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Dom couples and activities - 5/22/2007 3:37:59 PM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline 		I'm interested in hearing from
  • Dom couples.
  • Those that have been part of a Dom couple
  • Subs/slave that have served a Dom couple.
  • Close friends of a Dom couple.
  • Anybody else that has been involved with a Dom couple in the real time.

How were activities managed together, be it BDSM scene play or vanilla things such as dinner and movies, without the act of submission being involved. 

There appears to be a lot of common ground between Dom Couples and Switches, however what are some of the definitive differences between the two.   I'm interested in doing a little note or thought comparison here.

Thanks

< Message edited by WhiplashSmile -- 5/22/2007 3:38:42 PM >
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RE: Dom couples and activities - 5/22/2007 6:14:43 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Dom couples operate as vanilla couples- because the relationship they have between eachother is a vanilla one.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
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RE: Dom couples and activities - 5/22/2007 6:45:32 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		I served a Dom couple. I served them like I did any other Master and Mistress. I was there to serve sexually, domestically etc. We did things together and separately.  It was no different to me than being a slave to any other Master or Mistress. I served the same way.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
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RE: Dom couples and activities - 5/22/2007 6:51:22 PM   
MissDiandSirHugh


Posts: 1158
Joined: 8/11/2005
From: Goondiwindi ( Qld )
Status: offline 		We are a Dom/Dom couple and neither of Us can switch but at no time does this have any effect on Our vanilla life or Our relationship be it just at home together or in public.
When We are with some one submissive then We are able to work together as you do in normal relationships but in doing so in the life style one it is in its own way a deeper and more meaningful one that gives an added pleasure and joy to watch each other and both help and enjoy seeing what the other is doing.
Besides the working together each of Us also has different areas that We excel at more than the other so if one of these sessions was being done then one can help in some ways but also just sit and receive pleasure in watching the other weave Their magic and in some ways has the safety side a little more attune in being free to keep an eye on the person who is with Us even though who ever is doing their magic does there is that extra pair of eyes.
When We have gone out with some one submissive it is just as it would be any time as friends and no matter where it is nothing out of place in behavior or actions but small things that no one would consider as strange are adhered to.

_____________________________

HoRoo for now from Us both and enjoy all you read even if you don"t agree with us or others.
Knowledge is no Burden to Carry

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Dom couples and activities - 5/22/2007 9:32:37 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		In the experience I have of 3 Dom couples, LA is essentially right in that they were basically vanilla to each other, Dom to anyone else! In one couple that works well, they each have their own subs as well as some that they both play with together. Their own relationship was well negotiated so that their strengths and weaknesses were well coordinated and the decision-making was fairly evenly apportioned. For example, He managed the finances, She managed the household. Another couple was a gay couple, they had their lives very well organised and were also crystal clear in what they each expected from a shared slave, who called one Sir/Master and the other Boss. The 3rd couple weren't able to find such a happy balance and there was a fair bit of power shifting back and forth between them. They weren't very clear in their instructions and their shared sub found it very frustrating and left. It seems negotiation has to be every bit as clear and well thought out as it does in a D/s couple!

Maam Jay

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Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

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RE: Dom couples and activities - 5/22/2007 11:33:48 PM   
Wickad


Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline 		(fast reply)

I live in a relationship where both my partner and I identify as Dominant.  We essentially have a vanilla relationship.  As someone had mentioned earlier, we are a bit fractious at times.  We both have our own play partners and do not play with each other's toys. 

Currently, we are in the middle of a long negotiation to set out the guidlines and rules the will govern a household that will contain co-owned slaves.  We both agree that there should be clear definative rules set out so that the slave will not be confused as to whose rules to follow, as well as, so the slave will be unable to play us off against each other.  These discussions are ongoing and I expect they will be 'ongoing' for a while yet.

Perhaps if the OP could clarify the exact 'what' he was wondering about, I, and other responders, would be better able to speak directly to his question.

Wickad

(in reply to MaamJay)
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RE: Dom couples and activities - 5/23/2007 3:20:43 AM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wickad
...Perhaps if the OP could clarify the exact 'what' he was wondering about, I, and other responders, would be better able to speak directly to his question.
Wickad


At times it's hard to seperate everything back out into the respective components.  S&M, Bondage, Discipline, Dominance and Submission. The great reminders to the roots to what is known as BDSM today.

D/s appears to be the defining factor for the "BDSM lifestyle", while anything else is considered just mere Vanilla with kink in it.   The reality however is that most relationships involve Power Exchange.  So I guess a lot of the Vanillas with one person always being the Dominant one, are really "BDSM lifestyle" relationships and not vanilla.  LOL..  It's a sort of paradox, if you ask me.

I had a great 24/7 relationship with a Domme in my past.  BDSM things/activities were very much part of our day to day life together.  Submission at least in it's true form under D/s was never part of our relationship.  We both made it a point to never involve submission.  Because of this we came up with some interesting scene play, scenes that are not the typical D/s scene play that occurs.  Amazing what two people can creatively do outside the norm.

Her and I used to use coin tosses at times.  Case in point, where to go out and eat dinner at.  Her and I would run through a list of places we both like, talking about the food, service, atmosphere and what we were in the mood to eat.  Often we'd narrow down the list to two places that fit both our mood/tastes for the night. 

At times we found ourselves desiring to eat at both places (indifferent because either one would do), or she had her preference and I had mine.  Either case, it was time to pull out the coin and toss it.   Her and I would drive our friends crazy, because they would hear us bantering back and fourth with so many thoughts and ideas only to end up tossing a coin over it all.   You don't know how many time people told us .."You guys ain't right".

I don't consider myself a switch per se in terms of changing from Dominant to submissive in my role. I can be the bottom in S&M play provided I'm not being treated like a submissive.  As long as I'm respected as a Dom and shown the proper courtesy I'm good with being the bottom in the hands of a Domme.  I don't simply become submissive while she flogs me, sticks me with a needle or does other wonderfully painful things that please my Masochistic streak.

I'm being curious and exploring things outside of  traditional D/s.  I've been working with something I call D/D relationship dynamics.  There is no real framework for this D/D concept it's just something based on my personal past experiences.

We both exerted our Dominant personalities, used Self Discipline, practiced S&M,  we even loving would inflict pain on each other outside of scene play, we both were into light bondage.  There were too many aspects of BDSM that were part of our day to day life together.  "Lifestyle BDSM"? a variant of "Lifestyle BDSM"?

I really don't consider this relationship to have been very Vanilla at all.  Not while our mutal vanilla and BDSM friends are saying things like "You two ain't right" and other similar remarks.

I feel I'm haunted by this past relationship, it's like a wonderful curse.  It expanded my mind, contradicts the establish BDSM norms of D/s lifestyle dynamics... Funny thing it did not taste like vanilla, what flavor was it, and can I order another one to go?

< Message edited by WhiplashSmile -- 5/23/2007 3:26:14 AM >

(in reply to Wickad)
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RE: Dom couples and activities - 5/23/2007 4:22:46 AM   
Copulo


Posts: 268
Joined: 5/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Dom couples operate as vanilla couples- because the relationship they have between eachother is a vanilla one.


To an extent yes but then again no because we are both in the know (with each other) and so have an awful lot of fetish in common. A lot of our conversations are around our activities, we throw ideas at each other, advise each other and our joint plans are round activities in the scene, so that’s not really vanilla, it just means we don’t top or bottom together.

I am not a switch and neither is he, though we do power exchange now and again. Unfortunately Im not as strong as him so I always lose!!

I like pain and allow him to do painful things to me now and again but its not a control thing. We chat whilst we do it and I let him know when it feels good or hurts too much or perhaps he would be better to try it this way or that.

Obviously the ideal is to have a fem sub we can share but this is never an easy task because we both have to like her and she has to like both of us. The problems start when a fem sub fancies more one than the other and this is a fairly common problem. I never get jealous if a fem sub fancies my partner more than me because I know with absolute certainty that he is not going to run off with her but it does and can make things more strained. I have had fem subs that are more aimed towards me and this always works better except that if they get too lesbian orientated my partner will lose interest.

Some of the things we like are very different and so for that reason we both have separate subs as well. I will always totally respect his sub, as he will mine.

I know many Dom/Domme couples on the scene and it seems to work really well.
I think a lot of trust goes into making this kind of relationship work but I would highly recommend it!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Dom couples and activities - 5/23/2007 7:11:46 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile
D/s appears to be the defining factor for the "BDSM lifestyle", while anything else is considered just mere Vanilla with kink in it.   The reality however is that most relationships involve Power Exchange.  So I guess a lot of the Vanillas with one person always being the Dominant one, are really "BDSM lifestyle" relationships and not vanilla.  LOL..  It's a sort of paradox, if you ask me.

No.  Do not make the mistake of pushing your definitions or ideas and labels on another.  Do not universalize.

Do not make the mistake of thinking that because there is a "power exchange" IN a relationship that it at all equates to a relationship in which the "power exchange" is that FOUNDATION FOR the relationship.  Those are completely different things.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
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RE: Dom couples and activities - 5/23/2007 11:46:23 PM   
Wickad


Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you for your clarification.

I have heard over and over (at nauseum I might add) that I am 'odd' and 'I'll never find what I'm looking for'.  The truth of the matter is that I have found what I was 'looking' for.  I have a wonderful guy who I love dearly.  Our life is a bit harder than it would be if we were both attached to submissive folks but ... I think it's worth it.  There are some things missing from a blissful ending, however, and that is the ability to control someone.  We both long for this type of dynamic and thrive on what it makes us live up to.  However, I would never give up my current relationship in order to 'control' someone.  I want my cake, and I want to eat it too.

The 'nay sayers' you are encountering should be ignored.  Some people, it seems to me, are unable, or unwilling, to wrap their heads around any kind of relationship dynamic that does not mirror their own.  D/s is not in the actions but in the interaction.  Though neither of you may play with each other (well, not really) and though neither of you really control the other (well, not really) there is an underlying agreement that kink and a power exchange do exist.  This awareness and the ability to play in and around it does create 'something' - not exactly vanilla and not exactly BDSM/D/s.

If you and your partner (future and past) are happy with this 'something' then never let anyone suggest that you 'should' be with someone else.  If your 'something' is something you would never trade in for the prospect of a conventional D/s relationship but there seems to be just that little ... bit missing - then expand your mind even further to include whatever it is you are missing.  For me and my partner we both have needs that the other one is unable, or unwilling, to meet and so we have negotiated an arrangement that meets our needs.  Our arrangement is not conventional and it does make finding the right person a bit harder to find but, these are the choices we have made and we're sticking to them.  If your relationship is missing that intense SM play then find yourself a bottom.  The relationship between you and the proposed bottom does not have to be sexual (or it can be)and can include both parties or just one.

The wonderful thing about BDSM or D/s is that there are no 'real' rules.  There are norms and there are conventions (not the kind that happen in a big hotel - lol) but the people who ultimately get to decide how their relationship is structured are the people in the relationship - be it 2 or 5.

I hope this has helped.  If not, write back and I'll respond with another page of useless advice - lol.

Wickad

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
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