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relationships - 5/24/2007 4:39:16 AM   
Raknor


Posts: 6
Joined: 1/10/2006
Status: offline 		Ok, I have a couple of questions I'd like to put out there.  The first one is for a general relationship question, but the second is for a Master/slave relationship.  I guess this is the right area to post these questions in.

Ok, first, the general question.  When in any kind of relationship, is it better that the two of you have a lot in common, or do you think that it is better to not have a lot in common?  I've always seen that a relationship lasts longer and is more productive if you don't have a lot in common because you can then share a lot with each other.

Ok, now for the Master/slave question.  In the same sense of having things in common or not, do you think that a girl that wants to be a slave and she has stated that she is here for the pleasures of men, that it should not even matter if she has anything that is common with him?  I mean, she is there for the pleasure of men...in a manner of speaker, her Master.  What does it matter if they have anything in common or not, he and she are not there for the pursuit of vanilla things.  She should be there to please him and to learn how to please him by learning to accept what he likes and dislikes.  Sure, she should receive pleasure, but only at orders of her Master.  What do you all think?

Raknor
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: relationships - 5/24/2007 4:52:54 AM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		Just as there are different types of dominants (and I see how well THAT went last night), there are also different types of submissives (or what these different types are interested in receiving from their relationship).

One type wants a 'relationship' in the traditional sense.  They want to serve and please, but they also have the 'needs' of what any relationship would bring their way.  Compatibility is more of an issue here, but whether that is complementary or not is going to be up to the couple.  In reading that I'm doing now, there is a case for the 'opposites attracting', but certainly that is a matter of opinion.

The other type want their relationship to be more formal.  Their preference would be for a dominant who holds the interest in them 'at arms length', so to speak.  Their focus is on their own performance, as well as the focus on the needs of their dominant partner.  They might or might not be less apt to have deep feelings for their partner, but their expectations of receiving are not as high as the first type.  From reading profiles of this type, I get the impression that having a dominant who is more accustomed to traditional relationships and shows feelings in that manner is not what they find attractive in a dominant.  They seem more interested in polar opposites.

From my viewpoint.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to Raknor)
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RE: relationships - 5/24/2007 4:53:36 AM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Raknor

Ok, I have a couple of questions I'd like to put out there.  The first one is for a general relationship question, but the second is for a Master/slave relationship.  I guess this is the right area to post these questions in.

Ok, first, the general question.  When in any kind of relationship, is it better that the two of you have a lot in common, or do you think that it is better to not have a lot in common?  I've always seen that a relationship lasts longer and is more productive if you don't have a lot in common because you can then share a lot with each other.  My vanilla husband and I have about an equal number of things in comman as not in common.  I love that we have games in common and we play a lot of them.  He plays one game I can't seem to grasp so he's gone one night a week playing that with others who get it....that gives me that night for me.

Ok, now for the Master/slave question.  In the same sense of having things in common or not, do you think that a girl that wants to be a slave and she has stated that she is here for the pleasures of men, that it should not even matter if she has anything that is common with him?  I mean, she is there for the pleasure of men...in a manner of speaker, her Master.  What does it matter if they have anything in common or not, he and she are not there for the pursuit of vanilla things.  She should be there to please him and to learn how to please him by learning to accept what he likes and dislikes.  Sure, she should receive pleasure, but only at orders of her Master.  What do you all think?

I think this logic is terribly flawed. If you want a mute who aimlessly follows orders and never does anything but that..then fine.  Personally I can't imagine having my slave learn to "love" everything I do.  I can't imagine stripping anyone of things that have been inside them for years...like maybe a love of running.  It will be a cold day in hell before I go running...but my slave enjoys that.  What purpose would it serve to take that away?  If I have no commonalities with my slave what exactly are we supposed to bond over?  Can one really feel a connection with NO commonalities at first?  Or are you suggesting that the purpose of a slave is to be seen and not heard and lives only to do everything the master says without a mind a thought or a need?  If my slave really really doesn't enjoy something I do, I would most likely make him exempt from doing that thing.  My "job" is not to make him miserable. 
 
My job...to help him thrive, grow, learn, expand; to help him be the very best he can be in all of life...not just in serving me.  Without interests, a personality or a life I'd be terribly bored with him.  I've said this before....a snivelling pile of jello in the corner is absolutely useless to me is as a sycophant. 
 
I want to see my ward happy, fulfilled, loved, wanted, needed, enjoyed, educated.  I want to see his wings spread and I want him to eat up everything life has to offer him....with my guidance.


Raknor


_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

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RE: relationships - 5/24/2007 4:57:06 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Raknor
What do you all think?


I think you have a lot yet to learn...and I don't mean that in a way that is condescending. When seeking a relationship a person should not be seeking to find extra arms or pleasing sexual body parts and assume there will not be a head attached to those extra parts. For a relationship to be healthy there has to be two (or more) INDIVIDUAL people involved. There must be enough in common for a foundation....and enough differences for them to maintain their own identities and not become mere appendages.

I once had a man I was counseling who was in a failing relationship say to me "You know what the problem is? My wife has a mind of her own. She has her own thoughts, her own opinions, her own likes and dislikes." I said "really?...and you would prefer that she had a mind of what?....Yours? Wouldn't that get pretty boring fast?"

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 5/24/2007 5:00:16 AM >

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: relationships - 5/24/2007 5:08:35 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

Ok, first, the general question.  When in any kind of relationship, is it better that the two of you have a lot in common, or do you think that it is better to not have a lot in common?  I've always seen that a relationship lasts longer and is more productive if you don't have a lot in common because you can then share a lot with each other.
Depends on your relationship.  I have a huge amount in common with my partner - and at the same time we have seperate interests but we share interest in each others seperate interests.  Just because you do not do the same as your partner, does not mean you do not support each other.
quote:

 
Ok, now for the Master/slave question.  In the same sense of having things in common or not, do you think that a girl that wants to be a slave and she has stated that she is here for the pleasures of men, that it should not even matter if she has anything that is common with him?  I mean, she is there for the pleasure of men...in a manner of speaker, her Master.  What does it matter if they have anything in common or not, he and she are not there for the pursuit of vanilla things.  She should be there to please him and to learn how to please him by learning to accept what he likes and dislikes.  Sure, she should receive pleasure, but only at orders of her Master.  What do you all think?

I believe that your words are conveying that you assume a s-type doesn't think for him/herself when they are in a relationship.  Also - any realtionship will pursue vanilla things, unless you are not a Master, but a Top - because on the whole - in the grand scheme of things - in a stable long term relationship - sex,scening and the bedroom isn't all that exists.  She might like stamp collecting - will you never buy her stamps as a treat?  Never spoil her or reward her when she is pleasing?  Are you never going to support her in her endeavours, but expect her to support yours?  In which case you want a robot  or plastic doll, not a slave.
 
Peace


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to Raknor)
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RE: relationships - 5/24/2007 5:22:22 AM   
subsfaith


Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline 		I think there is no one way for either answer.  Sometimes opposites attract, and other times people have lots in common.

Faith
:: smiles ::

(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: relationships - 5/24/2007 6:06:54 AM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		Re General Relationship Question:

Depends on the people and how much time they actually want to spend together I suppose. if the two people involved had too many differing interests, I can't imagine them having much of a 'relate-shionship'.

Re Master/slave question:

One of the nicests comments anyone ever made about me was that I was "very adaptable to circumstance'. Saying that though, I have lived life and have picked up interests through my experiences, I think these contribute to the Master/slave relationship I am in even though they are very different from perhaps anything Master would have deemed an "interest' before. There are interests that I have had that Ive dropped because they don't suit Master, I don't see it as any loss, my main priority is him. There are lots of things Master is interested in that I have had to develop an interest in to be an effective slave, sometimes that has been hard I have to admit, like sitting there listening to him talk about cars which I have no interest or clue about can be challenging, yet I want to be attentive because he is sharing soemthing with me. I recall one time, while watching a war movie Master making comments and expecting me to respond and all I could come out with was " i dont understand, I'm a girl I dont understand war or violence and i dont want too and I dont like watching it". I mentioned that because your expectation of a slave was more like a preprogrammed robot who can just take on their Masters likes..and even me "miss adapatable' cant take on all Masters likes, no matter how I try....and thats perfectly ok.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

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Profile   Post #: 7
RE: relationships - 5/24/2007 6:17:45 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Raknor

Ok, I have a couple of questions I'd like to put out there.  The first one is for a general relationship question, but the second is for a Master/slave relationship.  I guess this is the right area to post these questions in.

Ok, first, the general question.  When in any kind of relationship, is it better that the two of you have a lot in common, or do you think that it is better to not have a lot in common?  I've always seen that a relationship lasts longer and is more productive if you don't have a lot in common because you can then share a lot with each other.
Having things in common in any type relationship makes things alot easier and productive than if no common ground.

Ok, now for the Master/slave question.  In the same sense of having things in common or not, do you think that a girl that wants to be a slave and she has stated that she is here for the pleasures of men, that it should not even matter if she has anything that is common with him?  I mean, she is there for the pleasure of men...in a manner of speaker, her Master.  What does it matter if they have anything in common or not, he and she are not there for the pursuit of vanilla things.  She should be there to please him and to learn how to please him by learning to accept what he likes and dislikes.  Sure, she should receive pleasure, but only at orders of her Master.  What do you all think?

Depends on what kind of slave you are seeking and what kind of slave you get. Do you really want a slave that has no common ground or values and just is there? Maybe you do. I am there to please Master but not just physically. We have alot more to our relationship than just sexual pleasure. If that is what you are looking for than so be it. Doesn't work for us. I am his slave but I am also a person. I do have feelings, thoughts etc and he treats me as such. There are many different kinds of slaves. On definition does not apply to all.  We have vanilla interests as well as those in the lifestyle. Our relationship is not just based on the physical aspect of the M/s relationship.

Raknor


_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

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RE: relationships - 5/24/2007 6:56:25 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Raknor

Ok, first, the general question.  When in any kind of relationship, is it better that the two of you have a lot in common, or do you think that it is better to not have a lot in common?
 
if Daddy and i didn't have anything in common , we wouldn't be still together today.  we do have our differences however it's our similar tastes and/or interests which keeps this relationship going strong besides constant communication.

quote:

I've always seen that a relationship lasts longer and is more productive if you don't have a lot in common because you can then share a lot with each other.

that's your opinion - like it's mine to say starting a relationship with nothing in common is a recipe for disaster.  i cannot be in a relationship if i don't have any in common with the other person which makes conversation and/or meeting them very stale.



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...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

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RE: relationships - 5/24/2007 7:06:46 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Raknor
Ok, first, the general question.  When in any kind of relationship, is it better that the two of you have a lot in common, or do you think that it is better to not have a lot in common?  I've always seen that a relationship lasts longer and is more productive if you don't have a lot in common because you can then share a lot with each other.

Hmm but if you have a lot in common, then can't you share those things together as well?

I think it's less a matter of degree and more how the commonalities/uncommonalities fit with both people to make a fulfilled whole relationship. 
quote:


Ok, now for the Master/slave question.  In the same sense of having things in common or not, do you think that a girl that wants to be a slave and she has stated that she is here for the pleasures of men, that it should not even matter if she has anything that is common with him?  I mean, she is there for the pleasure of men...in a manner of speaker, her Master.  What does it matter if they have anything in common or not, he and she are not there for the pursuit of vanilla things.  She should be there to please him and to learn how to please him by learning to accept what he likes and dislikes.  Sure, she should receive pleasure, but only at orders of her Master.  What do you all think?

Raknor

I think it depends on what you want.  If you want someone you can be with socially and enjoy for more than just manual labor and service, you're dead wrong.  If you want someone primarily for service and labor, then you're right on track.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: relationships - 5/24/2007 7:20:32 AM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline 		In terms of relationships in general.  Yes, opposites do attract one another at times.  However, opposites also tend to have communication problems and issues of conflict.  The less two people have in common, chances are the relationship won't last long.

Relationships were two people share a lot of things in common, tend to communication better, understand one another and have less conflict.  These relationships tend to last longer.  

Now onto Master/slave relationships.  

slavejali was dead on about being adaptive.  If a prospective slave and I don't appear to have a lot in common, I really want to know and explore how adaptive she is.  Also, I don't guage activities as being the defining factor in what a person has in common with me.  I focus upon what's in common in terms of personality, mindset and temperments.

While opposites do attract, it can be the perfect workings for a nightmare relationship full of conflict and drama that badly ends like a Shakespearean play.

(in reply to Raknor)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: relationships - 5/24/2007 7:56:32 AM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		In general, BDSM aside, I've found people who have common ground, but are quite different in some respects, get along quite well. Having two assertive people together could create a lot of sparks,  or two passives might find themselves lacking motivational drive with eachother. Yet leisure activities, things you wish to do together should be a common interest.
An extream sports hobbiest and a homebody probably won't be able to enjoy their favorite things together often(who knows maybe the home body becomes an adrenaline junky!) but that too doesn't always mean unworkable. It's really quite situational, because that delicate balance of common interests, and individuality needs to fit the individuals who are together. Some people enjoy being two halves of a whole all the time, some like to distinguish their individuality by doing things on their own, or with friends, outside the relationship.

I have no idea about slaves, I don't truely grasp the fullness of the desire to be a slave, I am a submissive personality, but my degree of submission acknowledges I have a strong personality, and I want my individuality, as a companion and an intelligent person to be sated inside a relationship, as well as my desire to serve. I think slaves, just as much as anyone else have wants or likes, it may be their designation and choice to put those aside in favor of the Master, but ultimately, that's their choice to make when they enter into the relationship as far as I see it. Before comitting, expectations should be clear, from BOTH sides.

(in reply to Raknor)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: relationships - 5/24/2007 4:05:14 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Raknor
Ok, first, the general question.  When in any kind of relationship, is it better that the two of you have a lot in common, or do you think that it is better to not have a lot in common?  I've always seen that a relationship lasts longer and is more productive if you don't have a lot in common because you can then share a lot with each other.
quote:



My experiance is common is best with adaptabliliy running hand in hand with it.
Many times what we first find unique will wear us down and the relationship will fail.


quote:

Ok, now for the Master/slave question.  In the same sense of having things in common or not, do you think that a girl that wants to be a slave and she has stated that she is here for the pleasures of men, that it should not even matter if she has anything that is common with him?  I mean, she is there for the pleasure of men...in a manner of speaker, her Master.  What does it matter if they have anything in common or not, he and she are not there for the pursuit of vanilla things.  She should be there to please him and to learn how to please him by learning to accept what he likes and dislikes.  Sure, she should receive pleasure, but only at orders of her Master.  What do you all think?

Raknor


I think you need to ask yourself what kind of relationship you want!
Do you want a Sub you can enjoy a Nilla life with also? 
Or are you only looking for sex?
If you want a blend like many of us are seeking then revert back to the first question.




_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

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Profile   Post #: 13
RE: relationships - 5/24/2007 4:42:36 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		I do not get into relationships based on what I have in common with someone.  I look for them to have the character strengths that I admire.  For me it is the character of the person that makes me desire a relationship with them and having activities in common is just the icing on the cake.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: relationships - 5/24/2007 5:01:35 PM   
ready4srvce4all


Posts: 767
Joined: 3/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Raknor
Ok, first, the general question.  When in any kind of relationship, is it better that the two of you have a lot in common, or do you think that it is better to not have a lot in common?  I've always seen that a relationship lasts longer and is more productive if you don't have a lot in common because you can then share a lot with each other.
The problem I have with this question is what your definition of "lot" is.  I feel there has to be a core area compatability along with acceptance of the imcompatabilities.  Otherwise, what could have possibly drawn the two together in the first place, outside of a physical want? Differences are great, but they have to be things that aren't offensive to the other party.  I really would find it hard to believe a person who is a vegan/spca/peta follower could be in a productive relationship with a hunting/trapping/meat at all meals type.  Impossible, no.....likely to work?  I can't see it, not for a lengthy time.  So it's not so much the likes and differences, or their numbers, I think it's in what has to be, and what can be accepted.


Ok, now for the Master/slave question.  In the same sense of having things in common or not, do you think that a girl that wants to be a slave and she has stated that she is here for the pleasures of men, that it should not even matter if she has anything that is common with him?  I mean, she is there for the pleasure of men...in a manner of speaker, her Master.  What does it matter if they have anything in common or not, he and she are not there for the pursuit of vanilla things.  She should be there to please him and to learn how to please him by learning to accept what he likes and dislikes.  Sure, she should receive pleasure, but only at orders of her Master.  What do you all think?
I will just give my initial gut reaction on this.  Ummm.....just how much pleasure can be had in a day?  At some point, someone is sick, cranky, can't get it up, has a headache, or just plain feels like watching the television.  What then?

Raknor


_____________________________



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RE: relationships - 5/24/2007 5:32:30 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Ok you are forgetting that while the slave wishes to please the Master she has to be getting something fulfilling from it in order for her to want to stick around. They are not robots that do nothing but serve... and not all sub/slaves are willing to do everything in fact many have limits and many chose to find Masters who share those same limits so that they are able to give everything the Master wants to that Master. Me and Master have the same limits and there for I have no limits when with him and can do everything he wishes to make him happy. If we had nothing in comon well i woudlnt really enjoy spending time with him and we would most likely clash and there for in your theory Id be doing everything the Master wants weather or not it was a common interest, I know I for one would get very unhappy in that relationship very fast. Master loves breast play if I didnt also enjoy it well id be very unhappy very fast.

you seem to be under the impression that M/s is a one way street and a one sided relationship in your theary it is 2 people working for the happyness of one and the other one doesnt matter... but I think in most relationships its 2 ways with both people working so that both parties are happy or soon youll find yourself as a party of one once again.

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to ready4srvce4all)
Profile   Post #: 16
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