Question about dynamics of switching....

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Question about dynamics of switching....

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Question about dynamics of switching....

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Question about dynamics of switching.... - 5/16/2007 9:27:44 PM

Calandra

Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline

I have a question that is more about how people define the concept of switching, as well as how they apply it in their everyday life.

I was raised in an abusive matriarchal family, and when I was a young adult I thought I was submissive. I truly believed (as most abuse victims do) that if I could only do a better job at "____" the people in My life would love me and stop being upset all the time. I found a Master who was wonderful at helping Me discover who I was... even when it led Me towards My own Dominance. He died suddenly before I could quite assume My personal power, but using his guidance posthumously, I have done fairly well for Myself.

I am Dominant probably 90% of the time now. It's My natural setting except in extraordinary circumstances. I am Mystress of two male slaves, cubby (8yrs.) and toad (5 mo. but knew him as a Dominant of his own household for 4 yrs.), both living in My home. Now both of them are strong, capable men who are not slaves because they are weak and unable to manage. They offer their personal power willingly because they love, trust, and respect that My decisions are for the betterment of all of us. I manage the finances, the home, their schedules, their sexual lives, and much more. While I am not a female supremacist across the board, I believe that on a relationship by relationship basis, female supremacy has bearing upon my life.

At times, each of My boys needs some "down time" where they are able to step out of slave mode and simply "be"- regardless of the power structure. They do not dominate Me, and they do not make policy changes or act as if family rules (My rules) don't apply to them when this happens. They simply do not focus every waking moment upon Me. Usually the other slave simply takes up the slack...

I still see this as switching even though they do not express it upon Me. Am I the only person who sees it this way?

Fellow Dommes, do you ever feel comfortable giving your slaves the freedom to take downtime if they do not try to subjugate you?

subs/slaves, do you find that this ability is unwarranted or beneficial?

Thanks in advance.

_____________________________

Lady Kathryn
Athens, Ga.
House of Phoenix

"Nothing is ever final until you're dead - and even then I'm sure God negotiates" Anjelica Huston in Everafter

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Question about dynamics of switching.... - 5/16/2007 10:08:23 PM

naivetee

Posts: 9
Joined: 4/18/2007
Status: offline

What wonderful questions. I believe you to seem to be a very caring domme. ;)
Now if only I could find one like you .
~naivetee :)

_____________________________

"There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
Anais Nin

(in reply to Calandra)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Question about dynamics of switching.... - 5/17/2007 12:27:48 AM

darbyib6ub9

Posts: 18
Joined: 3/7/2004
Status: offline

Wow, this is a good question. So much that instead of doing something that is pressing, I had to take time out to share My experiences in relation to the question.
I am far from submissive, but on the other hand I am not the most Dominate person either. There are certain People I have been fortunate enough to have encountered in My journeys. Certian People that are far more qualified at the art of Domination than Myself. These people will Always feel more Dominate than myself, (ex; Elders of the community, Persons recognized by the community, as well as Those honored for Their contributes and sacrifices, for the good of the community). I see these Folks as People that can teach and/or guide Me along My journey, with integrity, respect and honor. People that I can learn from. People that I feel proud of in following Their lead and/or Their example.
So naturally I feel less Dominate and therefore, in theory, submissive. Does that make Me a switch?
To Me a switch is something that can be or is, turned off and on. A switch. A label.
Hmmmm I could go on and on with so many scenarios and situation that I wouldn't be able to return back to My prior task anytime soon. But you can bet your bottom dollar I will be checking back to this post as I am curious to see what others have to say. Thank you Calandra for such a thought provoking post. Tc.D.

(in reply to Calandra)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Question about dynamics of switching.... - 5/17/2007 4:17:46 AM

Elorin

Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline

I do not consider giving subs or slaves "downtime" away from a 24/7 power exchange to be switching.

As a domme, I encourage my subs to take time for themselves in which the power exchange is minimal or irrelevant.

As a sub, yes, I need time where I am just me, and he is just him, and our roles are less primary. It helps me recharge and take a deep breath, at times, if I am getting overwhelmed or overstressed with the power exchange.

~E

_____________________________

'cause when i look down /i just miss all the good stuff / when i look up / i just trip over things

(in reply to Calandra)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Question about dynamics of switching.... - 5/17/2007 4:18:34 AM

SunNMoon

Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline

Hi Calandra,

As a dominant-switch, I’m not sure I would consider that switching. I’m using what I think of switching as the defining what I see here. In my relationship when we switch it is a full authority exchange, I am submissive to him for the set time in which the action is occurring. But I switch within my relationship. The other form of switching which I am aware of which this might fall under is switching when the person changes depending on the partner who they are with, such as submissive with one person and dominant with another.

What I think is they are just taking a break but the question becomes how do they feel about the relationship at this time? Do they still feel you are their dominant?

(in reply to darbyib6ub9)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Question about dynamics of switching.... - 5/17/2007 4:30:27 AM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

I do not consider this switching. Down time is a necessary part of life for everyone. Your want to let them have that down time makes you all the better at who you are and what you do. For me, switching is you on your knees, looking up into their eyes....*S*

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to SunNMoon)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Question about dynamics of switching.... - 5/17/2007 4:55:05 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

I do encourage my submale to take some downtime and so do I. We do not live together yet so its pretty easy right now. I think if a person tries to do D/s 24/7 nonstop that eventually it can cause stress. I am not submissive, however I do like to bottom sometimes. I haven't done it in ages, but I find its a great stress reliever. I setup the scene and tell him what to do, we both have fun. Now if that makes me a switch ok, if that makes me a bottom ok. Labels do not bother me too much, as Popeye used to say "I am what I am!"

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to Calandra)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Question about dynamics of switching.... - 5/17/2007 7:02:00 AM

MamaDomme

Posts: 283
Joined: 12/28/2006
Status: offline

I have to agree with the other posters here. I don't believe what you describe is switching.

And downtime is always helpful to both the Dom/me and the sub/slave. We all need to re-charge sometimes.

(in reply to Lashra)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Question about dynamics of switching.... - 5/17/2007 7:41:17 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra

Fellow Dommes, do you ever feel comfortable giving your slaves the freedom to take downtime if they do not try to subjugate you?

I don't see the need for down time as switching -- like everyone else says. You might see it as being "vanilla" for those moments but that's not switching.

It doesn't really happen around my house for the simple fact that we have our private spaces and our own jobs so we have lots of time when we aren't "actively doing Ds" all ready.

Fox gets down time when I'm away for a conference or a holiday with my husband -- he loves those days because even in private he has this sense in the back of his mind that he could be called to duty at any moment when I'm around. Which is true.

I think it's different for me because I have more freedom to just either exercise my ownership or not; as a slave he has to be ready to react and obey.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Calandra)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: Question about dynamics of switching.... - 5/17/2007 7:43:21 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darbyib6ub9

Wow, this is a good question. So much that instead of doing something that is pressing, I had to take time out to share My experiences in relation to the question.
I am far from submissive, but on the other hand I am not the most Dominate person either. There are certain People I have been fortunate enough to have encountered in My journeys. Certian People that are far more qualified at the art of Domination than Myself. These people will Always feel more Dominate than myself, (ex; Elders of the community, Persons recognized by the community, as well as Those honored for Their contributes and sacrifices, for the good of the community). I see these Folks as People that can teach and/or guide Me along My journey, with integrity, respect and honor. People that I can learn from. People that I feel proud of in following Their lead and/or Their example.
So naturally I feel less Dominate and therefore, in theory, submissive. Does that make Me a switch?
To Me a switch is something that can be or is, turned off and on. A switch. A label.
Hmmmm I could go on and on with so many scenarios and situation that I wouldn't be able to return back to My prior task anytime soon. But you can bet your bottom dollar I will be checking back to this post as I am curious to see what others have to say. Thank you Calandra for such a thought provoking post. Tc.D.

I don't think that if one does not feel dominant that means that one is feeling submissive.

There are many times in my life that I'm not the dominant person but I'm certainly not submissive either, usually I'm a partner or a part of a group at that time or just by myself.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to darbyib6ub9)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: Question about dynamics of switching.... - 5/17/2007 1:26:42 PM

Calandra

Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elorin

I do not consider giving subs or slaves "downtime" away from a 24/7 power exchange to be switching.
~E

Maybe I wasn't clear... if they DO wish to Dominate someone else, they may... and they have in the past - therefore switching, but not with Me - if I understand that correctly.

I consider motives and mindset more than actions. If a person is taking downtime and not My slave at the moment, then he is in control of himself during that time. I don't give him commands, and I don't limit him (beyond what limits he's be party to as My friend and lover). To Me, he's "switched", but maybe others don't see it that way?

_____________________________

Lady Kathryn
Athens, Ga.
House of Phoenix

"Nothing is ever final until you're dead - and even then I'm sure God negotiates" Anjelica Huston in Everafter

(in reply to Elorin)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: Question about dynamics of switching.... - 5/17/2007 1:44:50 PM

SunNMoon

Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elorin

I do not consider giving subs or slaves "downtime" away from a 24/7 power exchange to be switching.
~E

Maybe I wasn't clear... if they DO wish to Dominate someone else, they may... and they have in the past - therefore switching, but not with Me - if I understand that correctly.

I consider motives and mindset more than actions. If a person is taking downtime and not My slave at the moment, then he is in control of himself during that time. I don't give him commands, and I don't limit him (beyond what limits he's be party to as My friend and lover). To Me, he's "switched", but maybe others don't see it that way?

I think the problem really comes with the fact that switch is even a bigger umbrella term then submissive, slave being defined. From what you have written I wouldn’t consider them switching per say more long the lines of just doing something else (not actively serving you).

The real question is what their mindset is during this downtime. As you said they are always in a relationship with you, being your slave is just one aspect of it, they are also your friend, etc. I am assuming that even when they are your slave (actively serving you) they are still your friend? I maybe wrong, I’m just assuming. I guess how I understand what is going on; as just one part of the relationship is more pronounced at one time then another. If they always feel that you are their mistress (the dominant) no matter if it’s active or not then they are always your slave.

Here’s an analogy of what I’m thinking, I’m always my mother’s daughter. I am not with her all the time doing mother-daughter things or thinking about it; but I am always her daughter. Just (possibly) as your slaves are always your slaves the relationship is always there.

I hope that’s helpful. I think that the problem is that we are defining “switch” differently. I think that it is a hard term to define correctly. Also the only people which know if they are switching are your slaves.

Kat

edited for silly spelling and such...

< Message edited by SunNMoon -- 5/17/2007 1:47:13 PM >

(in reply to Calandra)

Profile

Post #: 12

RE: Question about dynamics of switching.... - 5/17/2007 2:12:13 PM

MistressNoName

Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Maybe I wasn't clear... if they DO wish to Dominate someone else, they may... and they have in the past - therefore switching, but not with Me - if I understand that correctly.

I consider motives and mindset more than actions. If a person is taking downtime and not My slave at the moment, then he is in control of himself during that time. I don't give him commands, and I don't limit him (beyond what limits he's be party to as My friend and lover). To Me, he's "switched", but maybe others don't see it that way?

I think we are experiencing a bit of language-barrier here. When I think of downtime, as most do (Americans, that is) I think of just relaxation time. Kicking back, long walk in the park, racquetball, or couch-potato time...that sort of thing. If I were to give my slave some downtime, it would not necessarily mean that the protocols had relaxed any, it would be more like "permission to speak freely" or "permission to behave more freely" time. But he would still be my slave in that moment and I maintain rights of control. But what you are describing, still does not sound like switching, in terms of the structure of the relationship, but just that your slaves may be switches or be comfortable switching. Just because you may not be giving them commands while they are topping someone else during their downtime, however, does not make them any less your slaves..unless downtime to you means temporary release...which is a whole other complication.

Does that make sense at all?

MNN

(in reply to Calandra)

Profile

Post #: 13

RE: Question about dynamics of switching.... - 5/17/2007 2:25:38 PM

Calandra

Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline

Yes! They may not be switching in relation to ME, but I consider that they are still switching from submissive to Dominant headspace (along with the appropriate actions).

Do other Mistresses allow this??? if so, how do you organize and plan for these times?

Do sub/slaves want/need it or does it mess up the dynamic with your Mistress?

_____________________________

Lady Kathryn
Athens, Ga.
House of Phoenix

"Nothing is ever final until you're dead - and even then I'm sure God negotiates" Anjelica Huston in Everafter

(in reply to MistressNoName)

Profile

Post #: 14