AND BE SUCH A BULLY TO THEIR SONS...I SUPPOSE THIS WAS AROUND THE AGE OF 8-9. NOTHING HAS CHANGED--I'M STILL IN CHARGE

(in reply to aviinterra)

Post #: 13

RE: At what point in your life did you realise you were... - 5/19/2007 10:46:10 AM

LadyKimberly33

Posts: 38
Joined: 12/4/2006
Status: offline

I must be a late bloomer, though I had some of the traits that I believe make a good Domme for years. It was only recently at about age 33 I discovered My calling to the lifestyle and My personal power.

(in reply to jovonna)

Post #: 14

RE: At what point in your life did you realize you were... - 5/19/2007 11:50:08 AM

LightHeartedMaam

Posts: 296
Joined: 5/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella40

Was there anything which made you become a dominant woman?

Has your childhood or previous relationships had an influence on you becoming dominant? How?

I reflected on this very thought the other day. The time I found my center and own self-respect was in grade school. In my prepubescent days, my nose unfortunately, grew before the rest of my features. There was a boy who suffered a severe clef pallet that left his nose totally flattened by the scarring produced by such a condition.

For some reason, he took delight insulting my nose. He kept on me until one day, as I was exiting the bus while he continued his mockery, I stopped dead in my tracks, turned and very coolly said "at.. least.. I... have.. one" (in Dirty Harry tones). The silence was deafening. I turned and left. He never bothered me again.

Even prior to this, I had another situation:

I am the third child. I had two older brothers who delighted in making my life hell. My nature is to get quiet when confronted, because I immediately go into "think" mode.

My parents went off on an errand and left me by my brothers. They did what they usually do~ tease and taunt, the usual kid stuff . I kept my cool until I saw mom and dad pull up into the driveway and I then turned on the tears. I knew EXACTLY what I was doing and what the result would be. I loved teaching "lessons" to my brothers like "don't mess with the kid sister"

I believe having to establish my place in the family hierarchy have had something to do with it.

_____________________________

Now that I'm older, I thought it was great that it seems I have more patience. Turns out, that I just don't give a sh*t.

(in reply to stella40)

Post #: 15

RE: At what point in your life did you realise you were... - 5/19/2007 12:23:16 PM

SDFemDom4cuck

Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline

Great questions Stella40. I think I've answered a similar question on a post somewhere a while back but I'll give it a go again.

I've always been this way.

I distinctly remember being reprimanded in grade schoool for tying up little boys and girls to the jungle gym with jump ropes. I was always having my parents being called in for talks about my misbehavior LOL. I was the kid that instigated playing Doctor or Cowboys/Indians or Cops/Robber so I could catch someone being bad and punishing them. Interrogating them was my favorite part. Barbie was always tying up Ken and torturing him to make him talk. I soon incorporated that into my childhood play as well.

I think I sat on a boy's face for the first time when I was about 8. I had no idea what I was doing but I definitely knew it felt good. There was one older boy in particular that would follow me around like a puppy dog waiting for me to torture him. I was 8 and he was 11 when it all started. I was 9 the first time I peed on someone. That same boy actually! I learned alot about bondage, torture and teasing by experimenting with him until he graduated and went off to college. The first time I slapped his face when we were playing some cops/robbers game it was like being shocked with an electric current. I truly had no idea that he was enjoying it as much as I was, I didn't really care either. I always knew I could wrap any boy I wanted around my finger and enjoyed being able to do so.

When I started dating I always made it clear that I would be dating others but they wouldn't be; that if they didn't like it I would find someone that would be fine with it. Amazing how easily they accepted those rules in order to date me. I didn't know the words Cuckold or BDSM but it's definitely what I was doing. I just knew that the more I teased a guy, the more turned on they were, then the more willing they would be to doing whatever I asked. The more I ignored or toyed with them, the more desperate they were to have me.

I remember buying an old iron bed with posts when I was 19 and regularly tying up my dates/boyfriends to the bedposts. Some aspect of control over men has been a part of every relationship I've had throughout my life. I always made clear what I wanted, needed, and expected both sexually and behaviorally within a relationship.

I had a bit of a reputation for being wild. I think my mother was a bit relieved when I moved from our small Midwestern town. LOL She was always dealing with other parents complaints about me when I was younger. It only got worse as I grew up.

I can distinctly remember the first time I heard the word kinky in reference to what I was doing. It was that great moment of "AHA!!!!! That's what it is!" I devoured everything I could on the subjects of kink. Remember the little paperback books you could order on different little kinks from the back pages of magazines? I actually had a post office box in town just to send away for and receive those little books.

When I was in my early 20's I was lucky enough to become friends with someone that recognized who and what I was. He truly helped to open my eyes and embrace my Dominant nature. He encouraged it and helped me to understand I wasn't unusual or a freak of nature because of the things I enjoyed. I was a bit shocked to find out that there was a flip side to the coin and that there were men that truly enjoyed having these things done to them as much as I enjoyed doing them.

I could probably add that I was always encouraged by my father to be a bit of a princess. I was encouraged to be a strong and independant girl/woman for as long as I can remember.

< Message edited by SDFemDom4cuck -- 5/19/2007 12:26:22 PM >

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to stella40)

Post #: 16

RE: At what point in your life did you realise you were... - 5/19/2007 9:20:43 PM

Roksana

Posts: 41
Joined: 11/11/2005
Status: offline

i always wear high heels, shoes, boots, pumps, sandals

(in reply to SDFemDom4cuck)

Post #: 17

RE: At what point in your life did you realise you were... - 5/20/2007 1:31:23 PM

addicted2it

Posts: 322
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella40

I'm posting this out of sheer curiosity.

Every woman has gone through the process of girl through teenager to woman, but when did the woman inside you become a dominant woman? When did you start becoming a Domme? Was there a sudden event or was this more a gradual process?

Was there anything which made you become a dominant woman?

Has your childhood or previous relationships had an influence on you becoming dominant? How?

Thank you so much for posting this topic. It is most interesting to hear from the many Femmedommes here about how and when their dominant personalities began to show.

Speaking as a male, I can remember back to my early childhood days in school, which was way before puberty. I recall a few girls who were quite forward about their interest in me. I didn't really understand it because most girls mature faster than boys, and therefore I was clueless. I also remember playing with tom boy girls, but I think that most boys at that age would probably play with either gender if the play didn't include Barbie dolls.

As an adult, I was always drawn to women who were very athletic (rode horses, rode motorcycles, and enjoyed what most guys enjoyed). I suppose that one could say that these were "tom boy" types, but as a woman matures, she really comes to recognize that her interest in "guy things" is just another part of her personality, which does not make her unfeminine or necessarily unappealing to men.

_____________________________

"What I lack in wisdom and intelligence, I more than make up or with age."

(in reply to stella40)

Post #: 18

RE: At what point in your life did you realise you were... - 5/20/2007 1:42:05 PM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

quote:

Every woman has gone through the process of girl through teenager to woman, but when did the woman inside you become a dominant woman?

I think I have always been one. I have always had this part of my personality. Even sexually I was experiementing with the less mainstream from the first. What has changed are some of the details but the basic personality trait has been there from the onset.

quote:

When did you start becoming a Domme?

I figured out the terms for what it was I was already doing in the late 80's. I then began to refine particular skills and actively seek out particular partners. Prior to that, I simply was good at picking out submissives even though I never defined it as such.

quote:

Was there a sudden event or was this more a gradual process?

My birth? I really think I was always like this but the development of my particular personality, way of doing things, skill level, etc. was a gradual process as I learned and experimented.

quote:

Was there anything which made you become a dominant woman?

My ability to be myself. There was no event that flipped a switch in me.

quote:

Has your childhood or previous relationships had an influence on you becoming dominant? How?

I think my childhood influenced how comfortable I was with being myself even if that was different from the norm. I was expected to be a leader so that reinforced any natural tendencies I had. Various relationships I think assisted in developing my personal style and tastes for particular forms of play.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to addicted2it)

Post #: 19

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