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My first experince wit D/s and BDSM - 5/24/2007 3:19:49 PM   
Shylahgirl


Posts: 167
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline 		My first "experience" with D/s and BDSM was not that good.

I met a guy, who shal remain nameless, at a club. We hung out a bit... all night and all day... during that time he told my friend and I about, what he knew as BDSM and D/s. By the way he learn what he knows ifrom a stage show in California *roles her eyes*. But being 18 and not knowing really anythiung about kink, except that the books were hot, I believed everything he said.

This guy was a really good talker and made everything sound great. (kind of like people in BDSM chat rooms... where he spent a lot of time by the way)

My friend and I agreed to be his "slaves"... the first day it was exciting and kind of fun... until that night when he tied me down, which I said he could do, then when I was tied down the blindfolded me, gaged me, put sucker things on my nipples, put ice down my pants making me look wet, then took a picture... he didn't have consent for any of that. Even if he did have my verbal "ok", he didn't have my informed consent on any of it.

I fell horrible and used after that (even thought there was no sex) but kept going.

As time went on he decided to explain to me my place. Although my friend and I started at the same time, sense I was more docile and seemed more submissive, he said that no matter how many people were involved in the relationship I would always be at the "bottom of the totem pole". He was "Alpha" and I was "omega" everyone else was in between. On the other had he was going to "train"my friend to be a domme... in his opinion that a dom/domme is superior to a sub/slave.

During that time I fucked him maybe twice... It wasn't that good by the way... I was half asleep when he started fucking me and I could hardly feel it.

He told us stories of the stage show he was in... he started as a submissive, but when a friend said, "I can't picture you as a sub." he became a "master"... I now know that that's more of an insult then a complement, he thinks it's the greatest thing to be thought of that way *roles eyes again*

Eventually he "got" two other subs... both of which are nuts... one of them treated me like a kid (she was like 30)... the other treated me like I was a worthless peace of shit cuz I was the "omega".

The one who refred to me as "omega" would boss me around and yell at me when I didn't do what the "master" wanted... saying shit like, "Your only reason for being here is to please him.... you are omega he is Alpha... you do as he says or I'll punish you my self!"

I was told to wait on everyone... including my friend... she even started to treat me like they did when we were around them.

This lasted a grand total of a month to a month and a half... off and on... I was still living with my parents.

Eventually I said, "fuck this... I deserve better" and left.

At that point I was so put out but that experience that I decided that BDSM wasn't for me. Or at least, I didn't want to be a sub, cuz from my first experience that was degrading and made me feel bad.

It wasn't until about 3 or 4 months latter that I met my current Master. I have now been is "retainer" or girl for over a year in a half... it will be 2 years in October. What I have experienced between now and then is completely different... although Master wants the same things, he just asks for it instead of demanding it, I feel happier and freer then I ever did with that other fuck. With exception of the "Alpha" and "omega" thing... Master doesn't think that a dom or sub is better or worse then the other, which is what I thought before I met the other fuck... that's what it seemed like in the books (the sleeping beauty books and exit to eden by Anne Rice.) Dom and sub weren't equal, but balanced and were in the roles by choice (with exception of the beauty books)

Meeting my current Master freed me. Meeting the first fuck made me feel imprisoned.

Funny little note: The first fuck came to a community play party once, that Master and I were attending... now keep in mind in Utah we have a very close tight community.

I heard from a friend that while sitting out on the smoking porch, the other fuck told several active community members very loudly that I was his girl (as in currently at that time). this was maybe 5 in half months or more that I had been with my current Master.

Keep in mind that I was not present for this... if I had been he would have been kicked out of the party.

He hasn't been around sense then. I think people didn't give him the reception he felt a "master" like him deserved.

That was me... now it's your turn... tell your story

Shylah

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RE: My first experince wit D/s and BDSM - 5/24/2007 3:48:05 PM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		I was invited to a party with a goth friend of mine. I had no clue it was an invitation only play party. But, I strolled in there looking all of 17, braces and all. (I knew the bouncer, so he said I could stay as long as I didn't cause any trouble.) Well, anyway, the Dominants were all courteous, but curious. I'm sure they assumed I was 21, since I made it by the bouncer.
 
My friend basically abandoned me to the wolves, so to speak, when a lovely Domina looked his direction. lol But, after a while, the Dominants were starting to get a bit cloying...I was getting ready to leave when a man walked up to me and handed me a black silk hankie. He said, "Put this around your neck with the initials showing and they will leave you alone." I was SOOOO impressed. The crowd parted like the Red Sea when I approached the bar. The Dominants looked at me, then at my neck, then had something else to do. It was great!
 
I talked to Him more through the evening and He had never been confused about my age, merely, courteous by not pointing out my obvious lie. And, with the simple "collar" He had sought to remove me from some who might be tempted to look past the legalities of playing with me.
 
He never touched me until my 18th birthday, but I was allowed to wear His "collar" to parties I attended. I was officially collared on my birthday and it was a wonderful romp through the world of BDSM and D/s with the companionship of experienced people. It was a wonderful time in my life.
 
It could have been a disastrous time, though...looking back, I'm horrified. But, there's no need to worry about it now. It all turned out fine for me...but I'm sure there are others who have horror stories. And, actually, I'm sure of that because I've seen them.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to Shylahgirl)
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RE: My first experince wit D/s and BDSM - 5/24/2007 4:14:29 PM   
Faramir


Posts: 1043
Joined: 2/12/2005
Status: offline 		You know Shylahgirl, it's great that you're all happy now with your current Master.  That being said, investing a lot of energy into badmouthing another person just makes you look like a resentful person with an axe to grind.  Each "And here's another dig at this person," meant to vindicate your position, is instead a reflection on your commitment to harbouring resentment, and to score-keeping.  That was an ugly, spiteful, and mean-spirited story.

My first experience with D/s was with my sister's roomate at boarding school.  She'd come into Boston, we'd hook up, and she'd "provoke" me until I spanked her, and then later those spankings would be followed by using her mouth.  She was a Japanese national being eductaed in the US, very quiet and shy until she knew you, and then was kinda wild.  For a while my D/s experiences followed that sort of bratty or SAM-y model, until as a young Marine Cpl. I realized I was connecting sexually through responsorial D/s (responding to provocation), but not able to connect emotionally.

It wasn't until I was home on leave from the Philippines, somewhat crazed and desperate from a year of self-imposed celibacy, that I met my first "pleaser."

It was all good after that.



_____________________________

True masters, true subs and slaves, X many years in the lifestyle, Old Guard this and High Protocol that--it's like a convention of D&D nerds were allowed to have sex once, and they decided to make a religion out of it.

(in reply to spanklette)
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RE: My first experince wit D/s and BDSM - 5/24/2007 4:14:59 PM   
RationalBohemian


Posts: 5
Joined: 4/14/2007
From: Seminole, FL
Status: offline 		I don't think I ever had a "first experience" with BDSM.  My first sexual relationships had D/s themes to them without me really knowing that there was anything unusual about it.  What others might see as kink just seemed like foreplay to me.  I was fascinated by the dynamics of control, and nothing got me more turned on than when the girl I was with was pushed past the point of rationality by lustful desire.

About a month into the relationship I was tying her to a chair, blindfolding her, and then creeping around silently assaulting her from random directions with varying degrees of sensation.  A featherlike fingertip across the lips, the raking of nails down the ribs, an ice cube drawn down between the breasts followed by hot breath.

Even later I would have her lie perfectly still, eyes closed.  I would do much the same, but without physical restraints, slapping her hand away if she tried to touch me in return.  I controlled the pacing, I controlled the mood, I controlled.  I controlled, but it was all about her, really.  She was the focus of my attention, the muse for my sexual creativity.  I'm just lucky that my first was patient enough and experimental enough to play these improvisational sex games with me.

(in reply to spanklette)
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RE: My first experince wit D/s and BDSM - 5/24/2007 5:20:19 PM   
flowerinyourhand


Posts: 18
Joined: 8/31/2006
Status: offline 		Though I've always been somewhat submissive my realization of it came very slowly...I tried to bring it into vanilla relationships with disasterous results (usually the man taking advantage of my nature and hurting my feelings).

It was last summer...I was hurt over a previous relationship and was looking for a lover on AFF when I was contacted by a nice guy. I checked his profile and it said he was a dominant, we chatted a bit and he seemed really nice. We went out to dinner and I expressed an interest in submisison...we decided to give it a go.  At first it was very nice, but we didn't see each other very often...then I mistakenly said something wrong one night, but I didn't know it was wrong and he decided I needed to be punished because I should have known better.

So...at our second session, he took his belt to me, 10 strokes full force on a rear end that had never been struck before other than playfully.  The marks he left both on my mind and body were alarming. We called it off shortly after but I was hooked on the mental aspect of submission and finally got up the courage to search for a Dom to belong to.

Now, less than a year later I'm hapilly owned....I count myself very lucky.

star

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RE: My first experince wit D/s and BDSM - 5/24/2007 5:24:12 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		My first experience with bdsm type play was in my first marriage. The sex was the best part of that marriage lol. Funny hey, he used to even lead me around on a leash sometimes in public, and the words slave or bdsm never ever were mentioned. Becasue of the "stuff" the marriage was made of, I equated that kinda stuff with abuse for awhile after I left, it was an interesting transition for me to actually enter into a Master/slave relationship, I had to come to terms with the fact I "loved" elements of that abusive relationship but it didnt need to be abusive if that made sense. The only difference I came to in defining a Master/slave relationship and the intensity I like in relationship and play and an abusive relationship is your partners self-control and sense of self,  being well established or not.

Our past experiences are all growing opportunities hey?

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"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to RationalBohemian)
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RE: My first experince wit D/s and BDSM - 5/24/2007 5:26:29 PM   
subsnow


Posts: 152
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline 		my first experience with BDSM was very simple but enjoyable. It was a one night thing with a Dom that i met here on collarme. He ran a local munch and was very involved in the local BDSM community. He had been active in the lifestyle for many years and was quite a bit older than me. We talked for a while and then He picked me up and brought me to His house.

When i got there He made me kneel in front of Him. He told me that i would call Him Sir for the night. He asked me to lift my hands up so He could put some rope around my wrists. He took it very slowly making sure that i felt comfortable and safe the whole time. After lightly binding my hands and showing me a few things with the rope, He turned me around and bound them behind my back. He pulled me close to Him and started rubbing His hands over my body. After seeing that i was very aroused, He took me to His bedroom. He unbound me and made me undress. Then He bound my forearms to my calves so that i couldn't move. He started teasing me until i couldn't take it anymore. Then He undid the rope and had me lay on my stomach across the bed. i was still VERY new to BDSM and had never felt the sting of a crop or the thud of a heavy flogger. He showed me the many tools that He had and lightly swatted me with them to show me the difference. It was basically an introduction to S&M. i loved it and thoroughly enjoyed every minute. When He was done, i thanked Him, got dressed, and He took me home. We talked for a couple of weeks afterwards until i met the first Dom who took me as His own.

< Message edited by subsnow -- 5/24/2007 5:33:22 PM >

(in reply to RationalBohemian)
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RE: My first experince wit D/s and BDSM - 5/24/2007 5:27:24 PM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		I have to agree with RB...this kinda sounded like a bitching session and while you "were not naming names" everyone in your local real time community knows who you are referring to should they see this post. 

I can't say I have a definitive moment.  The BEST moment early on was when I met John....*S* such a wonderful caring Dominant.  He treated me beautifully in my submissive moments to him and in our day to day vanilla time as well.  Not too much to say beyond I will love him til my dying day and he's my second child's equivalent of a godfather, if I were catholic and his picture resides on the dresser in my bedroom.  He touched me that much and still does, even in his absence to this day.

Hum...now I miss him more damn it.

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to RationalBohemian)
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RE: My first experince wit D/s and BDSM - 5/24/2007 5:48:11 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I'm one of those chickies who found out online, so my first full bdsm experience was completely of my own making with a date I met online.  I'd tried to get guys to force me down and tie me up and stuff, but it never got very far and it wasn't a big deal to me (I was a horny inexperienced teen, just fucking was more than novel enough for me).

The first date was exciting and calming, like coming home.  THe guy himself was a dork and I didn't see him again, but I knew it was something right for me.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to earthycouple)
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RE: My first experince wit D/s and BDSM - 5/24/2007 6:19:17 PM   
subsnow


Posts: 152
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline 		i posted my first experience with BDSM but i'd also like to talk about my second experience. It didn't go as well as the first. i met a Dom online and we seemed to connect. He told me that He was polyamorous and had a slave already. i talked to Him for a while and eventually became His candidate (before sub and slave, He had levels). It was a LDR so i talked to Him online for about 3 months before meeting Him in person.

When it came time to meet, i paid for my ticket and the other slave's ticket as well as the hotel room. i was still a virgin at that point and He had given me the choice of whether i wanted Him to take my virginity alone or if i wanted the slave involved. i told Him that i would prefer it if He took my virginity alone. We were going to do a sort of ceremony before the slave arrived but He decided that He would wait until the next time that we met to do it so that He could take His time.

When the slave arrived we went to a couple of sex shops and looked at the toys. When we got back to the hotel He bound me, blindfolded me, and put earplugs in. Then He tested out the crop and flogger on me. i was a masochist but the slave was not so He was very pleased. After that, He made me sit there while He had sex with His slave. Then we went out and He told me a little bit more of what He expected. When we got home we took a shower. i learned how to undress and wash Him. After showering we all went to sleep.

In the middle of the night my Dom wanted me to give Him a BJ which i did. It was so good that He wanted to fuck me so He woke His slave up. He had me give her oral while He fucked me from behind. i was so furious. He told me that He would take my virginity alone but then He involved His slave. It didn't last long and i didn't cum. i was very disappointed. i suppose i could have told Him no but it all happened so fast and i was so groggy that i didn't have a chance to think things out.

He only had sex with me one more time while i was there with Him and, again, it wasn't very good. There were several times where i had to sit on the end of the bed facing away from Him while He had sex with the slave. i didn't think it was fair but i had no idea what to do. i wanted to be respectful and i figured that my Dom had the right to do whatever He wanted but i had paid for Him and i to meet, not so that He could see His slave again.

His slave was supposed to take the bus back home a day before i flew out. my Dom decided that He would drive her back home Himself. i had to sit in the backseat while they cooed at each other in the front. All i could think about was the fact that this was the time that i was supposed to be getting to know my Dom better alone. i was livid. We drove 5 hours there, dropped her off, then drove 5 hours back. We drove all night with no sleep. i was supposed to leave the next morning to fly back home. He wouldn't let me sleep on the way back because i had to make sure that He stayed awake and i had to make sure to wake Him up when He took naps. i could barely keep my eyes open. When we got back, He dropped me right off at the airport. We were cutting it close with time. i was so tired. i was afraid that i wasn't going to get home because i kept falling asleep in the chair waiting for my flight to be called.

i ended up asking Him to release me shortly afterwards. He had broken my trust and, as much as i tried, i couldn't bring myself to trust Him again. He was very broken up about it and admitted that He had made a mistake. He told me that i would miss Him and would regret leaving Him. i did miss some part of Him for a little while but i got over it quickly. Every now and then i will talk to Him or His slave. We are still on speaking terms. i learned a lot about myself and about what i was looking for in a Dom. A while later i met J and i'm madly in love with Him now.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: My first experince wit D/s and BDSM - 5/24/2007 6:25:53 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		My first experience was wonderful.  And the person who gave it to me is still a good friend.  We talked a lot before we had a physical relationship and were good friends before we did anything.  It was exciting, scary, warm, so many things and I will always think of it and him fondly.

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“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to subsnow)
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RE: My first experince wit D/s and BDSM - 5/24/2007 6:27:22 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subsnow
His slave was supposed to take the bus back home a day before i flew out. my Dom decided that He would drive her back home Himself. i had to sit in the backseat while they cooed at each other in the front. All i could think about was the fact that this was the time that i was supposed to be getting to know my Dom better alone. i was livid. We drove 5 hours there, dropped her off, then drove 5 hours back. We drove all night with no sleep. i was supposed to leave the next morning to fly back home. He wouldn't let me sleep on the way back because i had to make sure that He stayed awake and i had to make sure to wake Him up when He took naps. i could barely keep my eyes open. When we got back, He dropped me right off at the airport. We were cutting it close with time. i was so tired. i was afraid that i wasn't going to get home because i kept falling asleep in the chair waiting for my flight to be called.

Wow I'd always hoped I was the only one to have had to endure situations like that...I so feel for you and am glad you're in a better place now.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to subsnow)
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RE: My first experince wit D/s and BDSM - 5/24/2007 6:28:33 PM   
switchdidi


Posts: 3
Joined: 5/13/2007
Status: offline 		At this point in my life, most of my relationships were short-lived and mostly didn't completely satisfy me.  I have a large, extroverted personality,but very little people would know that deep down, i wanted to be used... lol.  Previous relationships in my teens were some odd form of submission, but not in a positive light..., so for a while, I pretty much took charge and didn't give a $#I+!

My first scene was about two months ago.  My Doms contacted me on AFF.  I read their profile and started to read more about the lifestyle.  I talked to them on the phone for a few weeks, asked questions like crazy, and eventually had my first scene with them in their bedroom.  Completely turned me out... and there's no turning back for me.  They eased me into it, but trust me, i had some marks that lasted a good week.. lol. They respect my limits, very into safety protocols, and understand my needs and wants, including my Dom side lol.  Their Dominance has helped me a lot.

I know there are many bad people out there, like Shylahgirl's first "dom", but they're mentoring me & i feel fortunate to have found them.  I look forward to more exploration into the lifestyle!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: My first experince wit D/s and BDSM - 5/24/2007 6:35:27 PM   
Trampler


Posts: 580
Joined: 12/31/2006
Status: offline 		Well have yet to have a D/s experience. But my 1st flogging session was wonderful.  Sir A. had like 20-30 floggers, of varying lengths, sizes and materials.  I didn't go into headspace, but then I didn't want to, wanted to consciously enjoy every moment.

(in reply to subsnow)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: My first experince wit D/s and BDSM - 5/26/2007 11:43:45 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		Wow.  I think about that "first" experience often.  About 8 years ago, I became friendly with the mother of one of my friend's son's in day care.  As we got to know each other, she told me that she had once worked as a professional Dominatrix.  She told me some stories, which I found fascinating, but not necessarily something I was interested in trying.  As a joke, she gave me a deer skin flogger (which I still have).

As a single parent, a social life can sometimes be a bit difficult.  The computer ended up being my predominant form of communication, but I didn't get many IM's and couldn't (still can't) follow chat rooms.  I decided to create a screen name that might entice people into messaging me.  Well, I certainly mananged to come up with a name that had my computer filling with more IM's than I could handle.  I ended up talking at length with someone who was very into spanking (among other things).  We talked for weeks on the computer and one night while my son was out, I invited him over, warning him that nothing was likely to happen. (yes, I am well aware that doing something like that violates all safety rules, but it seemed like a good idea at the time).

Anyway,  he came over, and we were just sitting on the couch talking and having a couple of drinks.  We kissed a little and he kept asking me to let him spank me, promising that if I didn't like it he would stop.  Well, with pure alcohol bravery, I finally said ok.  I layed across his lap, and he gently lifted my skirt, stroked my butt (creeped his fingers a bit lower as well, hee hee).  The first smack of his hand shocked the hell out of me.  Not because he hurt me, but because it felt so damn good!  After a few moments, I had to beg him to stop because he had me so turned on, I probably would have done just about anything he asked (I enjoy sex way too much if there is such a thing), and I just didn't want to have sex with him at that point.

Since that first metting with him 8 years ago, we still talk almost daily, and recently during a really rough time in my life, he came over just to keep me company.  We are not meant to be partners in the long term, although I have very deep feelings for him.  I didn't know that first time was also HIS first time until much later.  To this day, when there is something new that either of us becomes curious about and thinks we might like to try, we contact each other.  I trust him completely, and he is the first person I call when I want to try something new.

Funny how a simple spanking, that I assumed I would not enjoy has led to a whole new life.  His latest desire is wanting to switch positions.  I would love to do as he asks (as he has always done for me), but it so is not my nature.  I keep thinking I'm going to have to figure out a way to give hime what he wants, especially as he has done so much for me.

Guess I am lucky that my first experience was not only enjoyable, but the friendship has continued to last.  The other night when I was feeling very down, he offered to come and clean my house naked just to make me feel better.  Instead, I dressed the way he likes and my house is still a mess.  I must think more clearly the next time someone offers to come and clean for me!  I was so down and angry and upset, probably would have done some good, lol.

Anyway, that experience never fails to bring happiness to me and a warm fuzzy feeling.  I am saddened to hear when others have not had that same experience.

(in reply to Trampler)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: My first experince wit D/s and BDSM - 5/27/2007 12:12:16 AM   
brightspot


Posts: 3052
Status: offline 		My first D/s relationship was with a wonderful teaching, nurturing Domina.
It lasted 2 years and we are still close friends, we e-mail often, sometimes
chat on the phone. She sent me a really nice gift for my BD
in April.
We were long distance and the traveling back and forth and up-heavel that caused, just became too difficult because of things going on in our families(health issues of elder parents).
I feel really grateful for the possitive first experience I had with Her and that we continue to support each other in life.
 
edited to add; guess it goes to show you that it can get ugly in WIITWD and being an aware
and cautious person has it's merits.

 Missy.

< Message edited by brightspot -- 5/27/2007 12:14:53 AM >

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"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

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(in reply to Shylahgirl)
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RE: My first experince wit D/s and BDSM - 5/27/2007 7:40:45 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		My first experience was being smacked across the room and finding that I liked it

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to Shylahgirl)
Profile   Post #: 17
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