RE: Why does this continue?

RE: Why does this continue? (Full Version)

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Faramir -> RE: Why does this continue? (5/17/2007 8:06:29 PM)
Ok maybe, just maybe, I was a teensy bit over the top in my characterization. Maybe. But you obviosuly got some kind of axe here to grind. How about, instead of all this crazy "Do most people find Doms have the same traits as socipaths?," could you just talk about your dissapointments or experiences without characterizing an entire gender or sexual orientation as evil?

corsetgirl -> RE: Why does this continue? (5/17/2007 8:28:52 PM)
I think it is because we get caught up in the D's relationship of surrendering to these types of doms when everything seems to be nice, only to find out reality sets in and sometimes comes crashing down on what could have been or should have been something the sub thought to be an unbreakable bond with the dom or domme. I am trying to weed out those who are not compatible to me and I always ask questions and be cautious about who I want to meet. This week, I ran across two doms who misrepresented themselves and one who was a totally rude, egotistical a**. I am glad I found this out early enough not to continue with their deceptions.

mistoferin -> RE: Why does this continue? (5/17/2007 9:26:22 PM)
stella, I think that you when you wrote your post you didn't consider that it sounded as though you were speaking for all women who are into BDSM. While some of what you had to say about the way in which we are approached is certainly something that I can understand and relate to......it is only because I am not one who is here with sex and kink as my priority that I can relate to it. There are ALOT of people who ARE here for just those reasons and those same approaches that you despise can be exactly what they desire. Then you will find many other people who fall in at all different places between the extremes. For myself, Dominants with an approach similar to what you describe make my life very easy. I don't have to waste 3 seconds of my precious time to know that we are not on the same planet, lest the same page. I would have to assume that a Dominant who was at the other end of the spectrum and approached with the intention of a long courtship and slow building of a relationship would make it just as simple for those who are simply here looking for someone to trip their trigger.

stella40 -> RE: Why does this continue? (5/18/2007 1:10:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Faramir Ok maybe, just maybe, I was a teensy bit over the top in my characterization. Maybe. But you obviosuly got some kind of axe here to grind. How about, instead of all this crazy "Do most people find Doms have the same traits as socipaths?," could you just talk about your dissapointments or experiences without characterizing an entire gender or sexual orientation as evil? Ah, thank you. You want me to talk about my disappointments or experiences without characterizing an entire gender or sexual orientation as evil? No I can't. Why? Because when it comes down to my experiences I haven't really had any bad experiences or disappointments. All of my relationships with my Dominants have been positive, half still have some sort of contact with me, through them I've met a lot of other people - men and women - in the community, not just here in the UK but also when I was living in Poland where I became involved in a BDSM community that came out into the open after many years of hiding from a communist regime and the Catholic Church. Okay I may have an axe to grind, but it isn't about men. I'm not a man hater or someone who hates anyone - my life's too short and I don't have the will or the energy to go around hating people. There's plenty of other people around to do that and they do it much better than I ever could. With reference to my other thread I'm working on a new stage play about BDSM. I want what is in the play to be an accurate portrayal. Put the subject of BDSM into the hands of the entertainment industry and you'll probably end up with something seedy, sleazy and twisted which shows BDSM in a negative light. Go for any cop show on TV for example, it's always the criminal who is into BDSM, or the victim of a crime. Why can't it ever be the cop? But then again I'm not going to be like Nancy Meyer and come up with something romanticized and yucky. I want to show it as it really is and let my audiences work it out for themselves. But my relationships have been with female Dominants, and good female Dominants and I have never been in a relationship with a male Dominant. The male Dominants I have met in the community have all been just like my former Mistresses, decent, sane, positive people. Therefore to put it very bluntly I myself don't see the typical Dom as a sociopath. But I've been connected with BDSM all my adult life, and I can see that there are such people who think BDSM is a good community to get into for them to get their kicks or whatever else they want or have in mind. In my experience you find them mainly online or in chatrooms and unfortunately most of them are male. I write here unfortunately because they make things difficult for everyone, including all the decent male Dominants and submissives (including you) who are involved in the community. I know they are online, but not ever having any experience of them in real time all I wanted to know is if they ever get the chance to get real, with who and in what situation. People who have responded by posting with their experiences are helping me to build a more accurate picture. I'm not the first to bring these issues up and be sure I'm not going to be the last. But I wouldn't call it bitching or carping. I've deleted profiles on other BDSM websites and stopped posting because I prefer to do it on Collarme. Why? I actually happen to like the website and the people who are here using Collarme, I found my Dominant here on Collarme, and have several positive online friendships with others, including male and female Dominants and submissives which came out of being on this website. I contribute and read these postings as a form of amusement, but also to learn and to get to know about other people and their experiences. I may have 22 years of experience but this doesn't mean I know it all, I don't. I would never claim that I do. There's still room to learn and get to know more, and this is why I'm here, no doubt just like you, and not to put other people down. I wish you well.

Copulo -> RE: Why does this continue? (5/18/2007 1:37:55 AM)
good on ya stella..... keep posting xxx

WeyrlingMaster -> RE: Why does this continue? (5/18/2007 1:49:51 AM)
I noticed that someone brought up the expected 'Dom wannabes' thing. I hate to say this (ok, I don't) but at some point ALL of U/us were wannabes. Think about it. And then remember what it was like when Y/you first realised that Y/you were either Dom or sub. I was told when I was younger that I was a 'wannabe' because I had no experience of the BDSM world. Even now, at the age of 44 with many years of experience I am STILL sometimes told that I am a fake or wannabe. Looking at the 'scene' it is very hard for a single male Dom to get into clubs (around where I live, anyway) or made cripplingly expensive (to make sure you are real - what, after the the 5th visit to the same club??). My partner is a Domme. She can go to places I can't by Herself and pay less for the privilage. Male Doms seem to be seen, in general, as some sort of sexual preditor who wants nothing more than kinky sex or the opportunity to physically abuse a sub/slave (irrespective of sex, but biased towards women) with no thought for the person. I am looking for a sub or slave with whom I can have a long term loving relationship within the D/s setting. My partner has a male slave She loves and who loves her and it makes Me hapy to see it. But why is it wrong for Me to want the same thing? Why ARE Doms almost constantly vilified within the 'scene'? I am not interested in the 'scene' in the slightest. I am Me and no-one else. I stand tall and proud of who and what I am. AS SHOULD W/wE ALL.

HeavansKeeper -> RE: Why does this continue? (5/18/2007 2:00:31 AM)
(Quick Reply) Guilty. Before I understood the lifestyle, I used many of the acts during sex. In the world outside the BDSM community, the things dominants do as a matter or habit/principle/desire/training are used during sex. I believe it's natural for people to like these acts, and to like sex. So what's the next step? Get into it. But wait... all of a sudden it's not your girlfriend spanking you with a crop and then you fuck. It's a relationship based on your desire to serve. The guy who thought it was going to be more kinky stuff and then sex is confused, and the person who expected him to understand that BDSM does not always mean sex is miffed. The point is, so many people get their BDSM feet wet in a sexual pretext, they expect it in the community. I've taught myself to expect new members of the community to assume sex is a part of the "game." As a personal note, I find many women are suprised that they can have loving meaningful relationships that are built on strong foundations before sex is added. I think it's a fuck-up on the part of society to make women fear having sex because they feel "used" but alas, BDSM lets a woman 'entice' with her dom or sub characterisitcs, instead of her pussy. .... What the fuck did I just write?.... Recap: New members to the community are inexperienced.

WeyrlingMaster -> RE: Why does this continue? (5/18/2007 2:05:51 AM)
Hear Hear. Well said.

Copulo -> RE: Why does this continue? (5/18/2007 2:11:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WeyrlingMaster I noticed that someone brought up the expected 'Dom wannabes' thing. I hate to say this (ok, I don't) but at some point ALL of U/us were wannabes. Ah, a new thread me thinks!

aSlavesLife -> RE: Why does this continue? (5/18/2007 3:01:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Faramir And men are sick of gender essentialized bitching. For every carp and bitch you have about men, for every complaint about how "men are this way," another person can come back with an equally gender essentialist 'women are this way" line of crap. I think after your earlier thread comparing doms to sociopaths, you've made your man-hating evident. Look, sorry you have a horrible, bitchy, hateful axe to grind against a gender. That puts you in the same category with other racist, genderist individuals who instead of seeing other human beings, sees a group to Other and deinigrate. We are human beings, each individual, and bitching about "men" is just that: ugly, ugly bitching. This must be the most profound thing I have read on these boards in weeks! Thank you.

pinksugarsub -> RE: Why does this continue? (5/18/2007 3:19:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: corsetgirl I think it is because we get caught up in the D's relationship of surrendering to these types of doms when everything seems to be nice, only to find out reality sets in and sometimes comes crashing down on what could have been or should have been something the sub thought to be an unbreakable bond with the dom or domme. I am trying to weed out those who are not compatible to me and I always ask questions and be cautious about who I want to meet. This week, I ran across two doms who misrepresented themselves and one who was a totally rude, egotistical a**. I am glad I found this out early enough not to continue with their deceptions. Sorry about yr bad experiences, corsetgirl. However, it serves as a reminder to A/all of U/us that emotions should be held in check until the real time, face to face meeting. i've had similar experiences, including men who lied about their age, appearance, and sexual health. i have never understood why a liar meets anyone in real time; doesn't he realise he'll be found out and rejected? My only regret is that i did not say "have a nice day" and get up and leave in the middle of lunch or coffee as soon as i realised they were liars. i guess i'm too polite for my own good.

Quivver -> RE: Why does this continue? (5/18/2007 3:26:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HeavansKeeper (Quick Reply) Guilty. Before I understood the lifestyle, I used many of the acts during sex. In the world outside the BDSM community, the things dominants do as a matter or habit/principle/desire/training are used during sex. I believe it's natural for people to like these acts, and to like sex. So what's the next step? Get into it. But wait... all of a sudden it's not your girlfriend spanking you with a crop and then you fuck. It's a relationship based on your desire to serve. The guy who thought it was going to be more kinky stuff and then sex is confused, and the person who expected him to understand that BDSM does not always mean sex is miffed. The point is, so many people get their BDSM feet wet in a sexual pretext, they expect it in the community. I've taught myself to expect new members of the community to assume sex is a part of the "game." As a personal note, I find many women are suprised that they can have loving meaningful relationships that are built on strong foundations before sex is added. I think it's a fuck-up on the part of society to make women fear having sex because they feel "used" but alas, BDSM lets a woman 'entice' with her dom or sub characterisitcs, instead of her pussy. .... What the fuck did I just write?.... Recap: New members to the community are inexperienced. Kudos Heavans....

subsfaith -> RE: Why does this continue? (5/18/2007 3:39:54 AM)
Fast reply Greetings to all :: smiles :: I agree with Stella to a point, that some people do objectify women online, however, I don't think it is all doms/dommes. Sweeping general statements are never a good idea. Simple solution, delete the mails and block them. In other words, deal with it and move on! Another perspective to this theme is to do a search on profiles of 18-20 year old dommes looking for "worms, pigs, worthless pieces of shit" and be ready to activate your paypal account. It appears there is a whole new breed of teens who thing BDSM is some great cash cow. Do these ignorant classless wonders irritate me.... no, they make me laugh. Life is too short to get wound up by people who don't have any relevance on my life. Faith

asubmissiveheart -> RE: Why does this continue? (5/18/2007 4:10:44 AM)
Many men and some women are here for sex. You can't change that stella, you might avoid them if you aren't looking for sex.

MamaDomme -> RE: Why does this continue? (5/18/2007 5:18:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: robertolapiedra Hello stella40. This is the BDSM jungle. If you went in a real jungle you would complain about bugs,snakes, predators or would you be able to see wild orchids, giant trees, lavish vegetation, rare exotic birds etc? RL I absolutely love your point of view there!!!

MadRabbit -> RE: Why does this continue? (5/18/2007 5:37:20 AM)
Men have huge amounts of sexually drived hormones coursing threw their veins. Men have been objectifying women and finding ways to sleazily get sex threwout the majority of human history. Boys will be boys. It just amazes me how some women havent developed some acceptance with this. This thread is kind of on the same lines as "Why cant we all just stop killing each other and get along?" Well, its human nature, to a degree, to kill and not get along. Just like its male nature to want sex. Some of us just dont handle our natures better than others.

mnottertail -> RE: Why does this continue? (5/18/2007 5:41:36 AM)
How are all the babies born, long time passin'? How are all the babies born, a long long time ago? PP&M

MadRabbit -> RE: Why does this continue? (5/18/2007 5:49:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail How are all the babies born, long time passin'? How are all the babies born, a long long time ago? PP&M Apparently without penises!

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