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Negotiating a Divorce Settlement - 5/23/2007 12:09:28 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
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He never knew that after he went to bed and while at work that his wife had a secret life on the internet. One day, she disclosed it all, claiming to have found her "soul mate". They agreed to separate, anticipating a divorce. She had found another and there was nothing he could do or say to keep her. She with her new boyfriend, who she met on CM, left for a weekend in Baja Mexico, giving him three days to leave.
He spent the first day packing his belongings into boxes, crates, and suitcases.

On the second day, he had the movers come and collect his things.

On the third day, he sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When he had finished, he went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. He then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the wife returned with her new boyfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything: cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.

Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local Realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-husband called the woman and asked how things were going.  She told him the saga of the rotting house. He listened politely and said that he missed his old home terribly, and would be willing to increase her divorce settlement by a couple of hundred dollars per month for 3 years in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing her ex-husband had no idea how bad the smell was, she agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if he were to sign the papers that very day.

He agreed and within the hour her lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the woman and her boyfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home...

...including the curtain rods.

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU????
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RE: Negotiating a Divorce Settlement - 5/23/2007 12:12:40 PM   
BeatMeDaily


Posts: 99
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
OMG !!  that is fanastic !!

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It takes all kinds of critters to make Uncle Ben's fritters.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: Negotiating a Divorce Settlement - 5/23/2007 12:25:10 PM   
kauna


Posts: 3
Joined: 5/8/2007
Status: offline
That is deliciously evil, but I absolutely LOVED it!

~kauna~

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: Negotiating a Divorce Settlement - 5/23/2007 9:37:28 PM   
Seda


Posts: 33
Joined: 5/22/2007
Status: offline
Hilarious!

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Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of their best friend.
-- Marcel Achard


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RE: Negotiating a Divorce Settlement - 5/23/2007 11:24:00 PM   
CrazyC


Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline
I love how you added CM into the story. :-D Gave it a great twist.

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"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." Barbara De Angelis

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RE: Negotiating a Divorce Settlement - 5/24/2007 9:37:45 AM   
slaverosebeauty


Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline
{rofl}

I have a few friends to forward that too. One guy is going through a divorce and he wanted a few 'ideas.' {giggles}

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http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to CrazyC)
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