KeirasSecret
Posts: 415
Joined: 8/17/2006
From: central NH
Status: offline
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This is an edited version of a post I made in another thread. (in blue) It has been edited because originally it was directed to the OP of the other thread. Unfortunately, I was a little late getting there, so by the time I had posted, things had already progressed past the point, where what I had to say held much relevance.
Even though my timing sucked, I thought the topic still held some validity. So I decided to post it as its own thread.
I have learned some very important lessons since I’ve been here; two of which being “why” people are “mean”, and verbal flame control.
The first, which I find the specific answer to, not so important, unless you want to get to know a specific persons reasons, as there are many reasons including, but not limited to; they’re just plain grumpy, had a bad day, don’t like the person they are responding to, don’t like what the person has to say (sometimes this is simply brought on by using a word, or approach, that triggers a bad response in them).
The important part to remember is they all serve a purpose. If they are not giving you information you find useful, perhaps they are showing you what you shouldn’t be doing, or something else.
The second part is most important, once you’ve learned verbal flame control; it is pretty easy to avoid being charbroiled, by most.
Avoid touchy words, around here, some of these would include true and real.
If someone posts something that offends you, make sure you are taking what they said the way they meant it. It helps to ask instead of assuming you know and/or accusing.
Added by another member: Sometimes if things start to get heated it is best to take things off the boards, walk away for a while, or just walk away.
If it appears you have offended someone else, and that was not your intent, make sure you know why/how you offended them, or that you even did, before you try explaining. Again, ask.
I call these practices, depriving the flame of oxygen. There are probably others, but these are all I can think of right now.
When I am trying to communicate, I try to keep in mind, as the person who wants to engage others in conversation; it is my responsibility to make sure my audience understands what I am saying. If they do not, it is my responsibility to re-word in terms they can relate to. Expecting them to try to interpret is unreasonable, and pointing out, “they don’t get it”, tends to irritate.
It amazes me how many people forget, or don’t realize, once you’ve pissed off your audience, they won’t give two shits what your message is. Sometimes, not even after a full box of laxatives!
I also have a protocol I follow:
I will remain courteous to the person(s) I am addressing. If I am unable to remain courteous, I will remain respectful of my Dom and myself. If I am unable to continue a conversation and remain respectful, then I will continue to be respectful by walking away.
So, I am wondering:
Do you find these things to be sound advice?
If not, what part and why?
Is there something you would add?
Also, I have heard the statement, “owning one’s feelings”; what does this mean, exactly?
I have an idea, but I am not sure it is accurate.
Thank you for your time,
k
< Message edited by KeirasSecret -- 5/23/2007 9:31:46 AM >
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It apears to me, the practice of "an eye for an eye" has finally taken it's toll; the majority are now walking around blind.
Bitching; whining in a louder voice.
If the truth hurts, change it!
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Tips in successful communication - 
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