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tieme -> Abuse (5/16/2005 1:02:18 PM)
I have this friend in the life styles an things are not looking good . The master she has is very bad to too. He was nice in the beinging change in few weeks . I need to know where the Sub that getting the abuse to be stoped. I have the person name an all i cant stay on here untill they are ready . But why do master get so mean for no reason this what happen to my friend please help me

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Abuse (5/16/2005 1:17:22 PM)
She can get help the same as any person can if they choose to take it- family, shelters, friends, etc. Doms are people, there are abusive subs, doms, vanilla people- we're no different.

ruffnecksbabygir -> RE: Abuse (5/16/2005 1:25:40 PM)
agrees totally wirh emerald on this.....if she is being abused she can always call the police, get a restraining order, etc..... it's no different than any other abusive situation, there is no bdsm police, there's no special bdsm law....she has to want to find the help and want to leave that situation and if she doesn't there's really nothing you or anyone else can say or do to help. ~best of luck~

sub4hire -> RE: Abuse (5/16/2005 2:14:36 PM)
quote: The master she has is very bad to too. He was nice in the beinging change in few weeks . I need to know where the Sub that getting the abuse to be stoped. I have the person name an all i cant stay on here untill they are ready . But why do master get so mean for no reason this what happen to my friend please help me It is extremely hard for people who are abused to seek out help. Generally an abuser reduces one's self esteem so low the abusee will believe most anything the abuser dishes out. Verbally or mentally. Yes, there are a great many avenue's for help. Although one has to be ready to get that help. Is she ready? Also, the alledged dom in this instance is clearly an abuser. If indeed you are hearing things properly. Abusers choose their prey wisely. They don't just go pick up anyone off of the street to abuse. It has to be a specific type of person. One who fits their mold. That is why he is the way he is. Because she fits his mold. She needs to get help if it truly is happening. Just support her. Look into shelters...what you have to do for a restraining order. Etc..etc. Anything she may need. Then when she comes to you and is serious have the info already there. Chances are if when she is ready...and help is not. She won't be ready when help gets ready. Does that make sense to you?

Mia1978 -> RE: Abuse (5/17/2005 10:04:46 AM)
I personally think there are only 2 main possibilities here. 1) She accidently got herself into something she doesn't want and is in over her head & can't get out. This is possible if when she is out in public he is ALWAYS right next to her and when she is not in public she is chained up in his basement and can't make a phone call. But, if she has any personal freedom, I doubt this is the case. You can look into the Elizabeth Smart case for insight on that (not a bdsm situation, but mind control and physical control/abuse). 2) She may really like it this way. Some people LOVE being the victim and relish in the attention it gets them. What you perceive as a dom 'changing' could be infact a progession in their relationship now that they know each others limits. Now, if everything in your gut tells you that something is horribly wrong and she has absolutely no way to get out on her own, then you should put in a call to the local authorities. When the cops arrive it would be her choice to press charges against her master or not. But you have to be careful. If this situation is what she secretly enjoys then you would be making quite an awkward situation for them. I just don't have enough details to give more help. I think summed up: if she has any personal freedom (totally away from him), then you should leave them alone. If she doesn't and you sense a great disturbance in her, then it is your duty to help.

tieme -> RE: Abuse (5/17/2005 10:47:38 AM)
I will give her what i can I thank you all for the help too . Yes you could be right she likes it might be just a Scen too to get attion too . I will watch for a while too but its really her choice to be with him . If was her i would get out but yes some people like to be tread it like that too. I will talk to her an see if things are better i will tell get picture if there any kinds of marks to hand over to the cops in here town i am like you i might just back away untill she ready to tell me . ty for all the help

ZandD -> RE: Abuse (5/17/2005 3:03:26 PM)
Having been in a abusive situation myself it's difficult to detach oneself from abuse of any kind, especially if it's been going on for a while. I remember thinking when I was a child "Doesn't someone see what's going on?" to shutting down almost completely. Back and forth. It took some time for me to realize what was really going on, but by then I was an adult and I could do nothing to stop it. In the past when I have tried to come to terms with the abusers they just down want to hear it, much less admit it. It took me nearly 30 years, but I stopped all communication with them and moved on with my life. Ironically, for one who always felt responisible for the families ill and problems and always made myself soley (sp?) responsibility for trying to help everyone get along, I am immensely enjoying my life and I am happier and more content since I told them where to go than I ever was in that situation. It takes time and hopefully this person will not have too much emotional scarring from the relationship, but unless one has strong people that can confront the abuser, one must come to the conclusion themselves that the situation is damaging and they must get free. My apologies for rambling and especially for sounding so clinical. It's been quite a road and even though it's brought up some stuff for me, one can get out and live a happy life after abuse. It just takes time. Damn, rambling again... Z

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