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RE: Parents influence - 6/3/2005 11:10:40 AM   
asyouwishmaster


Posts: 26
Joined: 11/13/2004
Status: offline 		My Dad was very dominant. And my mother very submissive. She would be sure everything was just the way he liked it--always! At one point I remember bath towels that were monogrammed Master and slave. They said they had been given to them as a gift. It was not a structured M/s but it was very much understood who made the decisions and who ruled the roost. Neither of my parents were abusive physically or emotionally. I have no doubt these desires I have were somehow bred into me.

(in reply to Lepidoptera)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Parents influence - 6/3/2005 6:22:22 PM   
SteelBondager


Posts: 86
Joined: 5/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Well, I'm curious. If you don't think it's genetics, you must think it's environment, and if you don't think it's upbringing, you must think it's something ELSE in your environment.


I don't blame you for being curious. I would be too. ;)

Keeping it very short and incomplete:

BDSM found me just before I turned 18. I fell in love with her and her people. I believed in the magic of it all - completely smitten. I charged in and devoted my life to her. I've lived in that world ever since.

My experiences inside her shaped my orientation over time. So, yes, it is my environment. Just not my parents or childhood.

Today, I get to help create that magic and keep it alive.

That's what I like best.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Parents influence - 6/12/2005 8:53:34 PM   
testlimit


Posts: 47
Joined: 6/11/2005
Status: offline 		It's sort of a given that the way your parents (or parental figures, even if it was just the TV couple on your favorite sitcom growing up...) were affects you and you're outlook on life.

It's not a issue of this is the direct cause of that, as the origional poster seems to be implying. It's not a contradiction to say that Person A is dom because they are following in the footsteps of their Dom father where as Person B is sub as a reaction to their equally Dom father. There are alot of factors that play into a person's development. It's not either nature or nurture, it's both. Some people are likely predisposed to developing into a Dom. Does that mean they can't be "forced" into being a sub under the right infulences during their development (and we never really stop development)? no. But their reactions will likely steer them toward dominant behaviour.

Also it isn't all from one source of influence. Every minor experiance, every sight, every sound, everyone around us all the time is influencing us in countless little ways, some we are aware of some we aren't....Hell, we're influenced by things as superficial and inherently meaningless as colors. Think blue....people tend to be soothed by the color blue. Why? Is there anything inherent in the color blue that is more soothing than the color red? No, it's our brain's interpitation of the color that produces the "soothing" effect.


Anyway, didn't mean to go off on a rant there. The point I meant to make is that it's a complex issue and isn't as black and white as it might seem.

(in reply to Kiaban)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Parents influence - 6/12/2005 9:12:18 PM   
tigress31047


Posts: 98
Joined: 4/26/2005
Status: offline 		i don't think my parents played much of a role for me..my father was and still does have a dominating personality but i think that gave me more strentgh than anything else..it taught me how to take care of myself and i think thats a trait a submissive needs. my mother and i are very much alike in many ways but she is not submissive and would probably have a cow if she knew i were..i had a very loving childhood and was always told to follow my dreams and do whatever made me happy. i too have had those fantasies of things from a very young age that i didn't understand until much later in life. when i finally realized there was a name and a lifestyle for what i have always felt was right i was esactic. so no even though my parents played a big role in who i am today i do not think they influenced me being submissive one way or the other

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Parents influence - 6/12/2005 9:27:05 PM   
testlimit


Posts: 47
Joined: 6/11/2005
Status: offline 		actually if anything, what i find curious is the seeming prevalance of, if you'll pardon the phrase, drama queens in the lifestyle. I mean I like poetry and all, but do you really speak in prose in real life? Do you really "long to feel the cold embrace of my Dark Master" etc etc etc.....I mean is that really YOU? or is it just that you think it makes you sound more interesting? Frankly, most of the time that puts me off rather than attracts me. It smacks of mental instablity.
Not everyone. There are a couple of people I've known that were just that way, they were very flamboyant, and it fit with who they were to talk like that, but the prevalance of such "speech" on sites such as this is frankly a little odd in my opinion. I don't mean to imply that there isn't a time and place for that kind of thing...if you're "playing" and you go into some monologue or something, sure that's fine and kind be alot of fun, but as a "look at the real you" it comes off (to me at least) as a little fake.

(in reply to testlimit)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Parents influence - 6/12/2005 10:57:52 PM   
asissyforher


Posts: 228
Joined: 5/20/2005
From: iowa now..maybe move soon.
Status: offline 		hmm parental influence?
sorry. i do not believe my parents had much to do with anything except hold me back. i was given a strict regimen and i have been 50 years..45 anyway...getting shy of it.

i am now, starting to actually find a small happiness for myself. if it were up to my parents, i would still be stuck in the mud of olde world values w/o fun!

thanks
a sissy

_____________________________

"still looking for a real life domme..no more plastic wannabes for me"

(in reply to Kiaban)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Parents influence - 6/14/2005 5:38:56 AM   
masternissan


Posts: 2
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline 		I think my parents played somewhat of a part in my dominating personality. Although ever since I can remember I have been dominate and very hard to control. Eventually my parents gave up and submitted to me which gave me mixed feelings. It felt too easy I wanted them to challenge me that's what made it fun. But, they just went on letting me get my way. I got ill when I was in my teens and things got even worse in respects to their submitance they did everything I told them to. I tell them to buy this they'd do it. and so on and so forth. Eventually I toned down my controlling tendencies so that they were still making decisions concerning themselves but at a young age all control over my life had been handed over to me. And if I wanted them to do something I could still make them do it. I guess because of that I'm so used to controlling people that it's like second nature now. I don't think I could live any other way.

(in reply to asissyforher)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Parents influence - 6/14/2005 3:01:18 PM   
Master609


Posts: 6
Joined: 5/4/2005
Status: offline 		I’ve been reading this thread and would like to inject My 2 cents. Everyone is trying to create an explanation for being submissive or Dominant based on an experience from childhood. First of all it’s My belief that you or Dominant or submissive at birth and some type of experience(s) have brought those feelings out. As a sub it could be the experience of being spanked by Mom &/or Dad that brings out those tendencies and feelings deep down inside. For a Dominant personality those spankings could make that person realize how much they want to do it to someone else and how much they hate having it done to them; it’s all perspective.

Something I have noticed over the years is many of the submissives I have known had jobs with positions of power or decision makers. I can say about 70% already had position or moving toward that rank. It was that career or family that they wanted to forget for a while and give up that power to a Master or FemDom. I think every “vanilla” has the ability to feel that power exchange in some way. I base this on the fact that almost every woman I’ve ever known enjoyed being spanked during sex and many have found something about themselves they never realized.

I think family life influences our feelings, but only shapes us into what we would have already been, maybe just better or worse. I don’t believe because you came from a dysfunctional family this made you a slave or a Dom, shit what family is not dysfunctional. It’s not like there is this perfect book for raising every child born or a perfect parent raising every child or for that matter a perfect situation All humans make mistakes and nobody is perfect, although some of us would like to think so. I do believe our family life shapes who we are and how we feel about ourselves. But because My father was abusive, a Dom or not there at all not is no guarantee I was going to be a Dom. Although My father had a Domineering personality, I was the only son that turned out Dominant. Although My father and I didn’t get along when I was kid he was one of My best friends to the day he died. I can’t think of a time My mother ever seemed submissive in anyway.

Master Michael

(in reply to masternissan)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Parents influence - 6/14/2005 7:47:43 PM   
fourpeas


Posts: 243
Joined: 5/6/2005
Status: offline 		Well, for almost all of us, our parents have influenced almost all of our formative years. So it's only fair that they would have influenced our preferences.

I don't know if it's been a huge influence for me, honestly. The only thing I can think of is how satisfied I felt when I did things to make my mother's life easier, how much it made me feel good to hear her tell me that I was a good daughter and that she appreciated the things I did for her.

Hmmm...

(in reply to Kiaban)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Parents influence - 6/15/2005 5:43:35 PM   
ginger21


Posts: 173
Joined: 4/28/2005
From: Austin, Texas
Status: offline
quote:

As a sub it could be the experience of being spanked by Mom &/or Dad that brings out those tendencies and feelings deep down inside. For a Dominant personality those spankings could make that person realize how much they want to do it to someone else and how much they hate having it done to them; it’s all perspective.


Oh goodness, I know I'm gonna get it for this, but I respectfully diagree, Sir.

I know I have a fondness for older men b/c my father wasn't around while I was growing up. I know I became sexually active very early because I was sexually abused. But I don't think I'm into BDSM for any of those reasons.

Getting spanked by my mother never once made me think about how great it would be to be submissive. Spankings never piqued an interest in BDSM for me. Her ass whoopins made me think "Damn, I better not do that again, 'cause this shit hurts!" I can't imagine that it would work the other way... a boy getting spanked by his father then coming to the realization of how he'd love to spank lil Suzie down the block makes me giggle a bit. ^_^

Once I became sexually active, I realized how much I enjoyed my partner's pleasure, and how little my own mattered. I didn't care if I came, as long as he did and he thoroughly enjoyed our experience together.

I couldn't tell you how much my mother influenced the sexual being that I've become- I think I'd need a psychologist to tell you that. I know of other things that could've effected me, but I don't know about parental input.

_____________________________

My Xanga!
What?
"I looked up,
and I was in your arms, and I knew that I was captured..."

(in reply to asyouwishmaster)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Parents influence - 6/16/2005 9:54:47 AM   
Domin81


Posts: 66
Joined: 5/18/2005
Status: offline 		While our socializations do very much affect us and how we live, I believe that our kink aspects are more of a core thing....and part of our sexuality. Same as some of us like women, some like men and some like both.

_____________________________

El Gordo
http://www.bound2please.com
Quality Toys & Restraints Made in Canada

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 51
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