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Sexist Joke thread - 5/18/2007 9:58:14 AM   
MarkC


Posts: 54
Joined: 5/15/2007
Status: offline 		I like to hear sexist jokes I figured I'd make a thread for it because maybe there are some out there I haven't heard. I don't care if they are men or woman "bashing" I just think they are funny. Here's a few to start things off.

Why do men have a hole in their penis?
So they can get oxgyen to their brains

What do you call a wife with a faithful husband?
Widow

God said "Adam I'm going to take your arm and leg. I'm going to give a partner who is kind, loving, and everything you'll ever need".
Adam said "What can I get for a rib?"

How many woman does it take to screw in a light blub?
None they will just sit around and bitch till a man takes care of it.

How many men does it take to screw in a light blub?
None we don't care, we'll just sit in the dark.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Sexist Joke thread - 5/18/2007 10:14:53 AM   
Trampler


Posts: 580
Joined: 12/31/2006
Status: offline 		thanks for posting ones about both genders. hehe

(in reply to MarkC)
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RE: Sexist Joke thread - 5/18/2007 11:24:52 AM   
RubberWitch


Posts: 1368
Joined: 7/27/2005
Status: offline 		Why are women's feet smaller? So they can stand closer to the sink
Anti male one coming up later...

_____________________________

Lets roleplay - I'll get the D20s
"Freud was...sorry if this is an over-generalisation...A coke addled kiddy-fiddler" Alan Moore
"A Lady must always remember her station in life - and be prepared to change at Acton Town"

(in reply to Trampler)
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RE: Sexist Joke thread - 5/18/2007 12:52:51 PM   
Marc2b


Posts: 6660
Joined: 8/7/2006
Status: offline 		What did the blind man say every morning as he passed by the fish market?

Morning, ladies.

_____________________________

Do you know what the most awesome thing about being an Atheist is? You're not required to hate anybody!

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RE: Sexist Joke thread - 5/18/2007 3:51:01 PM   
MarkC


Posts: 54
Joined: 5/15/2007
Status: offline 		In the middle of crowded movie theater, the Devil appears. Everyone runs except this one old guy. Curious. . .

Devil asks "You know I'm the Devil right?"
Old man says "Yup"
Devil asks "Your not scared of me?"
Old man says "Nope"
Devil asks "Why not?"
Old man says "I've been married to your sister for the past 20 years"

(in reply to Marc2b)
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RE: Sexist Joke thread - 5/18/2007 4:03:28 PM   
curiousexplorer


Posts: 77
Joined: 2/1/2007
Status: offline 		Why is semen white and urine yellow?

So men know if they are coming or going.

(in reply to MarkC)
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RE: Sexist Joke thread - 5/20/2007 5:38:43 PM   
ToysAndTies


Posts: 124
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline 		Why does a woman never need a driver's license?



There's no road between the washing machine and the stove.

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RE: Sexist Joke thread - 5/20/2007 6:28:37 PM   
CK1


Posts: 167
Joined: 4/19/2007
Status: offline 		"Why do women have tits? So guys have something to look at while they are talking" Peter Griffin

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RE: Sexist Joke thread - 5/20/2007 6:53:32 PM   
MistressDoMe


Posts: 295
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline 		Great thread, keep the sexist jokes coming!

(in reply to MarkC)
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RE: Sexist Joke thread - 5/20/2007 7:16:49 PM   
MarkC


Posts: 54
Joined: 5/15/2007
Status: offline 		Toy's that was funny as shit. ROFL

(in reply to MistressDoMe)
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RE: Sexist Joke thread - 5/20/2007 7:23:45 PM   
MarkC


Posts: 54
Joined: 5/15/2007
Status: offline 		Man and woman on their honeymoon night.

The man takes his pants off and throws them at his wife.
Man says "put those on."

Woman tries to put the pants on but can't they are too big and keep sliping down.
Woman says "I can't they are too big"
Man says "That's right I wear the pants in this family"

Woman takes her panties off and flicks them at her husband.
Woman Says "put those on"

Man trys but can't get them past his knees.
Man says "They are too small I can't get into them"
Womans says "That's right, and you won't till you change your attitude either"

(in reply to MarkC)
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RE: Sexist Joke thread - 5/20/2007 9:03:11 PM   
beautyImurDaddy


Posts: 58
Joined: 8/29/2006
Status: offline 		Just bought a birthday card for a girl at work ... had a studly looking guy... shirtless... in jeans that read:

An optimist would see this guy as half naked.... the just thinks he is half wrong

(in reply to MarkC)
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RE: Sexist Joke thread - 5/21/2007 6:10:26 AM   
SirGenghis


Posts: 2
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline 		....from a friends wife ( and she's blonde too, lol )
A pretty blonde drives into the lot at an auto-body shop, her car having numerous "dings" from a hailstorm that had battered the area.
She walks up to the shop and asks the boss if she can get an appointment to get her car repaired.
Being backed logged with work from this storm and deciding to have some fun with the blonde, the man tells her that she can fix it herself," just blow into the tailpipe and the dings will  pop back out".
So the blonde drives home, lets the car cool down, and proceeds to huff & puff at the tailpipe, but nothing is happening.
As she starts blowing again, her room-mate,also a  blonde, see's her on her hands & knees at the back of the car with the tail-pipe in her mouth..." what the hell are you doing?" she asks her roomie,
" Oh, the guy at the body-shop said i could fix these dings by blowing in the tailpipe, but it's not working" explains her friend.
Her room-mate gives her a look of disgust and tells her..." DUH ! roll the windows up first" !

(in reply to MarkC)
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RE: Sexist Joke thread - 5/21/2007 4:00:00 PM   
MarkC


Posts: 54
Joined: 5/15/2007
Status: offline 		I'm so wrong for this one, VERY sexist.

What do you call the useless flesh around a vagina?
A woman

(in reply to SirGenghis)
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RE: Sexist Joke thread - 5/22/2007 1:58:41 AM   
Kirata


Posts: 15477
Joined: 2/11/2006
From: USA
Status: offline 		Why do blondes wear panties?
.
.
.
To keep their ankles warm.
 

(in reply to MarkC)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Sexist Joke thread - 5/22/2007 7:25:33 AM   
mypath2lvgD


Posts: 69
Joined: 5/1/2007
Status: offline 		Ok, this is a OnStar recording that was received by voicemail over my cell phone....

This is OnStar, how can I help you?
Help, I am locked in my car and the keys are on the outside.
Maam, You are locking in your car and the keys are where?
The keys are on the outside of my car, please help, the windows are rolled up and I am starting to get hot.
Maam, Here is what I need you to do, reach over and grab hold of the door handle....
Uummmm?
The shiny silver thing, Maam.
Oh, OK.
Have you got it Maam?
Yes?
Now pull on the handle...
OK.
******beep...beep...beep...beep******
Maam, Did it work?
******beep...beep...beep...beep******
Yes, Thank you.
******beep...beep...beep...beep******
Maam, What is that noise?
******beep...beep...beep...beep******
I'm not sure, my car is beeping.
******beep...beep...beep...beep******
Yes, Maam, but that only happens if your keys are in the ignition
******beep...beep...beep...beep******
Oh, you know what.....


How is that for the definition of a blond?

(in reply to Kirata)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Sexist Joke thread - 5/22/2007 12:43:55 PM   
MarkC


Posts: 54
Joined: 5/15/2007
Status: offline 		Seeing how my last few where against woman I figured I'd do a couple against the menfolk. :)

Q: Why do men become smarter during sex?
A: Because they are plugged into a genius.

Q: What do electric trains and breasts have in common?
A: They're intended for children, but it's the men who usually end up playing with them.

Q: Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
A: Because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor lock.

Q: Why did God make men before women?
A: You need a rough draft before you have a final copy.

Q: What's a man's idea of foreplay?
A: A half hour of begging.

There ya go that should even things out a bit. :P


(in reply to mypath2lvgD)
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RE: Sexist Joke thread - 5/23/2007 9:58:27 PM   
ClosetSinner


Posts: 77
Joined: 3/29/2006
Status: offline 		What do you do when a woman's watch breaks?

Nothing there's a clock on the stove.

(in reply to MarkC)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Sexist Joke thread - 5/23/2007 10:03:53 PM   
ClosetSinner


Posts: 77
Joined: 3/29/2006
Status: offline 		Three men are on an island. They are starting to get hungry. The first one looks up at the sky and says, "God, please give me the strength to get off this island." Suddenly he is filled with strength and swims to shore. The second man sees this and says, "God, please give me wisdom to get off this island." Suddenly he comes up with the design for a great raft. He builds it and rows to shore. The third man sees this and says, "God, please give me the strength AND wisdom to get off this island." Suddenly, God turns him into a woman, and he walked across the bridge to shore.

< Message edited by ClosetSinner -- 5/23/2007 10:04:10 PM >

(in reply to ClosetSinner)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Sexist Joke thread - 5/23/2007 11:13:06 PM   
serendipity2


Posts: 1
Joined: 3/23/2006
Status: offline 		Why do women have hourglass figures?
Because a laundry basket fits perfectly in that niche.

2 old college buddies get together for their 20th reunion.  One has had a sex change since college.  The other bets he can figure out what part of the operation was the most painful......His first guess was cutting up his chest and sewing on the tits was wrong.......His second guess of cutting off his penis and making the vagina was wrong........now perplexed his old buddy says, "it was when they drilled the hole in my head and sucked out half my brains."

(in reply to ClosetSinner)
Profile   Post #: 20
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