Humiliating to your sub, or to you?

Humiliating to your sub, or to you? (Full Version)

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AAkasha -> Humiliating to your sub, or to you? (5/15/2005 5:40:52 PM)
All the talk recently here has me thinking about my motivations for humiliation play. I'd be interested in thoughts from dominants regarding humiliation play and how THEY view humiliation. I'll give some examples from my personal femdom experiences. Even in the start of my domination drives (as a teenager), I have enjoyed making men do things that compromise their ego somewhat. Sometimes, the word "humiliation" might even be a bit harsh; I get turned on if the act just rubs his pride the wrong way. But, what is KEY to me enjoying it is if he doesn't want to do it, or clearly says to me, "That would make me feel stupid/uncomfortable/ashamed. Please don't make me do that." Now, this varies from man to man. Some men won't kneel in front of other people (even kinky people). Some are self conscious, they don't even like to be fed by a woman in public. These are a delight, because it takes so little to make them flushed and embarrassed, but they will do it. The same thing might be something like making him drink from a dog bowl on the floor (especially a non submissive type, a curious vanilla, or a man new to me who wants to always keep his best foot forward). If the man has no problem doing this, in fact, if he is thinking, 'Oh yes! MAKE me drink from a dog bowl!' and revels in his humiliation, it does not scratch that "itch" of mine. Perhaps another itch, but not THAT one. Now, I consider "humiliation" play with a submissive who clearly enjoys humiliation to be a different act completely. The challenge is that while I might engage in this kind of play and enjoy it on a domination level, there is another part of me that still wants my humiliation play -- that is, an act that the submissive really DOES find compromising to his ego, his pride, or his sense of self (for the moment). The challenge comes when I meet a submissive who is "shameless" -- that's the best word I can come up with. There's pretty much nothing he won't do, and the more humiliating the better. Because the more humiliating it is, the more he loves it! For those of you that enjoy humiliation play (on the dom side), do you find that you get your rush from the sub being uncomfortable about it -- so regardless of how extreme it is, you enjoy it? Or, do you crave an intensity of acts, so to speak, and the more the sub can take, the more you enjoy it -- even if the sub is totally getting off on it? Akasha

LadyAngelika -> RE: Humiliating to your sub, or to you? (5/15/2005 6:20:37 PM)
quote: For those of you that enjoy humiliation play (on the dom side), do you find that you get your rush from the sub being uncomfortable about it -- so regardless of how extreme it is, you enjoy it? Or, do you crave an intensity of acts, so to speak, and the more the sub can take, the more you enjoy it -- even if the sub is totally getting off on it? Oh yes! I get zero pleasure out of shameless boys who are eager to do things that most would consider humiliation. Because the reaction is not genuine humiliation. What really gets me revving is to see a red faced boy with a racing mind. Now that is the turn on, not the potentially humiliating act itself. I have to say I'm attracted to strong me with a lot of pride for that very reason. I've often said that a humiliation technique is only as good as how deep you have managed to get into the head of the submissive. Otherwise, you are just acting out a scene rather then going below the surface to the viscera. - LA

FangsNfeet -> RE: Humiliating to your sub, or to you? (5/15/2005 6:49:24 PM)
No matter who serves you, sooner or later you are going to find something they don't like. Maybe it's clothes or lack there of, perhaps it's certain chores, and sometimes the way you introduce them to ppl such as "Hello I'm ____ and this is my bitch." You have verbal humiliation and public humiliation. If they're getting off to what you dish out then humiliation denile may be in order. They'll know that something is wrong if you aren't yelling or humiliating them. As for me, I like giving humiliation and lack there of. Now I'm a Nice guy and wither you like it or not It depends on how horney I am at the time for me to get off at my submissives feelings/reaction to what is being done.

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Humiliating to your sub, or to you? (5/15/2005 7:16:41 PM)
I get turned on from connection, knowing I've affected them and that they feel more influenced and in some way grown from the experience with me. Sometimes this means they get off on the humiliation and sometimes this means they don't. As long as it has the intended affect, I know I'm ok.

GentleLady -> RE: Humiliating to your sub, or to you? (5/16/2005 2:17:55 AM)
quote: For those of you that enjoy humiliation play (on the dom side), do you find that you get your rush from the sub being uncomfortable about it -- so regardless of how extreme it is, you enjoy it? Or, do you crave an intensity of acts, so to speak, and the more the sub can take, the more you enjoy it -- even if the sub is totally getting off on it? I prefer doing humiliation when the submissive enjoys it....the more he can take the wilder I will go. I love watching their eyes bug out when I tell them what I want them to do or the rich deep red they get when I do something and catch them by surprise. quote: The challenge comes when I meet a submissive who is "shameless" -- that's the best word I can come up with. There's pretty much nothing he won't do, and the more humiliating the better. Because the more humiliating it is, the more he loves it! wicked smile....I like those Gentle Lady

hole -> RE: Humiliating to your sub, or to you? (5/16/2005 7:41:06 AM)
i guess i would qualify as shameless. my pride is far less important than my Dom's whims and any chance to demonstrate that is more satisfying than the actual humiliation. The less it "turns me on" the better.

GddssBella -> RE: Humiliating to your sub, or to you? (5/16/2005 8:09:45 AM)
G'morning all: I have mixed feeling on this. On one hand, I can't be with someone that has no esteem and allows themselves to be treated like absolute dirt in public. I mean, truly horrific displays in public. How can I respect someone that doesn't respect themselves? Acts which toggle this switch vary from person to person, but I'm concerned with the extremely depraved acts of degradation which impact on the consensuality of vanillas. To me, those are danger signs which scream "Get away from this man, permanently!". On the other hand, humilation can be very arousing. Verbally; calling him dirty names, watching his skin flush, seeing the blood pulsing through a prominent vein, knowing his mind is racing, the eyes flickering back and forth, licking his lips nervously... ahhh. Having him perform some act which he considers beneath his dignity in some way; watching the battle of his body eager to perform for me yet hesitant to commit to that which he finds distasteful, the internal struggle actualizing itself in various physical reactions, cold sweat, shaky hands, nervous twitches, etc. It's not the act itself which stimulates me but rather his reactions. Knowing I've wormed my way into his psyche and can push his buttons. Being able to read him so effectively that with a word, I can have him weak and trembling instantly. Having that power, that control, is intoxicating! <purrssszzzz> Ok, someone want to hand me a towel here? Jeeez, lol. Which brings me back to an old thread. How much more delicious to inflict these cruelties upon a big, strapping, buck of a man. He has all the finer qualities of a gentleman; dignity, intelligence, sardonic humor, rapier wit, chilvarly, and he just oozes charm. He has the physical ascpects as well; height, broad shoulders, narrow waist with defined abs, flaring to hips and buttocks that would shame a grecian god, powerful legs to hold him high, the beauty of an adonis. How more satisfying to bend and twist one such as that. To have him on his knees, looking up with adoration in his wondering eyes, to feel the tremors under his soft skin as the internal battles rages on.... <shivers delughtfully> Ok, I've given you all enough whank-off material, lol. (below) Just my two cents.... Stay safe, play nice, & share your toys w/ others... [:D] Bella [image]local://upfiles/17050/9AF5E9AB53E1440D93AFDF7438F320BD.jpg[/image]

Mercnbeth -> RE: Humiliating to your sub, or to you? (5/16/2005 8:49:52 AM)
quote: For those of you that enjoy humiliation play (on the dom side), do you find that you get your rush from the sub being uncomfortable about it -- so regardless of how extreme it is, you enjoy it? Or, do you crave an intensity of acts, so to speak, and the more the sub can take, the more you enjoy it -- even if the sub is totally getting off on it? YES! Why can't it be both? It is for me.

SirSTRYKER -> RE: Humiliating to your sub, or to you? (5/16/2005 10:05:42 AM)
Merc and beth, I could not agree more. Why indeed can't it be both ways? I enjoy humilation of subs, both verbal and physical. I care less wether or not they enjoy it. To be with Me they are already aware that it's coming. I remember a slut lawyer I once had. I used to go to her office and make her masturbate with her outer office door open. Her assistants could see Me standing behind her large leather chair, and notice her strained expression as she tried to hid her deed, yet obey Me. I know she hated doing this for real and would much rather have the door closed so her subordinates would remain clueless, but that would have removed the fun of it from Me.

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Humiliating to your sub, or to you? (5/16/2005 10:09:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirSTRYKER I know she hated doing this for real and would much rather have the door closed so her subordinates would remain clueless, but that would have removed the fun of it from Me. As a humiliation slut I can enjoy that aspect of this, but what about the other side effects? The loss of respect and authority from subordinates? The distraction from work and effectiveness? Possible client issues? Perhaps that was part of the entire humiliation, perhaps there were back-up plans in place that would supplement and her career position was merely something for her to do. I just am not seeing the benefits of mixing the two here, other than a quick cheap thrill with a lot of long term bad consequences.

Oumae -> RE: Humiliating to your sub, or to you? (5/16/2005 10:24:33 AM)
I get the rush from seeing them struggle but do it all the same and knowing they are doing it for me. I do like when they enjoy that too. Oumae

Mercnbeth -> RE: Humiliating to your sub, or to you? (5/16/2005 11:10:03 AM)
quote: Perhaps that was part of the entire humiliation, perhaps there were back-up plans in place that would supplement and her career position was merely something for her to do. I just am not seeing the benefits of mixing the two here, other than a quick cheap thrill with a lot of long term bad consequences. Emerald Slave 2 - I mean no offense to you in particular. This "rant" isn't directed at your specific "worst case". It just seems more often than not lately, every thread where people are responding anecdotally someone points out how they didn't consider all the ramifications of their activity. I think most people do consider them, they just wanted to make a short point of reference. Usually it's one minor detail or aspect unrelated to the point of the story or the thread topic. A post could have one innocent sentence such as; "I walked across the street to go to grocery store", and if people wanted to they could post worst cases like... "You didn't mention that you crossed at the corner and you should only cross when you have a green light or at a cross walk." Or, better yet... "You know, they sell beer cigarettes at some grocery stores, and you should warn people that if they take young children they may see someone buy them and wonder what they taste like." Is it necessary to invoke a "worst case scenario" clause to every anecdotal post? Hell, at any moment of the day a person can walk by my office and see a "strained expression" on my face and there is no masturbation going on - well rarely anyway. ("Worst Case Clause - HUMOR ! (Not the "strained expression" part but the rare masturbation reference.) The using of mental powers is important and fun, and 99% of mental humiliation play is only between the players. Their mind creates the 'worst case' scenario and its a factor to the physical excitement. When a lifestyle couple is in public, no one knows if the sub isn't wearing underwear. There is no sign around her neck indicating she may be wearing remote controlled vibrating panties or a butt plug. Is that a collar around her/his neck or just a funky necklace? Even an aforementioned thread referencing public peeing; if an adult diaper were worn - who would know? But I guess we are living in an age that we need to publish the "worst case" scenario. They are all around us. Maybe expecting common sense is too much to ask. After all we need signs and warnings all around us because common sense has become endangered. You know the ones.... Warning - This plastic bag is NOT a toy and may cause suffocation. Warning - This coffee is HOT. Warning - If a child falls into a bucket filled with water they could drown. As a parent please watch your child. (btw - who is that warning directed to? The adult, who never thought of that or the toddler who can't read?) Warning - DO NOT USE a hair dryer in the tub. (Wondering when the same warning will soon be on a toaster.) Warning - Cigarettes cause cancer. In anticipation of heading to Vegas Thursday, I want to point out to all the people planning to be in attendance there is NO warning on the observation/ride level of the Tower. Maybe we should suggest one. How about this: Warning - Jumping or falling from this tower will result in hitting the ground at a high speed normally associated with severe physical trauma which often leads to death. In this case, I guess Sir Stryker should have added to his post. Warning - Getting caught masturbating at your desk by your co-workers may be have a negative effect on your career.

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Humiliating to your sub, or to you? (5/16/2005 11:29:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth Emerald Slave 2 - I mean no offense to you in particular. This "rant" isn't directed at your specific "worst case". It just seems more often than not lately, every thread where people are responding anecdotally someone points out how they didn't consider all the ramifications of their activity. In this case, I guess Sir Stryker should have added to his post. Warning - Getting caught masturbating at your desk by your co-workers may be have a negative effect on your career. I completely agree with the points you make here Merc and think people get WAY too paranoid in general. I think my track record speaks pretty highly that I am not one of those people, so when I bring up a real question like that, it's a serious consideration to me and not just nay-saying. It's also a pretty selfish track- I focused on the submissives possible career future, not really caring whether the subordinates felt about it. I also just don't mix work and social together at all and find it the best way to work effectively in both- though others will likely differ. Or maybe it was me poking at a possible dom who gets his kicks without thinking things through. After all there are doms who consider their slaves insolent because they say they won't run down the street naked when asked the question "as a test of their submission."

Mercnbeth -> RE: Humiliating to your sub, or to you? (5/16/2005 1:12:29 PM)
quote: After all there are doms who consider their slaves insolent because they say they won't run down the street naked when asked the question "as a test of their submission." I think that activity is on the agenda this Saturday night in Vegas. [8D]

AAkasha -> RE: Humiliating to your sub, or to you? (5/16/2005 5:38:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth quote: Perhaps that was part of the entire humiliation, perhaps there were back-up plans in place that would supplement and her career position was merely something for her to do. I just am not seeing the benefits of mixing the two here, other than a quick cheap thrill with a lot of long term bad consequences. Emerald Slave 2 - I mean no offense to you in particular. This "rant" isn't directed at your specific "worst case". It just seems more often than not lately, every thread where people are responding anecdotally someone points out how they didn't consider all the ramifications of their activity. I think most people do consider them, they just wanted to make a short point of reference. Usually it's one minor detail or aspect unrelated to the point of the story or the thread topic. A post could have one innocent sentence such as; "I walked across the street to go to grocery store", and if people wanted to they could post worst cases like... "You didn't mention that you crossed at the corner and you should only cross when you have a green light or at a cross walk." Or, better yet... "You know, they sell beer cigarettes at some grocery stores, and you should warn people that if they take young children they may see someone buy them and wonder what they taste like." Is it necessary to invoke a "worst case scenario" clause to every anecdotal post? Hell, at any moment of the day a person can walk by my office and see a "strained expression" on my face and there is no masturbation going on - well rarely anyway. ("Worst Case Clause - HUMOR ! (Not the "strained expression" part but the rare masturbation reference.) The using of mental powers is important and fun, and 99% of mental humiliation play is only between the players. Their mind creates the 'worst case' scenario and its a factor to the physical excitement. When a lifestyle couple is in public, no one knows if the sub isn't wearing underwear. There is no sign around her neck indicating she may be wearing remote controlled vibrating panties or a butt plug. Is that a collar around her/his neck or just a funky necklace? Even an aforementioned thread referencing public peeing; if an adult diaper were worn - who would know? But I guess we are living in an age that we need to publish the "worst case" scenario. They are all around us. Maybe expecting common sense is too much to ask. After all we need signs and warnings all around us because common sense has become endangered. You know the ones.... Warning - This plastic bag is NOT a toy and may cause suffocation. Warning - This coffee is HOT. Warning - If a child falls into a bucket filled with water they could drown. As a parent please watch your child. (btw - who is that warning directed to? The adult, who never thought of that or the toddler who can't read?) Warning - DO NOT USE a hair dryer in the tub. (Wondering when the same warning will soon be on a toaster.) Warning - Cigarettes cause cancer. In anticipation of heading to Vegas Thursday, I want to point out to all the people planning to be in attendance there is NO warning on the observation/ride level of the Tower. Maybe we should suggest one. How about this: Warning - Jumping or falling from this tower will result in hitting the ground at a high speed normally associated with severe physical trauma which often leads to death. In this case, I guess Sir Stryker should have added to his post. Warning - Getting caught masturbating at your desk by your co-workers may be have a negative effect on your career. It's not that people are so dense that they would not realize the potential ramifications of the acts they choose to engage in. But in his case, there is clearly a pretty skewed view of risk/reward, and consideration of others, especially his submissive. In addition to the other issues previous posters brought up regarding the impact on the subs career or work environment, masturbating with the door open could lead to a sexual harrassment suit by co workers, her termination and possible legal ramifications. Those are not "small risks" by any means. It is up to the people involved to measure the risk/reward, and I don't think most people here expect posters to add lots of clarifation regarding safety and risk, but in this case one has to wonder about the ethics of the dominant, and his lopsided perception of worst case scenario. Of course, I think a lot of doms exaggerate greatly in posts to make their stories more exciting. But for a woman in a law office to masturbate with her door open when coworkers could get some sense -- but not proof (yet) of what was going on -- that's just asking for possible disaster. Is it ok for a dominant to require his/her submissive to do something that could get them sued? Where do you draw the line? I'm with Emerald Slave on this one. Akasha

AAkasha -> RE: Humiliating to your sub, or to you? (5/16/2005 10:23:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2 quote: ORIGINAL: SirSTRYKER I know she hated doing this for real and would much rather have the door closed so her subordinates would remain clueless, but that would have removed the fun of it from Me. As a humiliation slut I can enjoy that aspect of this, but what about the other side effects? The loss of respect and authority from subordinates? The distraction from work and effectiveness? Possible client issues? Perhaps that was part of the entire humiliation, perhaps there were back-up plans in place that would supplement and her career position was merely something for her to do. I just am not seeing the benefits of mixing the two here, other than a quick cheap thrill with a lot of long term bad consequences. Yes, clearly the dominant is responsible for evaluating the risks and ultimately being responsible for the outcome. Did the dominant in this situation make sure there were no cameras in the room? Have a back up plan if someone came walking in with an emergency? Or -- was part of the "rush" the danger aspect? If that's true, the sub is the one more at risk here. Akasha

SirSTRYKER -> RE: Humiliating to your sub, or to you? (5/17/2005 8:36:25 AM)
Well, to each their own. I have no need to "make the posts more interesting" or do I take offense at anothers point of view. And indeed, W/we both enjoyed the act and NO there were no law suits, no client issues, and no subordinates becoming emotionally destressed....sorry. PS Mercnbeth, have a grand time F/friends.

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