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RE: Last one to post, wins - 3/24/2011 6:57:49 PM

dreamofthemoon

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Oh my, hehe! Congrats on both the marriage and the baby on the way, then!

Do you know if boy or girl yet?

i've been alright, thanks.

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RE: Last one to post, wins - 3/24/2011 8:05:54 PM

LillyBoPeep

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congrats on the marriage and the upcoming tiny tot ^_^ that's loverly ^_^

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RE: Last one to post, wins - 3/25/2011 1:59:10 AM

kissheels

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CongradulationS

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RE: Last one to post, wins - 3/25/2011 10:07:47 AM

FelineFae

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Good morning, Lasties.

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RE: Last one to post, wins - 3/25/2011 10:23:12 AM

LanceHughes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineFae
<snipped>

Yeah, i'm watching that time honored drama of a friend married to a mentally abusive jerk. It's not like this is something new in their year and half of marriage. Justifying every thing he does to her, she just thinks if she hangs in there he'll stop one day. That he'll get better ...

And all i can do is be supportive ?

Someone tell me why i can't abduct her in a burlap sack and deliver her to the local womens' shelter ?

How's 'bout you contact said Women's Shelter and see what you can do? I'll bet you're not the first in such a situation. They'll probably tell you that your friend must appear at the Shelter of her own volition.

If so, ask for printed materials and give them to your friend over coffee.

Again, maybe there's a way . . . . . . .

1/2 way suggestion. . . . give her a half-way safe-house. Namely your place. Tell her old man that you're taking her on vacation, and then do so (without leaving the city.) Get help from the Shelter. Get help from local munch. In general, BDSM'ers are willing to help the general public know the difference between abuse and BDSM.

Locally, we did just that. Local group "Leather MagicK" found cheap apartment and did literally abduct a woman and got her there. Granted, she was a BDSM'er, but does that matter in your instance. To this day, she is so grateful.

The first step is personal safety. Women's shelter might be later.....
People can't think straight while IN the situation.

Your instincts are good.
Regards, Lance

P.S. I give the WIN to Fae to give to her friend!

edited to fix quote thingies.

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 3/25/2011 10:27:42 AM >

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RE: Last one to post, wins - 3/25/2011 11:35:35 AM

FelineFae

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* SuperHugs for Lance ! *

Well, i have had her at my house for a couple of weeks when he was being really bad. She was happy and safe with me until she'd IM with him and go into a panic attack. He went to a therapist " to get better " and she moved back into their house to " try and work things out ". She knows that she can always come here for any reason.

i did go to the womens' shealter and got her lots of literture relivent to her situation, with the mental abuse. She is also in personal therapy and couple's therapy. A friend of mine is also trying to get her into college with us, she is a talented photographer and we're trying to get her to remember who she wants to be in this life...

Its not easy, but i'm trying to do the right things.

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RE: Last one to post, wins - 3/25/2011 11:40:57 AM

FelineFae

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The friend in the bad marriage, i call " Dolly ".
Here is some of her photography work,

Attachment (1)

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RE: Last one to post, wins - 3/25/2011 11:43:08 AM

FelineFae

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Oops, little one,
Retry,

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RE: Last one to post, wins - 3/25/2011 12:26:00 PM

LanceHughes

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WOW!

What a revealing work.

The subject is placed between the full storm on our right and the breaking storm on our left. The umbrella is protecting her from the storm, but not so well as an umbrella might. And even though not giving as much protection as is needed from the storm, the umbrella casts a strong image of a butterfly (at the junction of her left strap and the dress.) How very hopeful that the storm will pass and the butterfly can fly freely.

And to emphasis the hopefulness of the subject, her face (read mind) is at odds with her body. The body's decision to move away from the storm is apparent in the legs, the hips, and is totally clear in the direction of the clevage.

There is more solid ground to our left.

The wings are atrophied from the battle between the two "sides" and do not participate in the decision of which way to move. They are tired, exhausted, colorless, and totally flat in our view, giving not even the slighest hint as to which way the subject wants them to help.

================

Art therapy to the rescue!

Please have Dolly re-shoot this. Same everything except for the pose of the model. And that needs only be changed by the position of the model's head. Head and face to our left, tilted ever so slightly up. Eyes open and not obscured by head and umbrella.

================

Not sure whether you should tell Dolly the reason for this re-shoot. Maybe a white lie. "Dolly I really like this picture, but I'm wondering if you can re-shot it for me with the model looking to her right? And maybe a little more hope on her face?"

================

I don't know if this will "help" but I'll keep my fingers crossed for her.

edited to add: P.S. I give the <newly colored> WIN to Fae to give to her friend!

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 3/25/2011 12:28:44 PM >

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RE: Last one to post, wins - 3/25/2011 12:44:19 PM

FelineFae

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Sounds like a good idea, Lance.

Dolly's out of town right now, but i know she's up to do more photos when she gets back.
We had a lot of fun taking the last series we did. We found a 1920's brick school that was condemned,
i kept singing " Another brick in the wall " ...

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RE: Last one to post, wins - 3/25/2011 12:49:00 PM

LanceHughes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineFae

* SuperHugs for Lance ! *

Well, i have had her at my house for a couple of weeks when he was being really bad. She was happy and safe with me until she'd IM with him and go into a panic attack. He went to a therapist " to get better " and she moved back into their house to " try and work things out ". She knows that she can always come here for any reason.

i did go to the womens' shealter and got her lots of literture relivent to her situation, with the mental abuse. She is also in personal therapy and couple's therapy. A friend of mine is also trying to get her into college with us, she is a talented photographer and we're trying to get her to remember who she wants to be in this life...

Its not easy, but i'm trying to do the right things.

Close, but not quite right.

Going to couple's therapy is NOT going to work. He probably is manipulating the therapist as only abusers can.

You write, "She knows that she can always come here for any reason." Okay, good. BUT! She doesn't EVER see a reason to do so.

Abuse is the ONLY place where we can say "the victim participated in being victimized." Abuse is NOT like rape where (for many years) the way the victim was dressed WAS a defense for the raper. Fortunately, that conceit has been laid to rest.

Abuse victims believe their abusers when the abusers say, "I'm sorry. I promise to not do that again."

Abuse victims believe their abusers when the abusers say, "I'm willing to try to work things out."

Abuse victims believe their abusers when the abusers say, "I'll get better."

=========

Ask her to come and stay with you - no reason..... BUT work on her, try to help her see the lies and deceit. Go over the relevant literature WITH her.
"Isn't that what he does?" "Doesn't that strike you as wrong?" "Do you want some help to get out of this bad situation?"

=========

Bestest of luck.... there's a pot of <good> karma not too far down the road.

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RE: Last one to post, wins - 3/25/2011 12:51:25 PM

LanceHughes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineFae

Sounds like a good idea, Lance.
Dolly's out of town right now, but i know she's up to do more photos when she gets back.
We had a lot of fun taking the last series we did. We found a 1920's brick school that was condemned,
i kept singing " Another brick in the wall " ...

Are you saying that YOU are the model? If so, that makes a re-shoot trivial, now, doesn't it?

===================

Dolly is out of town? GREAT! Have her tell ass-hole that she's been delayed from arriving back at his house. Have her come directly to you! I can't think of a better way to get the separation started!

I know of a <gay> case where the beating was so severe, he was hospitalized for three days. His friends wouldn't let him return to "the scene of the crime." The victim never saw the abuser again. The abuser e-mailed, texted, called, etc. The victim had the strength (personal AND friends) to not answer.

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 3/25/2011 1:01:05 PM >

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RE: Last one to post, wins - 3/25/2011 1:07:29 PM

FelineFae

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i hear you, Lance. Some days its like she knows how bad things are, and other days she finds excuses for him. She blames it on him being abused as a kid... as if that makes it right for him to do the things he does.

Her husband is also going to personal therapy.

i can't see their marriage working. i'm not the only friend telling her how to reckonize abuse, either. The hardest part is how he does manipulate her. On the upside, he may be deploying soon, and when he's gone she might be able to see things better.

i am her model, photography gives her an outlet. She likes me as a model because i won't shy away from "weird stuff". i'm just glad she has the outlet and try to pose how ever she likes. A great deal of the photos she takes convey a lot of confusion, which is what she says she is feeling.

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RE: Last one to post, wins - 3/25/2011 1:09:28 PM

FelineFae

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Sadly, the jerk is with her there. i get emails that she'll have a great day with him followed by a horrible day.
If i could drive...

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RE: Last one to post, wins - 3/25/2011 6:31:40 PM

LanceHughes

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Fae;

I guess the next option is for her to vacation with you until he deploys. Oh, where's our high ranking military friends to make SURE he deploys..... And dare I say the phrase "friendly..."? Nope, didn't dare.

Hey, let's all lighten up, okay? After all, your sig line says

~* Guardian of the LOTP-WIN *~

Don't you worry..... while you're taking care of Dolly, I'll take care of the WIN, okay? It was complaining that it is being ignored. I petted it for awhile, but it just now calmed down..... I think it likes to be colored.

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RE: Last one to post, wins - 3/26/2011 8:28:05 AM

FelineFae

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Lightening up, that too, sounds like another good idea.
Yes, maybe you should watch the WIN for a little while,
my History chapters aren't gonna read themselves.

Good morning, Lasties.

* snuggling into bednest and watching the dark clouds out the window *

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RE: Last one to post, wins - 3/27/2011 4:34:06 AM

OohAahMrs

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Morning Everyone!

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RE: Last one to post, wins - 3/27/2011 5:37:52 AM

FelineFae

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Good morning, up there.

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RE: Last one to post, wins - 3/27/2011 6:40:22 AM

impishlilhellcat

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamofthemoon

Oh my, hehe! Congrats on both the marriage and the baby on the way, then!

Do you know if boy or girl yet?

i've been alright, thanks.

We don't know yet. We just found out about the baby on the way two weeks ago!

Thanks Lilly and Kiss :)

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RE: Last one to post, wins - 3/27/2011 6:49:58 AM

FelineFae

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* gentle pouncing *

You know what? Lately i found some prenatal vitamins in gummies, no iron either to spare your tummy.

i love 'em.

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