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SlaveBlutarsky -> RE: concerns...... (6/11/2007 7:07:37 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Trampler
I know this will sound alittle ranty, and it is kinda preaching to the choir............but something I have noticed and have become alittle concerned about: Is that some subs are in such a rush to be collared to a dominant, that they will agree to anything, even by passing the get to know each other period. Now mind you, I can understand this frustration, on both ends, searching for a Mistress myself. However it just astounds me, that people disregard their safety in this way, (this is actually geared toward newbie subs, as for more seasoned subs you know what your getting into, and take whatever precautions (or not.) that you deem necessary. I guess the crux of my complaint, is the lack of research that alot of newbies do. When I have a new interest, i research the hell out of it, looking up stuff online, talking about it in chatrooms and forums. Going to r/l discussion groups. And I know not everybody is inclined to do research, would rather jump right in. I'm sorry if this post seems jumbled. lol. looking for any thoughts,opinions, stories on this subject. Thank you.
Oh and yes I know there are some Doms who have jumped right in, without doing any sort of research, I'm afraid I don't really have alot of respect for them. Unless of course that was yourself 10-20 yrs ago, and you have learned from your mistakes.
I certainly do agree with the premise of this thread and have felt myself fall into the trap of thinking six steps down the line, rather than taking one at a time when I first meet a Domme.
Usually I catch myself but one time I did not and let the fantasy overcome the reality. It did not end well to say the least.
Obviously a lot of the reasons I have fallen into such a trap (for lack of a better term) have been covered.
For me it was a combination of having blinders on to the rest of the relationship, and forcing a square peg into a round hole.
Luckily I'm young and make it a point to learn from my mistakes, so I don't plan on making a lot of the same mistakes I made in that relationship.
The main thing I did learn is that the BDSM component, no matter how larger you WANT it to be, is only a part of the relationship and that the people involved aren't on the same page, those external things will tear your relationship apart, no matter how Dominant/submissive you think each other is.
I thought I was doing it the right way with this person, but in the end, ignored some glaring issues that would have never escaped my keen vamilla eye.
In talking to Femdoms, I've found myself dismissing things i wouldn't have in a vanilla partner, which is obviously a red flag. I'm more cognizant about that now, but assume that it will rear it's ugly point at some point again.
In the end, with vanilla and platonic relationships as well, you need to be vigilant about what you are looking for, what you are willing to accept, and what you are willing to give.
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