RE: Trying to ditch a fetish? how?

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RE: Trying to ditch a fetish? how? - 5/20/2007 3:00:39 PM

Bound2SteelMK

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well, farmier's reply was simple to the point but 100% correct.

laxex princess, your someone who is "ideal" to me if i were toc reate a girl for me, but, theres not many of "you" out there. you amde me relize all i need is someone else that i can be with thats accepting of it to give me reassurance.

so i think if i could find someone thats accepting of these fetishes, or someone who is overall accepting of all my fetishes and willing to interact with them, my confedence level will go up, and i wont think this way. sometimes the vanilla side of me over comes my fetish side, hehe.

id love to find more myspace or yahoo groups of the medical brace fetish, so if you have links that would be great!

its weird, i find nothing wrong with locking someone up in a chastity belt, skin tight latex, gas masks, butt plugs and spanking them till they are purple, but, diapers and braces is what is making me a little weird!

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RE: Trying to ditch a fetish? how? - 5/21/2007 7:26:46 AM

AAkasha

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I'm surprised at how many people are not supportive of the idea or concept that some fetishes are not completely positive. It's one thing to admit that "getting rid of a fetish" might be hard, but to suggest that the OP just needs to have a little self acceptance is being unrealistic. There are some men that suffer terrible lonliness because of their fetishes and are ultimately doomed to be single. The more extreme or unique the fetish, the more difficult it will be to find a compatible partner, and the more likely the submissive is to be exploited by financial gain.

Sometimes the truth hurts, and the reality of a fetish causes more damage than good. If the OP has already recognized that the issue might be interfering with his ability to connect with women on a romantic level, more power to him. I have no idea of the success or failure of "fetish deprogramming" but it's something to consider. Otherwise, the OP might be faced with hiding his fetishes, then doing the kink in private, and getting caught 5 or 10 years into an otherwise great relationship. At the very least, some therapy will help address how to work through the honesty issues if he has to somehow incorporate the fetishes into a relationship.

Akasha

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RE: Trying to ditch a fetish? how? - 5/21/2007 7:48:43 AM

LadyEllen

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There is a case history in Krafft Ebbing's Psychopathia Sexualis (19th century - one of if not the first work on sexual deviance) regarding a man who reportedly desensitized himself to his fetishistic need for a lady's shoe in order to become erect and ejaculate. Apparently, he would do whatever with the shoe as was his wont, whilst reciting in his head that it was just a shoe, and that his motivation and behaviour consequent to its presence, was unwarranted. The fetish became distressing to him upon his marriage to a nice young lady, and he wished to dismiss it from himself. Whether it worked long term or not, we dont know.

I have found though, that "naming the demon" is generally effective; analysing an idea or behaviour one wishes to be rid of in modern terms, and seeing it in a different light by way of investigation. I would only recommend doing so though, if it is truly a problem - there is little point in destroying something from which one gains pleasure or comfort at the expense of none.

E

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RE: Trying to ditch a fetish? how? - 5/21/2007 7:59:09 PM

PrincessinLatex

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I don't think that anyone was trying to "sugar coat" the issue. It's been a long road for me to accept some of the traits that I have. I think it is very commendable that the OP has realized these things about himself and his fetish early on. As a former pro, a lot of men don't come to grips with it til they are past their prime and their options are limited.

The OP is young and he has the advantage of time on his side. I think that the different viewpoints offered and the different paths we have taken might help him choose what is best for him. Purging all (or trying to) kinky tendencies is one of the options. . .coming to terms with it and co-existing with it is another.

Yes indeed the truth does hurt sometimes. But I see that there will be some degree loniness/isolation no matter which way he choses. It's all a matter of picking the path that will allow you to sleep at night.

Pax.

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RE: Trying to ditch a fetish? how? - 5/21/2007 8:37:12 PM

Indemnis

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I gotta agree with the general feel of the responses here...
Embrace your fetish(es), unless it's something that hurts others.

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RE: Trying to ditch a fetish? how? - 5/22/2007 1:08:02 AM

ennaozzie

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That would be like someone that has a problem with drinking, giving up the booze wouldent it?

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RE: Trying to ditch a fetish? how? - 5/22/2007 1:46:38 AM

HeavansKeeper

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Although I concur with the posters that said you shouldn't try to change, there are a handful of theories on how to change/alter/drop paraphelias. It's a dangerous road to go on, as it borders self hypnosis.

1) Over-indulge until it becomes vanilla to you.
2) Force yourself to think of a different kink when you orgasm.
3) Aversion therapy.
4) Wait for it to pass in time. Fetishes develop and unfold in time, and they can fade away (Although it's not commonly found.)

If you can't find much information on dealing with "undesired paraphelia" try researching how to break habits.

Again though, I would suggest you DO NOT attempt to fuck your brain.

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RE: Trying to ditch a fetish? how? - 5/22/2007 3:34:48 PM

Bound2SteelMK

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well, heres what i figured: the medical brace fetish isnt that BIG of a fetish, and i dont practice it myself nor have i done it yet, so, im not that obsessed/into it. im gunna leave it at that till someone feels the same as me about it. as for the diapering fetish, im going to take all the diapers and supplies and lock em up, and put em away, and see if im ok without them. if it ever comes up i meet a girl whos very into it, then i can easily pick back up with it.

thanks everyone :)

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RE: Trying to ditch a fetish? how? - 5/23/2007 7:10:01 AM

CitizenCane

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Faramir

Brother, here's the 1 minute version:

You'll never curb, get rid of, or "cure" your paraphillias, whatever the fuck they are. You can chose to accept you have these fetishes, and be at peace with yourself, or you can chose to deny who you are, at be at war with yourself.

Your choice.

On a statistical level, this is pretty much true. Part of this is due to motivation, however. The poster isn't sure he even wants to eliminate these paraphilias, so right there it's unlikely that he will. In addition, his reasons for possibly wanting to seem to involve a lot of negative self-image, and working through that and, as you suggest, being self-accepting is certainly a necessary precursor to eliminating these paraphilias. Doing that work might, indeed, eliminate them by default, but of course, it would also make eliminating them substantially less necessary (in his own perception).
I address this not because I think he 'should' eliminate his fetishes, but rather to suggest that the mind is in fact fairly malleable if properly approached. After all, it's a common part of this lifestyle to introduce people new practices and create a passionate desire to do them where none existed before. One could debate where the line of 'true' paraphilias is to be drawn, but they are fundamentally a product of the collision of basic biological drives with experience. The drives can't generally be changed (I don't recommend castration, medication, etc, for such purposes), but the experiences can be.

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RE: Trying to ditch a fetish? how? - 5/23/2007 7:48:14 AM

BondageTopJere

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In response to the OP, while medical braces are not that common of a fetish, it does fit into the overall medical fetish that quite few on both sides have. While the chances of finding someone who into it the same way your are are pretty slmi to none, I cannot honestly see it being a deal-breaker for somone who may be into another part of medical fetish. It's not blood, severe pain, bodily functions,or anything else squicky, it just a fetish.

As for the diaper fetish, from what little I know, people who are into diapers are either age-regreression/play AB/Parents or into a specific sort of humilation only a diape/age-play can provide. For most, its an one or or the other not both. For you, I sounds almost like the same as it would be for CD, wearing a diaper brings out/enhances a specific part of your personality. To be honest, I'd suggest running through a lot of possible scenarios free-form in your mind. For a long time the whole age-play thing squicked me until I ran across one site about a female coed type that wore them on a regular basis and had some testomonials on it. Next thing, boom, parts of AB, including diapers, has now got an appeal to it. i finally understand why others enjoy it, and I managed to find something that resonated in myself, and actually explained another fetish of mine to a large degree.

The point of all that above stuff? I think nearly any fetish can be apprecaited and valued, it simply takes the right viewpoint in order to do so. Most important though, if you do find someone that enjoys both of these, why they like it isn't important, how they enjoy it is. I love bondage for my own reason. As long as the majority of what I want to do with it is satisfied and my partner enjoys it as well, the emotional underpinnings of why they like it aren't all that big of a deal unless its coming from an unhealthy emotional space.

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RE: Trying to ditch a fetish? how? - 5/23/2007 7:56:07 AM

subfever

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Masque66

...in my experience fetishes have been something I like. With the exception of Little Debby cakes I've never found a need to remove something I enjoy from my life.

Geez... what were you doing to those poor Little Debby cakes??? ...

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RE: Trying to ditch a fetish? how? - 6/27/2007 11:39:23 AM

jw46

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To the best of my knowledge there is not a foolproof way to "ditch" a fetish. It is most likely a learned behavior so you would think that some kind of behavioral program might be able to change it, but if that were the case, someone would be getting the Nobel Prize in Psychology for teaching guys who are turned on by little girls to shift it over to big girls (or diapers or braces) and that hasn't happened yet.

For myself, I just work on being grateful that what turns me on doesn't harm anyone else and is legal. Not a perfect solution, but the best I've come up with.

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