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A tiny winy little big problem... - 5/23/2007 5:31:37 AM   
doredevil123


Posts: 5
Joined: 1/17/2007
Status: offline 		Hi everyone. I have a little matter i would like to discuss and would like some opinions about.
I recently met someone on collareme.com. So we talk and talk until we got eachothers msn. What you should also know is that I'm 19 and that she is 36. From the moment we spoke, we really had a lot to talk about and it seems everything clicks. Also, she lives in Dannemark and I live in London. She told me it would be no problems for her to come over ton london on Week-ends... So everything seemed cool. We discussed our fantasies... our hobbies.... our passion and everything was.... praticly perfect. But now, under a week, she stated that she was falling for me.... and this is freaking me out. What you also should know is that I'm not sure if I want to go on in this relationship from time to time. To be honnest, I'm not sure how I feel and if I should go on with this...
Can anyone help me on that matter?
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RE: A tiny winy little big problem... - 5/23/2007 5:34:53 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		No, not really.  One bit of advice is Denmark.  Uncertainty is fraught in many relationships.  There is nothing that necessarily looks killing, but it is rather coming on fast.  The difference in london to denmark tho, is not the same distance in say Ghana to Wisconsin in the US.What could a little visit back and forth hurt?

Ron 

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: A tiny winy little big problem... - 5/23/2007 5:50:05 AM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		Now Ron...if you are going to correct spelling...you should have spell checked the whole thing *S*

As for the question at hand...if you are so unsure TALK to her.  What the worst that can happen now?  She doesn't ever meet you and you go about your merry way.  If she comes and your fears are confirmed then you have wasted time, money and energy on a visit.

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D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

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RE: A tiny winy little big problem... - 5/23/2007 6:06:45 AM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		My advice would be to either shit, or got off the pot. Do it or don't do it but don't lead the lady on. Since you're having such doubts, it's only right to talk to her about them. Let her know whats going on inside the wee-knoggin you have.

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If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

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RE: A tiny winy little big problem... - 5/23/2007 6:10:29 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Ya know what Shakespeare says about Denmark.  Take heed.

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“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

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RE: A tiny winy little big problem... - 5/23/2007 6:11:00 AM   
ModeratorThree


Posts: 949
Status: offline 		Man up


Trey


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RE: A tiny winy little big problem... - 5/23/2007 6:19:05 AM   
Trampler


Posts: 580
Joined: 12/31/2006
Status: offline 		Well for one thing, are you sure it's a woman?  What are your senses telling you?  Personally, (this may sound cynical.) I highly doubt she is actually in love with you, after only a week.  It seems to me she could try to scam you for something.  DO NOT send her any $$ for travel, DO NOT have your sleep at your place, in fact for a 1st visit, DON"T play!  Just get to know each other, see if there is as much of a connection in person as there was online.  Good Luck!

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RE: A tiny winy little big problem... - 5/23/2007 6:30:39 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: doredevil123
But now, under a week, she stated that she was falling for me.... and this is freaking me out.


Less than 1 week?
I wouldn't say this would be freaking me out but it would have me totally question this person.

quote:

 What you also should know is that I'm not sure if I want to go on in this relationship from time to time. To be honnest, I'm not sure how I feel and if I should go on with this...
Can anyone help me on that matter?


You've been placed in a situation where one person is willing to fling caution to the wind & say... I'm falling for you...& you don't feel that way. Because she does you are now being placed in a position where you feel like I gotta catch up with that emotion & you feel overwhelmed... completely natural.

Since you don't have these feelings you probably feel a great deal of anxiety. I can see where simply meeting her at this time would encourage her & cause her to think that you are ok with her level of intensity.

The only thing you can do is tell her that you do not have this strong feeling for her & that you are overwhelmed by it.

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MstrssPassion


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RE: A tiny winy little big problem... - 5/23/2007 6:34:53 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
Be honest and tell her the truth.  Don't lie to her and do not lie to yourself and tell her you do not want a serious relationship as yet but you are happy with a casual one.  Have you attended any events in paris or London?  Do not restrict yourself to the internet only.
 
Peace


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.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

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RE: A tiny winy little big problem... - 5/23/2007 6:46:29 AM   
slaveish


Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline 		Kinda like what my gram told me before I got married, "Sugar, it's never to late to stop the train, even if it's in front of the preacher, God, and everybody." So you're freaked out and she's older (and, we're supposing, more worldly and mature) and it is easy to understand your disconcerted feelings. Tell her to not visit. Take a breather. If it feels too fast, it is too fast. There is no rule that says you have to follow through if you don't feel good about doing so. But be upfront about it. Immediately.

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You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

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RE: A tiny winy little big problem... - 5/23/2007 6:50:15 AM   
BondageTopJere


Posts: 170
Joined: 8/22/2006
Status: offline 		Some people do fall much harder and much faster than others, without regards to the consequences that falling may entail. Dones't make it any less real by being quick, just not well thought out.  I see nothing wrong with it personally, 2 very clear points need to be clearly made aware to her.  1,  Your not there yet, not by a long shot. 2, its going to take some time.  THe OP's states your practically perfect for each other, so don't let something like too quick on her part derail that for you.  Be patient, be slow. Despite the overall architecutre between the 2 of you  being Dom/sub, it still comes down to 2 people trying to figure out how to live thier lives together. Taking it slow also does have the side benefit of exposing her maybe-shortcomings relationship wise in short order, pick one off the list.



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RE: A tiny winy little big problem... - 5/23/2007 7:13:41 AM   
JeniferJuniper


Posts: 22
Joined: 8/22/2006
Status: offline 		She doesnt "sound" like a Domme to me, and I too have my doubts re gender.  No one should rush into any kind of relationship but especially a lifestyle one - and she should know that.

Sounds like a player/fake to me - probably a man.  But you could always call her bluff and say yes to a meet, as long as she pays for flight and accomodation - and no sex/scening, just getting to know each other.

JJ

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You can't always get what you want.... but if you try some time, you just might find - you get what you need.

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RE: A tiny winy little big problem... - 5/23/2007 7:16:56 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		do you live upon the hill?
do you sit very still?

I do like your lyrical name.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

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RE: A tiny winy little big problem... - 5/23/2007 8:15:59 AM   
slavemaia


Posts: 395
Joined: 8/26/2006
Status: offline 		Don't know why you waste your time, her time and ours with this trivel. Hey mate, learn what you want and stand by it. There's enough game players in the world. Why are you talking with her to begin with? You discussed your fantasies, your hobbies, your passion? What on earth for if you had no intention of taking her seriously. Sorry, i just don't get people like you. You think everything and everyone is some online game and then when someone has the audacity to actually think you're serious - well omg - it's please what should i do? Do what any decent person would do and get honest with yourself first and then with her. Stop looking for something for nothing geeesh. Sorry, but this kind of thing really bugs me. People matter.

< Message edited by slavemaia -- 5/23/2007 8:17:04 AM >

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She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.
slave to love - - Chairman's maia

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RE: A tiny winy little big problem... - 5/23/2007 8:52:26 AM   
Calandra


Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeniferJuniper

She doesnt "sound" like a Domme to me, and I too have my doubts re gender.  No one should rush into any kind of relationship but especially a lifestyle one - and she should know that.

Sounds like a player/fake to me - probably a man.  But you could always call her bluff and say yes to a meet, as long as she pays for flight and accomodation - and no sex/scening, just getting to know each other.

JJ


I dislike generalizations: I met My first husband and married him 2 1/2 weeks later. We were married for 12 years, have a beautiful son and are best friends to this day.
 
I met My cubby 8 years ago. He moved from Maryland to South Carolina after 2 1/2 weeks and I love him more and more every day.
 
There are examples of people moving too fast with disastrous consequences, but sometimes knowing someone for five years can also lead to disappointment. The secret is to match your head with your heart and then trust your instincts.

_____________________________

Lady Kathryn
Athens, Ga.
House of Phoenix

"Nothing is ever final until you're dead - and even then I'm sure God negotiates" Anjelica Huston in Everafter

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RE: A tiny winy little big problem... - 5/23/2007 9:00:57 AM   
drawntothedark


Posts: 572
Joined: 10/19/2006
From: Arkansas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: doredevil123

.  To be honnest, I'm not sure how I feel and if I should go on with this...
Can anyone help me on that matter?



Okay, this to me is a big red flag. If your having doubts they certainly need to be addressed. You need to talk with her.

The falling in love in under a week thing is a bit "odd" to me. But I am not prone to deep feelings right out of the gate, so I won't make a judgement about it. However, if it's freaking you out you need to tell her.

Bottom line - you need to do some major communicating. Your not doing yourself or anyone else any favors by saving her feelings.

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RE: A tiny winy little big problem... - 5/23/2007 10:07:27 AM   
doredevil123


Posts: 5
Joined: 1/17/2007
Status: offline 		Thx to everyone for replying, she is a woman sice we saw eachother on a webcam. She didn't ask me for any money or anything and she really seems honnest when we are talking.
I shall take the take the advice of most of you all ^^ :)
Seeing her once to see if we click cannot harm anyone.
Take it slow
Be honest with her and tell her that it should stay casual
And.... that's about it.
I'm kind of happy that she wants to come to London tho... just a bit.... scared to be honnest

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RE: A tiny winy little big problem... - 5/23/2007 10:12:18 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
Being and feeling apprehensive is natural - in any kind of relationship.
Just be 100% clear that meeting her and that her coming to see you in London does not mean you will automatically submit, serve or that anything will definately come of it.  Also - even though you are male and it isn't always thought of - have someone to fall back on - have a safe call and make sure people know where you are and what you are doing.  Meet in a public place and arrange a time for her to come over when you can share something fun together - like an event, a cinema film, dinner - so that you are not restricted to just the submissive and dominant sides of your relationship but that you mingle.
 
Its a huge thing for someone to come see you from so far - but that is her responsibility - do not feel as though you owe her anything for coming.
 
Peace


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

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RE: A tiny winy little big problem... - 5/23/2007 10:48:18 AM   
zerocommazero


Posts: 3
Joined: 4/19/2007
Status: offline 		Just tell her how you feel. Tell her you like talking to her and find her really interesting. But that's it at this time. Tell her you're concerned about what she said and want her to explain. She may have spoken out of hand or used the wrong words to describe how she feels. Putting her on the spot to explain it will tell you what to do next.

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